


Raising Serena

by alexofthegarden



Series: You Are Mine [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: CBT, Caning, D/s, Humilation, Ignored Safeword, Orgasm Control, Punishment, Safeword Use, Silent Spanking, Spanking, sub!Blaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 164,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3603252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexofthegarden/pseuds/alexofthegarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They knew how much they would love watching their daughter grow.  But Kurt and Blaine didn't realize how much they would grow along with her.  "You Are Mine" sequel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Safe and Sound

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't stay away, I missed you all too damn much. So welcome to the You Are Mine sequel.
> 
> No promises how quickly this sequel will be posted and I'm still not sure if everything I've been thinking of will be in this one. I'm still considering some one-shots or another series in the same world of certain scenes I'm not sure I want to include in this one. I'm still figuring it all out, so if you don't want to miss anything, it may be a good idea to follow me.
> 
> I never thought I'd want to explore parenting in a D/s society, but I guess I've given myself a world in which I want to, because it's been really fun so far. But please remember, it is still very much a D/s story and as such, warnings about certain things inherent in that universe are not warned here on fanfiction (but will be tagged on AO3).
> 
> I hope you enjoy the continuing journey of Kurt and Blaine!

 

 _Couldn't wait to meet you_  
_Hope you like your name_  
_I get the funny feeling_  
_Life will never be the same_

_~ Matthew West_

* * *

**January 2018**

Kurt shivered from the cold as he stepped into their new warm apartment. There were still boxes around where he and Blaine hadn't quite finished unpacking even though it had been nearly two months since they'd moved in. Kurt had almost thought about ordering Blaine to do it while he was at rehearsal. Almost.

He hung up his coat and went into the kitchen, grabbing himself a hot cup of coffee. He didn't hear the piano in the music room and he came around the corner of the living room to find his fiancé sitting in the window seat, staring out into the city. Kurt frowned and walked over, sat opposite him and placed his coffee on the sill. Blaine looked up at him, eyes sad.

"Hey, you okay?" Kurt rested a hand on Blaine's knee. Blaine had been having more and more days like this and while Kurt worried it had something to do with their upcoming wedding, Blaine was constantly reassuring him that he had no regrets. But when Blaine didn't say anything, Kurt pressed harder. "If there's something wrong sweetheart, you need to tell me," he said, a gentle order, but an order nonetheless.

"I'm just thinking about my name," Blaine said quietly and his eyes shifted once again out the window.

Kurt let out a breath. They'd broached the subject of married last names on their way home from Ohio after Blaine had proposed, but it had caused so much emotion that they hadn't brought it up again. But the day was approaching, decisions needed to be made and Kurt reprimanded himself for not realizing sooner that this was weighing on Blaine. "You know there's no right or wrong answer," Kurt told him, though he certainly had his own very strong opinion.

"I know what you want though, sir," Blaine said.

And it wasn't that Blaine always did what Kurt said. Submissive or not, he was very much his own person with his own ideas and beliefs and sometimes they clashed with Kurt's. And the beautiful thing about Kurt not truly being a Dom was that he didn't have that hormonal need for Blaine to agree with him about everything. In this though…it wasn't hormones driving his stance. It was something much deeper.

"And I understand Kurt, really I do," Blaine continued, turning back to Kurt. "And part of me agrees with you completely. But the other part…"

Blaine lowered his head. Kurt reached over and squeezed his hand. "The other part what?" Kurt pressed.

Blaine's eyes lifted, glistening with tears. "The other part doesn't want me to let him win. My mom's still an Anderson, Cooper's still an Anderson. Why should I let my father decide for me that I'm not? Why should I let him take that from me?"

Kurt let go as if Blaine's words had shocked him, and he sat back from the force of it. And he realized he'd been wrong all along. Blaine's desire to keep his name wasn't an act of submission at all. It was one of the most beautiful acts of defiance he'd ever seen. "You're right," Kurt whispered and he fell in love with Blaine all over again. "You are absolutely right."

Blaine stared at him for a moment. And then he laughed. He breathed out a sigh of relief and he laughed because he'd been so sure that Kurt would be angry. "So it's settled then?" he asked with a nervous smile. "Blaine Devon Hummel-Anderson?"

Kurt's eyes flashed. "Can I pull Dom status on you?" he asked.

Blaine's smile faded, but his eyes brightened. "Always sir," he breathed.

"My name comes last," Kurt ordered and it was the strongest Blaine had ever heard. "My name completes you."

"Blaine Devon Anderson-Hummel," Blaine willingly obeyed. "You complete me."

"And our children just go by Hummel," Kurt demanded. "He doesn't deserve them having his name and I won't have him thinking they belong to him in any way."

"Of course," Blaine agreed. "Now may I please kiss you sir, because that was one of the hottest fucking things I've ever heard you say."

"Swearing Blaine?" Kurt said with an eyebrow quirked in challenge. "You really want to go there?"

Blaine leaned in, his lips inches from his Dom. "Fuck yes," he whispered before latching them on to Kurt's, preventing any forewarning of the punishment he was due.

* * *

**December 2019**

15 hours. Santana had been in labor 15 hours, she had refused medication and Brittany's hand was about to fall off from being squeezed so hard. And yet she still held on, hovering in a blissful state of submission that dulled the pain.

Kurt and Blaine paced. They had paced so much that Santana had kicked them out of the delivery room with the promise to have Brittany or someone come get them the minute the baby was truly on her way.

 _Her_  way. The day they'd found out they were having a girl was the happiest of their lives. They tried to convince themselves that they would have been just as happy had it been a boy and there wasn't a doubt in their mind that in the end they would have been. But they were at the hardware store for paint almost before the ultrasound pictures had been printed, pulling out the pink and lavender swatches.

Clothes shopping had been even more ridiculous. Blaine had to put his foot down to get Kurt to stop, which wasn't easy for the sub but it was necessary. Even so, they had a closet full of dresses she'd probably never even wear and there was a dresser full of adorable one-pieces. The diaper table was stacked with diapers, newborn and size 1 because they had no idea if the baby would take after Blaine or Santana. And on the wall her name was stenciled in a beautiful script.

Rachel had nearly had a conniption when they showed it to her, trying to dominate both boys into at least packing it all away until the baby arrived, if not returning every last item. Blaine had trembled with fear at the possibility that they were jinxing their baby's health. Kurt had laughed at her absurdity and then promptly kicked her out.

"It's just silly Jewish superstition," Kurt had told Blaine, holding him close as he tried to pull him out of subspace. "Our baby is being monitored better than almost any other in the world and she is going to be perfect. She is going to be perfect, healthy, and ours."

Kurt tried to remember those words he'd spoken as he paced just outside the delivery room door listening to Santana scream. It was hard to believe that the baby wasn't coming yet and he was just about to barge inside when Blaine grabbed his hand.

"No sir, not yet," Blaine told him, eyes deferential but his voice firm. "She's not ready for us."

Kurt didn't know if Blaine meant Santana or the baby but either way he let Blaine lead him to the little waiting room just off the maternity ward. Kurt sat down and he saw Blaine stop himself from kneeling.

The room grew warm, or rather Kurt did, and the clouds in Blaine's eyes were not at all surprising. "What's going on in your mind," Kurt asked as he gently let his heart go and wrap around Blaine. "Are you scared?"

"I don't know," Blaine answered honestly and Kurt knew right now wasn't a good time to tease it out. His own emotions were all over the place and if he'd had the luxury of retreating into subspace he might have done the very same thing. Instead he concentrated on keeping Blaine safe.

"Kurt? Blaine?" They looked up to see a nurse from the unit smiling at them. "It's time."

Both men bolted upright and raced to the delivery room. They wanted to be there to hear her first cries, to be the first ones to see her. They stood together out of the way, hands clasped tight. Blaine's eyes locked onto Santana and Kurt realized that not all of his submission was because of the baby. It must have been hard, seeing his Dom like that.

"She's okay," Kurt promised and he felt Blaine's tension loosen slightly. "They're both going to be okay."

It seemed like both hours and seconds before the doctor announced that she saw a head, but then in a blink of an eye, Santana's screams were replaced with the baby's cries and the doctor whisked her quickly away to clean her up and check her APGAR scores.

"Do you have a name for her yet?" a nurse asked and it was Blaine who answered.

"Serena Fae Hummel."

"Who's holding her first?" the other nurse asked, holding her up and this time Santana's voice rang out.

"Kurt."

Kurt froze. He looked at Santana who just raised an expectant brow and then he looked at Blaine, who smiled as if he had known all along. And he probably had. "Why me?"

"She knows me and Santana already Kurt," Blaine told him, his eyes brimming with tears. "She needs to meet her Daddy. No matter what, forever, you will have been the first one to hold her."

Kurt couldn't stop the tears as he held his arms out and his baby girl was placed inside them. "Hi beautiful," he cooed, taking her tiny hand between his fingers. She had the most beautiful olive skin and a head of dark curls and big brown eyes when she opened them. Kurt looked up at Blaine. "Blaine, she looks just like you."

"I won't take that as an insult," Santana called from the bed and it was like Kurt just remembered she was there.

"Oh god, she needs your colostrum," Kurt exclaimed. They'd read a million baby books. Their living room was littered with them. Every single one of them said that babies needed that liquid gold as soon as they were born.

Santana laughed though. "She'll be okay if you hold her for a minute. Consider it her first lesson in delayed gratification."

"Oh my god," Kurt gaped scandalized as Blaine just laughed. Kurt immediately brought her over to Santana and nearly thrust Serena into her arms. "Feed my baby," he ordered.

"Yes sir," she teased and took his daughter from his arms.

Kurt felt Blaine draw near before warm, strong arms wrapped around his waist and held him close. "I love you," Blaine said kissing his neck gently. Kurt reached a hand back, offering a soft touch where he could reach. "I love our daughter." Kurt watched as Brittany helped Santana and Serena fumble their way to nursing.

"You haven't gotten to hold her yet," Kurt said quietly.

"I don't need lessons in delayed gratification," Blaine whispered. "I like to consider myself an expert."

Kurt rolled his eyes and laughed and turned in Blaine's arms. One look at him and Kurt's breath was stolen. "We're fathers," he said, his heart beating frantically in his chest.

"Yes sir," Blaine whispered and kissed him softly. "We're fathers."

* * *

Blaine was lying on the couch, reading a baby book. He looked up at Carole and Burt, bouncing the baby around, and he had to stop himself from yelling out that she was only four days old for goodness sake, they needed to protect her neck. But they'd both done this before and both of their children had survived beyond their first weeks of life. So he bit his tongue and immersed himself back in the book.

Kurt watched the scene from where he was cooking his family dinner. He had truly never been happier. It wasn't that he had dreamed of having a baby his entire life, he hadn't. But watching Blaine with Serena made him fall in love again every time, and watching his Dad and Carole with her…well, it was like seeing them when they were young. It was a glimpse into what his and Finn's childhoods must have looked like. And it was beautiful. And of course his little girl was as perfect as little girls could come.

The phone on the sofa table beside Blaine rang and Blaine picked it up absentmindedly. Since news got out, everyone had been calling, but they were trying to take this time for themselves. In just a few days they would be headed to the courthouse, Kurt's adoption papers in the hands of one of the lawyers from the firm where Santana was working during law school. After that, they'd decided, they'd let everyone come over. Until then though, until she truly was legally Kurt's, he needed it to just be them.

"Hello," Blaine said into the phone but only silence followed. Kurt caught his father's eye who was carefully watching Blaine and Kurt knew immediately something was wrong. Just as he came around from the kitchen though, Blaine hung up without a word and got up, silently asking Carole for his daughter.

"Who was that?" Kurt asked, drying his hands on a paper towel as Blaine took Serena in his arms.

"No one," Blaine said, his voice clipped, clearly holding back a tidal wave of emotion. "Wrong number." But as if turning on a dime, he cooed at Serena, nuzzling his nose to hers. Kurt watched him pull her in close, protectively.

Kurt said nothing before picking up the phone and checking the caller ID.  _Gregory Anderson._  And Kurt's blue eyes hardened.

"Give Serena back to Carole," Kurt ordered gently.

Blaine's voice was as a small as child's when he answered, "No."

"Sweetheart," Kurt said, walking carefully so as not to startle. He didn't know if Blaine had fallen or how far, but Kurt didn't need his father's worried expression to tell him that Blaine's submission was swirling out of control. He placed a soft hand on the small of Blaine's back and rubbed a small but firm circle. "You need to give the baby to me or to Carole."

"No," Blaine refused again, a little more forcefully.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before looking back up. "Dad, do you think you and Carole can go out and get us some more diapers and wipes? I'm sure we'll be through the ones we have in no time."

"Yeah Kurt, sure," Burt said, understanding as well as trusting, and he and Carole quickly gathered their things and headed out of the apartment.

As soon as the door was closed, Kurt turned back to Blaine, eyes blazing. "Sit down," he demanded. His arms were crossed and his tone was one that could not be disobeyed and Blaine curled up with the baby on the sofa. But as soon as Blaine was settled and he knew that Serena was safe in Blaine's arms, Kurt knelt on the floor beneath him, resting his palms on Blaine's legs. "What did your father say?" Kurt asked softly.

Blaine's eyes were distant. His voice was rough. But he answered. "He wants to see her. His granddaughter." Blaine's hazel eyes, clouded with submission, finally flickered up and met Kurt's. "I'm sorry I lied."

Kurt knew he still wasn't telling the whole truth but he just bit his lip and gave a brief shake of his head. "You disobeyed me as well, but those are both things we can deal with later, if you need to. For now I just want to make sure you're okay." Blaine didn't say anything and Kurt squeezed his leg. "Are you okay?"

"There was a small part of me that wanted this I think," Blaine admitted as if it was something in and of itself that deserved punishment. "Like, I knew that if I had Santana's baby, he'd want me back." Blaine looked down at him, the sadness and the sense of abandonment so clear on his face. "Why would I hope for that? Why would I care Kurt?"

"Oh sweetheart." Kurt got up and nudged Blaine over so he could sit against the arm of the sofa, and he let Blaine lean back into him. Serena let out a tiny whimper, sleeping peacefully curled up on Blaine's chest. "Look at her," he whispered, touching a fingertip to her feathery soft curls. "That's exactly how we should we feel with our fathers. That there is no safer place than curled up in their arms. And there is no shame in wanting to feel that, whether we're 4 days old or 25 years old."

"When I heard his voice I just froze," Blaine said. "It was exactly what I wanted but I froze because…" This time Kurt could feel it. The coldness of Blaine's submission lashing out, searching for what it deserved. Kurt just wasn't quite sure what that was.

"Because why?"

Kurt had to strain to hear. But the words were loud and clear. "Because what if she was just a manipulation?"

The very idea twisted angrily in Kurt's stomach. "Okay," Kurt said firmly, nudging Blaine up so he could get out from underneath him. "Give her to me, I'm going to put her down. And I want you standing in the corner when I come back."

Blaine placed Serena obediently in Kurt's arms and Kurt went to their room and laid her gently in the bassinet. And then he gripped the headboard of their bed, his head spinning with the force of Blaine's words. He knew it wasn't true. He knew that what Blaine believed he had done wasn't true. It was his submission talking, it was his father's dominance getting into his head, and yet…

He knew what Blaine felt he needed and for a moment he almost called Santana. But Santana had just had a baby, was in no condition to deal with Blaine like this and Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to allow Blaine that out anyway even if he could have.

He stepped out of the bedroom having no clue what he was going to do, he just knew that he couldn't leave Blaine alone where he was for long. He crossed the room to where Blaine stood as he was told and set a gentle hand on Blaine's tension-filled shoulder. "Turn around," he ordered. Blaine slowly turned, his head bowed. His submission, his ice cold submission, sending shivers down Kurt's spine but he ignored it, wrapping his warmth around Blaine. "Look me in the eye," Kurt demanded and Blaine obeyed. "Tell me that you had Serena to manipulate your father into accepting you." Blaine just stood there, staring at him, his mouth not working. Kurt could see the pulse in his neck beating furiously. This time his voice was full of command, though inside he was shaking. "Tell me that you had Serena to manipulate your father into accepting you!" Blaine started to cry. He shook his head and he let it fall to stare at the ground. "You can't say it Blaine, because it's not true." He reached a hand out to Blaine's chin and lifted it firmly. "It's not true. You did not have her to manipulate him."

"But I-" Blaine whispered.

"Hoping and manipulating are not the same thing," Kurt admonished and he knew he was frustrated and for a moment he wished he was a real Dom because this wasn't Blaine, this was submissive hormones and fatherhood and exhaustion and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what Blaine needed was dominance, the dominance the sub had heard on the other end of the phone, whatever his father had said to him, the dominance that Santana would give him with the swing of the strap. But he wasn't Santana. And he wasn't a real Dom.

He didn't know what to do. Blaine was lost and for the first time in a very long time, Kurt didn't know what to do.

So he stopped trying to be someone he wasn't. He took Blaine's hand and he led him to the bedroom. He brought Blaine beside their daughter's bassinet. She was pure innocence, her face scrunched, her arms raised above her head where it peeked out from the blanket Kurt had carefully placed up to her waist.

"What do you see?" Kurt whispered.

Blaine was quiet as he looked at her. Kurt almost gave up, but then Blaine answered. "My heart."

Blaine turned to his husband and fell into his arms. Kurt felt the chill subside and he lifted Blaine's chin to kiss away his every worry. "It's okay, to want what you want. It's okay to hope she bridges the gap. If you want to let your father back into your life I will always support you. But I don't want to lose you to the hope."

"You won't Kurt," Blaine said shaking his head. Kurt could see his eyes brightening again to their perfect gold. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no sorries," Kurt told him. "We've got 18 years to figure this out. I think we're doing pretty good for the first four days, don't you?"

Blaine laughed, then hid his face in Kurt's shoulder so as not to wake Serena. "Yeah," he said. "I guess we are."

* * *

"Blaine!" Kurt yelled. His voice was frantic, high pitched and Blaine's heart dropped in his chest. "Blaine, come here hurry up!"

"Kurt what's wrong?" Blaine panicked as he dropped the pieces to the bookcase he was putting together and ran over to the couch where Kurt had been feeding Serena. "Is she okay? Is she choking? Should I call 911?"

"Look at her," Kurt said and he was staring down at wonder as their baby girl stared back up at him. In the past five weeks brown eyes they thought would be Santana's had softened to Blaine's hazel and they blinked as her chest rose up and down.

"Kurt?" Blaine was looking but he had no idea what had Kurt so worked up.

"Blaine, she's looking at me. Like,  _really_  looking." Blaine went and sat down next to his husband and Kurt turned her so that she was resting gently against his pulled up knees. Blaine snapped his fingers and Serena turned and looked at him. She  _truly_ looked at him.

"Oh my…she is," Blaine said, his voice full of wonder. Up until now she'd had that clouded unfocused gaze all babies had, which Kurt had so kindly mentioned was exactly what Blaine looked like in subspace, but now her eyes were squarely on theirs. Focused and clear.

"Get the baby book," Kurt told him. "Write it down."

Blaine ran to Serena's room and pulled it out, the book where they'd been recording every beautiful little milestone. "What do I call it?" he asked.

"Call it…" Kurt paused a minute, looking at her, thinking. "Call it her awakening," he finally said. Blaine smiled and wrote it down:  _5 weeks old – awakening._ "Blaine, it's like she's looking into my soul," Kurt said softly.

"Which means she's looking into heaven," he said, coming around the couch to hug Kurt from behind and watch their baby girl watch them.

"She's gonna see everything we do," Kurt said, his voice shaky.

Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt's temple. "Does that scare you?" he asked.

"It terrifies me."

Blaine let go and came around, sitting back down next to him. He curled his legs beneath him and faced his husband who was still holding Serena like she was the most fragile yet powerful creature in the world. "What she's going to see," Blaine told him, "is that you love, more than any other person in the world loves. And that you care, more than anyone else I've ever known cares. And that you believe in us, the three of us, more than anyone else ever will. She's going to see the man I adore with all my heart and she is going to adore you too. And she's going to see how very strong you are-"

Kurt lowered his head. "I'm not though. I'm not strong, not like-"

Blaine pressed a finger to Kurt's lips. "You're strong like  _you_. You don't have to be strong like anybody else. Trust me, you are stronger than everybody else combined when you want to be."

"I just…I'm scared, you know?" Kurt looked up with him, eyes swirling with fear. "Of being a father, but also of being…what you need me to be…in front of her."

"It's like you said, we'll figure it out," Blaine promised. "Like every other couple figures it out. Trial and error. We'll make mistakes, we always do," Blaine laughed. "But I bet we get a whole lot right too. We love each other and we love her. No matter what."

"No matter what," Kurt agreed.

Blaine leaned in and rested his head on his husband's shoulder. "I promise, in the end, that's all that will matter."

* * *

It was very well established that most relationships had honeymoon periods. The first few weeks when you start dating, a few months after you're claimed, the year after you're married.

Blaine was wondering when the honeymoon period would begin for having a baby. Because so far he'd had nothing even closely resembling a honeymoon.

After the adoption was finalized, Kurt went back to work. They needed money coming in and the theater waited for no one. Blaine had more leeway. He could keep composing from home, especially with headphones attached to his keyboard to use while Serena was sleeping. He tried to make it into the studio to record on Kurt's days off, and they found out soon that their lives were becoming quick kisses and baby handoffs, fast meals and other needs not being met at all.

Serena was four months old when Blaine felt he might lose his mind if he went one more day. So he called Santana and he left Serena with her mother at the apartment to sneak out and surprise Kurt at rehearsal. He hoped he'd catch Kurt at just the right time, treat him to lunch and maybe a quickie in some unused dressing room. Hell at this point he would take a bathroom in the rehearsal studio, he just needed a few waking minutes with his husband. No, not with his husband, they'd managed that off and on. Blaine desperately needed time with his Dom. It had been far too long.

He nearly ran to the address of the rehearsal studio that Kurt had left him in case of emergency and climbed the stairs two by two. The old warehouse door creaked as he opened it to peek his head inside the rehearsal room, and those not performing shifted their gaze to the interruption. At the sight of his husband, Kurt flushed, whispered to the woman Blaine assumed to be the director, and rushed over to push Blaine out the door.

"Kurt-" Blaine started with a smile but Kurt was not smiling.

"Blaine is everything okay?" Kurt looked around the hall nervously. "What's wrong, where's the baby?"

"She's fine, she's home with Santana, I thought I could take you out to-"

"What is she doing with Santana?" Kurt demanded, his eyes narrowing. Accusing.

Blaine blinked, his breath stolen. This wasn't at all what he'd pictured in his mind when he'd rushed over there. "I asked her to watch her," he said hesitantly. "I was hoping-"

"This is my job Blaine, I'm in the middle of rehearsal, and I told you visitors weren't allowed," Kurt snapped. He crossed his arms, and his glare left no room for refusal. "Go home and take care of our daughter. That's your job, not Santana's. And I'm going to be late tonight so don't wait up."

Blaine watched Kurt turn around and head back in. He tried not to be mad. Kurt was working hard, he was getting up with the baby in the middle of the night, Blaine knew his abruptness was due to exhaustion. Still it didn't make Kurt's anger hurt less and it didn't lessen the disappointment. Or the gnawing ache in the pit of his stomach.

He went home and sent Santana on her way before he did something he'd regret. He wrote some music, fed the baby, played with the baby, napped with the baby, fed her again, wrote some more and then finally put her down for the night. With any luck, she'd sleep through the night.

Blaine didn't wait up. He went to bed exhausted, but it was hard to sleep and with his back to the door he opened his eyes to the clock when Kurt came tiptoeing in at midnight.

He felt Kurt's hand on his shoulder and he turned over, reaching a hand out, finding Kurt's cock through his pajama pants. "Please, may I-"

"Not tonight Blaine," Kurt whispered and he gently moved Blaine's hand away. Disappointment surging, Blaine rolled back over. Kurt placed a hand on his hip and it wasn't at all what Blaine needed but it was enough to fall asleep.

The baby woke them both at 6am, screaming her high-pitched hunger scream. Kurt sat up and started to slide out of bed but Blaine grabbed his hand. "You sleep in Kurt, let me get her."

"No, it's okay, you spend all day with her," Kurt said gently. "Sleep and I'll get to cuddle her for a bit."

Kurt put on his robe and his slippers and the door opened and closed and Blaine lay there, wide awake, staring at the dark ceiling.

He heard the fridge and the water in the sink and Serena screaming as she waited for the milk to warm up. Finally she quieted and he could hear Kurt softly singing to her, rocking back and forth in the chair that had been added to the living room décor.

Blaine couldn't just stay in bed though. His skin was prickling and his nerves were racing through his body and there had been times taking care of her in the last few days and even weeks that he felt he couldn't breathe. So as soon as the sun came up he got up as well, pulling on sweats and a t-shirt and making his way out to the living room.

"Do you want a blanket?" Blaine asked, lifting the quilt off the sofa.

"No thanks," Kurt answered and Blaine put it back.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked hopefully as he moved to the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine Blaine, don't worry."

With a sigh Blaine started to pull the pans and the mixing bowls and everything he needed to begin a batch of gourmet pancakes. Kurt looked over at him from the chair, the baby far more awake than she should be that early in the morning. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm gonna make you breakfast," Blaine said, with a hopeful smile.

"Blaine, you don't need to do that," Kurt said.

Blaine tried again. "It's no big deal Kurt, it'll just take a few minutes."

"You should go back to sleep and get some rest while you-"

Blaine slammed the metal spoon and the spatula down on the counter. "For god's sake Kurt, let me do something for you!"

Kurt froze for just a second before Serena startled from the noise and started crying. Blaine lowered his head, his hands gripping the countertop, tears coming to his eyes. Kurt took Serena to her room, managed to settle her down in her crib and then returned, finding Blaine in exactly the same position.

Eyes closed, hands shaking, Blaine felt Kurt's hand softly on his back. "How long has it been?" Kurt asked gently.

"Ten days," Blaine whispered.

"I'm sorry, I hadn't…" Kurt said, but he didn't need to finish his sentence, Blaine knew he hadn't realized. Going without submission and dominance was a relief to Kurt, not a curse, and it made sense that the time would pass for him unnoticed. "Did you ask Santana? Is that why she was here yesterday?"

Blaine shook his head. "I don't need Santana, I need you, Kurt."

"Sir," Kurt corrected, his voice hushed but firm.

Blaine shuddered beneath Kurt's hand and he felt the knot in his stomach stir with the possibility of permission to unravel. "I need you, Sir."

Kurt walked away but this time when he did Blaine could almost feel the dominance pouring off of him and he breathed it in like oxygen. "I'm going to call Rachel and have her and Jesse come take Serena until dinner."

Blaine looked up, his lips pursed, Kurt's words tugging at a doubt in the back of his mind. He knew he probably shouldn't ask, but he couldn't stop himself. "If I had left Serena with Rachel yesterday would it have been different?" Kurt froze, but he didn't turn or say anything and Blaine came around the counter, pressing. "Instead of Santana? Would it have been different?"

"We're not going to have this conversation right now," Kurt said flatly.

"Would it have been different Kurt?" Blaine persisted.

Kurt slowly walked over to him and raised Blaine's chin with one finger. "I told you guests were not allowed at rehearsal. Your disobedience was unacceptable. No matter who you left Serena with."

Blaine looked in his eyes. He knew it wasn't the whole truth. But he had to choose the battle he wanted right now, and submission was the one he needed. The other could wait. He lowered his eyes. "Yes sir. I'm sorry sir."

"Go finish making breakfast."

"Yes sir."

Blaine did as he was told, and continued the pancakes he'd started. He heard Kurt call Rachel and knew she was sending Jesse over to get Serena. Kurt went to their room and threw on some clothes, then went to her room and quietly packed her a bag before coming back out to wait. The batter sizzled in the pan and Blaine cooked under the scrutiny of his Dom standing silently against the opposite wall, arms folded, appraising him. Blaine's submission hummed, though it struggled to focus with the unanswered question he couldn't set aside.

A text came into Kurt's phone and he put Serena in her carseat and the carseat on the stroller. When Jesse knocked on the door, Kurt slung her bag over his shoulder and, without a word to Blaine, pushed Serena out the door, walking her down to the street with Jesse.

Blaine hated the tension floating in the air, tension that came not from the punishment and dominance he so desperately craved, but this  _thing_  that had been hanging over them since they'd left the hospital with their daughter. It had come on so gradually he wasn't even sure when he'd begun to notice it but now it was this giant elephant in the room that Kurt refused to address. And it was affecting them even more than the time apart was. Or perhaps it was the cause of much of their time apart. Blaine didn't know.

The pancakes done, he brought them to the table, got the syrup and the butter and two mugs of piping hot coffee and set them down just as Kurt came back in the door alone. They ate in silence, but building inside Blaine was more resentment than submission and he realized he'd been wrong, the other couldn't wait if he was going to truly be able to submit to Kurt as his body desperately needed. Kurt must have realized it too because staring at his plate, he got the words out first.

"I hate that I have to share the two people I love most in the world with her," Kurt admitted quietly. He looked up at Blaine, shame-filled tears in his eyes. "Is it wrong that I want you both to myself?"

"Kurt," Blaine said, reaching a hand out to hold his husband's. "You have us. We are yours Kurt, Serena and I."

"Not entirely," Kurt said, shaking his head. "Not first."

Blaine lowered his eyes. He didn't know what to say. Kurt was right. But he'd gone into this with his eyes wide open. Still, no one knew how they'd feel about being a father until they were one.

"That's why you don't want Santana with our daughter?"

"Whose daughter?" Kurt posed, his voice raspy with a harshness that held every insecurity in its grasp.

Blaine was taken aback by it though. They'd talked about it so many times before she'd been born. "Our daughter Kurt. Yours and mine. Santana's her biological mother but we're her parents."

"And you're my husband but she's your Dom," Kurt pointed out.

"I am yours," Blaine argued, his own frustration growing. "Anything you want, anytime you want me. I obey  _you_ , I serve  _you_.  _You're_  my Dom. And  _you're_  the one who would safeword out of it Kurt, not me," he snapped. Blaine saw Kurt's free hand curl into a fist at Blaine's biting words and he sighed. "Ten days is too long for you too. You may not need it, but you miss it, just as much as I do."

Kurt looked up at him and Blaine let his submission go, wrapping around him. And Blaine could visibly see that in the warmth of it, Kurt's hand relaxed and the tension in his shoulders subsided.

"Talk to her Kurt," Blaine said softly. "Promise me you'll talk to her. You'll see that all she wants for Serena is her fathers to care for her." Kurt looked into his eyes and nodded his promise. With that resolved, Blaine then bowed his head. "And all I want is for you to care for me."

His eyes on the table, Blaine couldn't see the transformation as Kurt's eyes grew hard and his mouth grew firm. But he felt it, the tight squeeze of his submission before Kurt walked away, taking his plate to the sink behind him. Leaving him sitting there. Alone and in silence. For what felt like eternity.

In the months before Serena was born, they'd gone over their contract, adjusting things prior to this new phase of life. They were a little surprised at the limits that had moved, things Kurt had become more confident about, and with that, things that Blaine had always wanted as much as he feared. Memories of Artie and Kitty's claiming and sitting at the coffee shop the day after the party and the things he'd wanted at the club had swirled in his mind. It had taken time for Blaine to fully realize how much humiliation tied in with denial, and how much his submission craved it. Kurt had hesitated, but agreed to write it as a soft limit in their contract.

With Kurt standing behind him now, appraising him, Blaine shuddered with desire for it.

Finally, Kurt's voice seemed to boom in his head. "You knew you shouldn't have come to the theater yesterday. You knew it wasn't allowed."

Blaine's heart jumped in his chest and began to race. His skin flushed. "Yes sir."

"Did you come to manipulate me?"

Blaine's eyes widened though he didn't turn, the words striking fear in his heart and he shook his head wildly. "No sir, no. I came to see you. I missed you. I knew I was disobeying but I hoped…I wasn't manipulating. Not how you mean, I promise."

Blaine could feel Kurt's eyes on him, contemplating. Deciding. Making him wait. The seconds ticked by. Blaine's nerves grew. He didn't think he could handle it if Kurt believed it was a manipulation and denied him submission after all this time.

"I want you to go shower. From the time the water goes on you have five minutes. You will wash thoroughly. When you come out you will not dry, you will immediately take your place in the corner of the living room. You will place your hands flat on your thighs. You will not touch yourself. You will not move."

The dominance of the orders rushed over Blaine and he could not question, he could only obey. Time was difficult to keep track of while his submission swirled so he washed as quickly as he could, not wanting to go over. When he opened the bathroom door, wet and naked, his skin immediately shivered from the chill and he was sure that Kurt had opened the window to let in the brisk air while he'd been inside. There was a towel folded neatly on the floor in his corner and Blaine stepped onto it. Standing up straight while his body shivered was difficult, but he forced himself. He felt Kurt watching silently for some time before the door behind him closed, the shower went on, and Blaine spent the next 30 minutes, his hands inches from his denied and cold cock, frozen figuratively and nearly literally, watching the water drip from his skin and from his curls onto the Egyptian cotton below. And he fell carefully over the edge.

He didn't hear the water stop, or the sounds of Kurt dressing in the bedroom. He didn't even hear Kurt come up behind him. But he felt Kurt's love wrap around him just for a moment and pull him out.

"Turn around."

Blaine had finally started to warm up but Kurt's harsh tone put the chill right back in the air and Blaine turned, fighting the urge to hug himself warm or sink to his knees. One sight of Kurt though and he forgot everything else. It amazed him that after all this time Kurt could still take his breath away, but in his turquoise button down, tan jacket and kenzo jeans, his husband, his  _Dom_ , was absolutely gorgeous in his severity.

"Ten days you've denied me the pleasure of your submission," Kurt said, turning the accountability back on the sub, and Blaine was certain the floor fell out from underneath him before he wrapped his submission around Kurt to steady himself. Kurt just waited. He didn't come to his aid at all, he simply watched Blaine struggle with a haughty air. "I thought you were a better sub than that. And it's really been more than ten days, hasn't it? You're giving yourself credit for tiny little things that could have just as well been accidental, aren't you. It's been far more than that since you've truly submitted to me. It's shameful really. Isn't it?" Blaine nodded, his heart skipping a beat as his skin grew hot with the humiliation Kurt seemed intent on testing today. "That will not be easy to make up for in one day, will it?"

"No sir," Blaine whispered, his cheeks flushing with shame and excitement. "I'm sorry sir."

Kurt walked around him, being sure to brush his clothes against Blaine's bare skin before pulling him back against his body. He ran his long thin fingers over Blaine's chest and down, until he wrapped his fist around Blaine's now achingly hard cock. "I'll tell you what," Kurt said hotly into his ear, slowly stroking his hand up and down Blaine's length. Blaine swallowed hard and bit his lip. "I'll take the blame for half those days. You'll only owe me five. Isn't that kind of me?"

"Yes Sir," Blaine uttered on shaking breath. "Thank you Sir."

Kurt firmed up his grip. "Tell me when you're close," he ordered.

Blaine closed his eyes. It had been so long and he didn't know how long it would be after today and he just wanted to savor it, savor the feel of Kurt's hand controlling him, testing him, bringing him to the very edge of his restraint. Kurt was right, it had been ten days since the last time he'd had the opportunity to submit to Kurt in even the smallest of ways, he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd had  _this_. The sudden fierceness of Kurt's dominance was intoxicating. His head spun with it. His submission swirled powerfully from it. Kurt must have felt it, yet he didn't latch on. He left Blaine free to fall, if he was too weak to control himself.

"You want this so badly," Kurt hissed in his ear, twisting his wrist, thumbing over his head. "You want me to make you come so hard don't you?"

"God yes." Blaine held his breath, knowing he should stop, knowing that he needed Kurt to stop but not wanting him to.

"You want it so bad you're willing to defy me, aren't you? Willing to disobey?"

"No sir, no." Blaine felt his stomach coil and his balls draw up and his hold on his submission slip. The sweat glistened on his brow. He knew he should beg for relief. But he didn't.

"You're so desperate to see what your punishment would be, you're willing to come without permission, aren't you?

Kurt's words took hold in Blaine's stomach and twisted as surely as Kurt's hand did on his cock. Up and down, Kurt's fingers stroked. Blaine could feel every line, every curve. Pre-come pooled onto Kurt's skin and yet he still didn't ask to stop. He held on. He didn't need to wait to find out what his punishment would be because this was it. "I won't," Blaine sputtered, breathless. His eyes were closed. His head was back resting on Kurt's shoulder and it was only the nearness to Kurt's ear that allowed his Dom to hear his promise.

"Oh Blaine," Kurt sighed with exaggerated disappointment and shook his head. "Falling to escape the humiliation of your failure. Knowing you weren't good enough for me. I thought your submission was stronger than that. I thought  _my_  sub was stronger than that."

Blaine's everything flooded with Kurt's ownership. "Now, Kurt, stop, please," Blaine begged, panting as Kurt's hand immediately disappeared. The orgasm that had been right there, so close he still shuddered with it, was cut short just in time. Tears streamed down his cheeks, the pain and the beauty of it overwhelming him.

Kurt hugged him close, latching on now, trapping him on this side of subspace, as Blaine breathed his way through the edging. When Kurt finally felt Blaine's body relax in his arms, he kissed him softly on the cheek and let his love soothe him, just for a moment. "Five days of submission you owe me today," Kurt reminded him, pressing his cock into Blaine's ass. "That was one."

_~2~3~_

"Come on Blaine, I want to hear what you've been working on while I've been at rehearsal."

It should have been an easy task. There was nothing Blaine enjoyed more than singing for Kurt. But as soon as he'd recovered from the edging, Kurt had laid him out on the bed and hovered over him, fucking his mouth until Blaine's throat was raw. Blaine's cock had throbbed with Kurt's release, but the taste of him on his tongue had soothed the burn. That had been number two. Now this was number three.

Sometimes Blaine hated how much Kurt enjoyed counting.

"Don't make me ask you again," Kurt warned, his voice growing darker quickly.

Blaine sat at the piano, naked and desperate with his cock hard and leaking within his husband's ever teasing hand. He'd been working on a song, possibly for Mercedes or maybe for his own musical he was sort of writing. It was difficult to get his brain to remember the notes or the words but Kurt's hand on his cock tightened in warning and somehow the music came back to him.

 _Have you ever felt like you woke up on the wrong side of your heart_  
_Has it ever felt like it's broken – like the world tore it apart?_  
_Have you felt so weak you could hardly stand_  
_Like if you ever fell you could never tell if you'd ever get back up again?_

Kurt's hand relaxed as he fell into the words, forgetting for a minute his immediate goal, his eyes solely on his husband as he sang. Blaine was gorgeous like this, his eyes closed, his lips red, his cheeks flushed and the music of his heart, so incredibly beautiful. Beautiful and honest, like telling the story of his own life. Their own life. Their beginning. And now, here they were.

 _It's difficult to try to stay awake when you walk a tired path_  
_And there are moments when it's easier to take the road that leads you back_  
_I'm not the first to say it, and I won't be the last but I want to remind you_  
_I'm there, it's time to hold on, You're stronger than that_

Blaine turned and looked at him, tears in his eyes. Nine months of books of how to feed and bathe and diaper and sleep but the books they'd read had forgotten to teach them how to be and how to remember who they were and what they needed from each other. And Kurt had forgotten. He hadn't just been giving Blaine a way out when he took half the blame. He'd been tired and he'd taken the easier road, the road where he'd forgotten the promises he'd made to Blaine, the words he'd signed in their contract.

 _But when it gets too tough to find my way home_  
_And I'm stupid enough to try to find it alone_  
_When it feels like there is nothing I can do but give up_  
_I look up and thank God I have you to tell me_

 _I know it's hard to do_  
_But I think you can make it_  
_'cause I know you can take it_

Kurt couldn't forget again. Because this is what everyone had thought would happen. Even after all these years of proving themselves, there were still those who told them that this would be their downfall. That a Gray couldn't be a father and keep pretending to be a Dom at the same time. But they didn't understand what Kurt and Blaine both knew. Kurt had stopped pretending years ago. He was the Dom of Blaine's heart, no matter what anyone else said.

 _Yeah baby we will rise_  
_We are young, we are the dreamers we will fly_  
_When the world will not believe us we will rise above the ashes_  
_Before this whole life passes us by_  
_You and I, we will rise_

Blaine took his hands from the keys. Kurt leaned in and kissed him, with a gentle power that made Blaine's heart flip and his submission swirl.

"You are the most incredible person I have ever in my life met," Kurt whispered. "And I will never understand why the world gave you to me. But I am so incredibly grateful that it did."

"I love you," Blaine said, his eyes dipping.

"I love you too," Kurt said and his grip on Blaine's thigh stiffened. "And after you make us lunch I am going to fuck you until you are crying because you just can't hold back any more. And then I am going to fuck you even more. Will you need something to help you obey me or can you hold it on your own?"

"No sir," Blaine said, his eyes flicking up in brief and desperate terror. "No sir, I can take it. I can be good for you, I swear."

"I know you can," Kurt said, kissing him once more. "You're stronger than that."

_~4~5~_

"Kurt, god, sir, please," Blaine begged as prettily as Kurt had thought he would. But he just ignored the sub and continued his assault, his mind-blowing, body-aching assault. Over the years he'd come to find that when the goal was torturing Blaine to his beautiful breaking point, he really didn't mind denying himself too much anymore. "Kurt, I need to come, for fuck sake please."

It had been so long that even Kurt had lost track of the time. The only thing he was focused on was how much Blaine needed this, how neglected he had let his husband feel since Serena's birth. Dominance was something he had to constantly remind himself was a necessity in Blaine's life. Allowing it to fall by the wayside was so easy for him, a relief at times. Maybe the denial was just a little bit of punishing himself too.

Kurt decided to give Blaine a little relief and he grasped Blaine's cock in his hand. It throbbed in his fingers, begged as if it had its own mind. One tiny pull and Blaine threw back his head and literally growled at the ceiling, not wanting to accidentally prolong the torture by any use of a word of which Kurt might not approve. "Tell me what I have to do," Blaine begged. "Tell me. God Kurt, sir, I will do anything, please."

"You will not disobey me again," Kurt started ticking off his demands.

"No sir, I swear," Blaine said, empty promises, but they both knew that.

"You will be honest with me. Tell me when I've lost track of what you need. I will try my hardest, but you also cannot let me forget," Kurt told him.

"Definitely, I'll tell you, I promise. This crept up on me, I didn't meant to let it get this bad." Blaine swallowed hard, his chest stopped rising for a minute as he held his breath with a sudden surge before letting it go in short bursts. "What else? Please Kurt, I can't hold on much longer."

"You will respect my feelings when it comes to our daughter, and you know what I'm talking about," Kurt said.

Blaine did know. Blaine knew and he knew that Kurt was wrong and that Kurt had promised. "I will but… you also respect my feelings and…you promised you would talk to her," he managed to stutter out.

"Yes I did," Kurt agreed. "I promised because I love you."

"I love you too Kurt, so fucking much, please."

Kurt angled himself perfectly, knowing his husband's body even better than his own and as he hit Blaine's prostate he came inside him. Grunting with the force of it, he pressed his body against Blaine, trapping Blaine's hard and overworked cock between them.

"That was four," Kurt announced, still breathless.

"Now Kurt, please, let me now, please," Blaine begged.

Kurt got his breath back and he leaned up on his elbows. Blaine prayed for mercy, but Kurt's eyes were still dark with control. "You will not come."

The words, the look. Blaine's orgasm hovered so close he breathed through the coil in his belly and the desperation in his balls and the throbbing of his cock as Kurt continued to stroke it, edging him, he was certain, better than Jesse had ever taught him. Tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks. "I'll obey you sir. If you say I have to wait I'll detest it with every fiber of my being but I will obey you."

"Will you?" Kurt asked. And he pushed three fingers roughly inside Blaine.

Blaine screamed. He could barely breathe. If Kurt hadn't been holding him he would have plummeted into subspace. Kurt though did not relent, in fact he hit Blaine's prostate with practiced perfection.

Blaine wasn't sure anymore that obedience was in his power. "Please, sir, I'm gonna-" Blaine pleaded.

"No," Kurt said firmly, but he did not ease the pressure at all.

"Then please stop," he said gasping.

"No."

"God Kurt, what do you want?" Blaine sobbed, his tears intermingling with the sweat of his restraint.

Kurt's fingers went still. And when Blaine finally managed to look up at him, blue eyes stared back, full of challenge as his lips curled up in a smile. "Who's going to safeword out now?" Kurt asked smugly.

And Blaine understood. Kurt wanted Blaine to fail. Kurt needed Blaine to fail. For a moment a memory of Kurt, so scared to dominate, flashed in his mind and now the Gray was pushing him harder than he'd ever pushed before. Whether to prove his strength or to fulfill one of Blaine's most hidden desires he wasn't sure but it didn't matter. Kurt was going to force him to come without permission. Blaine's only choice was to eat his words and safeword out of it, or take his punishment.

In that moment, Blaine was in both heaven and hell. And it was perfect.

He was brought back to reality by another thrust that took his breath away. "I'm waiting for an answer Blaine," Kurt said.

"What's my punishment?" Blaine asked desperately between breaths. "For coming…"

"I don't think you need to know that," Kurt told him.

"Please Kurt," he begged. "I need to know if you'll deny my submission." It was the only punishment that brought him no pleasure, no sense of accomplishment, no sense of belonging. "Please."

At the question, Kurt finally showed some mercy, and his eyes softened. "No sweetheart. I won't deny your submission. Not for this."

Blaine nodded, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I won't safeword," he whispered.

Kurt nodded. "You will not come."

Blaine let himself fall, not into subspace but into Kurt; into his hand and his skin and his breath and the beating of his heart. He let himself drown in the humiliation of his failure, of knowing that for the first time, Kurt's dominance was stronger than his submission. He let the emotions that were swirling in his head and his heart rush through his veins until there was nothing else he could do but let it out. And with one last brush of Kurt's fingers inside him and one final stroke of Kurt's hand on his cock, everything he felt coiled inside him and his body could do nothing but shudder, his voice could do nothing but repeat Kurt's name, and he could not stop the orgasm that burst through his obedience and his submission and his pride, shattering him and putting him back together at the same time.

Blaine didn't know how long he was out, but when he finally blinked his eyes open, Kurt was leaning down over him, breath hot in Blaine's ear. "That was five."

Blaine couldn't speak, he couldn't move, he just lay there as Kurt cleaned him up, laid down next to him with his head on Blaine's chest and tickled his fingertips back and forth against Blaine's skin. There was nothing but silence as Blaine's thoughts came back to him, until he quietly asked, "What's my punishment?"

"A week," Kurt told him. "One week, you will not be allowed to come. You will not even touch yourself unless I allow it. No exceptions. And whether I am here with you, or at work, or you are at the studio, you will remember that you are submitting to your Dom every waking moment. You belong to me every moment.  _That_  belongs to me completely."

Blaine shivered in Kurt's arms, humming out a nearly unrecognizable, "I love you," before falling asleep.

As soon as he knew his husband was out, Kurt sat up slowly. He took a deep breath in, then let it out, all the fear and relief going with it. He hadn't been sure if he was pushing too far, if he would make everything worse rather than better, but as he had been doing fairly successfully for the past four years, he had trusted himself, trusted Blaine and followed his instincts. He was always surprised how amazing it felt and he couldn't help but smile with pride.

He reached over to the alarm, setting it so they would wake in time to get Serena for dinner, and then laid back down. He put his hands on Blaine's heart, beating contentedly beneath his hand, and more relaxed than he'd been in a long time, quickly falling asleep in the arms of his love.

* * *

Blaine was at the studio. Kurt was home with Serena fulfilling the promise he'd made to his husband. He'd wanted to get dressed up, look his best, look as dominating as possible. But instead his daughter had spit up on his vest and had drooled on his shirt and he wouldn't at all be surprised if she decided to explode through her diaper in the 10 seconds between Santana knocking on the door and Kurt calling, "Come in."

Santana, of course, looked as amazing as always in a tight Clover Canyon floral dress and leather jacket. He wouldn't have been surprised if she'd spent her day in the courtroom. Kurt had spent his day sitting on the floor surrounded by toys that shook, rattled and rolled.

She could have come in with a million wise-cracks, but instead she hung up her jacket, put down her purse and asked, "Do you need anything? Water? A minute to pee?"

Kurt didn't even realize it until she'd said it. "Peeing would be wonderful," he said with a sigh and as soon as Santana scooped Serena up he raced to the bathroom.

When he was done he took a minute to straighten himself out, change his shirt and fix his hair. Some part of his brain believed that it would make a difference in whether his daughter chose him over her mother even though the rest of him knew that those thoughts made absolutely no sense. Still, he understood, they all understood, that his insecurities made perfect sense. Realistic or not.

Kurt stepped outside the bedroom door, leaning against the wall. Santana's back was to him and he watched her, on the floor despite her designer pencil skirt, bouncing Serena up and down, cooing while the baby laughed. "You're good with her," he said quietly and she turned with a smile.

"You're better with him than I ever was," she said, knowing the thoughts stirring in Kurt's head after so many years. "I'm certain you're better with her too."

Kurt lowered his head and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "But they were both yours first. It was your choice to give them to me."

She shook her head. "I held them for you in keeping. Both of them. But they never belonged to me. They always belonged with you." She got up, leaving Serena happily on her back with a rattle in her hand. She went to her bag and pulled out a square wrapped present. "Don't be mad at him," she said as she brought it over. "It was my idea."

Kurt looked at her with curiosity and he took the gift from her. When he opened it up and realized what it was, his eyes welled up. "When did it come?" he asked.

They'd been waiting for the birth certificate since Santana's surrender documents and the paperwork for Kurt's second-parent adoption were filed in court the week after Serena went home. "Two days ago," Santana admitted. "The mail came right before he went to see you. I asked if I could take it to have it framed. Blaine was worried you'd be mad he let me see it first. But I thought it was important that I give it to you."

Kurt looked at it all. But there were three things that stood out.

_Child: Serena Fae Hummel_

_Parent: Blaine Devon Anderson-Hummel_

_Parent: Kurt Elizabeth Hummel_

He looked up at her. "Thank you," Kurt said softly.

She gave him a hug and then took his hand, leading him to the couch. "I feel like she was the last big thing I could give to Blaine. But I also felt like she was something I could give to you. To thank you, for being everything that I couldn't be for Blaine. For being everything Blaine needs. And even if you think you're not yet," she said quickly before he could protest, "you will be. I have complete faith in that."

"It means a lot to me that you do. And I'm sorry. For being scared of having you involved in her life. I just…I love them so much and there's this part of me that feels that you're always going to have that ability to take them away from me."

"I'm going to tell you a secret," Santana said as she took his hand. "And I'm not going to tell you not to tell Blaine because he's your husband and your sub and it's not my place to tell you not to share. But you need to know. If I raise a child, and that's a big if, I would want it to be with Brittany, not Blaine. I did this for him, Kurt, and you. I didn't do it for me."

"But you still love her," Kurt said, worrying slightly now. "Serena?"

Santana opened her eyes wide. "Oh yes, I still love her," she assured him. "Like any aunt loves their niece. Even though we agreed she'd call me mom so it always makes sense to her, aunt is still how I think of myself. You and Blaine are her parents. I'm not. Okay?"

Kurt didn't want to be sappy, but in that moment he had never loved and appreciated Santana more. "Okay," he said and he wrapped her in his arms, and without even a thought he let his heart wrap around her as well.

"Oh!" He felt her tense, just for a moment, and then she relaxed into it a minute, before pulling back. "That's…" He watched her eyes as she tried to figure out the right words for it, to describe what she felt. But she couldn't find them. So instead she put her hand on his heart, where she knew it had come from, and she looked up at him. "Blaine and Serena are so lucky to have you."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kurt asked a very jittery Blaine. His fingers were shaking so much he couldn't even get his bowtie straight. Kurt pushed his hands away and took over as Blaine looked sheepishly up at him. "We can still take it back. You don't have to let him come, this is entirely your choice."

"It's Serena's first birthday," Blaine reasoned, shaking his head. "I don't want her looking back at pictures years from now asking why all her grandparents weren't there."

Kurt looked down at him. Blaine's face was scared but determined and Kurt's face filled with pride. Pride and responsibility. "Okay. Just tell me what you need from me," he said.

Blaine knew exactly what he needed, Kurt could see it on his face. And he watched as Blaine's resolve outweighed his anxiety at asking for it. "I need you to be the strongest Dom in the room," he said firmly.

Kurt's hands dropped reflexively to his side and his eyes dropped to the floor. Santana would be there. Rachel, Mercedes, Santana's mother, Blaine's father, Burt…

He had no idea as a Gray how to be the strongest Dom in the room. He only knew he had to try. "What does that mean?" Kurt asked carefully. "To you."

But Blaine just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he admitted. "But I trust you," he said, peering up at Kurt with those eyes that said he thought Kurt could move mountains if he wanted to.

"Okay," Kurt smiled, burying his own fear. "Let's go then."

_~ Happy 1st Birthday Serena ~_

Rachel had somehow managed to secure the adorable theater she and Jesse were currently working at for the party. Brittany and Santana had put up the decorations while the fathers had fretted at home dressing their little girl in the most adorable of outfits. It had practically been a fashion show, trying on dress after dress, but eventually Blaine put a stop to Kurt's constant changing of his mind and they settled on a lilac tulle dress with gold ribbon and trim.

Blaine, Kurt and Serena were to make a fashionably late entrance after all the guests had arrived, and they were right on time. Serena gasped when she entered the room and started running around in circles on the stage floor. Kurt and Blaine just laughed and let her go. She knew everyone in the room; Burt and Carole, Santana and Britt, Rachel and Jesse, Santana's parents, Mercedes and Sam and some other friends they had become close with over the years who had babies and toddlers on of their own. There was only one person invited that she wouldn't know and he hadn't arrived yet.

Blaine was wondering if maybe his Dad had changed his mind about them coming when he felt a soft slap on his back. "Blaine," Mr. Lopez said with a fond laugh. "It's good to see you, how are you guys hanging in there?"

Blaine grinned and shrugged. "Oh you know how it is. There are good days and bad days. But more good than bad."

Mr. Lopez held out a book to Blaine. "I hope this will help you have even more good days. I know it's not customary to get parents presents on their children's birthday, but personally I think it should be."

Blaine took the book and read the title.  _"Submitting to Fatherhood, the Submissive Man's Guide to Parenting by Jack Lopez."_  Blaine looked up at him with a lopsided smile. "Wow, Mr. Lopez, this is awesome, but um, is it gonna be awkward? You know. Knowing that you're talking about Santana?"

"I interview lots of men Blaine, it's not all about me and Santana. You're even in there a little bit," he said proudly. "After all, you're the closest thing we ever got to a son or a submissive child."

Blaine blushed and he held the book close. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Blaine. I know it's not easy, and I suspect it's harder for you and Kurt than most. It can be hard to be the one in charge when submission is in your blood." He looked over to Santana with a father's love. "But if you do it right, then she'll love and respect you as the father you are."

"Dada!" came a little voice from below.

Blaine couldn't help but laugh as he picked his daughter up and hugged her close. "Thanks Mr. Lopez. It means a lot."

Santana's father nodded and walked back to his Dom. Blaine peered down at Serena. "You gonna love and respect me as the father I am?" he asked.

"Dada!" she yelled again and he swung her around in a circle, catching his father's eye halfway around. Blaine stopped and put Serena down gently. Kurt was busy talking to Burt and Carole but Santana and Brittany were sitting down with some food. "Go over to Mommy," he said pointing. "Ask her for some yummies." He watched her run off without question.

"She's beautiful."

Blaine turned. It wasn't the first time he'd seen or talked to his father since that day in the hotel. It had been seven years. Even disowned sons don't disappear after they are disowned. There were family events, there were brief conversations when Kurt asked permission for his mother to visit. But this was the first time they'd seen each other since Serena was born, and it was the first time Gregory Anderson had seen anything but a photograph of his granddaughter.

"Thank you," Blaine said softly.

"Thank you for letting me see her." The conversation was stilted. Fraught, Blaine realized, with a power imbalance that had never existed between them. "It means a lot to me."

"I didn't do it for you," Blaine told him. "I did it for her. She should know who her grandparents are. All of them."

"Blaine," his father started, but then stopped. He looked down. Blaine took the opportunity to search the room but he didn't have to search far. One glance up and Kurt was exactly in his line of vision, leaning against the wall across the room. Watching, waiting. Ready if necessary, but standing back. "She doesn't have my name," Gregory finally said.

"No," Blaine confirmed, looking back at him. "She doesn't."

"If we were…if I were…" Blaine could see in his father's eyes how much it hurt him to have that little girl, who bore so much resemblance to the Anderson family, denied his name. "If I were to make amends. Would you change it?"

"No," Blaine said firmly. His father nodded with defeat and looked back down at the floor, but Blaine had little sympathy. "I don't know if you've ever been punished before, but if not consider this your first one."

"I'd like to try anyway," he said, looking back up at his son. "To be a part of your lives. No strings attached."

Blaine took a moment. Kurt had supported him since the moment they'd left the hotel seven years ago to reconcile whenever and wherever he felt it was right. Blaine wasn't naïve. He knew that Kurt hated his father, hated what he'd done to Blaine, how he'd treated him much of his life. But Kurt also knew how important a father's love was, even more so now. And he would never deny Blaine that, if at any point in his life it was possible. And right now, his father seemed sincere. Blaine wouldn't give him all his trust. But he would give him the respect to try. "Okay," he agreed. "We can try."

Blaine took a deep breath and looked at Kurt. Kurt's eyes shifted quickly to Blaine's right and Blaine followed his gaze. Santana had been watching them, as carefully as Kurt had, and now she walked over.

"Mr. Anderson," she said gently. "Would you like to meet your granddaughter?"

Blaine's father looked at him. Blaine nodded.

"Yes, please," he said.

Santana took him to where Serena was playing with Brittany and Mrs. Anderson. Kurt smiled across the room, leaning back against the wall, emanating his learned dominance. Blaine made his way to him, drawn in by him.

"What did he say?" Kurt asked calmly.

"He asked if we would change her name. I told him no. I told him it was his punishment." Blaine expected a reaction from Kurt but he got none. "He asked if he could be a part of our lives. I said we could try."

Kurt gave a quick nod. "The strongest Dom in the room gives his sub the freedom to make his own choices, his own mistakes, then deals with the consequences." Kurt leaned up from the wall and his hands went to his hips, appraising his sub up and down. "Did you make any mistakes?"

Blaine shook his head, keeping his gaze firmly on Kurt's. "No sir, I don't think so."

"Would you like me to show the room how proud I am of you?" Kurt asked.

Blaine couldn't help the smile that erupted, or the sparkle in his eyes. "Yes sir. I would like that very much."

Kurt said nothing and he did not hesitate. He pulled Blaine to the center of the room, wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed him, long and deep, teasing Blaine's tongue over and over until his cock took the bait. Only then, did Kurt pull away, but he didn't go far. "Really Blaine?" he whispered hotly. "I don't think that's very appropriate at your daughter's birthday party."

Blaine lowered his eyes, growing pink more at the whistles from the crowd than Kurt's admonishment, but his smile remained. "No sir, it's not."

"I think I will need to teach it a lesson later," Kurt said. "About when it is appropriate to come out and play and when it's not."

"Yes sir," Blaine grinned.

"Daddy!" Serena yelled running toward them and Blaine blushed harder and turned away, muttering swears before taking some deep breaths.

Kurt just laughed and picked up his daughter. "Well hello there little girl," he said. "Do you know whose birthday it is today?"

"Sena!" she yelled pointing to herself.

"That's right," Kurt grinned. "I think Papa needs to get in here for a family hug, don't you?" Kurt looked over at Blaine with a smirk. "Ready for a family hug Papa?"

Blaine turned back to them and opened his arms. "I am always ready for a family hug," he announced and he put his arms firmly around his husband and his daughter.

"Happy babyversary," Kurt told Blaine, his love filling him so fully that he let it go and wrapped it around them all.

"Happy babyversary," Blaine said, then he kissed his daughter's forehead. "Happy Birthday Serena," he told the little girl. "We're the luckiest family in the whole world."

_~S~_

_Safe and Sound_  
_You're here with us now_  
_And we will always be_

 _Safe and Sound_  
_You're here with us now_  
_And that's all we'll ever need_  
_You're all we'll ever need._

* * *

 


	2. Sugar and Spice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I owe you guys a sweet and Serena and Daddy!Klaine filled chapter and I hope this delivers. It also ties in nicely to the epilogue.
> 
> The next chapter is 95% written, so I hope to post it in a week. 
> 
> Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate and to those who don’t, Happy Sunday. I hope it’s as beautiful outside where you are as it is where I am.
> 
> And of course, many thanks to my betas!

**November 2019**

“I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” Brittany said.  She was lying in bed, rubbing Santana’s swollen belly, drawing good luck charms all over it.  She knew very well it wasn’t what Santana had asked her to do and she hated to disobey but… “I mean, when we have sex, it’s kinda like we’re having sex with the baby too and so it’s kinda like having sex with Blaine-”

“Which I don’t recall you having too much of an objection to the last time,” Santana pointed out, her brow raised in a mix of amusement and annoyance.

Brittany blushed, remembering that punishment.  Santana was right.  The one time she’d been allowed to be with Blaine was both excruciating and amazing.  Excruciating because she knew how much it hurt him.  But the truth was, for the moments she’d been able to put that out of her mind, she’d liked it even more than she’d expected to.  “I think it’s different though with his baby,” Brittany said.  She leaned up on her elbow and frowned at her Dom.  “I’m sorry.”

Santana leaned up to face her.  “You will be sorry,” she said.  But right then the baby kicked and jammed her in the ribs and her belly contracted in Braxton-Hicks and she fell back down flat on the bed with a groan.  “As soon as I can put you over my knee again Brittany, you are in so much trouble.”

“Will you miss it?” Brittany wondered.  “The baby?  When she’s gone?”

“She won’t be gone Britt, she’ll just be with her dads.”

“She won’t be inside you anymore.  Will you miss it?” she asked again.

With a grunt Santana leaned up again.  “I won’t miss you not having sex with me and I won’t miss not being able to put you over my knee.  And I won’t miss the pain and the weight and the swollen ankles.”  Santana reached a hand out and brushed Brittany’s blonde locks tenderly over her ear.  “But yes.  I will miss her.”

“Would you ever want us to have one of our own?” Brittany asked.

Santana smiled softly at her.  She’d been thinking about it a long time now.  “Maybe.  Someday.  Not for a while though.  You and I have a lot to accomplish before we add a baby to the mix.  And I wouldn’t want it to be Blaine’s.  I would want it to be just ours.  No one else’s.  I wouldn’t want to have to share another person I love.”

“I’m all yours,” Brittany promised. “Always have been, always will be.” She leaned in to kiss her Dom, softly at first, but Santana needed more.  And as she let herself be pushed onto her back and let her Dom take whatever she wanted, Brittany knew that she would always be there to give it to her. 

* * *

 

**February 2021**

“So I sent over the demo today and Mercedes said she’d give it to her people to see if she can debut it on tour.”

“Blaine, that’s great,” Kurt said, maneuvering around the crowd on the busy street.  A chill went through him, the winter air whistling as it struck.  He stopped the stroller and checked to make sure Serena was completely bundled before continuing their walk.  “Have you done any more work on Serena’s song?”

Blaine laughed.  Every day he and his baby girl would sit at the piano.  She would pound out notes and he would record them.  He had some sort of incredible grand plan of somehow turning it into a bankable piece of music, though he hadn’t quite figured out how yet.  “She and I had a very good session today,” he said.  “I think we’re close to a breakthrough.”

“Well that’s good.”  Serena dropped her doll on the ground and Blaine absentmindedly picked it up and handed it back to her, just as he had twice before.  “I had a good day at work,” Kurt said grinning.  “Remember Tony Russell?”

Blaine remembered Tony Russell.  He remembered all too well the tall, blonde and handsome actor that Kurt came home swooning over one night.  And then every night after that.  “Mmhmm,” Blaine said.

“Well guess who is in my new show?”  Kurt looked at Blaine nearly giddy with excitement. 

Blaine just rolled his eyes.  Tony was a Dom and so Blaine should not have felt any sense of jealousy or worry.  Except that Kurt wasn’t a Dom.  He wasn’t a sub either though, and Blaine knew he didn’t want to be one. 

“Well I guess you won’t be complaining about getting up to go to work in the morning for the next three weeks.”

“Four,” Kurt corrected.  “Four weeks.”  Kurt turned and looked at Blaine’s lowered eyes and downturned lips and he stopped and turned to his husband.  “He’s eye candy Blaine, that’s all.  He makes going to work fun.  He’s bi and he’s a player, and the girls and I have fun betting on who he’s going to hit on next.  But at the end of the day, I can’t wait to come home to you.”

Blaine relaxed and smiled.  “I can’t wait for you to come home either.”

Serena giggled in her stroller and dropped her doll back on the ground.  Blaine sighed and bent to pick it up again.  He thought it was funny the first few times.  It had since stopped being funny.

“Just take it away from her Blaine,” Kurt insisted, but when Blaine tried Serena cried and he couldn’t stand seeing her cry.

He came around to kneel in front of his beautiful daughter sporting a wicked look on her face.  He knew that look.  He was the master of that look, challenging until he got what he wanted.  But every part of Blaine believed Serena was a Dom and so the irrational part of him thought maybe she was just trying to get him in trouble like her mother always had.  “Listen you,” he said as sternly as he could.  “Daddy’s gonna take this from you if you drop it again-”

“Blaine!” Kurt complained, but Blaine didn’t stop.

“So you better hold onto it or it’s going to be bye bye doll.”

Blaine handed it back and stood up.  Kurt continued walking, pushing the stroller, Blaine beside him.  “Why do you have to make me the bad guy?” Kurt frowned.

“Because you are the bad guy,” Blaine said automatically, then he stopped, slapping his hand over his mouth.  “Oh shit.  Kurt.  I just… I did what we said we wouldn’t.”  Kurt had no desire to be the only disciplinarian just because Blaine was a sub.  “I’m sorry.”

“Well now’s your chance to make it right,” Kurt said nodding his head to the doll back on the ground.

Blaine sighed with frustration, pursed his lips and came back around to look at his daughter with his hands on his hips.  “That’s it,” he said, picking up the doll.  “No more dolly for today. Dolly is Papa’s dolly now.”

Serena started crying and Blaine almost gave in, but with a quick shake of Kurt’s head, he gathered his strength and put the doll in the diaper bag beneath the carriage.  She let out a high pitched squeal but Kurt just started walking again.

“How do you do that?” Blaine asked.  He’d been reading the book Santana’s father had given him and they all said how hard it was for subs to discipline. “How do you stay strong when she’s crying?  When I’m crying?”

“Practice,” Kurt said.  “With you it’s easier than with her.  I have your consent and you’re pretty when you cry,” he teased.  “She’s just a monster and I know I _don’t_ have her consent.”

“But it’s different with kids,” Blaine said.  “The book says that kids, even Dom kids, need rules and structure and consequences when they do things wrong just like subs do-”

“Blaine, I know how you were raised, but we’re gonna parent the way my Dad did with me.  With love and not force,” Kurt said.  And though it was a discussion and not an order, it sure sounded like one to Blaine’s ears.  “Now we can’t just walk around New York City all day, what do you want to do?”

Kurt was changing the subject but Blaine would let him.  Now was not the time or the place to argue parenting.  “Let’s go to Bryant Park,” Blaine suggested.  “We could go ice skating.”

Kurt laughed.  “I think Serena’s a little young for ice skating.”

“What? She’s been walking for like 5 months Kurt, gosh, don’t you have any faith in her?” Blaine kidded.  Kurt shook his head at his ridiculous husband.  “Well fine, the stores are all closed anyway.  We can just go to the park and go get some hot chocolate.  Do you want me to text the girls and see if they can come meet us?” 

Kurt shrugged noncommittally so Blaine sent a text asking what they were doing.  They walked quietly toward Central Park until it chimed back.  “Nope. Brittany’s at rehearsal and Santana’s with Elliot and Rachel for a Dom’s Day Out,” he said.

Kurt looked over at him, but he didn’t say anything.  Kurt’s opinion was that Santana and Rachel spent way too much time with Elliott, but no one ever asked him.  And he could never decide if he was jealous or relieved that he was never invited to Dom’s Day Out.  He suspected that the three of them knew what they were doing not including him and they were probably right.  Even if there weren’t the tension between him and Elliott that there always was, he still didn’t see the world like they did.  But even so, he still couldn’t help but feel excluded, especially since he wasn’t invited to Sub’s Day Out either. 

Someday he’d need to find a little circle of Gray friends.

They walked to the playground in Central Park, much of it too big for their toddling little girl, but Blaine loved playing with her anyway.  He made sure her hat was on tight and her gloves were attached to her sleeves and then he took her out of the stroller.

“Up,” she said, her hands straight in the air. 

But Blaine just leaned down to her, hands on his knees.  “You have to catch me first!”

He ran in slow motion and Serena laughed, running behind him.  Kurt sat down on the bench watching them.  Years ago he’d imagined moments like these and now he couldn’t believe how scared he had been.  Because seeing Serena and Blaine together made him just about as happy as he thought he ever could be. 

“You caught me!” Blaine yelled when Serena grabbed his knee.  He tumbled to the ground and she climbed on top of him and he let her wrestle him until he was laughing too hard to breathe.  Then he picked her up and carried her to the play structure.  “You want to swing or slide?” he asked.

“Swing!” she said. 

Kurt was amazed at how smart Serena was.  Her language had blossomed after her first birthday and the pediatrician had said she was ahead of the curve.  Blaine attributed it to her always being in the room while he was songwriting, including her in the conversation in his head long before she could answer.  Kurt said it was because he loved reading to her at night, sharing with her the wonder of books that would open up imaginary worlds.  Santana said it was just her natural intelligence, and Brittany said it was all three of them.  Brittany said that everything about Serena was because of all three of them.

Sometimes Brittany was smarter than all of them.

“Daddy look at me!” Blaine yelled at Kurt and Kurt broke out of his reverie to watch Serena on the swing, laughing and squealing while Blaine pushed behind her.  “Come play with me too Daddy,” he called.

Kurt left the stroller by the bench, bringing the diaper bag with him and he walked in front of them, stopping the swing.  “Who wants to go on the slide now?” Kurt asked and Serena lifted her arms.

“Out. Out.”

Kurt unstrapped her and wiggled her out of the baby swing, handing the bag over to Blaine.  When Blaine scowled at him, Kurt just grinned.  “You were the one who wanted me to come play with her.”

Blaine took the heavy bag with a sigh and walked over with them to the little slide.  He dropped the bag between his feet, leaned up against the structure while Kurt helped her up the four stairs, and smiled.  “Does she still scare the crap out of you?” he teased.

Kurt kept his hand in hers, walking her over to the slide.  “Sit down on your bum,” he said, patting the metal and turned to Blaine. “Sometimes.”  He looked back at their daughter.  “Is she everything you imagined her to be?”

“More.” Blaine walked over and wrapped his arms around his husband.  Serena shrieked as she slid down the slide and landed in the sand on her butt despite Kurt’s steady hold.  “You are both so much more than I could have ever imagined you to be.”

* * *

 

“What do we want for lunch?” Kurt asked, late Monday morning.  “Duck confit?  Coquille St. Jacques?  Steak Pommes Frites?”

“Chicken Nuggets!” Serena yelled.

Blaine smirked at his husband from across the room while he typed away on his computer.  “I’m with the kid on this one,” Blaine said.

Kurt rolled his eyes.  “Right now David Burtka is preparing ceviche and poached shrimp for his husband and kids and you two are screaming chicken nuggets.  What am I doing wrong?”

“I think the question is what is _he_ doing wrong?” Blaine pointed out.  “Those kids are not normal.  Gorgeous, but not normal.”

“When we are rich and famous I don’t want any complaints that they are better than us at everything Blaine,” Kurt said, aiming the wooden spoon at him.  Blaine swallowed and adjusted.  It was never anything but a tease, but Kurt loved to watch Blaine squirm. 

Well Blaine could make Kurt squirm too.  “They are definitely better than us at using that spoon I’m sure,” he mused.  “I bet they-”

Kurt’s phone rang.  Blaine groaned, Kurt muttered, “Oh thank god,” under his breath and answered it.  “Hello?”

Blaine set his work aside. He picked up Serena, pulling her onto his lap, and sang.  “I love you.  A bushel and a peck.  A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck…”

Serena laughed as he sang and started singing with him as best as she could.  “A hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap.  A barrel and a heap and I’m talking in my sleep about you.”  Blaine glanced over to Kurt as Kurt nervously ran his hand over his face. Blaine’s voice faded out and he bit his lip.

“Ok,” Kurt said seriously and he grabbed a notepad to write down instructions or notes or something.  “Okay, we’ll see you then.  Thanks.”

Kurt hung up the phone and put it down, a bit dazed as he braced himself on the counter.  Blaine put Serena down and immediately went over to him.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, quietly enough for Serena not to hear.

“That was the pediatrician,” Kurt said, looking up at Blaine.  “Her bloodwork from her follow-up came back and her anemia hasn’t gotten better even with the iron supplements.  They want to run some more tests.”

Blaine’s brows furrowed in confusion.  “So what does that mean?”

“Well, they need more blood to check her red blood cells and hemoglobin further.  And they want to do some genetic testing.”

“Genetic testing?”  Blaine asked.  “So they think that Santana or I could have something to do with it?  I don’t ever remember being anemic.”

“Maybe Santana has?” Kurt said.  “The doctors want us to ask, and we should check with your parents too.  We have an appointment in two weeks for them to take the blood.  They said until then to keep her on the iron drops, but they don’t think her anemia actually has anything to do with an iron-deficiency.  Blaine, what if it’s something serious?”

Blaine took Kurt’s hand across the counter and forced a smile.  “Let’s not panic over this, okay?  The doctors don’t seem overly concerned, right?  They want to know what it is so they can treat it, but they aren’t sounding like it’s something serious, right?” Kurt shrugged.  “If it was they wouldn’t be waiting two weeks.  She’s fine Kurt.”

“Okay,” Kurt said and he turned to her.  She was on the floor, stacking blocks and laughing as they came tumbling down.  She had always looked happy and perfectly healthy to him, but maybe he missed something he should have seen long ago.  The way she still took long naps in the afternoons or went to be earlier than most other kids, both things he’d had no desire to get rid of because they let him and Blaine work when they needed to.  The oven beeped and Kurt opened the door to put the chicken nuggets in.  Serena started to fuss and he picked her up, giving her a tight squeeze before setting her free.

Blaine leaned over and kissed Kurt’s head.  “I know what you’re thinking and you didn’t miss anything.  You’re a great dad.  You’re not a doctor.”

“I’m just-”

“I know Kurt, me too.  But look at her.”  She grabbed her piano and started swatting away at the keys.

Kurt raised a brow. “She could use a little work.”

“She’s better on the baby grand,” Blaine said, his pride on the line.  “Those plastic pianos are meant to sound terrible.”

“I know,” Kurt said, kissing his cheek.  “But just to make sure, why don’t you two show me just how good she is.”

Blaine smiled, turned and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  “Serena, daddy wants us to play for him on the real piano.”

“I pay!” she screamed as she came running. 

Blaine scooped her up and onto his lap as he sat on the bench.  He leaned over to her level and placed her left hand on the keys.  “Okay, remember what I taught you?  These two notes,” he said, spreading her fingers putting both her index fingers on the keys to touch A and C.  “Back and forth and back and forth, don’t stop.  That’s the most important part, and I’ll do the rest.”

“K!”

Kurt leaned against the wall and watched with a smile as his husband and his baby girl dueted on the piano.  Serena’s role was simple but she performed the baseline with expertise and Blaine’s right hand flew with the melody. 

This is what it would always be like between them.  Kurt would forever watch Blaine and Serena together and wonder what he had ever done to deserve the two greatest people in the entire world.

And a little part of his brain would always worry about losing them both.

* * *

 

Santana didn’t know where the emotion was coming from.  She’d kept it from Kurt and Blaine when they’d told her about Serena.  She’d held it in while she called her parents to learn that she had always come up as mildly anemic as a child but they hadn’t figured out a way to change it, and it didn’t seem to really impact her in any way.  She didn’t tell them about Serena.  She couldn’t say the words out loud.  Not yet.  Not until they knew exactly what it meant.

Kurt and Blaine hadn’t blamed her, they’d hugged her and told her everything would be fine, but now, in the silence, she blamed herself.  She couldn’t seem to forget that there was this _thing_ inside of her that she couldn’t control.

She turned and saw Brittany and Brittany saw the look in Santana’s eyes.  Maybe she couldn’t control those alpha and beta globin genes inside her that threatened the daughter she’d given to Kurt and Blaine. But her dominant gene?  That she could control.  And Brittany.  She could control her too, with just a single glance.

Her eyes darkened and Brittany fell to her knees.

* * *

 

The minute Serena was tucked in for a nap, was the minute Kurt stopped being able to hold it in.  Alone in the silence, he took his phone into the bedroom, his tears already falling as he tried not to completely lose it.  He called his Dad.

“Kurt, what’s wrong?”  Burt could hear it in his voice immediately.

“It’s Serena,” he said, failing to keep his voice steady.  “The pediatrician says her anemia isn’t responding to the iron drops.  Dad, what if…” His voice hitched, caught in his fear.

“Kurt, buddy,” Burt said calmly.  “Take a deep breath.”

_~B~_

“He’s been keeping himself together for my sake and Serena’s, but I know him,” Blaine said.  He was sitting with Sam, Brittany and Jesse; a Sub Day Out turned therapy session.  Though most of them ended up that way.  “He’s letting this really get to him and I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do about it.”

The waitress came by to refill their drinks and take their order.  Sam gathered the menus and handed them back.

“Look Blaine, Santana’s taking it hard too and she hasn’t even been through everything Kurt has,” Brittany said.  “After losing his Mom and Finn.  And really close calls with his Dad and Karofsky…”

“Oh my god,” Blaine said, filling suddenly with panic.  “Why didn’t I realize?”

“Because you never know what’s gonna trigger them,” Jesse said.  “There can be days with Rachel where I think everything is perfectly fine and then suddenly something reminds her of Finn and I’m the one who has to take control.”

“Fuck,” Blaine said, dropping his face in his hands. 

Sam grabbed his hand.  “You both can’t freak out at once.  And this time, I think it’s Kurt’s turn.”

_~K~_

“Kurt, there was a lot more going on with your mom than just the anemia,” Burt said.  “Don’t go jumping ahead of yourself.”

“But that was the first sign of the leukemia, right?” Kurt said quickly.  “I don’t know when I remember hearing it, but I know that anemia was the first sign there was something wrong.  What if…”

“What if’s don’t help anything Kurt.  Yes, the anemia was the first sign,” Burt conceded.  “But that doesn’t have anything to do with Serena.  Your mom’s other bloodwork had issues and I hate to remind you, but Serena wouldn’t have inherited anything from your mom even if it was something that could have been inherited.”

“No, she just inherited from Santana,” Kurt said, and there was bitterness in his voice. 

“Stop it,” Burt said, his Dom voice powerful enough to have Kurt shrinking on his bed.  “Santana didn’t do this and neither did Blaine.  Even if it is something genetic, Serena inherited it just as she did Blaine’s curls and Santana’s eyes.  You can’t put the blame on them son, sometimes these things just happen.”

“So what do I do then?”

_~B~_

“So what do I do now?” Blaine asked, and he found his gaze landing on Jesse.  Because if anyone knew Kurt and if anyone knew how to deal with this fear, Jesse did.

“You listen,” Jesse said.  “You go to every appointment and you do everything you have to do and everything he asks of you to make him feel that she’s okay and being cared for.  And you care for him.  You help him forget whenever you can.  Even if it’s just for a little while.”

_~K~_

“You let the doctors do their job and let them do the worrying,” Burt said.  “And you let Blaine take care of you and give you what you need, whatever that might be.  That’s what he’s going to want to do Kurt.  He’s going to want to make sure that you and Serena are loved and cared for. That’s his way of coping and he’s not going to want anything to get in the way of that, especially you.  And if the doctors tell you that everything is going to be fine, then you believe them.  Because not believing them isn’t worth the time the worry takes out of loving them.”

“I just…I can’t lose her Dad.  Not her too.”

“She’s going to be fine,” Burt said.  “She’s a healthy little girl who is developing perfectly.  You’ll see.  You are all going to be fine.”

* * *

 

“Where are we going Blaine?” Kurt asked, laughter on the edge of his words.

“Not telling,” Blaine said.  Instead he grabbed Serena, twirled her around and let the room fill up with the sound of her giggles.  “Best. Baby. Ever.”

“She’s not really a baby anymore,” Kurt said, but the idea of that tore at his heart.  Especially now, with her arm wrapped in pink tape where her blood had been drawn.  “Put her down Blaine, she could be lightheaded or puke on you.”

“Daddy’s no fun,” Blaine teased Serena, and the smiles that replaced the tears of only a few minutes ago made everything worth it. 

“Daddy’s gonna send Papa to the corner if he’s not good,” Kurt warned, eyeing Blaine.

Blaine just pouted at him while his eyes continued to sparkle.  “If Papa goes to the corner then you’ll never find out the surprise.  You wouldn’t want Serena to never find out her surprise, would you?”

“No Dada No,” Serena yelled.

Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed.  “Give her to me,” he said and he wasted no time putting her in her stroller.  He reached into the diaper bag and pulled out her bottle of juice and some snacks for her tray.  “Now where are we going?”

“The happiest place on earth,” Blaine said.

“We are not going to Disneyland,” Kurt told him.

Blaine stopped for a minute and thought.  “The happiest place in New York?”

“She’s a little young for Broadway,” Kurt said.

Blaine shook his head and took hold of Serena’s stroller, heading out of the hospital and onto the street.  “The happiest place in New York for a little girl.”

Kurt gave up and just followed Blaine down Broadway to the subway at Washington Heights.  They squeezed on, heading back exactly the way they’d come, back toward home. 

“Ok Serena,” Blaine whispered, just loud enough for Kurt to hear.  “You ready to play our subway game?  Let’s see…”  Blaine looked around the train at the people within Serena’s line of sight, and he found the perfect targets.  Two girls, about fifteen years old, one with curly black hair, sides done beautifully in cornrows while the rest flowed past her shoulders.  The other had blonde hair dyed with purple that made Blaine smile. “You see those two girls over there?” They held hands and talked quietly, an obvious seriousness to their conversation until one couldn’t help but laugh.  “Those two girls are totally in love.  The blonde’s the Dom, you can tell because her hand is tight around the other’s hand, but her sub is really the one in charge.”

“Projecting much?” Kurt smirked.

Blaine gave a quick smile and went back to Serena.  “You can see in the Dom’s eyes there’s something bothering her.  Something she’s afraid of.  And her sub knows it and wants to make it better but she knows she can’t push.  She just has to wait until her Dom is ready.  So instead she makes her laugh.  Until her Dom is ready to share her tears.”

Blaine’s gaze slid carefully to Kurt.  Kurt looked back at him, his heart full.  “I love you,” Kurt mouthed. Blaine smiled softly, reached his hand across the stroller and took Kurt’s in his. 

They stayed that way, Serena kicking her little feet against her stroller to keep from being bored.  After about 20 minutes they arrived at Penn Station and Kurt let Blaine lead the way.

“This better be good,” he said.

“It’s better than good,” Blaine beamed.

They headed southeast on West 33rd and then Blaine turned right onto Avenue of the Americas and Kurt knew exactly where they were headed.

“Blaine, we cannot spoil her,” Kurt said as the giant Toys R’ Us came into view.

“I’m not spoiling her,” Blaine said.  “I’m spoiling you.”

That was debatable though when they opened the door, wheeled her in and her mouth gaped.  Arms flew in the air, her tiny little fists opened and closed furiously and she yelled, “Out, out, out!”

Kurt didn’t blame her.  Aside from the colors and the massive displays of toys and dolls and candy and electronics, there was a giant Ferris Wheel in the middle of the floor.

There were also a thousand people in the store, so Kurt lifted her out of the stroller but kept her in his arms. She struggled to get out though when she saw a giant pink dollhouse that she could run around in.  “Down, down, down,” she yelled, nearly flinging herself to the floor and Kurt had to grip her hard to keep her from falling.

“We’ll go to the dollhouse Princess, but you have to stop wiggling until we get there,” Kurt told her.  “I’m not going to risk you getting lost in here.”

When they finally maneuvered through the crowds and waited their turn until the house had room for her, they let Serena down.  She ran inside and started playing.

Watching her inside, Kurt felt a crown being placed on his head.  “There.” Blaine grinned.  “Perfect.”

Kurt smirked over at him.  “Perfect for what?” he asked with a raise of his brow.

Blaine grabbed Kurt’s right hip and then his left and pulled him in close.  “Anything you want Sir,” he whispered.

“Dada!”

The both turned to see her with her own crown atop a head of blond curls.  Kurt cringed at whose head may have been in that wig before her and if she got lice he would blame it entirely on Blaine.  But he had to admit she looked adorable.

“Bitny!”

Kurt looked confused but Blaine laughed.  “Yes, you do look just like Auntie Brittany,” he said, mostly  for Kurt’s benefit, and he ducked inside the house and sat on the floor with her.  “You look beautiful, darling.  Can you dance like Brittany?”

Serena proceeded to give them a show and Blaine thought again about how he needed to get her into dance classes as soon as possible.  But then she stopped and she grabbed his hand, pulling him out and pointing up to the Ferris Wheel.  “Go,” she said.

Blaine looked over to Kurt who looked like he did not in any way trust the mechanics of an indoor Ferris Wheel, but Blaine didn’t care.  He picked Serena up, wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist and they made their way to the ticket stand.

Serena was screeching with excitement as they piled onto the ride.  Serena sat next to Kurt, buckled in tight.  Blaine sat across from them.  And then the ride jolted to a start.  Serena could do nothing but stare outside at a kids’ heaven on earth.  Kurt watched her, the nerves and sadness he’d forgotten seeping back into his face.  Blaine couldn’t take his eyes off of Kurt.

“She’s gonna be fine,” Blaine said quietly.

“You can’t promise that,” Kurt said, tearing his gaze from her to look at him.  “Don’t promise that.  I’ve heard those promises before and they don’t mean anything.”

“Kurt.”  Blaine leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and he reached out for his husband.  Kurt placed his hands gently in Blaine’s and blinked tears back.  “You can’t change the future.  But you also can’t live in the past.  Look at her now.”  Blaine’s voice was like an order and it took Kurt by surprise before he turned to obey.  “She is fine.  Right now.  And in five minutes, she is going to be fine.  And we will go home and give her a bath and tuck her into bed and she will be fine.  Please don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring, because today is everything the three of us could ever want.”

“Want candy!” Serena yelled and it took only a second before both Kurt and Blaine devolved into laughter.

“Today and candy is everything the three of us could ever want,” Blaine corrected with a grin.  They reached the bottom of the circle and the ride came to a stop, letting them off.  They picked up the stroller and lifted Serena back into it, buckling her seat belt.  “Let’s fill our bags full and then dump them all in a basket at home.  We each eat one a day, and there is no worrying until all the candy is gone.” Blaine looked up hopefully at Kurt.  “Deal?”

Kurt smiled and nodded his head.  “Deal.”

* * *

 

The results came back long before al the candy was gone.  It was as the doctors had thought.  Serena had Thalassemia, an inherited blood disorder in which red blood cells don’t contain enough hemoglobin, causing anemia.

“So what does that mean exactly as far as treatment?” Kurt asked nervously in the doctor’s office.  He looked over to their daughter, sitting happily on Blaine’s lap.  Kurt was grateful for the warmth of the rooms of the children’s hospital.  He couldn’t imagine receiving the news in the hospitals he remembered.

“Serena’s Thalassemia is non-transfusion dependent,” the doctor said.  “Kids who are transfusion dependent typically need transfusions and chelation therapy on a regular basis, sometimes monthly.  For Serena, she may never need transfusions, or she may need them once in a while, especially if she’s very sick.  Her mother was just a carrier so it wouldn’t have impacted her, but when Serena’s older she might need them during pregnancy.  And it is possible her anemia will be moderate enough that she needs transfusions once or twice a year, but we can’t know that now.  We’ll just have to watch it closely to find out.”

“So she’s going to be just fine,” Blaine said with a sigh of relief.  He could see Kurt still worked up though and he grabbed his husband’s hand.

The doctor smiled.  “She’s going to be fine.  We’ll test her blood every 3 months for the first year, then if she’s stable we’ll switch to every 6 months.  If it gets bad enough, we’ll do a transfusion and start again with the every 3.  Sound like a plan?”

“How do we know for sure there’s nothing else wrong?” Kurt asked.  He couldn’t shake the thought Serena would suffer just like his mom.

“The rest of her blood work is all good and the genetic testing is pretty clear,” the doctor said.  “She shows no signs of anything other than her beta globin genes not working properly.  Try not to worry Kurt,” she said.  “Serena will live a perfectly normal, long and healthy life.”

Blaine looked over at his husband.  “So can we eat more than one candy a day now?” he asked.  “Because I swear that basket just stares at me and says eat me.”

“Candy!” Serena yelled.

Despite everything, Kurt couldn’t help but laugh.  “Tonight we can celebrate with all the candy we want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little reprieve of sweetness. Next week we return to angst. And to Elliott. I am happy to answer any and all questions by PM and on my tumblr, alexofthegarden.  
> Love you guys!


	3. Better Than I Know Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Gosh, this chapter has taken edit after edit, but every one made it better and better I think. Thank you to my two fabulous betas for always being there for me!
> 
> If you have not read the one-shot “CAN YOU BE MY FANTASY?” please do before reading this chapter, I think it will make much more sense.
> 
> There are warnings for this chapter. If you like to fly in blind, go for it! If not, the warnings are all the way at the bottom of the chapter. 
> 
> I know people are reading less now that Glee is over, so I really appreciate every single one of you who reads, reviews, likes, favorites, kudos, etc… And as always, I LOVE discussion over on my tumblr page. And there are going to be some awesome pictures in a couple of days too!

_And I know that I_  
 _I sometimes tend to lose my temper_  
 _And I cross the line_  
 _Yeah that's the truth_  
  
_I know it gets hard sometimes_  
 _But I could never_  
 _Leave your side_  
 _No matter what I say_

_~ Adam Lambert_

* * *

 

**March 2022**

“I want daddy,” Serena said as she curled up on Blaine’s chest on the living room couch.  Her black hair was thickening and her curls tickled beneath his chin.  Outside it was growing dark.  The light of the television flickered, muted after the movie finished.  Blaine looked over at the clock.  7pm.

“I want daddy too pumpkin,” Blaine said softly, giving her a tight squeeze.  “But he had a meeting with his agent. Which seems to be going very long.”  He muttered that last part under his breath.  Blaine knew the meeting had started at 4.  “So it looks like it’s just me for bed.”  He swung his legs around, holding her close and groaned as he stood up.  “Let’s go brush your teeth.”

He put her down and she ran to the bathroom, climbing up on her little stool that let her reach the sink.  She grabbed her toothbrush and waited for Blaine to put her toddler toothpaste on it, then shoved it in her mouth.  Blaine smiled while he let her do a cursory brushing before he reached over.  “Okay, Papa’s turn.” He counted out loud as he made circles on her teeth.  “One, two, three, four…” He continued to twenty on each side but he couldn’t help but hope with every time he reached twenty that Kurt would walk through the door.

“Ah done!” Serena yelled when he pulled the brush out of her mouth. He gave her a little cup of water to practice rinsing, but she ended up drinking most of it.

“Okay. Diaper, jammies, bed,” he said, picking her up and swinging her around.

“Book!” she yelled.  Serena liked to yell.  She was her mother’s daughter.

Blaine laughed and groaned at the same time.  “Diaper, jammies, _book_ , bed,” he corrected himself and he gave one quick glance to the front door before he went into her bedroom.  Kurt was usually the one to read to her.  Five minutes later, Serena was curled up in the princess bed Kurt had just bought her for her second birthday, and Blaine squeezed in next to her.  He opened _The Foot Book_ and started to read.  Dr. Seuss was easy and fun and most of all quick.  He’d just gotten to the last page when he heard the front door open.  Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and sent whatever mental telepathy he could to his husband.  If Kurt came in she’d just get all riled up again and they’d be back to the start of trying to get her to sleep again.

“Good night pumpkin,” he whispered as he kissed her on the head.  She smiled and pointed to the ceiling.  He turned on her light and the sky filled with colorful stars.  Blowing her one last kiss, he left the room and closed the door carefully behind him.

“Is she asleep?” Kurt asked, bringing in a bottle of water from the kitchen and leaning against the wall.

Blaine closed the distance and reached a hand out to Kurt’s hip.  “Almost,” he said. He pressed his husband into the wall and kissed him after a long hard day.  “You’re late.  We missed you.”

Kurt smiled beneath Blaine’s lips, chasing them as he tried to pull away.  He wrapped an arm around Blaine’s waist and pulled him back.  He didn’t want to lose the feel of him.  Kurt didn’t ever want to lose the feel of him.  “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing him again.  “It took a while to sign all the contracts.”

Blaine pulled back, a quizzical smile on his face.  “Contracts? I didn’t know you were up for something new.”

“I didn’t either,” he said, still a little breathless with wonder.  Kurt slipped out from between Blaine and the wall, starting to the couch. Everything had happened so fast, it was like a whirlwind with no time to even think about it.  Blaine turned and watched him.  “But Gary brought me this proposal to direct and I couldn’t say no.”

“Direct?” Blaine quirk a brow with excitement. “What is it?”

Kurt gave a lopsided grin and a nervous shrug. “It’s a tryout Blaine.”

Blaine’s mouth dropped open.  “What?” he screeched. 

“Yeah,” he nodded as if he still couldn’t believe it and maybe he couldn’t.  “It could go to Broadway if we do a good job.”

“Oh my god Kurt, that’s amazing!  You’d be the first Gray director on Broadway.”  Blaine flew at him, pulling Kurt into his arms before kissing him proudly. It was something they’d always wanted.  Something Kurt had been wanting to accomplish for a long time. “When do you start?”

“Well, design meetings will start now, but it opens the end of July, so rehearsals will start in June,” Kurt said. 

“Where is it?” Blaine asked, his face still bright.  “Jersey?  New Haven?”

Kurt took a nervous step back, his enthusiasm obviously waning slightly.  “It’s in Boston.”

Blaine’s grin disappeared.  His stomach flipped and filled with panic.  “What?” His voice was broken already. 

It wasn’t until Kurt had left the office, paperwork signed, that he’d truly thought about how hard it would be for Blaine and he’d thought all the way home how to ease his husband’s inevitable worries.  “It’s not really that far,” Kurt told him.  “Only four hours by train.  You’d be able to come up and see the show.”

“But not stay with you,” Blaine said and it wasn’t a question, though he hoped the answer was different than he thought.

“No,” Kurt said sadly.  “I’d be staying with one of the board members and there isn’t room.  Besides, it wouldn’t be fair with Serena.”

“How…how long would you be gone?”

Kurt could see it.  The wave of fear washing over Blaine and his eyes just beginning to cloud.  “A month.” Kurt was as gentle as he could be.  With Blaine looking at him like that, it was much harder to say the words than it should have been.  But he trusted that once they talked about it, everything would be fine.

Blaine had no such faith.  For a moment he was shocked into silence.  And then he shook his head and quietly said, “No.”

“Blaine-” Kurt tried to reach for his hand, but Blaine’s eyes flashed.

“No!” His anger soothed the fear.  “You’re not going away for a month! Not this summer.”

“Blaine-” he tried again, a little bit firmer this time.

But Blaine wasn’t listening. “Kurt, this was going to be _our_ summer because no one else is here!  Santana’s going with Brittany on her Martha Graham tour, Mercedes and Sam are in Europe, Rachel and Jesse will be gone doing summer stock.”

“Blaine, you need to calm-”

“But if you’re gone…there will be no one here for me Kurt!”

“Blaine, it’s okay.”  Kurt had known it would be hard but he hadn’t anticipated this reaction.  He probably should have, but in his excitement he thought that Blaine would be excited too.  He put his bottle of water down on the coffee table and grasped Blaine’s hands in his, trying to ground him. “We’ll find a great daycare for Serena.  I understand it’ll be hard being a single Dad for a month, but I know you’ll be fine.”

Blaine pulled roughly away.  “God Kurt, that’s not…” He ran his hands over his face and through his hair.  “You don’t even get it.  You don’t even get that this isn’t about Serena.”

“No Blaine, I get it-”

“Do you Kurt?” Blaine felt his pulse racing, his stomach turning.  “Do you get that you’re asking me to go an entire month without a Dominant?  30 fucking days at least without anyone to submit to?  I can barely go for a week while I’m taking care of Serena too, even when you’re home! Did you even consider that before you told them yes or were you just thinking of yourself?”

“That’s not fair-”

Blaine let out a bitter laugh. “Oh now you’re going to worry about fair?  It’s always fine when it’s not fair to me, but when it’s not fair to you-”

“Blaine, that’s enough,” Kurt ordered.  He could accept a lot of things but he was not going to be accused of being selfish. 

“Yeah,” Blaine said, resentment surging.  “Maybe it is enough.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’ve had enough of you forgetting what I need.”  Kurt stared in shock but Blaine was too lost in his own anger and fear to notice.  “It means that if you can’t give me what I need, I need to go to someone else.  And without Santana…I’ll go to Elliott.”

Kurt stopped as if Blaine had struck him.  His pupils flared.  “No. You won’t.”

“I will Kurt,” Blaine threatened.  “I swear to god if you leave me for a month without a Dom I will go to Elliott.”

“No. You _won’t_.” Kurt’s hands clenched but he closed his eyes to calm himself.  “We will talk about what we’re going to do this summer when you can talk calmly. Until then you’re going to march yourself over to that corner,” Kurt ordered, his arm lashing out to point at Blaine’s spot.

But Blaine just scoffed.  “Oh, so now you-”

“Corner Blaine.  Now.”

But Blaine was done listening.  “Fuck you,” he yelled.  He went to the door, grabbed his keys and his wallet and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Kurt could only let out a single sigh before Serena started crying, startled awake by the crash of the door.  He went into her room and picked her up, holding her close.  “Come here sweetie, it’s okay,” he whispered to her as much as to himself.  He bounced her softly and carried her out into the living room, sitting in the rocking chair they still kept. 

“Dada,” she mumbled before she fell back asleep instantly on his shoulder, but he held her in his arms and rocked her gently anyway. He knew he should have put her back in bed, but right then he needed her as much as she needed him.  Probably more.

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” he told his sleeping daughter, letting his tears slip down his face.  He kissed her head and rested his cheek on her soft curls.  “Don’t worry.  Daddy and Papa will figure this out.  I promise.”

* * *

 

**From Kurt (9:36pm): Where are you?**

**From Kurt (10:00pm): Are you at B &W?**

**From Kurt (10:10pm): Honesty will go a lot better for you than silence.**

**From Kurt (10:15pm): Please don’t make me text everyone to ask if they’ve seen you.**

**_From Blaine (10:17pm): I’m at the studio._ **

**From Kurt (10:20pm): Will you be coming home tonight?**

**_From Blaine (10:36pm): I don’t know._ **

**_From Blaine (10:37pm): I’m still angry._ **

**From Kurt (10:40pm): I am too.  But I also miss you.  And I want to work this out together.  I think I have an idea.**

**_From Blaine (10:44pm): Does it involve Serena and me going with you?_ **

**From Kurt (10:46): You know I would love that more than anything Blaine.  I’ll miss you guys as much as you’ll miss me.  Probably more.**

**From Kurt (11:02pm): Come home.**

**From Kurt (11:12pm): Please?**

**_From Blaine (11:23pm): How much trouble am I in?_ **

**From Kurt (11:25pm): How much trouble do you think you’re in?**

**_From Blaine (11:29pm): A lot._ **

**From Kurt (11:31pm): I’d consider that a fairly good estimate.**

* * *

 

It was just past midnight when Blaine walked in the door, four hours after he’d stormed out.  He gently placed his wallet and keys back down on the table and he walked slowly beneath the archway into the living room.  He leaned against the wall, hands shoved in his pockets, eyes not quite meeting Kurt’s.

Kurt had been sitting on the couch across the room, waiting nervously.  Now he watched carefully.  His phone lay on the cushion next to him.  He’d put Serena back down just before he’d texted Blaine and for the past two and a half hours he had watched it, waiting for the screen to light up over and over again.  Holding his breath that it would.

Blaine said nothing.  He looked sad.  Tired.  And definitely still angry.

Kurt had thought a lot about what he would say.  What he needed his husband to understand. “I didn’t do this to hurt you Blaine,” Kurt said, taking the first step to start the conversation.  “This is a huge opportunity for me.  For us.”

“I understand that,” Blaine said and it was the truth.  “But there’s a reason Santana travels with Brittany and Sam travels with Mercedes. A month is a very long time for a sub to be without a Dom.”

“Rachel and Jesse do it.  They’re in different cities in different shows all the time.”

Blaine finally met Kurt’s gaze as his eyes narrowed.  “You know how they do it Kurt and you’ve made it very clear you don’t want a relationship like Rachel and Jesse.”

Kurt stood up and crossed his arms across his chest.  “But you do.”

“No dammit,” Blaine yelled. He kicked off the wall, taking a step toward him.  “I don’t want to go to anybody else, I want to not be separated from my Dom for a month!”

“And what am I supposed to do Blaine?  Turn down every opportunity that comes my way because you need me at home?”

“Do you really want me caring for our daughter every day alone with my submission raging?”  Blaine knew that no matter how long they were together Kurt would never truly understand, but he needed him to this time.  “I spend every day just trying to keep my head above water.  And I love her and I love taking care of her but she needs everything Kurt and there’s not a moment to let go with her, to put my guard down. But every day I know it’s going to be okay, that I can do it, because you’re coming home to me at night.  Without you…” Without Kurt he worried that it wouldn’t be safe for either of them. 

“What if Cooper came to stay with you?” Kurt asked delicately.

Blaine looked up in surprise, but then he gave a wry laugh and shook his head.  “Cooper’s never free.”

“He is this time,” Kurt told him, taking another careful step closer.  “I texted him while you were out.  He’s available the middle two weeks I’m gone and he says he’d be happy to spend the time with you and his niece.  I know it’s not the same as me, but we’ll have texting and the phone and Skype.”  He reached out and slowly trailed his fingers from Blaine’s shoulder to his fingertips, before looking down at him, eyes sparkling.  “You think I don’t understand, but I do.  And I promise, I had no intention of letting you go a month without my dominance.  In fact, you won’t go a single day, Blaine. I will be the very best long distance Dom.  I have so many ideas already.”

Despite himself, Blaine’s stomach flipped and his pants tightened with arousal.  But he knew that even if he wanted it, he’d blown any chance of pleasure that night the moment he’d taken off. So he took a breath and bit it back.

Kurt though smiled at Blaine’s reaction.  “You and I, we’ll be okay.  And for everything else, help with Serena and whatever else you might need, Cooper can be here.”

It wasn’t ideal.  It was scarier than it would have been if Santana were going to be home.  But it had been a long while since Blaine had spent any real time with his brother and he found himself kind of looking forward to it. As hard as it would be, he had to support Kurt and this opportunity.  What kind of sub would he be if he didn’t? “Okay,” Blaine whispered.

Kurt let out a sigh of relief and leaned forward, kissing Blaine’s forehead.  “Okay.”

And with that kiss, his anger and fear subsided and the heat of guilt began to run through his body.  “I’m sorry,” Blaine said, his eyes lowering to the floor.  “For disobeying you.  For swearing at you.  For Elliott,” he added shakily.

“The disobedience and the swearing I can deal with Blaine. But Elliott?” Blaine knew even before he looked up that head to toe Kurt was nothing but Dom.  If he hadn’t known from the sharpness of his voice, the severity of his gaze would have erased any doubt.  “That’s the last time. That’s the last time you use Elliott against me.”

Blaine’s submission swirled and his eyes shined with tears, but part of him didn’t want to accept the truth of Kurt’s words.  “That’s not-” he tried to protest, but Kurt knew better.

“That’s exactly what you did Blaine.” Blaine faintly shook his head, his heart now racing.  He wasn’t sure where Kurt was heading with this but it wasn’t anywhere good for him.  “What you do. You use him Blaine when you’re angry, when you think I don’t understand. You have for a long time now. To tear me down.  To remind me that no matter how hard I try, I’ll always just be Gray.”

Blaine shook his head in denial.  “I don’t-”

“Silence,” Kurt ordered and Blaine’s hands automatically flew behind his back.  His eyes lowered again, this time with deference, his skin flushed with shame, and if he’d been allowed to kneel he would have crashed to the floor.  “How do you think Elliott would feel, Blaine? If he knew you used him as a weapon in our battles? Do you think he would be pleased? Do you think a Dom like him would stand for your behavior tonight?”  Blaine shook his head, but Kurt raised it with a hand to his chin, forcing eye contact. “You may speak now Blaine,” he said, the permission an order.

“No sir,” Blaine muttered.  “He wouldn’t stand for it.”

“Do you think that I should?” Kurt pressed.

Blaine shook his head again, shaking loose the tears that fell from his eyes.  “No sir.”

Kurt stood over him, studying him for a very long time.  His eyes seemed to transform as he made a decision.  “You want to run off to Elliott so badly when you think I’m not Dom enough for you,” Kurt said dangerously.  “Then that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

“What?” Blaine’s face paled.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  There was nothing about Elliott dominating Blaine that Kurt would find pleasurable.  Not seeing them together, not the punishment he’d receive.  The stories told were enough to know that Santana was painless compared to Elliott.   Blaine’s stomach tightened with a horrible mix of dread and arousal.   He’d imagined it.  Through every wall of guilt and shame he’d imagined it.  He’d threatened it to make Kurt understand how much he needed something like that.  But he never expected Kurt to order it.  “Kurt, you can’t…you’ve heard…you know what he’ll do to me.”

“Yes.”

Blaine’s eyes were clouded with fear, but Kurt’s were clear with his resolve.

Every time Blaine thought he’d reached Kurt’s limits, his Dom tore them down.  “And you’re okay with that?”

Kurt’s face softened and he gently pulled Blaine’s hands from behind his back into his own.  One thing Kurt had come to understand and accept was that it didn’t always matter if he was okay with something or not.  “I think it’s what you need.”  Blaine closed his eyes but he couldn’t help the tears that fell.  His breath hitched, trying to hold back his sobs.  He was so ashamed that he had pushed Kurt this far, but Kurt just wrapped him in his arms.  “I’ll be there every second.  When it ends will be up to me.  I’m your Dom. Not him.  But I think he’ll continue to haunt us, until we do this. You need to know…we both do.” 

Blaine nodded and laid his head on Kurt’s shoulder, but it only made him cry harder.  “I’m so sorry Kurt.  I was just so scared and when I get scared-”

“I know sweetheart, I understand.”  Kurt stroked his hair to quiet him.  “But I would never let you not be okay Blaine, and you didn’t trust me.  And that hurts.”

“You forget sometimes Kurt,” Blaine said his breath catching as he tried to stop crying.  “You do, that’s not just in my head.

“I do,” Kurt admitted.  “And I was so caught up in the excitement of everything that you’re right.  I did.  But that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like you did any more than I would ever have the right to treat you that way. You and I, we talk about things.  We figure stuff out together.”

Blaine nodded and pulled away, wiping his tears with his sleeve.  “So what’s my punishment for that?” he asked quietly.

Kurt had been so focused on Elliott he hadn’t even thought about the rest.  He took Blaine’s hand and led him over to the couch where they sat, side by side.  “Arranging things with Elliott will take some time. I’ll have to speak with Santana.”  He pursed his lips as he thought.  Blaine waited patiently, his submission humming softly through his veins.  “You may not come until we’ve met with him, no matter how long it takes.  That’s for your disobedience.  But I don’t have the same restriction and I expect you will continue to show me that respect.” Blaine licked his lips reflexively as he nodded.  “I will push you.  And you will demonstrate your trust.  No matter what I do.”

Blaine shuddered and he looked up.  “May we start now Sir?” he asked quietly.  Hopefully.  He needed something that night and he believed Kurt did too.  “Please?”

Kurt nodded solemnly.  “Go to our bedroom. Take your clothes off and lie down on the bed on your back.  I want your head hanging back over the edge.”

Blaine’s heart raced and he obeyed without question.  Kurt gave his husband, his sub, a few minutes and took a sip from the bottle of water.  He capped it though, bringing it with him into the bedroom.  Blaine would need it when Kurt was done with him.

There was never a time when Kurt laid eyes on Blaine naked and waiting that a rush didn’t run through his body.  Now, his husband was extraordinary.  Lying exactly as he was told on his back, eyes closed, lashes falling softly, his throat stretched tight and perfect, Blaine was gorgeous.  He worked his eyes down Blaine’s body to his erection, so hard already, glistening, arching with hope they both knew would be dashed.  Kurt would go easy on him the rest of the week.  But tonight he would make Blaine suffer.  He would remind Blaine that no matter how rough things were between them, Blaine could always trust Kurt to care for him.  He locked the door behind him.  There was no reason Serena should get up, but kids had a way of interrupting at the most inopportune times.  Two years ago they never would have guessed that “Daddy” would become their most dreaded safeword.

“Hands beneath your backside please,” Kurt ordered.

Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt and obeyed, placing his hands as he was told, trapped and bound by his own body.  There were moments when Kurt wished Blaine would let him use bondage.  The idea of Blaine held down with scarves and ties excited him.  But Blaine had always done his best to respect Kurt’s limits.  This was one of Blaine’s only ones and Kurt had to respect that.

Kurt removed his own clothes, enjoying the look on Blaine’s face as he watched upside down.  Then he walked over and stood at Blaine’s head.  Silently, he reached a hand out, touching his fingertips to Blaine’s clavicle, moving slowly up to the Adam’s apple that bobbed beneath his fingers as Blaine swallowed down his nerves and arousal.  Kurt just smiled and continued his slow journey, up Blaine’s neck, over his chin, and onto lips that he patiently traced over and over again.

“Your lips, are beautiful,” Kurt finally said, and he could feel a little puff of breath escape Blaine’s mouth at the pride in Kurt’s voice.  “So soft. So full.  So mine.”  Blaine groaned slightly but he didn’t dare say anything.  He hadn’t been told whether or not he could speak and he wasn’t going to risk disrespect.  “I’m going to fuck your mouth Blaine,” Kurt told him, his gentle tone a striking contrast to the force of his words.  “Your throat. And you are going to take it.  Whatever I give you.  You are going to trust me to know your limits. Understand?”

“Yes sir,” Blaine answered.  He didn’t ask how he would safeword unable to speak and with his hands trapped.  He wouldn’t need to.  This was about trusting Kurt to know.

Kurt stood directly over Blaine and began by tracing his cock across Blaine’s lips, just as he had done with his fingers.  Blaine didn’t move, but a tiny moan of desperation sent arousal through Kurt and pre-come dripped onto his lips.  Kurt watched Blaine’s erection pulse in need and he felt the vibration of Blaine whine against him. Kurt brushed a thumb against his cheek.  “It’s okay sweetheart, you can taste me,” he said softly.

Blaine’s tongue immediately darted out, licking at Kurt’s slit.    Kurt gave him little time before increasing his pressure and pressing inside the heat of Blaine’s mouth as soon as his jaw fell open.  Blaine’s eyes closed and Kurt allowed him only a minute of gentle thrusts to adjust before pushing down into his throat.

Blaine choked at the unexpected force before making his muscles relax.  “That’s a good boy.” Kurt nearly lost his own breath at the feel of Blaine’s tongue fighting to be good for him, trying so hard to give Kurt what he wanted as he pushed in and pulled out.  But all Kurt wanted was for Blaine to lie there and take it.  So he gave him something else to concentrate on.  “Touch yourself Blaine,” he told him, fucking him harder.  “Make yourself feel really good, I want to watch you.”

Blaine groaned around Kurt and Kurt had to stop just to make sure he didn’t come.  He held himself still until his unwelcome orgasm abated.  And then Blaine wrapped his fingers around himself.

It was supposed to distract Blaine, but for a moment it distracted Kurt.  He’d watched a hundred times before but never like this and he stood enthralled at the way Blaine’s fingers slid perfectly up and down his length, thumbing over his head to make his cock shine with desire.  His own leaked at the sight, which reminded Kurt of what he was really there to do and he pulled out, almost all the way before unceremoniously slamming back inside.  Blaine keened and groaned and with every thrust the vibrations of pleasure from Blaine’s lips and throat pulsated through Kurt, fueling him.  He fucked Blaine hard and fast, almost relentlessly, and Blaine’s fingers moved on his cock at the same punishing pace.  Blaine’s whines became cries as tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and Kurt could tell Blaine would come soon if he didn’t stop. 

“That’s enough Blaine,” he ordered.

Blaine’s hand flew away and back under his ass as if the order was freedom.  But the momentary relief for his erection vanished quickly when Kurt pushed all the way down Blaine’s throat, farther than he ever had before, and held himself there.  Relief turned to panic as Blaine tried not to gag, tried to get a breath, tried to push his limits because Kurt believed that he could and Blaine trusted him.  So he did his best to relax his body and his jaw and open his throat for Kurt, accepting the discomfort as punishment and the punishment as pleasure. 

“Ten seconds Blaine,” Kurt said, resting his hands softly on Blaine’s shoulders.  “Can you be a good boy for me?”

Blaine couldn’t nod, he couldn’t answer in any way, but he counted in his head, feeling his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He worried he might suffocate if Kurt didn’t let him go just a second before Kurt pulled almost all the way out.  Blaine gasped for a breath then sucked frantically at Kurt’s head, swallowing and swirling his tongue around it. 

“You’re doing wonderfully sweetheart,” Kurt praised him and Blaine’s body swelled with pride.  “Put your hand back now, I want to see you fuck yourself while I fuck you.”

Blaine did as he was told, waves of pleasure shooting through his body the minute he touched himself.  He pressed his tongue against Kurt as if he were pressing the taste and the feel of him into his skin. He almost wished he could fall to the edge so everything would be heightened, but Kurt wasn’t letting him.  As soon as he got comfortable once more, Kurt picked up the pace again, fucking him shallow but rough and Blaine’s hand automatically mirrored him.  He rapidly built to orgasm this time, his balls tightening, his stomach flipping and he let out a feverish whimper in warning.

“Hands off,” Kurt commanded again, hands back on Blaine’s shoulders, and this time when Blaine let go he expected the merciless thrust down his throat.  He’d managed a breath just before and though tears trailed down his cheeks, he swallowed around Kurt’s cock, drawing it even further in, and he heard Kurt suck in his own breath.  “15 seconds,” Kurt whispered, voice tight, as if refusing his own release was painful.  And for a moment Blaine wondered which one of them Kurt was punishing more.

At 13 seconds he decided it was him and he gasped for breath when Kurt finally gave him air.  “One more time baby,” Kurt panted, his own release as close as Blaine’s would be in just a few seconds.  The difference, Blaine knew, was that Kurt would get to come. 

Blaine wrapped his fingers one last time around his cock and stroked himself, up and down.  Every brush of his skin was torture, his orgasm excruciatingly close, but ignoring his hand and concentrating on Kurt’s cock in his mouth didn’t help it subside in the slightest.  In fact, he almost thought it was worse, the force between his lips and mouth and against his tongue.  The ache in his jaw and the scratch of his throat that would only grow worse with the next assault.  The anticipation of Kurt’s come when it shot straight down into his throat, soothing him as he swallowed it.  He was so hard, his body shuddered with the force of his denial, and just when he thought he couldn’t take another second, Kurt brought it to an end.

He felt Kurt’s hands on him a second before Kurt hissed, “Let go,” as he fucked Blaine more fiercely and deeper than ever before. Blaine had no time to breathe.  Trying not to panic, he swallowed hard, once and then twice around Kurt’s cock and he heard Kurt groan louder than he ever had, leaning forward, his hands slipping down onto the bed as he came hard down Blaine’s throat. 

Blaine wasn’t sure why for a second he thought his torture was over, but even though Kurt slipped out from between his lips, Kurt’s hand immediately went to Blaine’s cock as he sat down on the bed beside him.  Blaine couldn’t do it.  “No, sir,” Blaine cried, his voice raspy. “Please.  Please, I can’t-”

“Yes you can,” Kurt said flatly and he stroked Blaine’s cock with practiced perfection.  “Come on up on the bed so you don’t get dizzy.”

Blaine did as he was told, his neck aching as he lifted his head, but Kurt didn’t stop for a second. “Kurt, sir, I’m sorry, please…”

“When I’m in Boston,” Kurt said, easing his touch until it was just feather soft on Blaine’s skin, “I’m going to watch you edge yourself every night over Skype.” Blaine’s eyes squeezed shut and his breath hitched with a whimper but Kurt didn’t stop.  “And some nights I’m going to let you come.  And some I won’t.”

With that promise, Kurt finally let go and he leaned over to kiss Blaine, his tongue immediately entering Blaine’s already parted lips. He reached a hand to his jaw, massaging gently, and wrapped him in love, staying that way a long time until he felt Blaine finally relax beneath him.  Only then did Kurt sit up, looking down at his beautiful sub, lips swollen, skin glistening.  Blaine’s eyelids fluttered open, the clouds in his gaze clearing like a passing storm, and Kurt smiled down at him.  “I love you Blaine. You can always trust me.”

“I know,” Blaine whispered, unable to speak any louder.  “I’m sorry.  I love you so much.”

“I’m scared too,” Kurt admitted, tracing his hand down Blaine’s chest, tickling his fingertips softly over it.  “I’m scared that you and Serena will need me and I won’t be here.  I’m scared of missing something important that she does.  I’m scared that you’ll have figured out that you don’t need me as much when I get back. And I’m scared of other things too,” he said, lowering his eyes.  In anger, Blaine had threatened Kurt’s biggest fear.   “But I’m choosing to trust you Blaine.”

“You can, I promise, I won’t-”

“Shh…” Kurt said.  “We’ll deal with that one later.”

“I will always need you Kurt,” Blaine promised and he curled up so that his head was resting on Kurt’s lap.  “You and no one else.”

Kurt traced his fingers on Blaine’s shoulder and in no time, Blaine was asleep.  Kurt smiled and carefully slipped out from under him, nudging him up to his pillow and under the covers.  He made Blaine drink some water before letting him go back to sleep. Kurt readied for bed, unlocked the bedroom door and curled up under the covers.  Rolling onto his side, he held Blaine close.  Sometimes he thought he never wanted to let go.

* * *

 

“This is a lot to ask Kurt,” Santana said.  They sat at their usual table at their usual coffee shop, now halfway between Santana’s law firm and the theater district.  “What you’re asking Elliott to do would be as great a punishment for him as it would be for Blaine,” she pointed out.  Kurt shrugged.  Santana sighed. “That’s what you want.”

“I have spent my 9 years with Blaine afraid that I wasn’t good enough for him, and Elliott set the bar.  I’ve been afraid that someday Blaine would decide that he’d made this huge mistake and he really belonged with Elliott.  I’ve tucked it away time and time again and I manage to forget until the next time he’s dangled between us, half carrot stick, half sword.  I can’t keep living with that hanging over my head.”

“It is in your head though,” Santana said gently.  “You know that, right?  Blaine made his choice long ago and he makes it over and over again.  Now I don’t dispute that he deserves to be punished for threatening, but he would never actually leave you for him.”

Santana might have been right.  But she just as well could have been wrong and Kurt couldn’t go on anymore with the doubt.  “I need to know.  For sure.  I need to see it with my own eyes.  And so does Blaine.  If he thinks that there’s something he wants from Elliott so badly that he’s willing to defy me and walk away from me to protect it, then he’s going to get it, whether he likes it or not.”

“And Elliott?  What about him.”

Kurt’s eyes darkened and she could see the years of pent-up resentment within them.  “He has looked down on me from before he even knew me.  Told Blaine more than once that we shouldn’t be together.  I don’t care that he’s come around and accepted that I’m enough.  He’s going to learn that I’m more than enough.  They are both going to learn that I’m better and Blaine will make his choice for the final time.”

* * *

 

Exhaustion was an understatement after touring and interviewing preschools the entire week.  The most expensive of preschools were off the list.  They’d missed every deadline and they couldn’t afford them anyway.  Besides, they weren’t looking for an Ivy League Feeder school.  All Blaine wanted for Serena was a place where she could go and be safe, happy, and loved. 

Kurt’s desires were a little more refined and just because they couldn’t get Serena into the top one percent didn’t mean that they had to settle for the dive around the corner.  So they made appointments with seven different schools in and around the theater district and spent five days filling out applications, talking to teachers, interviewing with directors, and watching Serena run around like a crazy person to get to every single activity she could before her dads said it was time to go.

On the way home from the seventh and final one, Kurt pushed Serena’s stroller while Blaine bought some coffee and a pretzel for them all to share.

“Me, me,” Serena called sleepily, her hand in the air waving for a chunk.  Blaine laughed and broke off a corner, brushing the ridiculous amount of salt off of it onto the street. 

“I choose the last one,” Kurt said, taking a sip of his coffee.  They walked up 8th Avenue toward home.  “It’s the closest we’ll get to the elite preschools and it has art and science programs.”

“No,” Blaine said firmly.

“Blaine-” Kurt protested, but Blaine would not hear another world.

“No, Kurt.” Blaine had fidgeted his way through the meeting with the director, his fists balling up in anger.  “I’m not going to send Serena to a school that looks at one of her fathers as if he’s less than the rest of them.  Who knows what she’ll learn there.”

“She’ll learn art and science-” Kurt stated obviously.

“She’ll learn prejudice and ignorance, Kurt,” Blaine retorted.  “She’s not going there.”

“And if I pull Dom status?” Kurt asked with a smirk.

Blaine stopped.  “And if you…what?  No,” he declared, staring at his husband as if he’d lost his mind.  Perhaps everyone was right that the search for preschools drove even the most stable people insane.  “You cannot pull Dom status when it comes to where our daughter goes to school.”

Kurt’s lips pulled into a lopsided smile and he leaned in to whisper in Blaine’s ear.  “And if I punish you for it?” he teased.

But Blaine wasn’t in the mood, not when he was already being punished, hadn’t come in days and he still had their rendezvous with Elliott to look forward to.  “I would safeword Kurt, because you can’t just…”

“Hey,” Kurt said, grabbing him by the arms, rubbing up and down to soothe them.  “Hey, calm down, I’m sorry, I was just kidding.”

Blaine gritted his teeth and kept his voice low.  “You’ve fucked me every night this week, forcing me to be silent, and I haven’t come in five days, you cannot kid about things like that right now.”

“I know, I’m sorry, you’re right.”  Kurt kissed Blaine softly on the lips and pulled him close.  “The silence isn’t punishment though, it’s just so little ears don’t hear.”  With an arm around his waist, he put Blaine between himself and the stroller and began pushing again.  “So which school was your favorite?”

“I know it’s the farthest, but I loved Mozarts and Einsteins.  I love knowing that even though she’s away from me, she’ll still be surrounded by music every day.” He looked over his shoulder to his husband who smiled over at him.

“I think that’s the perfect choice too,” Kurt said.  “I’ll call them tomorrow and we’ll get her all signed up.”

Blaine pulled out of Kurt’s arms and went around to the front of the stroller.  “Do you hear that Serena?  You’re going to be a Mozart _and_ an Einstein.”

 “I walk Papa,” Serena grinned, grabby hands raised.

“I guess she isn’t so tired anymore,” Kurt sighed, stopping the stroller.

Blaine smiled and knelt down to her.  “I’ll get you out but you have to hold my hand. Deal?”

“Deal,” she agreed.

He unclipped her seatbelt and took her out, never letting go of her.  He hated when she wanted to walk on the New York streets.  She was never fast enough, people got annoyed, but he couldn’t say no when all she wanted was a little bit of freedom.

“Did you ever notice how it used to take us half the time to get anywhere as it does now?” Kurt smirked.

“Yes,” Blaine said, smiling over at his husband.  “But without Serena it wasn’t nearly as fun.”

* * *

 

Blaine wasn’t sure why he was agonizing over clothing that was most certainly going to be stripped away within minutes of arrival, but he had changed his shirt three times and gone through five bowties.  Each time he looked in the mirror, everything looked wrong. 

“How do you feel?” Brittany asked, sitting on the bed with one leg pulled in.  She had Blaine’s bowtie collection surrounding her and picked one up.  It was black.

“Mostly?” Blaine asked.  He looked back at her through the mirror.  “Ashamed.  Scared too.”

“And excited?” She gave him a knowing look.

Blaine turned, but his gaze hit the floor as he leaned back on the dresser.  “That’s mostly what I’m ashamed of, to be honest.  I want this Britt,” he said, looking up at her.  “I’ve wanted it for so long in my fantasies but now…”

“But now it’s real,” she finished for him.  “And it’s punishment and in front of Kurt and maybe it won’t be everything you’ve dreamed of?”

“And maybe it will,” Blaine said.  He wasn’t sure which one would be worse.  “What if I totally screw up and his dominance is too strong and I fall so hard that Kurt gives up?  If he leaves me-”

She was off the bed and across the room in seconds.  “He won’t,” she said, taking his hands in hers.  “Kurt would never leave you unless you asked him to and even then he’d put up a damn fight. That’s what this is to him you know.  Fighting for you.  Because he doesn’t understand, Blaine, you’ve never explained to him what Elliott means to you.  You just have to be honest with him about it.”

Blaine eyes flitted to their closet, but then he shook his head.  “He’s never asked Britt.  He’s never in all our time together wanted to hear it.  I don’t even know if he’d understand if he did.”

“You have to give him a chance.  You have a daughter together Blaine, and she deserves parents who mean it completely when they say truth, trust, respect and love, even when it’s hard.  You’ve never given Kurt his right to any of those when it comes to Elliott.  And far more than your tantrum or your threats, that’s what you deserve this punishment for.” 

Blaine turned back to the mirror, staring at himself.  He knew that she was right. 

“Brittany S. Pierce!” Santana’s voice echoed through the apartment. “If you don’t get out here right now, you’re going to be late for call.”

Brittany smiled and squeezed his hand.  “Everything’s going to be okay,” she promised.

* * *

 

Santana smacked Brittany’s ass on her way out the door and Kurt scowled at her.  “I really wish you wouldn’t do that in front of Serena.”

“We don’t hide things from her at our house Kurt, she knows more than you think.”

Kurt sighed, but he didn’t say anything else, he just turned to his husband.

Blaine was holding Serena tight, in the tightest hug that he could, and he hoped that she couldn’t feel the frantic beating of his heart against her chest.  Or his submission buzzing.  “Okay, I want you to be really good for Mommy, okay?”

“I’ll be good if you be good Papa,” she said.  Blaine glanced over to his two Doms standing together in the archway.  Santana gave an amused smile.  Kurt though was nothing but business and the look on his face made Blaine swallow with dread.

“I’ll be very good Serena,” he told his daughter softly, but the words were meant for Kurt.  “I promise.”

“We better go,” Kurt called soberly.

Reluctant to ever let her go, Blaine put her down and turned to Santana.  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asked her as if she’d never watched their daughter before. 

But Santana knew what he was really asking.  She walked over to him, and took his face in her hands.  “Serena and I will be okay.  And so will you,” she said softly.  She glanced over to Kurt then looked back at Blaine.  She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen the sub so fearful before. “Elliott takes my place tonight.  You obey him as you do me.  You respect him as you do me.  Would you be this afraid if it was me?” Blaine lowered his eyes and shook his head.  But Elliott wasn’t Santana.  “Then don’t be afraid of him,” she said.  “You call yellow or safeword if you need to.  But you have to remember, he cares about you Blaine.  You aren’t just some sub off the street.”  Blaine just nodded.  If he was, he wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

“Wait for me outside,” Kurt said sternly.

“Yes sir,” Blaine muttered and he grabbed his things and went out to the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Santana took a deep breath and smiled warmly at Kurt.  “You safeword too if you need to,” she told him.  “I know you’re going to want to look tough in front of him and see things through to the end, but if it feels wrong to you then it’s wrong for Blaine too.  There’s no shame in a safeword.  Even with Elliott.  He respects you a lot more than you think he does.”

Kurt walked over to Santana and kissed her cheek.  “I love you,” he said tenderly, and though the words were rarely spoken, she always knew.  Kurt knelt down and crooked a finger toward his daughter, drawing her close with a sly grin.  When she ran to him he hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.  “I love you too,” he said.

“I love you ten billion Daddy,” Serena said, hugging him close.  “Tell Papa too.  Maybe he won’t be as scared.”

Kurt felt tears burn at his eyes and he kissed her quickly on the head.  “I will.  And I think you’re right.”  He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants.  “Okay,” he said nervously.  “We’ll be home later.  Bedtime is 7:30.  I love you,” he added quickly, before walking out the door.

Santana turned and smiled at Serena who was staring up at her.  “What’s a safeword Mommy?” she asked.

Santana was proud of how quickly she recovered from her instant sense of panic, and she gathered Serena in her arms and hauled her up.  “It’s a way for grownups to tell each other when they’re afraid,” she said, then walked over to the toy bins.  “Now how about you and I make your daddy and your papa some cards for when they get home.  I think they’d really like that.”

* * *

“Serena says she loves you ten billion,” Kurt told Blaine after stepping outside in the hallway.  Blaine looked up at him, the smile for his daughter barely showing in a face wound tight with nerves.  Kurt reached out and rubbed his hands over Blaine’s biceps.  “She said that maybe if I told you that you’d be less scared, but I think I’m the one…” He paused, taking a breath.  He’d been so caught up in being the Dom he needed to be that night, the Dom he wanted to prove he could be, that he’d nearly forgotten he was a husband first.  “I love you ten billion Blaine,” Kurt said and the tears of relief that immediately fell from Blaine’s eyes reminded Kurt how much smarter than him his daughter was.  He leaned in and kissed Blaine gently, and Blaine breathed it in as if it he had been drowning without it.  Kurt brushed Blaine’s cheek when he pulled away.  Blaine looked up at him, eyes shining.  “This punishment is  _for_ you Blaine. Not  _to_ you.”

Blaine nodded and that was all the mention he needed for his eyes to cloud again.  Kurt took his hand and led him downstairs, out to the sidewalk and toward the subway.  They were quiet down the city escalator and as they paid, but Blaine looked up when Kurt pulled him to a different route than he’d expected.  “We’re not going to Black and White?” Blaine asked.

“No.” The train stopped and they found seats side by side.  “We’re going to Elliott’s apartment.”

Blaine had never been to Elliott’s apartment before and to his knowledge neither had Kurt.  “Why?” he asked quietly.

“This is between you and me and Elliott.  No audience required.  I don’t want there to be a thousand strangers on the other side of the door.” 

Blaine didn’t say anything, but he was grateful.  The night would be hard enough for all of them without wondering who else might have seen them all together.  Word traveled fast in that crowd.  And the word that traveled was far from likely to be the truth.

He stared out the subway windows watching the darkness and the ads fly by.  Kurt’s hand around his grounded him, keeping him from falling away to escape the beating of his heart.  There were too many nerves, too much anticipation to keep himself out of subspace.  He tried not to wonder what it would be like but he couldn’t keep his mind from wandering amongst the images of every possible punishment he could think of.

“What do you feel for Elliott?”

Blaine wasn’t sure he actually heard Kurt’s question or if it was just his imagination, but when he turned, Kurt was looking at him with a desperate need to know. 

He looked at his fingers, taking his hand from Kurt’s to fidget with them, rubbing at his knuckles as he spoke.  “It’s hard to put into words,” he started.  “I guess that’s one of the reasons I’ve never told you.” 

“You’ve never told me because I’ve never wanted to know,” Kurt admitted.  “Because…because I don’t think I could take it if part of you loved him.”

“I don’t,” Blaine said quickly, needing Kurt to see the truth in his eyes.  “I don’t love him Kurt.  My heart doesn’t reach for his.  But my submission…my submission reaches for his dominance.”  Blaine shook his head, holding back what he wasn’t sure Kurt could grasp.  He took his husband’s hands in his, staring down at them.  Their wedding bands shined on their fingers.  The gold on Blaine’s cuff seemed to sparkle.  He belonged to Kurt, heart and submission, and he had to make Kurt understand.  “When he and I first met, he told me you were dangerous.  He believed it for a long time.  But I always knew in my heart that you were the one who was safe.  He was the dangerous one.”

Kurt took Blaine’s hands and met his eyes.  “You are safe with me Blaine.  Always.”

Blaine lowered his gaze.  “That’s just it though.  I don’t always want to be safe.”

Blaine felt Kurt’s grip on him and his eyes shot up.  Kurt’s were dark.  “You listen to me.  That is why I am your Dom, not someone who’s going to use your strength and the strength of your submission for nothing but their own pleasure, without any regard for you or what you need.  You think you want that but you will learn tonight that you don’t.  Not every fantasy in your head is meant to be fulfilled.”

Tears came to Blaine’s eyes again, the same ones born of deep shame that he’d pushed Kurt to this.  “As scared as I am of what Elliott will do, I know that you’re the brave one here.”

“You’re not scared of what Elliott will do sweetheart,” Kurt told him gently.  “You’re scared of how far you will want him to go.”

* * *

 

Blaine had visions of what he thought Elliott’s apartment might look like.  He imagined a dark, dungeon-like quality, with red and blue light instead of white.  It would have dark leather furniture, meant for a sub to be stripped bare over.  The ceiling had pulleys, like at the club, for a sub to be strung up.  The walls were lined with racks of favorite implements and there was a dresser full of things Kurt and Blaine wouldn’t even be allowed to look at.

Blaine was two steps behind Kurt as they approached the apartment number Santana had given them.  His gaze was set on the ground in front of him and all he could see so far was a worn blue carpet lining the hallways.  He didn’t dare look up.  His hands were clasped tightly behind his back.  His heart felt ready to explode in his chest and he had to remind himself to breathe.  His submission was in check, though he felt leashed by the clutch of Kurt’s energy.  He didn’t want Elliott latching on.  At least he didn’t think he did.

Kurt knocked on the door and Elliott opened.  Over black leather pants, he wore high black leather boots that shined from toe to knee.  But that was all Blaine could see right then.

“Come in,” Elliott said firmly.  Blaine followed Kurt, maintaining his position and his silence.  He’d been somewhat right. The walls were black, but a quick glance up proved they were lined with gorgeous modern art instead of racks.  The hard wood floor was visible around a large round oriental rug.  The furniture he could see was leather, modern, and definitely multi-functional.  He did not explore further though. This was completely unchartered water and he did not want to screw it up.  He wanted to prove himself to Elliott as much as Kurt did.

“Would you care for a drink Kurt?” Elliott asked, and though it went against Kurt’s better judgement he thought that maybe just a little liquid courage would prevent him from calling things off too soon.

“Sure, I’ll have what you’re having,” Kurt accepted and glanced over to Blaine.  The sub was wound tight as a clock, hands clasped, lips taut.  This was both fear and show, and Kurt didn’t think that either had a real place in punishment.  “I’d like a water for Blaine too please,” he said.

Elliott handed him a bottle while he mixed Kurt’s drink and he walked over to Blaine.  “Eyes up,” he ordered and Blaine’s gaze rose to Kurt’s.  “Drink this,” he said.

“Thank you Sir,” he whispered, not sure if he was really allowed to talk.  He could feel Elliott scrutinizing them from the side so he self-consciously lifted the bottle to his lips and drank down the cold liquid.  It eased his position by necessity and eased his mind by design.  When he was done, he handed it back to Kurt.  “Thank you Sir,” he said again.

“Yours,” Elliott told Kurt holding his drink out for him.  Kurt smiled his thanks and Elliott opened his hand, inviting them into the living room.  “Why don’t we all sit down,” he said.  Elliott took a chair on one side of the room and Kurt sat on the loveseat across from him.  Before Blaine could figure out where he belonged, Elliott tossed an ornate kneeling pillow onto the floor between them.  Blaine looked to Kurt.  He wasn’t allowed to kneel for Kurt.  But he was allowed to kneel for Santana and she had said that Elliott was taking her place that night.  Kurt must have agreed because he nodded, and Blaine lowered himself to the pillow into perfect position. 

There was silence before Kurt realized that Elliott’s eyes were on him, waiting for him to take the lead.  Respecting that despite what was about to happen, Kurt was Blaine’s Dom and this was his punishment to deliver.  The gesture put Kurt slightly more at ease.  And more in control.

“Sweetheart,” Kurt said, his voice far from gentle.  And he could see, even in Blaine’s stillness, his submission switch from Elliott to him.  “Why are we here?”

Blaine kept his eyes to the ground.  “I used Elliott-“

“Tell him,” Kurt commanded.

Blaine swallowed as his heart beat wildly and his submission began to swirl.  Neither Kurt nor Elliott offered him the relief of grabbing hold.  Blaine felt like if it was visible, the wisps would have surrounded them all and swallowed the room whole. “I used you Sir.”  He raised his chin slightly. He could see Elliot’s red and black polka dotted shirt beneath his slack black leather jacket and a black leather tie hung loosely around his neck. But he still did not meet Elliott’s eyes.  “As a weapon against Kurt.  I threatened to let you dominate me because he…”  Blaine stopped.  The why didn’t matter and he dropped his head again in shame.  “It wasn’t the first time Sir.” 

Elliott was silent, studying him.  And then he stood. Blaine felt an urge to cower as the man towered over him, but he didn’t, he held his position. “How many times have you fallen so far that Kurt couldn’t bring you back?”

The question threw Blaine off guard and this time when he finally looked up he met Elliott’s eyes.  His stomach turned at the harshness in them.  “Only twice Sir.”

“The humbler. And me. At the club,” Elliott said.

Blaine’s head dipped in shame.  “Yes.” He thought he’d been the only one to realize, but now he wondered if Santana knew too.  If she and Elliott had talked about it or if Elliott had figured it out on his own. 

“And you know why,” Elliott said.  It wasn’t a question.  “You know why it was the humbler and me and nothing else.”

Blaine bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut.  It had been the one truth he’d held back for so long.  Afraid to admit it even to himself.  “Yes sir.” 

“Tell Kurt,” Elliott ordered and his voice was unforgiving.  Blaine looked back up at him, eyes wide.  “Because that’s what he doesn’t understand about all this.  Isn’t it?”

Blaine glanced at Kurt, who was obviously trying to cover not only his confusion but the hurt that there was something Elliott knew about Blaine that he didn’t.  His Dom’s insecurity was seeping through and that was the last thing Blaine wanted. So he set aside his shame and obeyed.

“The humbler requires absolute submission,” he answered.  “So does your dominance.”

“And Kurt?” Elliott asked.

Blaine looked directly at his husband, his eyes glistening with tears as his heart clenched.  “Kurt doesn’t. Kurt’s love doesn’t.”

“Absolute submission,” Elliott said, walking away, hands relaxed in his pockets.  Blaine’s gaze returned to watch him.  “Submission without pride.  But you can’t do that Blaine, because your pride in your submission is your biggest weakness.  It’s selfish and it comes with a price. You want to be the best, the strongest.  Take the most.  That’s what you strive for but you’ll never achieve it as long as you hold onto your own pride.”

“But why shouldn’t I be proud of my submission?” Blaine argued.

“To truly, completely submit, you must give over everything to your Dom.  Your pleasure.  Your pain. And most especially your pride.  Your body craves that dominance Blaine, my dominance.  Just like you crave the humbler.”

Kurt couldn’t just listen anymore.  “Blaine has always said he doesn’t want that kind of submission.”

Blaine looked at Kurt.  It was true. It’s what Blaine had always loved about being with Kurt, what Santana had always known was right about them.  Blaine could give or take his submission as he desired, because Kurt never truly demanded it.  Not in the way he knew Elliott would. 

“Oh I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to give up that control,” Elliott said, and Blaine cringed at the tone because it sounded far too much like a reprimand.  “You accept that about him.  I would not.” 

Before either of them could say anything, the energy in the room instantly changed. Elliott’s dominance lashed out and latched on to Blaine so fast it stole his breath away.  Kurt gasped as Blaine fell forward, his forehead to the floor before either could really register what happened.  Elliott circled Blaine, then stood in front of him, the tips of his boots just below Blaine’s eyes.  His hand clutched the buckle of his belt, ready to strip it off if the need arose.

“I would never let a sub of mine use me or my abilities against another Dom,” he said with a sharp severity.  Blaine’s skin raised in goosebumps at the power of his voice, almost echoing in his head.  He felt like he could barely breathe.  “That kind of disrespect is inexcusable.  If my sub did that, I’d have no choice but to remind them exactly what it is they’re using as a weapon.  But you Blaine? You’ve used me against your Dom without even really knowing what I can do.  I thought you were smarter than that Blaine, I really did,” he said with disdain.  Elliott looked to Kurt and their eyes met, Dom to Dom.  “But that’s meant to change tonight, isn’t it?  That’s why you’re here.”

“Yes. That’s why we’re here,” Kurt answered, his back tall and straight.  He’d lost his resolve momentarily but seeing Blaine prostrating himself for Elliott, watching the Dom reprimand _his_ sub, brought it crashing back.  “For a very long time now, Blaine has seemed to believe he has a choice to make about which one of us is the better Dom for him.  And I’ve been selfish.  I haven’t allowed him the chance to make an informed decision. Today that changes.” 

Blaine shivered, trapped against the ground, tears stinging his eyes.  He wanted to argue, tell Kurt he’d never been selfish.  Tell him he’d changed his mind, they didn’t have to do this.  But that was simply his own fear talking.  Because he heard the doubts beneath the strength of Kurt’s voice.  Doubts he had put there by throwing Elliott in his face one too many times.  And he may have been only the last in a long line of people to put those doubts in his head, but he was the only one that mattered.  It was unforgivable.  Elliott was right, Blaine was the selfish one and he deserved any punishment Kurt required. 

“Elliott, you once gave him just enough of a taste of your dominance to fuel a lifetime of curiosity,” Kurt said. “But I refuse to go on being constantly compared to you, out loud or in his own mind.  Today he will learn what being your sub really means and he can make his choice once and for all.” Kurt’s voice remained calm and steady, masking the storm swirling inside him.  “He is yours as he is Santana’s,” he told Elliott instead.  “As we’ve discussed.”

“I know bondage is a hard limit. Is he allowed to strip?” Elliott asked.

Complete nudity with Santana was not allowed.  Kurt had the choice to keep the same rules.  But he was smart enough to know that’s not how Blaine had imagined things over the years.  And he was surprisingly okay with his resolve.  “Yes.”

“Safeword Blaine?” Elliott asked.

“New York,” he whispered so softly.

Elliott pushed back on his heel and pressed Blaine’s head upward with the toe of his boot.  “You look at me when I am speaking.”  He waited for Blaine to look up.  So beautiful.  So his.  “What is your safeword?”

Blaine tried not to cower at the fierceness in Elliot’s eyes and he forced his voice to speak clearly.  “My safeword is New York.  Sir.”

Elliott nodded.  “This is punishment, but that safeword will be treated with the utmost respect, whether you speak it, Kurt speaks it, or I speak it.  Understood?”  Blaine and Kurt both nodded.  “Clothes on the chair. In position in the corner in 10 seconds. One…”  Blaine scrambled and Elliott turned his back, heading into the second bedroom without continuing to count or even checking to see if Blaine had obeyed. Kurt though watched carefully as his sub pressed his forehead to the wall, shoulders tight with tension, fists clenched behind his back. 

“Open your hands sweetheart,” Kurt said gently and he came up behind him, spreading Blaine’s fingers with care.  He could hear Blaine sigh at the touch of his skin, the brush of his clothes, the warmth in his voice, and Kurt took the opportunity to caress over the swell of Blaine’s ass.  After all, he was his Dom. He could do what he wanted.

Blaine groaned at the touch, so tender, when he’d anticipated the complete opposite.  Kurt traced his fingers between Blaine’s cheeks, up and then down, lingering, pressing tiny circles against his hole.

Shivers and heat and everything in between flew up Blaine’s spine at Kurt’s touch, down to toes that curled with pleasure.  He wouldn’t beg, too afraid it would prolong his suffering longer than the eight days he’d already been denied.  But in the hardness of his cock, the leak at its slit, there was no doubt what Kurt was doing to him.

“When you’re done with him…”

Elliott’s voice from the bedroom door was patient.  Kurt had a sudden urge to mark Blaine’s ass with his print before Elliott could do so.  It wasn’t the first time the thought of spanking him had flashed in his mind, but this time was the most vivid.  He didn’t though. Instead he reached a hand around him and took Blaine’s cock in his hand, giving it a few long, slow strokes.  “This is mine.  Only mine,” he said, his voice harsh in Blaine’s ear and loud enough for Elliott to hear.  “He will not touch you.”

“Yes Sir,” Blaine breathed.

Kurt stepped back, opening the floor to Elliott.  Elliott instructed from the doorway.  “You will walk in, hands behind your back, eyes down.  You will not look at me or Kurt.  You will not speak.  There is a cushion in the center of the room beneath a bar.  You will kneel on it, back to the door, palms down on your thighs.  You will not move.  You will touch nothing. And you will wait.”

Blaine kept his hands behind his back and turned, but he didn’t keep his eyes down.  He knew that once he walked inside that room he would be entirely at Elliott’s mercy.  He would feel things, experience things, make Kurt witness things that Blaine had only ever dreamed of and Kurt had only ever despised.  He needed one more moment of reassurance, to know that this was Kurt’s will.  So he disobeyed Elliott to catch his Dom’s eye. 

And he started to understand.

“It’s okay sweetheart,” Kurt said and Blaine knew what Kurt meant.   He would make sure Blaine was okay, but he would be okay too.  “Do as you’re told.” 

Blaine’s eyes dropped then and he walked into the unfamiliar room, lit softly by candles and dim sconces on the walls.  He took one quick glance around.  In the center of the room was a contraption like a pull up bar made of wood, adjustable it seemed from low to high.  And beneath it was a red velvet pillow on which Blaine kneeled.

There was much more to see he was sure but his eyes couldn’t move even if they had been allowed, because placed at his knees where his gaze was to stay was the most beautiful and terrifying object he had ever seen.  It stole Blaine’s breath away with an audible gasp. His head began to spin immediately and his submission soared.

“It’s a Malaysian flogger,” Elliott told him from the door, and the smooth voice both startled and soothed Blaine. 

The striped black and tan handle was made of the most stunning polished precious wood Blaine had ever seen outside of Dalton Academy.

“The wood is Macasser Ebony,” Elliott said. “Strong and beautiful.  The tails are braided from 2 millimeter thick aniline leather.  The tips are short.  Have you been flogged before?”

Blaine shook his head and realized the rest of him was shaking as well.  “No Sir,” he whispered.

“The braiding gives a sharper impact than one with smooth tails.  Plus between the polished wood and the Asian braiding, it is the very picture of elegance.  It’s my favorite implement for so many reasons.” Blaine could hear the smile in his voice.  The anticipation of those tails marking Blaine’s skin was no doubt one of the biggest reasons right then.

Blaine waited for Elliott to continue but he didn’t.  He waited for Kurt to say something, but Blaine wasn’t even sure he was there.  He was simply left in silence to contemplate the flogger.  Nine tails he counted.  Each tail almost a foot and a half of thick, beautiful, braids.  Each braid’s only job was to find its place on Blaine’s skin and set it aflame.  Long enough to go anywhere, to wrap around, over, under.  There wasn’t a single part of his body that would be safe from their sting. 

His fingers flexed disobediently.  His cock did too and he closed his eyes, afraid that if he continued to stare at it, he would fall or worse.  So he counted.  He counted the seconds until his next order came.

But it didn’t come.  Instead he felt someone standing in front of him and he opened his eyes to see Kurt.  Gracefully, Kurt knelt opposite Blaine, mirroring him.  The flogger sat tantalizingly between them.

“You want to touch it,” Kurt said.  His voice was low.

Blaine’s cheeks grew pink with shame.  “Yes, Sir,” he whispered.

“You want to feel it on your skin.”

Blaine’s eyes turned pleading.  “Yes Sir, please.”

“Do you want Elliott to punish you with it?”

Blaine looked away, back down at the ground. He was supposed to say yes. “No Sir,” he answered.  He wanted Kurt to punish him with it.

“Do you _need_ Elliott to punish you with it?”

That was different. “Yes Sir,” he said, and he looked back up at Kurt.  “I deserve it.”

“You do deserve it.”  Kurt looked at him, his gaze piercing.  Searching his eyes. Contemplating his next move. “What would you do if I touched it?” Kurt asked curiously.  “If I held it in my hand.”

There was no hesitation. “I would come, Sir,” Blaine whispered, swallowing hard.

Kurt tilted his head, intrigued.  “Really?”  Blaine closed his eyes, knowing he’d just sealed his fate, but Kurt would have none of that.  “Eyes open sweetheart,” he commanded gently. 

Blaine tried his best to shove his arousal into a deep, locked pocket of his mind, before he lifted his lids for Kurt.  His insides flipped as Kurt’s hand hovered over the handle then lowered. Long, slender, pale fingers softly brushed the dark wood.  Ebony and ivory.  Kurt kept his eye on Blaine, watching his sub fight for control, marveling at the immediacy of his cock’s sudden throbbing, leaking at nothing more than the sight of Kurt’s hand resting lightly against the wood.  Then Kurt trailed his fingers down the handle and into the braids, caressing them like he caressed the curls on Blaine’s head and Blaine had to do something, he had to close his eyes or press his hand to his cock, or… “Kurt, I’m gonna come,” his strangled voice sputtered, and then Kurt’s free hand was around him, pressing tight at the base, preventing the surge.  But Blaine cried out, not knowing if it would be enough to stop him after being denied more than a week.  “Please Sir, please,” he begged.

Today was not going to be a day about mercy though.  Keeping one hand pressed like a ring to the base of Blaine’s cock, Kurt wrapped his other hand around the handle of the flogger.  Blaine let out a completely undignified begging whine as Kurt lifted it so that the braids hovered just over his cock. 

“No Sir,” Blaine cried, his orgasm seconds from release.  “No, god, please.”

But today, no meant yes for Kurt and he very gently lowered the leather tails over Blaine’s hard, leaking, reaching erection.  Kurt knew the sensation of 9 leather fingers tickling Blaine’s cock would prove too much and the moment he saw Blaine’s hands stretch reflexively, he reacted.  “Hands behind your head sweetheart,” he told him.  “Fingers spread tight.”

The order took Blaine’s mind off the flogger for only a second as he obeyed, but as soon as he was in position, Kurt twirled the handle so the tails twisted around his cock, encasing it.  Blaine threw his head back in glorious agony, and Kurt moved the tails up and down, stroking his sensitive skin.  The leather tickled so lightly.   “Oh, god, Sir, please,” Blaine began to babble, being so careful not to swear.  Kurt didn’t stop though.  He lowered the braids, brushing them against Blaine’s balls, swinging them lightly, like feathers with the power to bite with a single snap. Blaine shuddered, trembling at the image in his mind.  “Please Sir, I’m gonna-”

“I don’t think that Elliott would appreciate you ruining his favorite flogger.”

“But I can’t Sir, please…” Tears streamed down his face as he begged but he knew he was in trouble when the fingers around him blocking his orgasm, loosened, and stroked him softly instead.  “Oh god, no, Kurt please…”

“You disobeyed me, when you refused my punishment and walked out the door.”  The fuzziness in Blaine’s brain left him struggling to remember everything that had started this.  To remember anything other than this one singular moment. “You did not trust me to know what you need.  To be who you need me to be.  For the past 8 days you’ve been denied as punishment.” Kurt moved the flogger up and down once, twice, three times more and then pulled it away.  Kurt’s fist replaced it and Blaine cried out in despair, until he heard Kurt speak.  “But your punishment is over.  Come for me Blaine,” he ordered.

Blaine’s eyes flew open in shock.  He didn’t know if he’d heard right or was hallucinating words he so desperately wanted to hear, but Kurt’s eyes narrowed.  “Now Blaine,” he demanded and Blaine’s cock responded before his brain, shooting cum across the pillow and the floor, thankfully missing Kurt and the flogger. The waves of pleasure felt more like relief as they shivered through his body like an afterthought.

“Thank you Sir,” Blaine whispered, breathing hard, unsure at all of what had just happened and what was about to happen.  “Thank you, thank you.”

Kurt leaned in and kissed him softly on the forehead, before sitting back on his heels. “I hope you remember again the obedience you vowed.  The trust you’ve promised.  Because I’m going to need you to obey and trust me now more than ever.”

Blaine looked up at him. He bit his lip and he nodded.  “I remember Sir.”

Without another word, Kurt left the flogger where it lay on the floor.  He stood up and walked away until he was resting comfortably against the padded wall across from Blaine.  He crossed his legs at the ankles, crossed his arms along his chest, and simply breathed as he watched.

Elliott’s disembodied voice came abruptly from behind Blaine. “I want you up tall on your knees, arms stretched as high as you can.”  With one glance at Kurt, Blaine did as he was told and Elliott adjusted the bar above him to a height where he could grip it.  “Normally I would bind you, so I expect you’ll hold this position like Kurt says you can.”

Blaine lowered his eyes back to the ground in a nod, which seemed quickly like a mistake as he saw Elliott bend over and wrap his hand around the handle of the flogger, twisting the tails tightly in his fingers for Blaine’s benefit.  His heart started racing even faster.

Elliott circled around him, outside the poles of the bar.  It was a shock and also not when, wordlessly and without ceremony, the concentrated force of all 9 tails slammed harshly across the center of Blaine’s backside with a thud.  He groaned at a pain that was unlike anything he’d felt before and squeezed his eyes shut.   Deeper than a lash of the belt, Blaine felt as if the whole of his ass was on fire with one single stroke.

“You color nicely Blaine,” Elliott commented, delight in his voice as he swung twice more against the swell of his ass.

It should have felt like he was dreaming.  He’d imagined this for years.  What it would look like, what it would feel like, even what Elliott would sound like.  The ultimate submission that had been just out of reach.  The Dom who would just take what he wanted and make him suffer without regret.  He had always thought it would make him feel like the perfect sub.

But none of it mattered if it wasn’t with Kurt.  He knew that now, without a shadow of a doubt.

“Please, Kurt,” Blaine whispered without thinking but the braids came down quickly against the back of his thighs, once then twice.  He cried out and turned his head to wipe his eyes on his arm, and he braced himself for more.  But Elliott didn’t swing again.  Instead when Blaine opened his eyes, he saw Kurt crossing the room back to him.  Kneeling in front of him again. 

Blaine’s cock immediately reached out for his Dom, but Kurt only looked at Blaine.  “Is this what you imagined it would be like?”

Blaine shook his head as tears fell.  It was all wrong.  Everything was wrong. 

Kurt took him gently in his hand, wrapping his fingers just around the head, his thumb brushing like a soft caress.  “You may come at any time, but it won’t end your punishment.  I just don’t want you concentrating on denial when you should be concentrating on the pain,” Kurt told him.  Blaine sniffed as he nodded his understanding.  “This is a lesson to be careful what you wish for Blaine.  You wished to know if you were strong enough for Elliott.  The thing is, he and I always knew you were.  The only real question now is, do you want to be?  Is _this_ more important than the love that you and I share.”

“It’s not Kurt,” Blaine said.  “I know that now. I don’t want this.  Please, I’m sorry.  I won’t ever do it again…”

“As much as I want to sweetheart, we can’t walk away.  We need to do this now, so we don’t ever end up back here again. I…” Kurt lowered his eyes, breaking for just a minute and Blaine could see how hard this was for him too.  When he looked back, the resolve was still there, floating behind tears. “I need to know for sure Blaine.  I need you to do this.  For me.”

Blaine swallowed.  He was here because for years he’d wanted to prove himself to Elliott.  Now all he wanted was to prove himself to Kurt.  “For you,” he whispered.  And Kurt must have given Elliott a signal, because the next thing he heard was the flogger swinging through the air just before it cracked down on his ass.

The sting of all nine tails biting into his skin was excruciating, and Elliott didn’t stop.  In a rapid fire figure eight, the braids rained down on his ass, one cheek and then the other, with no time to do anything but yell through gritted teeth.  And Blaine did yell.

He yelled so loud from so much pain that Kurt had to bite his tongue just to keep himself from safewording.

Elliott paused, giving Blaine time to recover.  Giving Kurt time to process as he watched Blaine’s chest heave and his eyes open, dark and clouded.  “You’re okay sweetheart,” he said softly, cupping his hand along Blaine’s tear-streaked face.  “I’m right here.  Close your eyes and pretend it’s my hand.  Let yourself feel it.”

Blaine closed his eyes.  He didn’t want to lose Kurt though so he fell to the edge, where he could feel more and hear more.  He could still smell the scent of Kurt’s cologne, muskier than usual but it smelled of dominance.  He could hear Kurt’s breath as it drew in and out.  But his heightened sense also meant he could feel more. And then the flogger was brought down hard across Blaine’s thighs and he screamed.  The figure eight pattern bit like a hundred stinging bees onto his skin.

“God, please, please stop.” The words came in between each strike, without thought, without intent.  Begging for the pain to stop in front of Elliott, they came without pride. They were an extension of the pain, an extension of the braids themselves.

“Stop pleading for mercy Blaine and thank him,” Elliott ordered as he struck again.  The blows all started to blend together to set his entire body aflame.  “Thank him for challenging you.  For holding you accountable and teaching you that he will not accept your disrespect.”

“Thank you,” Blaine whispered, the words stuck in his throat where it tensed before another strike.  “Thank you Kurt.”

As he whispered the words, the sting seemed to seep through his skin into his muscles, and through his muscles into his bones.

“And tell him you are proud of him. For pushing his limits.” Elliott brought the tails down again, this time just below his right shoulder on skin that had never in his life been struck before. Blaine couldn’t help but cry out.  “Because the pride a true submissive has is not in themselves but in their Dom.  That’s the claim.  That’s the bond.” The tails came down below his left shoulder.

“I am,” Blaine said, tears rolling down his cheeks.  “I am Kurt, I am so proud of you.”

And with those words the pain seeped deeper, through his bones and into his heart, and he followed it, he let it envelop him and as he did, the pain building in his shoulders and his back with every strike shuddered through him and turned to waves of pleasure.

“His dominance belongs to you Blaine.”  He didn’t know how but he could hear Elliott’s words clearly though his voice sounded a million miles away.  “Your submission belongs to him.  You take pride in each other, not in yourselves.  Until you are so proud that you would never, ever, even think of going to another.”

“Never,” Blaine whispered, and his eyes opened but they were clouded like a golden brown sandstorm, seeing nothing.  “Just Kurt.”  

Kurt watched as with one last blow, Blaine lost his grip on the bar and crumbled to the ground, almost in a bow to Kurt.  Elliott threw the flogger to the ground.

There was nothing but silence as they both watched Blaine’s red streaked back rise and fall quickly with his breath.  “How deep is he?” Kurt asked Elliott.  His hands were shaking and he tucked them underneath his arms to keep them still.

“Deeper than he’s ever been,” Elliott said.

“When…” Kurt swallowed his nerves and his self-hatred at the question.  “When do you pull him out?”

“I don’t,” Elliott said.  Kurt looked up at the Dom from his knees, panic in his eyes.  But Elliott stayed calm.  “He chose you Kurt.  I cannot pull him out.”

“But…but I can’t,” Kurt argued.  “You said it yourself, I don’t require absolute submission…”

“You also don’t latch on with dominance.”  Elliott picked up the flogger to put it away as Blaine remained cowered on the floor.  “You know, I don’t think you really feel his submission. I think what you feel is the love inside his submission.  Because in his submission Kurt, there is so much love.  And what you did today?  You may not require absolute submission.  But you did require absolute devotion.  All his love, only for you.”

Kurt just stared at him, putting the pieces together.  And then he knelt down in front of Blaine, his hands on either side of Blaine’s face.  “I love you Blaine.  With all my heart.  So if you choose me, then come back to me now.”

Blaine was floating in a world of white, complete submission all around him.  It was beautiful, and peaceful, and nothing hurt at all.  And then golden tendrils began to color the air, circling him, reaching for him.  Breaking up the white, and as it did, Blaine could hear Kurt’s voice, singing to him.  And as beautiful and peaceful as it was in his submission, he knew that with Kurt it was real and vibrant and he could feel, the pleasure and the pain.  So he grabbed hold of the gold, clutching it tight in his embrace, and together he and his Dom pulled him back from the deepest recesses of his mind.

XXXX

Blaine blinked open his eyes to find himself cradled on Kurt’s lap on some kind of bed that seemed pulled out of thin air like magic.  The bar and the pillow in the middle of the room were gone.  So was Elliott.

“I love you,” he said, the words coming out in one short murmur.

“Shhh…”  Kurt brushed his hand gently on Blaine’s forehead and his temples, stroking softly amongst his curls.  “Take your time, don’t go too fast.”

Blaine closed his eyes again for a minute and realized there was soft music playing in the room, classical.  Just loud enough to hear in the silence.  He was pretty sure there were candles lit.

“Smells nice,” Blaine said, his voice a little stronger now.

“Citrus, vanilla and rose,” Kurt said.  “It’ll help get your blood moving but still keep you relaxed.”  Blaine nodded against his leg, nuzzling slightly.  Kurt smiled.  “How do you feel?” he asked softly.

For the first time since he woke his senses turned back to the pain in his skin.  He ached like he’d run a marathon and his skin itched and burned.  “I feel like I’ve taken the scourge for everyone who’s ever hurt you.”  Blaine turned his head to try and see his Dom.  “And I’m grateful that I was able to do that for you.”

“Come on, roll over onto your stomach,” Kurt said.  He nudged himself out from under Blaine and replaced his legs with a pillow, full and soft. 

Blaine had his head turned so he could see him.  Kurt looked taller, stronger, and even more handsome than Blaine remembered from before.  “I really am so proud of you Kurt.”

He could see Kurt’s eyes twinkle and his mouth twitch with a smile before he turned serious again.  He reached over and lathered his hands in warm lotion.  “I’m going to rub this lotion in sweetheart.  It may sting a little bit, but my intent is to help you heal, not hurt you, okay?”  Blaine nodded and then he felt Kurt’s hands on his backside, warm and soft with the heated salve and Kurt was right, it stung a little on first contact, but then it melted in and soothed his pain.

“Elliott wasn’t just talking to you,” Kurt said softly as he continued the massage, his voice almost a confession.  Blaine tried to catch a glimpse of his face, but he was turned away just enough so he couldn’t see.  “About pride? I know that I’ve made you feel ashamed of your submission before.  But I need you to know that I _am_ proud of you.  I’m proud of you Blaine, and I’ve learned, I’m learning, to take pride in your submission because I am so proud that you love me and trust me enough to gift it to me.”

Blaine’s instinct was to argue, to tell Kurt that he had never made him feel ashamed.  But the truth was, Kurt was right.  “Thank you Kurt,” Blaine said.  “That means a lot.”

“He’s wrong about one thing though.” Kurt moved his hands up Blaine’s spine to the stripes that painted his upper back.  “I want you to stay proud of yourself.  Your pride in your submission is one of the things that I have always loved about you.  Santana too.  It’s what gives you your fire.”  Kurt turned to him then and Blaine could see the sparkle in the beautiful blue of his eyes. 

Blaine rolled onto his side with a wince, but he needed to be able to see Kurt properly because he was confused.  “I could feel it though, that I had to let it go. I had to give up my pride to be able to fully submit-”

“But you’ve always known that,” Kurt said and when Blaine went to dispute him, Kurt held a finger to his lips.  “In your heart, you always knew it.  And you found the way for us, we just didn’t realize it.”

Blaine shook his head.  “I don’t understand.”

“The abasement of pride.  You asked me for it.  Begged me.  I allowed it because I could see how important it was to you but I didn’t understand.  Neither of us did.”  As the flogger had fallen, Kurt’s gaze had remained fixed on Blaine, his ears listening to Elliott’s every word, and suddenly it had all become clear.  “When we wrote our first set of rules, you asked me to take control of your pleasure through Denial.   But somehow you knew that once Serena was born, it wouldn’t be enough.  You would need more.  Again, you asked me for it Blaine.  And I tried to say no, but you wouldn’t let me. 

The pieces in his mind suddenly snapped into place. “Humiliation,” Blaine breathed.

“The power to control your pride.” Kurt nodded.  “Through Humiliation.”

Blaine could feel himself slipping from the very word alone.  “Jesus, fuck Kurt,” he whispered.

Kurt chuckled lightly, easily grabbing hold, but he grew serious again.  “Now that I understand I wish we’d waited to use it.  But somewhere inside of you, you knew how to get what you needed.  And now that I know, now that I understand, I promise to use it with only the utmost care.”

“God, how do you…” Blaine wiped away the tears that slipped from his eyes.  “There is no one else Kurt, there will never be anyone else, that I would want to share my life and my submission with.  You are forever the only one for me.”

Kurt leaned down and kissed him, his own tears, the ones he had held in all day, shedding with relief.  “And you for me.”

* * *

 

Kurt thanked Santana for watching Serena.  With much fussing, she assured him that their daughter was perfectly okay.  Kurt assured her that Blaine was too.  And then she headed out the door, to the one person she was certain felt anything but okay.

Once she was gone, Kurt turned the front hallway light off and started in to bed, but he stopped.  Blaine was standing, still and silent, in Serena’s doorway.

Kurt came up behind him, gentle as he laid a hand on Blaine’s shoulder.  Ice and salve had dulled the pain, but he was sure it wouldn’t go away for days. 

They were quiet for a while, just watching Serena sleep.  Blaine let his head rest on Kurt’s shoulder. They were both exhausted, more emotionally than physically. 

Kurt laid a kiss on Blaine’s escaping curls.  “You alright?” he asked softly.

“I want another baby Kurt,” Blaine said quietly.  “I want your baby.”

They’d talked about it before.  Kurt had always been wary.  But in that moment, Blaine made it sound different, like something he needed.  “Why?”

“When I see Serena, when I hold her, I can hold the children that Santana and I were.  And I know I have the power to make it right this time.”  He turned to Kurt, his own vulnerability still so heavy on his face, but also the immense love and pride he had for his husband.  “I want to be able to make it right for you this time.”

“You already have sweetheart,” Kurt said.  He brushed Blaine’s cheek and he kissed his lips tenderly.  “But I understand.  And I’ll think about it.  _Really_ think about it this time, I promise.  Okay? I just…”

“You just what Kurt?” he asked gently.

Kurt lowered his head.  “What if he’s Gray?”

Blaine put a hand to Kurt’s chin and lifted it so Kurt could clearly see everything in his eyes.  “That’s like asking what if his eyes are blue?  What if his skin is pale?  What if his heart has so much love inside it that there isn’t room for submission or dominance?”  Blaine took Kurt’s hand in his and put it over his heart.  “What if he inherits the greatest thing about his Daddy?  Then I would be the luckiest man in the whole world.”

Kurt’s eyes dipped, a half smile lighting up his face.  “You mean you aren’t already?” he teased.  Blaine responded by leaning in and kissing him.  The kiss was all Kurt needed in answer.  “Come on,” he said, closing Serena’s door halfway.  He took Blaine’s hand. “Let’s go to bed. Serena will be up too soon.”

Blaine let himself be led, but he shook his head.  “Never too soon.”

_~S~_

_Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,_   
_But I really need you near me to_   
_Keep my mind off the edge_   
_If I wanted to leave I would have left by now,_   
_But you're the only one that knows me_   
_Better than I know myself_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I hope you liked it. Please leave me a note and let me know what you think, it means the world to me. And don’t forget to head over to my tumblr for pics. Adam’s most recent photoshoot was a godsend!!
> 
> WARNING: Elliot/Blaine (non-sexual punishment, consensual, Kurt is present and in charge)


	4. Already Home, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh it feels like I've been gone forever. I hate keeping you guys waiting and I didn't want to anymore, so here is a chapter for you! What I was writing ended up being really long, and so I've split it into three chapters and this is Part 1. Part 2 and 3 are nearly written but not perfected, so while I'd love to give you Part 2 next week, it may be two weeks instead. But it really should be soon!
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one! It follows soon after the last chapter.

_You say love is what you put into it_  
_You say that I'm losing my will_  
_Don't you know that you're all that I think about?_  
_You make up a half of the whole_  
_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

Blaine and Kurt gave Serena one last wave as they left her at  _Mozarts and Einsteins_  for her first full day. They'd expected her to have a harder separation, but even after her hour trial the day before, she was so thrilled at all the toys, music and other children, that she simply screeched with joy and ran away from them.

Blaine on the other hand had tears in his eyes.

Kurt smiled fondly at him and grabbed his hand as they headed back to the subway to midtown. "She's going to be fine," he assured his husband.

"I know  _she_  will," he said with soft laugh. "I'm just not so sure about me."

"You," Kurt said, squeezing his hand, "are going to be more than fine. You are going to love being able to go to the studio all day instead of working at home. And I'm sure Mercedes will appreciate it too. The songs you send her are going to be even bigger and better than before."

"From your lips…" Blaine said glancing upwards as they took the escalator down to the trains.

"From  _your_  lips," Kurt said. Blaine's music was brilliant and Mercedes knew it. She just had to convince her team they were right for her and then Blaine's career would take off. "Besides, even if Mercedes isn't the right vehicle for your songs, your musical is brilliant. And now you can finish the recording to send to the backers and you'll get the funding you need-"

"Always the optimist," Blaine laughed. They swiped their metro cards and hands still clasped, walked through the turnstiles. Luck was in their favor and the train was already there. Kurt sat down and patted the chair next to him, but Blaine hesitated. "I think I'll stand." The train jolted to a start and he grabbed the pole.

Kurt frowned up at him, his eyes a mix of amusement and concern. "Still?"

"It's only been four days Kurt," Blaine said. The morning after his punishment at Elliott's he was pretty sure he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. His entire body felt like he'd been dropped into a pit of molten lava, skin burning from the heat, muscles aching from the fall. It didn't help that Serena had jumped on top of him, pressing his back into the mattress. It also didn't help that any rush of adrenaline or subspace had long since gone. Since that morning his shoulders had stopped aching and had mostly healed, but Elliott had gone easy there. His ass and the backs of his thighs hadn't been spared one bit and those subway seats were hard as rocks. He didn't want Kurt to worry though, or feel guilty. "It's a good warmth now though. A reminder of how amazing you are. How brave."

"A reminder that we still need to talk," Kurt said pointedly. "And I have time before rehearsal today."

Blaine's eyes flickered to the floor of the subway. "Yes sir," he said quietly. The last four days had thankfully been filled with Serena. Extra attention to her potty training for daycare. Clothes shopping, pullups and backpacks and lunch boxes and thermoses and if Kurt had gone a little bit crazy, well, who was Blaine to judge? Even though it had been almost two weeks since he knew Kurt was leaving, Blaine was glad for the distractions that put off the conversation he knew they still needed to have.

"Good," Kurt said.

They'd both decided to wait until Blaine's punishments were over to really talk about it. And Blaine had needed the time to center himself. To really think about what he was the most afraid of and what he needed the most from Kurt. Plus, he needed to make sure he could talk about it without risking flying off the handle because of his own stupidity. Because for maybe the first time, the last thing Blaine wanted was another punishment of any kind.

Soon Kurt would start heading out of town for the occasional production and design meetings and he'd be engrossed in preparation. They couldn't ignore the conversation for another month. They both knew that the sooner Blaine felt settled about Kurt's time away, the better.

The train jolted to a halt at their stop and Kurt threaded his fingers through Blaine's. It was only two blocks to the studio, a glass door painted with  _Anderson Music,_ tucked into a red brick building. Along with the piano, it had been a gift from Cooper. Blaine rented it out sometimes to friends or local musicians and cabaret artists who couldn't afford the bigger studios. Everyone had always been gracious to work around his schedule and when he'd told them he was moving to days he'd lost a few customers but gained just as many.

It was a cozy and warm space, designed to put an artist at ease. An isolation booth big enough for Blaine's piano and two or three singers connected to a control room with decent enough equipment for a private EP or a single drop on iTunes. It was also perfect for Blaine to record his own music and hear it back, making sure he only sent out the best to the music and theater producers to whom after years of work he had finally had been granted access. Blaine had a couch behind his work station and Kurt led him there after leaving their things at the coat hanger by the door.

Kurt tucked a leg underneath him as he sat, leaning back against the arm of the couch. He knew the conversation wouldn't be easy. Even after years of being together, Blaine struggled to ask for what he needed, the submissive in him just wanting Kurt to  _know._ It still caused them trouble. Maybe it always would. But even if Kurt couldn't always figure it out on his own, he had gotten much better at asking, listening, and accepting.

So he watched Blaine carefully as he sat on the other side of the couch, nervously clutching a throw pillow. "What are you thinking?" Kurt asked gently as his husband seemed to examine it, picking at the fabric.

"That whatever I say is going to be wrong," Blaine quickly admitted, before he lost his nerve. He peeked up at Kurt, who reached a hand to rest on Blaine's leg.

"Nothing you say is going to be wrong sweetheart," Kurt assured him. "Whatever you need while I'm gone or before I'm gone, I'll give it to you. I just need to know what it is." He paused, hoping Blaine would open up, but he lost Blaine's gaze again and it seemed he would need to pull it out of him. "Do you just want your freedom for the month?"

Blaine quickly shook his head. "No. That's not…" he trailed off, suddenly light-headed as his submission churned inside him. "I need more, not less."

"Then that's what I'll give you," Kurt promised. Blaine looked up at him again, hope shining in his eyes. Kurt transformed before him, something that still made Blaine shudder even though he'd seen it now more times than he could count. "Tell me what you need," Kurt ordered.

Blaine took a deep breath. Perhaps everything would be okay after all, and he let out the words that he'd been mulling over in his head for days. "I need an anchor so I don't float away. I need a rope so I don't fall. I need rules. Structure. I need to know that even though you're far away that you're still with me, all the time. That you're watching me. That what I do matters to you."

"What you do always matters to me Blaine," Kurt said.

"You know what I mean," he said. "I need to know that at the end of the day I'm still accountable to you. Taking care of Serena by myself, being everything to her? It's exhausting. And I don't mean in the kids are exhausting kind of way. It scares me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have to be on all the time," he said, his eyes falling to his hands. "She's demanding and I have to take care of her but it isn't the same as serving you, as submitting, because I have to figure it out and be the one in charge and if I'm wrong she just cries and she can't hold me accountable."

Kurt drew closer and raised Blaine's chin, holding it firm. "But I can," he said, his eyes the right shade of dark and his voice the right timbre of deep to make Blaine shudder with the power of it. "I can and I will Blaine. Serena is my daughter and by caring for her you serve me. Every day. You and she are the most important things to me in the world. So if you don't care for her, or yourself, like I expect, you can be sure that you will be punished."

Blaine's head spun and he fell fast and Kurt caught him, wrapping him tightly. The perfect assurance Blaine needed to move forward. Kurt pulled his sub toward him, holding him close. He gently stroked Blaine's temple, letting the tension he'd held for weeks recede in the safety of subspace. "Your job while I'm gone is to care for her. My job is to care for you. I understand that Blaine. It's taken me time I know, but I swear, I understand that. I require your complete devotion, but I give you mine in return. To every part of you. I won't let you fall," he said.

Blaine didn't have the words to answer. He simply sighed with relief, and nestled in where he was safe and loved.

* * *

**Friday, June 3, 2022**

"Okay Sweetheart." Kurt held his sub's forearms firmly in his tight grasp. Blaine was staring up at him, lips trying not to tremble, eyes trying not to shed the tears that had been in them since they'd made love the night before. Inside Kurt's heart was breaking, his stomach tight with sadness, missing them both already. Last night they had just been husbands, but Blaine needed him to be a Dom now more than he ever had before. And Kurt would not let him down. "We Skype twice a day, every day. At 7:30 in the morning with Serena before you take her to school and 9:30 at night after you put her to bed. No exceptions, no excuses. If you're going to be late or something is wrong you text me so I don't worry, but it will not excuse your disobedience. Is that understood?"

"Yes Sir," Blaine said. The grip on his arms was the only thing keeping him from falling to his knees. The Dominance in Kurt's voice wrapped around his submission alongside the love in his heart and kept him from falling into subspace. They'd continued to talk about what Blaine would need while Kurt was gone, and he took comfort in the trust that even with 215 miles between them, Kurt expected his absolute obedience, respect, and devotion.

"Once Cooper is here he listens to me. He's not me or Santana, he's just here to help you, and to help me help you. I won't hesitate to have him take care of something I can't handle from Boston, but I intend to handle everything I possibly can," Kurt said. "You are mine."

"I am yours," Blaine said, falling into his arms. "Forever and ever."

Kurt wanted nothing more than to take Blaine back to bed, to rip his clothes off and show him how much he meant what he said. But little eyes were watching and his flight wouldn't wait for him to ravish his husband. So he just lifted Blaine's chin and pressed their lips together. Harder than he should have. Softer than either of them wanted.

"Daddy, les go," Serena said, pulling on Kurt's pant leg, and they both pulled away, laughing as they rested their foreheads together.

"It's fitting really," Kurt said with a sigh. "Our last safeword before I go is that one."

"You know it's not really a safeword," Blaine teased him. "She could say anything and she would still be just a giant red stop sign."

"Well, I have to take the stop sign to school," Kurt said and kissed him once more. Then he grabbed Serena's backpack, throwing it underneath the stroller, and pulled up the handle of his carry on. Serena climbed into the seat, and Kurt buckled her belt.

"I do it," she said and she swatted Kurt's hands out of the way.

"Let me help," Kurt said as he lined the belt up for her. He let her do the snap, making sure she didn't pinch her little fingers. "I'll call you when I land," Kurt said, turning back. He wondered if the tears in his eyes were as obvious as Blaine's. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too," Blaine said, as he wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek. Then he looked at his little girl. "I'll pick you up tonight Serena. Love you too."

"Bye Papa," she said, waving her little hand. Blaine wondered, as he watched them walk out the door, if she understood that after Kurt dropped her off she wouldn't feel his arms around her for another month. Blaine already felt empty without them.

The door closed. Blaine just stood there, frozen to his spot. The apartment had an eerie silence to it, despite the fact that today was starting off much like every other since Serena had started daycare. But it was as if the room knew that Kurt wouldn't be back and it too missed his presence already.

Blaine knew that at a certain point there would come a sense of freedom. Then rebellion. Testing to see exactly what Kurt could and would do from the distance. That was just his nature and they both were very much prepared for it. But now there was nothing but fear.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out.

**From Kurt: You're okay. Take a deep breath. Sit down at the piano and play.**

Blaine slipped the phone back into his pocket and closed his eyes, smiling at how well Kurt knew him. It was just the reassurance he needed and he took one deep breath in and slowly blew it out. And then he took another. His mind clearing, he did as his Dom had told him and he went back to his piano and sat down at the bench. He lifted his fingers to the keys, but before he could play, he saw a carefully written note taped to the front.

_You are to practice your scales for 30 minutes every day.  
No exceptions. No excuses._

Blaine groaned as he laughed or he laughed as he groaned, he wasn't sure which came first. Long ago Blaine had told Kurt how much he had always hated doing scales when he was first taking piano lessons and how there were times when his mother had made him do it long after his skills had gone beyond the need. Blaine hadn't known why then. He hadn't truly understood until just then. She did it, and Kurt did it, simply because they could. Because it grounded him. Because it was mindless and because it was structure and routine. And just like the daily Skype calls, it was expected of him without question or disobedience.

It was Dominance. Daily. From 215 miles away it was Kurt saying, "I'm here. And while I am gone, I expect your submission."

It was everything. And Blaine set his fingers to work.

* * *

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Blaine asked, swinging Serena's hand. They'd dropped the stroller at the apartment and had a quick bite to eat after daycare, but it was warm and light outside and the house was lonely for both of them, their first night without Kurt.

"Les go to the park," Serena beamed.

Blaine smiled back at her. "Going to the park is a great idea."

They walked up to Central Park, then through, stopping for ice cream and every flower Serena thought she could bring home to Daddy.

"Daddy loves flowers," she said, sniffing a pink bud on a rose bush.

Blaine sat down on the ground, his legs crossed at his ankles as he leaned back on his hands. Sometimes he loved nothing more than watching her, this beautiful creature that he had helped create, full of spirit and unconditional love. "Daddy does love flowers," he told her gently. "But Daddy isn't going to be home for 32 days. And that flower won't last that long."

"Daddy come home sooner then," she said matter-of-factly. She picked the rose and held it out. "The rose needs Daddy."

Blaine leaned forward and pulled his knees up, resting his arms on them. "I can take care of the rose. Until Daddy gets home."

Serena came and sat down at his feet and she looked up at him with wide brown eyes. "Who takes care of you? Until Daddy gets home?"

Blaine's heart ached and he reached out and brushed a curl out of her far too observant eyes. "What makes you think Papa needs someone to take care of him?"

"Mommy and Daddy take care of you," she said clearly.

Blaine managed a quivering smile and pulled her into his arms, looking down at her. "Papa's gonna take care of himself for a little while," he told her. "What do you think of that?"

Serena frowned. She looked from Blaine to the rose. "Flower won't last 32 days. Papa won't either."

Blaine lowered his gaze, kissing her on the head, his lips and then his cheek lingering in the softness of her curls. "I'm gonna talk to Daddy every night. I'll be okay."

"Then Daddy talk to flower every morning," she said looking up at him with wide eyes. "And it will be okay."

Blaine laughed and hugged her close. "You are a very smart little girl."

* * *

Blaine snuck out of Serena's room, hoping she didn't wake. It had always been harder to get her to fall asleep without Kurt, but knowing that he wasn't coming home at all had made it even harder. She wanted to talk to him and say goodnight but that wasn't in the routine they'd created. Blaine would have to ask.

He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water before making sure the front door was locked and the lights were off. He took a shower and brushed his teeth. Showering in the morning now meant either getting up a half hour before Serena or leaving her alone, and neither was an option he was too happy about it. Besides, it felt good, scrubbing away the day before sitting down with Kurt. And it wasn't like he would need clothes anyway.

Blaine padded back into the master bedroom, the soft carpet tickling between his toes. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and he turned on the computer. Kurt had gone all out before he'd left, upgrading their laptop and Skype after years of stubbornness. But now their laptop's camera sat behind the screen instead of on top, allowing real eye contact through the far clearer picture than they'd been able to get before. It wasn't just the computer though. Kurt had invested in the multi-camera Skype, the kind that allowed him to control from his end the cameras that were on in their room at home. One sat on a wall shelf facing the bed. One faced the corner. The lights were red now, but they would change to green when Kurt turned them on. Kurt's last purchase sat by the bed. Wireless earbuds with built in microphones, Blaine could hear Kurt wherever he was made to lie or stand, without being plugged in, and without little ears being able to hear. And Blaine didn't need to speak above a whisper for Kurt to hear him.

He turned Skype on and checked his email while he waited. There was mail from Mercedes and from some of his composer friends. Cooper, giving him his itinerary, letting him know he'd be there in nine days. Santana checking in as she did every day as well. Brittany's tour was going well and they were going to meet Mercedes in a few weeks for Brittany to join the remainder of her tour. Blaine couldn't help his jealousy. All of his friends were chasing their dreams in the world, and he was here at home. With a two year old.

Before his unwanted resentment could take hold too much, the Skype call chimed and he answered it with a grin. Seeing Kurt sent a wave of relief through him. "God, I miss you so much," he sighed, resting his head on his hand.

"I miss you too," Kurt said. Blaine could see he was sitting in a wingback beige armchair, wood paneled walls behind him. "I'm sure it will be better tomorrow once meetings start, then rehearsals on Tuesday. But today I just wished you were here sharing everything with me."

"Well at least show me your room," Blaine said.

Kurt stood up and, holding his laptop, showed him around. "This is my desk," he said, aiming at a beautiful, large rolltop that Blaine would have died for. "My dresser." It was dark cherry, brass handles, gorgeous. "And this," Kurt said, turning the computer to smile at Blaine before turning it back, "is my very lonely bed."

"That bed does look very lonely," Blaine agreed. "But not as lonely as mine."

Kurt sat back down again and placed the laptop on a small side table. "Yours isn't lonely, it's empty. Too empty."

"Far too empty," Blaine said, but he didn't make a move.

"So how was Serena today?" Kurt asked.

"She missed you," Blaine told him. "Don't tell her I told you, but she picked you a flower from the Central Park rose garden and you're going to keep it alive by talking to it every morning."

Kurt frowned. "She shouldn't be picking roses from that garden Blaine."

"You tell her that," Blaine sassed. "She was too adorable to say no."

"That's gonna be a problem Blaine," Kurt warned.

"No, what's gonna be a problem is how you're going to keep that rose alive just by talking to it every morning," Blaine smirked.

" _You're_ going to keep it alive by watering it and feeding it-"

"And picking a new one when that one dies," Blaine finished.

"See," Kurt said. "Vicious cycle. Now she's got you stealing roses."

"She's a ringleader Kurt," Blaine said. "Without you the two of us are going to turn to a life of crime. You'll have to bail us out of jail."

"I don't know," Kurt teased. "My baby sure, but would bailing you out be worth it?"

Blaine suddenly felt the blood surge through his veins. "I would make it so worth it," he promised, voice low.

"Show me," Kurt said. His voice quickly turned sultry, his eyes darker. He sat back in his armchair, absentmindedly spreading his legs. "Show me what you would do to make it worth it. Get on the bed."

Blaine really didn't need any more of an order than that and he raced on top of the covers, his pillows pulled up behind him. He let the towel fall away and watched as the camera's green light turned on. At the sight his cock swelled, already half-hard without even a touch. He slipped the ear buds in.

"Kurt," he whispered.

"Make it good for me Blaine," Kurt told him, the words vibrating against Blaine's ear, making him shiver. Blaine couldn't truly see, but Kurt's hand dipped and he shifted in his seat, and Blaine knew that Kurt was hard. "Tell me what you would do Blaine. What would you do to make it worth it?"

"Can I touch myself Sir?" Blaine asked, his hips jerking with desperation.

"Is that what you would do? Would you touch yourself Blaine?" Kurt purred. "Do you think pleasuring yourself would make it worth it for me?"

"I would touch you Sir," Blaine clarified. He closed his eyes, his head falling back on the pillow. His hands gripped the blankets to keep from doing something before he had permission. "I would touch you, make you feel so good."

"Show me," Kurt said. "Show me what you would do to me."

Blaine's breath hitched with the first touch of his hand on his cock, now very pink and very swollen. He was careful with his first stroke, up and down and around. "Like this," he said, forcing himself to draw it out far more than he wanted to. "You like it slow Sir," he panted, his exertion from holding himself back far more difficult than fucking. "Touching every inch of you. Every centimeter. Worshipping you."

"That's right Blaine," Kurt said. "That's right, you do that for me, you worship me."

"I do," Blaine panted. His cock arched and begged for more, but Kurt hadn't given him permission to serve himself, just to show him how he would care for Kurt. Thank him, for everything. "I love you so much Kurt. I love you and I miss you and I want my mouth around you."

"Oh yes," Kurt moaned and Blaine almost opened his eyes to see the look of bliss on Kurt's face. To see how close he was. But he didn't. Instead he simply listened to the sounds his Dom made. The catch of his breath. The sigh of content. "Tell me more," Kurt begged.

"I would suck you so hard Kurt, I know you like that. When you're this close, you don't like to be kept waiting." Blaine imagined Kurt's cock on his tongue, pushing against his throat. Pushing down. His voice was hoarse with it. "I'd let you fuck me. Fuck my mouth. Let you go as deep as you wanted as hard as you wanted. And I would wait for you, I would wait forever for you."

"God Blaine," Kurt hissed.

"I wouldn't even touch myself if you said not to. My hands belong to you. Your ass, your hips, your cock. Mine doesn't matter, I don't matter, all that matters is you and your pleasure and-"

Blaine stopped talking the moment he heard Kurt's muffled cry, his orgasm ring in his ears, his own now pressing violently against him, pleading for release. Blaine pressed his hand around himself, holding himself back and he opened his eyes. Kurt's were still closed, his head thrown back, his face red and that image alone made pre-come spurt dangerously. Blaine wanted nothing more than to kiss the most gorgeous man in the world. Nothing more, other than to come. "Kurt please," he begged.

"Should I really let you?" Kurt teased.

"Please sir," Blaine hissed, Kurt's denial only making his desire even stronger. "Please sir, I want to come for you. Show you what you do to me. Show you how much I want you."

That was enough for Kurt. "Alright sweetheart," he said. "Let me see you come."

Blaine's stomach flipped with the permission and he stroked himself once, twice and then fire ripped through him, his heart racing, his voice escaping from the thick of his throat as he spilled over his hand onto his stomach. Breathless he lay there, stroking gently as aftershocks kept hitting him, over and over, until Kurt's voice rang out once more. "I love you so fucking much Blaine," Kurt said.

"I love you too," he breathed, finally opening his eyes and pushing himself back up on the bed. His eyes fell back on Kurt, a goofy grin no doubt mirroring the one he saw on the screen. "That was hot."

"You're hot," Kurt said. "Watching you like that. It's like watching porn except it's my husband, which is actually the only way that porn is hot."

"I will respectfully disagree, but watching you is far hotter than watching anybody else," Blaine said.

"Well you better not be watching anyone else or it will be a very long time before you have permission to even touch yourself again, is that understood?"

Blaine couldn't quite tell if Kurt was joking or not but there was no way he was going to take a chance. "Yes sir. I won't watch anyone but you, I swear."

"Good. And on that happy note, sadly I should go. Last production meetings this weekend before rehearsals start. What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Couple of recording sessions in the morning, then I'll be writing. Not sure what yet."

"Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be wonderful. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Remember, pretend you don't know anything about that rose, I don't think I was supposed to tell you."

"Your secret is safe with me. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

* * *

"So does the rose have a name?"

Blaine couldn't see his husband's face but Serena was more than enchanted by the attention her daddy was giving to his rose.

"Rose," Serena said. "Rosey rose."

"Well hello Rosey rose," Kurt laughed. "I'll make a deal with you Rosey rose. If I watch out for you while I'm gone, then you watch out for Serena. Okay?"

Serena giggled. "Rosey doesn't have eyes Daddy!"

"Yes, but maybe she has magical powers," Kurt suggested, his voice mystical. Blaine chuckled and rolled his eyes. He pulled the waffles out of the toaster and poured on the syrup. He set the plates out on the table, then went over to the laptop.

"Breakfast is ready," he said, kissing Serena softly on the head.

"Bye Daddy!" she yelled, slipping quickly off the chair and to her plate. Blaine took her seat, his eyes on his husband.

"Now that the rose is magical, you're really in trouble," Kurt smirked.

"I want it on the record that this is your fault. I cannot be held accountable for the actions I may need to take to keep the magical rose alive," Blaine said.

"I will hold you accountable for whatever I want to hold you accountable for," Kurt said sternly and Blaine felt a shiver up his spine. He loved it. "I expect you to behave yourself while I'm gone, you know that."

"Yes sir, I do."

"Tonight. 9:30. Not a minute later."

"I love you Kurt," Blaine smiled.

"You too. See you tonight."

* * *

Kurt walked around the table in the rehearsal room studying the set models against the costume swatches and sketches. This was his final approval before the designs were presented to the cast at the read through on Tuesday. The colors swirled in his mind like a color wheel, mixing and matching until he finally figured out what was wrong. He reached out for the swatch on the leading lady's gown. "This needs to be just a touch more purple," he told the costume designer before he glanced at the lighting designer. "It'll look beautiful swathed in blue, don't you think?"

"Perfect," they both agreed and all three of the designers huddled together with the producer as Kurt felt a tap on his shoulder and turned.

She was tall and brunette, with a strong figure and a kind face that smiled at him with just a slight hint of nerves. "Excuse me, Mr. Hummel? I'm Lynda, the stage manager."

He smiled brightly. "Call me Kurt, please, I'm not the formal type. It's very nice to meet you." Kurt held out his hand. She looked down at the large binder she carried and laughed before shifting it to the other hand and shaking Kurt's.

"You too," she said and she glanced over to the side of the table that hadn't been commandeered by the designers. "Could we-"

"Sure, of course." They both went over and sat down. Kurt crossed his long legs in front of him casually.

She opened her binder to an empty lined paper. "I like to just touch base with my directors before we start so I'll have a good sense of your expectations. What your directing style is, what you expect of me, what you  _don't_  expect of me," she smiled. "Expectations for the actors."

"Well," Kurt sat back. He suddenly had this feeling that he was slightly in over his head. Sure he'd directed revivals before in some pretty important venues, and he'd been the fight director of some big hits off-Broadway. But directing a brand new show, one whose Broadway destiny started and ended with him, this was new to him. And this respect he was being granted was new too. He knew what many in the industry thought of him, and Lynda could have been hiding it, but she didn't  _seem_  to have those prejudices. "I tend to give a rough outline of what I want, let them play, and then nail it down. I expect everyone off book quickly. You can't play with a book in your hand. I expect you to read my mind," he said with a playful grin, "but it's really not that hard. Know where everyone is supposed to be, where every  _thing_  is supposed to be, and you'll be fine. I hold tight to the Equity breaks. I prefer 10 minutes every 80 instead of the 5 and 55. I find 55 minutes gets us just where I want us to be and then 5 minutes is just long enough to get us all off track again." He leaned forward and rested his chin on his left hand.

She wrote everything down as he spoke and then she looked up at him. Well, not at him, he realized, but at the ring on his finger just under his chin. "I um…I do my homework Mr. Hummel. Kurt," she quickly corrected before he could correct her. "It's an important conversation and not usually a hard one, learning the dynamics of a director and their Dom or sub, anything that might have an impact on rehearsals, but-"

"But you know I'm Gray," he assumed. He offered her a small smile. "My husband's a sub and yes, for all intents and purposes, I am his Dom."

"I'm sorry…" she lowered her eyes, her embarrassment clear at the question, but Kurt didn't want her to feel that way.

"It's fine," he said and she looked up at him. "We're going to be working together pretty closely and yes, that means dealing with me being away from my husband. So ask what you need to ask."

She pulled herself together quickly, and went back to looking like it was a conversation she'd had a hundred times. "So is there anything I need to know? Check-ins, rules for him, contact during rehearsals? Sometimes Doms have me field everything. Sometimes Doms want their subs to call whenever there's an issue and then I need to manage rehearsals. Sometimes sub directors need to make sure they don't forget to check-in when they're supposed to or make sure they don't stay too late..."

"Blaine and I are Skyping at 7:30 in the morning and 9:30 at night, so until tech week it won't be an issue," Kurt said. "He knows very well he is not to interrupt rehearsal, so that hopefully won't be an issue, and if it is then he has more problems than we do." She smiled knowingly, which raised a question of his own. "Are you a Dom or a sub? If you don't mind me asking."

"I'm a Dom, it's no problem at all."

"So that's one more thing I may need from you," Kurt admitted. "Sometimes there are people who have problems with a Gray director."

She held up her hand. "Not a problem," she said. "No one in my cast gets away with shit like that. Everyone is treated with respect whether it's you, another actor, or the crew, or they will have an issue with me and ultimately the union."

"Great," he said, sitting back in his chair with a wave of relief. "I think we're going to get along just fine."

* * *

"How's the rose?" Kurt teased.

Blaine threw him a look. "Still kicking. How were your final production meetings?"

"Good," Kurt said. "The designs are beautiful and my stage manager is lovely. Will be so exciting to see the cast all together on Tuesday. I think it's going to be a great show."

"I can't wait to see it," Blaine said, then his smile fell slightly. "I can't wait to see you."

"And I can't wait to see you," Kurt said, rolling his shoulders back and crossing his legs, "so I'll need those clothes off now please."

The words came with such nonchalance that Blaine almost had to wait for them to echo in his head before he understood their meaning. He knew Kurt had promised to edge him every night, but he wasn't sure if he'd truly meant it. And yes, it was only the second night, and they had many more to go but…

"Make me wait all you want Blaine, I'll just make you wait too."

The hidden smirk and the sparkle in Kurt's eyes was enough to have Blaine straining in his jeans and he quickly disrobed, folding carefully so he didn't make Kurt angry. He climbed up on the bed and put the ear buds in his ears. He saw the green light turn on out of the corner of his eye and he couldn't help his smile growing even brighter.

"I let you off too easy last night, so here's what's gonna happen. Fifteen strokes, then fifteen seconds. We'll see how long you can go."

Blaine felt a lightness in his chest as adrenaline rushed through him. He licked his lips. Reaching over to the drawer by his bedside, he pulled out the lube and squeezed some onto his head. And then he started.

The first fifteen strokes were easy, just enough to get his blood flowing, to get his pulse quickening. He let go with relative ease.

"Count the seconds out loud," Kurt ordered.

"One, two, three…" Blaine started and as he continued he could feel a flutter in his chest, a tingle on the skin of his ass. On days when he'd done nothing but disobey on purpose, Santana had always made him count his spankings. His body reacted automatically to the tally. "…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen."

"Very good," Kurt said smoothly. "Fifteen strokes please. Nice and slow."

He was starting from a different place now, a place where the memory of punishment brought pleasure and he was hard and wanting in no time. He closed his eyes, letting the drag of his hand feel like Kurt's hand, letting the hardness in his palm feel like Kurt's cock. He took the time to revel in each stroke from base to tip. His breath quickened. He could almost smell Kurt's scent in the air. See him within the darkness of his gaze. Hear his heartbeat within the beat of his own.

"Let go," Kurt said and it had both felt like eternity and a second to Blaine since he started. Letting go was harder this time. He just wanted more. "Count the seconds."

The reminder came roughly in his ear as he gripped the comforter. "One, two, three…" he breathed and he felt like he was slowly coming down off a high, or coming up from the depths of the sea. "…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen."

"Again." Kurt's voice showed little sympathy.

Blaine's nerves stirred and jumped the second he touched himself again, wondering if the strokes were allowed to include more than just his cock. With a nervous twinge in his chest, he let one hand trace his body from his stomach to his nipples. With the other he reached lower, cupping his balls, stroking them softly, before bringing his hand back up again. Kurt didn't say anything and so Blaine continued to do it,  _five, six, seven,_  and he started to grow light headed, his body flooding with warmth as his balls drew tight at the attention. He wasn't sure how much longer he could last.

"Five more strokes Blaine," Kurt reminded him.

"Kurt, please," Blaine begged.

"Five more strokes before you stop," Kurt ordered.

Blaine bit his lip and nodded, and he tried to loosen his grip but the tickle on his skin only brought him closer. So he tightened again but the drag made him shiver with pleasure. He was caught in a trap of desire. He didn't want to keep going and he didn't want to stop.

"Count for me Blaine," Kurt said on his last stroke and Blaine let go, the numbers rolling unconsciously off his lips as he let himself fall just far enough to take the edge off. He reached fifteen but there was nothing but silence. Blaine opened his eyes to look at Kurt and he could see them immediately shift from something else back to authority. "Fifteen strokes." Kurt's voice was breathy now. Wary, but unrelenting. "And keep your eyes on me."

Blaine pulled himself out of subspace, his cloudy eyes clearing as they focused on his Dom. He took Kurt's hard look back at him as a challenge and he wrapped his fingers around his cock, pumping himself once, twice, fifteen times, and refusing this time to let his desire run away with him.

"Five seconds," Kurt adjusted. "Five seconds and then 20 strokes."

"Are you going to let me come or not?" Blaine asked, trying to sound much stronger than he felt.

"Now where would the fun be in telling you that?" Kurt smiled sweetly and Blaine just wanted to wipe it off his face. "Stroke. 20. And close your eyes this time."

The minute Blaine's lids fell he couldn't keep the surge at bay. The sight of Kurt fucking him appeared before his eyes. The feel of Kurt's love, like a memory, haunted him. His hips began to thrust and his cock began to leak with the hope of more. "Kurt please, please may I come?"

"No," Kurt told him. "Keep going. Don't stop."

Blaine gritted his teeth… _sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…_  tears painted his eyes and if he could just fall, if he could just feel Kurt's love wrapped around him he'd be fine but… "Kurt. Kurt. I can't hold it."  _Nineteen, twenty._

"Arms over your head Blaine."

Blaine had never been happier to be ordered away from his cock and he gripped the headboard, nearly gasping for breath. Kurt didn't say anything and in the silence Blaine imagined his Dom crawling over to him, sinking down on him, truly edging him to his limit with everything he possibly could. He squeezed the hard wood in his hands as he tried to clear his mind and ride the wave that threatened to spill over.

"My stage manager asked me about you. About any rules she needed to know about."

"I hope to god you didn't tell her that you planned to drive me insane every night," Blaine panted.

"I didn't think that little bit of information was necessary," Kurt said. "I did tell her when we check in. And that if you interrupt my rehearsal it's going to be more your problem than ours."

Blaine lifted his head. Kurt's brow was arched. "I think after this many years I know that one Sir," he assured his Dom.

"I would hope so." Kurt's smile was sly. "How you feeling?"

"Like I want to fuck you," Blaine said gruffly, dropping his head back on his pillow. "Or for you to fuck me."

"Awww. I want that too. But we can't. So  _I'm_ going to let you go so I can relieve this tension you've built up in my pants," he teased mercilessly. Blaine wondered if there was a way to kill someone over Skype. "And I will see you in the morning."

"Kurt-" Blaine begged.

"Goodnight sweetheart," Kurt sung all too sweetly. "And keep those hands where they are until you know for sure that they will behave themselves."

Kurt hung up before Blaine could say another word and if Serena wasn't sleeping in the room next door he would have screamed. As it was he turned his head into his arm and growled until the majority of his tension receded.

Another 27 days of this before he went to Boston. Blaine started to wonder if he'd survive.

* * *

Monday had been a long day in the studio with no time to himself. He'd had a meeting over lunch, recording artists all day, and not a single moment at the piano or in front of his microphone. His head hurt. Kurt had denied him again the night before and throughout the day, though Blaine had spent much of it begging him over texts. All he wanted to do now was go home, have an easy evening with his daughter, plead for Kurt to let him come, and go to bed.

Serena had other plans.

"What do you want for dinner pumpkin?" he asked on the way home from daycare.

"Mac and Cheese," she said. "You play dolls with me? Or color?"

"I don't know sweetie, Papa doesn't feel great. Maybe we could just snuggle on the couch and watch a show?"

"No," Serena said, kicking her feet in the stroller. "Les sing. Les play piano."

At least she reminded him he hadn't done his scales yet. The last thing he needed was to give Kurt a real reason to continue denying him.

He took some ibuprofen as soon as he got home and put the water on the stove. It was easy to hide away in the kitchen and let her play in her room by herself while he was cooking and so he didn't speed anything up. He considered pouring himself a glass of wine but thought better of it and made himself some seltzer in the Soda Stream.

When it was done he poured the Mac and Cheese in two bowls, brought them over to the table and went to find Serena mid scene, dolls seemingly getting married. "May I interrupt this wedding for dinner?"

"The wedding's done Papa, is time to eat," she said matter-of-factly. He should have known. The reception is truly the most important part.

She ran to the table, climbed in her seat and stared at her bowl. "Don't want Mac and Cheese," she said.

Blaine fisted his hands. He took a deep breath. He didn't have the patience to deal with this today. "Serena, sweetie, you asked for Mac and Cheese."

"Don't want it!" she yelled, slamming her fists on the table. Tears started streaming down her face. Tears of manipulation that Blaine knew all too well.

He kept the raging storm inside of him and sat calmly at the table. "Serena, you asked for macaroni and cheese and so I made it for us. Please just eat it and tomorrow you can have whatever you want today."

"No!" she screamed. Blaine saw it coming but he didn't get there fast enough and the bowl of macaroni was slammed to the floor. "No, no, no, no, no!"

Blaine didn't say a word. If he did he would have shouted. Instead he got up and got a wad of paper towels and a spray bottle of cleaner for the floor. He placed them on the table, picked his daughter up out of her chair and handed them to her.

"Clean up your mess Serena," he said firmly.

"No," she said, throwing the towels and the bottle to the floor.

He sighed. He picked them back up again and held them out for her once more. "You do not get to behave like this young lady, now clean up the mess you made."

"No," she yelled again. "You can't make me."

In his head he calculated the time. It was just after 6 o'clock and  _if_  Kurt was home he was just getting there after a long day at work and was likely preparing his own dinner. The last thing he would want to deal with was his strong-willed daughter and his failure of a sub. So instead, Blaine picked her up and carried her to the couch.

"You need a time out. Three minutes. Don't move."

"No," she predictably said and she struggled to get out.

He picked her up again and this time brought her to her room, sitting her on her bed. She tried to get up again, but he sat next to her and held her. "Three minutes," he said, looking at her Disney Princess alarm clock. "Three minutes of quiet and then you can tell me why you're acting like this."

"No!" she screamed, but he held her tight and rocked her gently and it was only seconds before she gave up.

His rage turned to quiet too as she nestled into his chest, her breathing evening out. He pressed his lips to her curls, humming their song softly, and waited for the seconds to pass. When they finally did he didn't let go. He laid down on her bed, pulling her with him so she was snuggled into his side.

"What's the matter baby?" he asked gently. "Did something happen at school today?"

Serena shook her head. "I miss Daddy."

Blaine sighed. "Oh pumpkin, I miss Daddy too. So much. But we can't get him to come home by doing things wrong. That will just make him sad."

"Don't want Daddy sad."

He kissed her softly on the head. "I don't want Daddy sad either," Blaine said.

* * *

"She misses you," Blaine told him that night. "We both do."

"I miss you both too, so much." Kurt played at the leather on his chair. Rehearsals hadn't even started yet and all he wanted to do was go home. But he had to hope that as soon as he got into the swing of things he'd be absorbed enough to stand being apart from the two people he loved most in the world. "Is she being good for you?"

"She's perfect," Blaine told him and Kurt let the lie go. He knew Serena was never perfect, but he also knew Blaine didn't want him to worry.

"And are you being good?" Kurt asked with a smile.

Blaine let out a breath that Kurt didn't know he'd been holding. "So good," he said and Kurt couldn't help but laugh fondly at his husband.

"Then I think you deserve a reward," Kurt said. "I wish I could give it to you in person, but hopefully doing it together will be good enough?"

Blaine smiled and nodded quickly. "Doing it together will be wonderful."

* * *

Kurt was sitting at the head of the long table in the rehearsal hall. Scripts and contact sheets lay at every chair. Coffee, water and snacks were set up on the table in the corner. Actors who hadn't seen each other in years, and those who just saw each other last week, were all greeting one another. Kurt was shuffling through his papers when the executive producer walked through the door and straight toward him.

"Hey Tom-" Kurt started but Tom interrupted.

"Kurt, we've had to make a change in the role of Angeline. Becky Mali got cast in a movie in LA that she couldn't turn down, so we thought quickly but we got a great replacement."

Tom held out the headshot and resume he'd been holding and Kurt took it. He read the name, then looked up in surprise. "Quinn Fabray?"

"Kurt Hummel," came a voice from the doorway.

Quinn Fabray was average height, with blonde hair and hazel eyes, and an old school elegance, a casual beauty that reminded him of Blaine. But her confidence, that was what radiated out of her like Dominance or submission normally would. He understood what Santana had seen in her. And Santana had sold her short.

"You two know each other?" Tom asked.

"Of each other," Quinn said, walking to him with such poise and grace he was already grateful for the casting. "But it's nice to finally meet in person." She held out her hand and Kurt took it, feeling like he ought to raise it to his lips in a gentle kiss rather than shake it.

"Well," Tom said with a smile. "Excellent!" He left the two alone, walking off to chat with the designers for the last ten minutes before rehearsal officially started.

"So you're the elusive Quinn Fabray?" Kurt smiled.

"And you're the dangerous Kurt Hummel," Quinn smirked. "Funny, you don't look so dangerous." Then she grew more serious. "How's Blaine?"

"He's good," Kurt said, feeling a little bit like he was defending himself. "He's really good. He's home with our daughter. Serena. She's two and a half."

"That's great," she said. "I've heard a little off and on from Santana but you're right, I have been elusive. I think the last time I spoke to her you and Blaine were just about to tie the knot."

"Why?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt," Lynda carefully came over. "I hate to interrupt, but it's almost time to get started."

"Sure." He looked at Quinn with a curiosity he couldn't hide. He'd known so few Grays, especially ones that had known the most important people in his life throughout their childhoods. He had so much he wanted to talk about. "I'm glad we're getting to do this together."

"Me too," she said. "Look, if you're not busy after rehearsal we could go out and grab a bite. We could…well, I want to say catch up, except it sounds weird for two people who've never met."

It did sound weird. It also sounded perfect to Kurt. "I'd love to catch up with you."

* * *

**From Kurt (6:32pm): You'll never guess who's in my cast and who I am currently out to dinner with.**

_**From Blaine (6:33pm): Sutton Foster.** _

_**From Santana (6:34pm): Ricky Martin.** _

_**From Brittany (6:34pm): Billy Porter.** _

**From Kurt (6:36pm): Wow. You're all wrong. So wrong. Now I can't decide if I'm going to let you all down or if you're going to be even more excited.**

_**From Santana (6:38pm): Well stop your fucking stalling and just tell us who it is.** _

**From Kurt (6:40pm): What if I told you that I'm sitting across the table from the one and only Quinn Fabray?**

_**From Blaine (6:41pm): Holy Shit!** _

_**From Santana (6:41pm): Oh my god let me talk to her.** _

_**From Brittany (6:41pm): Santana's crying.** _

"Santana's crying," Kurt told Quinn, holding the phone out to her. "You better call her before she has a breakdown."

Quinn copied the number from Kurt's phone and dialed. Kurt took the time to call Blaine.

"Quinn is seriously in your show?" Blaine answered the phone.

"You think I'd lie about it?" Kurt asked with amusement. "Yes, she's seriously in my show and you're seriously gonna get to see her when you come to see it."

"That's amazing."

"Look, she and I were thinking about going out tonight. Would it be okay if we missed our Skype session? I can FaceTime you at 9:30 from wherever we are, but if it's not okay-"

"It's fine," Blaine said and Kurt thought he sounded sincere. "As long as I get to say hi to Quinn too."

"Are you sure? I feel really bad." He looked at Quinn and then turned away slightly, talking through the side of his mouth. "I could let you-"

"No," Blaine said quickly, his voice sounding almost like a panic. And then it turned pleading. "Please don't finish that sentence Kurt. I'll wait for you, I promise."

Kurt wanted to tell him it wasn't necessary, he didn't expect to be able to just do whatever he wanted and leave Blaine hanging. But it seemed that was exactly what Blaine wanted. So he put on his sternest voice. "I expect you will."

"Love you Sir," Blaine responded.

Kurt smiled. "Love you too sweetheart." He hung up the phone and turned back to see Quinn watching him. "What?"

"You're cute," she commented, tilting her head. "Are you guys really making it work?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, looking down. In his best of moments he believed it. "Yes we are. What about you?" He nodded at the yellow diamond solitaire that gleamed on her finger.

She glanced at it before smiling. "Peter. We've been dating 2 years. Best two years of my life. He proposed six months ago, but we're not in any hurry to get married."

Kurt was happy for her. "Is he-"

"Gray?" she finished for him. "Yes. And let me tell you something Kurt, I have never felt safer and more peaceful in my entire life. You know how much stress there is, navigating the craziness of Dominance and submission. All the rules and expectations. The pretending." Kurt did know. He knew about all of it. "But now, when I go home? I can just relax. There's a relief, you know?"

Kurt wasn't sure if he knew or not. Here in Boston, he was relieved to just be able to be Gray and not have to feel the pressure of being someone's Dom 24/7. But he loved Blaine. Everything about him.

"At the end of the day," he tried to explain, "I go home to Blaine. And I never know what I'm walking into. But I know that whatever it is, it's my responsibility. And sometimes I struggle with that," he admitted. "Less now than I used to. Because I love Blaine, with all my heart. And I've come to realize how much of a privilege it is, to be the one to whom Blaine trusts his whole self." He played with the water droplets on his glass, twirling them around the rim absentmindedly. "They say with great power comes great responsibility and it's true. The responsibility is a burden, but the power is a gift."

"Real Doms would disagree," Quinn pointed out. "They don't think of the responsibility as a burden at all. For them, that's the gift. The power is simply a birthright."

Kurt thought of Santana and Rachel. Cooper and his father. And he imagined Quinn was right.

"If he took it away," Quinn asked. "If he said tomorrow that he just wanted to be husbands, he didn't want to be dominated anymore, by anyone. Would you miss it?"

Images flashed through Kurt's mind. All the moments, big and small, when Blaine had put his body, his heart, and his very soul in Kurt's hands, to do with as he saw fit. And Kurt had no doubt in his mind. "Yes. I think I would miss it very much."

* * *

It wasn't far from his studio, it was one of his favorite places in the world and Kurt rarely ever let him go there. Kurt had never let him take Serena. But Kurt wasn't here, he had Serena's little hand in his and he stared up at the restaurant's marquee with an impish smile on his face.

"This, my little pumpkin, is Max Brenner," he announced as if it were the most magical place in all the world. Serena looked up at him in delighted agreement. She could smell the chocolate from outside. Chocolate was one of her favorite things in the whole world. A fact which Kurt did not like to indulge.

But Kurt wasn't here.

"Yummy!" she grinned and clapped her hands.

"Yes," Blaine said, opening the door. The chocolate filled air hit them like a tidal wave. "Yummy indeed."

Inside, Serena's eyes went wide. Everywhere she looked, everything she smelled, was chocolate. Blaine went over to the hostess. "Two please, for breakfast."

They were brought to a cozy booth where Serena declined a booster seat. She much preferred sitting high up on her knees, with the freedom to move around, rather than being strapped into a chair. She was given crayons and a placemat to color.

"This is the best breakfast you are ever gonna have pumpkin," Blaine told her, opening the menu.

"Better than Daddy's?" Serena gasped.

Blaine grinned, his eyes flickering with the joy of collusion. "Does Daddy let you have chocolate for breakfast?" Serena shook her head wildly. "Better than Daddy's then. Just don't tell him." Blaine leaned down close to her. "It's our little secret," he whispered.

Serena's mouth pursed in rebuke and her eyes narrowed. "No keeping secrets from Daddy," she said, her little finger wagging at him.

Blaine frowned. "So no  _Chocolate Pancakes with lots of Chocolate and more Chocolate_  with jungle bananas, chocolate syrup and cosmic confetti?" Serena's eyes began to loosen. "No  _Sugar Star Landscape Waffle_  with melted chocolate asteroids, vanilla ice cream clouds and a warm milk chocolate flood?" Serena's eyes grew round as saucers. "No  _Melting Marshmallow Crêpe_  with gummy bears from the Sweet Forest, milk chocolate canyon chunks, a mountain of vanilla ice cream and warm chocolate falls?"

Serena's mouth dropped open just as the waitress came over to take their order. "Hello, my name is Lori and I'll be helping you today. Do you know what you want?"

"Waffle!" Serena yelled and Blaine laughed as he shushed her.

"This little girl is going to have the kids  _Sugar Star Landscape Waffle_  I guess," he grinned up at the waitress. "I am going to have my favorite, the  _White Chocolate Cream French Toast_. I'll have a double macchiato, and she'll have a chocolate milk."

"Thank you very much," Lori said and she took their menus and walked away.

Blaine sat back and absentmindedly tapped his fingers on the table as if the piano keys lay beneath them. Serena picked up her crayons and started coloring. "So what do you think?" Blaine asked.

"I think Daddy gonna spank you," Serena said, without looking up from her paper.

Blaine's fingers stopped. He quickly looked around to see if anyone had overheard and then he leaned toward her. "What makes you say that?" he asked quietly.

Serena looked up at him and he could have sworn she rolled her eyes. "Mommy spanks Auntie Britt when she's bad. You're being bad. Daddy gonna spank you." She went back to coloring, but Blaine took the crayon from her hand. She looked back up at him with a huff.

"Daddy is not going to spank me," Blaine said with as much confidence as he could possibly muster through gritted teeth. He was nearly positive that if he ever did anything to reach Kurt's limit, giving his daughter chocolate for breakfast was not going to be it. Serena shrugged and took her crayon back to color as if the conversation was over.

Blaine sat back in his seat, his heart beating more quickly than it should have, and he pulled out his phone.

**From Blaine (9:16am): You need to stop spanking your sub in front of my daughter.**

**_From Santana (9:18am): Pardon me?_ **

**From Blaine (9:20am): Kurt has asked you to stop and you apparently haven't. So now I'm telling you. Do not spank your sub with Serena in the house.**

**_From Santana (9:22am): What about you? Can I spank you with Serena in the house? Because this distance is making you awfully courageous in your feistiness._ **

Blaine knew that her hands were itching to reach out to him from halfway around the country, but he was already too upset to care.

**From Blaine (9:23am): She just told me in the MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT that Kurt is going to spank me!**

"Papa, I'm hungry," Serena whined.

"The food will be here any minute," Blaine promised her. "Can you do that maze?" he asked, pointing to her placemat.

She shook her head. "Hard."

"Aww, try it. You're super smart, I bet you can do it. Start at the end and go backwards, it's easier that way."

Serena went back to her placemat and Blaine went back to his phone. His reply-free phone.

**From Blaine (9:26am): Speechless huh?**

**_From Santana (9:27): Sorry…just couldn't stop laughing. Now, what exactly are you doing to earn this spanking?_ **

**From Blaine (9:28am): None of your goddamn business because I know you'd be the last one to keep your mouth shut.**

**_From Santana (9:29am): Distance. Feisty. You better watch it._ **

Blaine rolled his eyes. Santana was further away than Kurt and for far longer. What exactly did she think she was going to do over text?

**_From Santana (9:30am): The answer is Yes Ma'am._ **

Blaine felt a surge of submission and Serena chose that moment to look up at him. Santana's eyes stared back at him. Piercing. Serious. He shivered and looked back down.

**From Blaine (9:31am): Yes Ma'am.**

"You k Papa?" Serena's nose scrunched with worry.

Blaine forced a smile. "Yes sweetheart, I'm fine."

**_From Santana (9:33am): Good. I promise I will not spank either of you with her in the house. But you ought to know that I'm not the last one to keep her mouth shut. Serena is._ **

* * *

"Chocolate for breakfast Blaine?"

Kurt was striking him with a solid glare and Blaine couldn't decide if it was amusement or anger. Very likely a mix of the two, he decided. Either way he was certain he was in trouble.

Blaine had heard Serena whispering to her dad that morning and he had hoped over and over again throughout the day that Santana wasn't right. But perhaps he had expected too much, thinking a 2 ½ year old would keep a thing like chocolate waffles a secret from her favorite father.

"Our daughter has a big mouth," Blaine complained under his breath.

Or perhaps he had just been looking for the trouble.

"Our daughter has a healthy respect for the rules Blaine," Kurt retorted. "Which apparently you do not."

It wasn't true. Blaine had a very healthy respect for the rules. He just had a healthy respect for breaking them too.

"Nothing to say?" Kurt challenged. He didn't really give Blaine time to respond. "Let's keep it that way. Clothes off. On the bed. Not a word. Not a sound."

Blaine undressed, wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into. He bit his lip as he climbed onto the bed, trying not to smile while his heart raced with the anticipation of finding out. He knew that if he smiled, it would only fuel Kurt more.

"Your cock looks especially greedy tonight Blaine," Kurt told him. Blaine couldn't deny that he was already swelling with desire. "Hungry, should I say? It's gotten a little too comfortable these past few nights. I've let you come too much. It needs a little reminder that not all hunger should be satisfied. Doesn't it?"

Blaine didn't answer. He didn't groan. He didn't scream and shout every obscenity that was roaring through his head.

He had to throw an arm over his mouth when Kurt stood up to take his clothes off. Blaine missed the touch of his smooth, pale, skin. He missed the soft curve of his ass in his hands. He missed the way Kurt's cock filled and flexed just for him. Blaine opened his mouth and bit the skin of his arm. He gripped the comforter in his other hand. His own erection ached for attention, but he had a very strong suspicion that it would get none that evening.

"You want this, don't you?" Kurt asked smoothly as he wrapped his thumb and finger around himself and slowly stroked. Blaine swallowed and nodded, watching Kurt grow longer and thicker the more attention he paid. Desperate tears came to Blaine's eyes and his mouth watered with thoughts of it pressing on his tongue. "But I think that yesterday's indulgence was enough for a few days, don't you?"

Blaine didn't think so at all. Blaine wanted, no he needed, Kurt's permission to indulge again but he didn't dare ask. He knew the answer would be no.

Kurt sat back down in his chair and for a second Blaine thought he would be relieved of having to watch Kurt bring himself to orgasm. But then Kurt tipped his laptop screen down, raised his legs to rest on the table, and gave Blaine a better view than he would have begged for under the best of circumstances. Despite himself it wound him tighter. Blaine could feel the warm tingling need spread to his ass, his balls, the backs of his thighs.

"I think I'm making this too easy on you," he heard Kurt say, through ears beginning to drown in a growing sea of submission. He wanted to deny it. This wasn't easy at all. But Kurt had other plans. "I think you need to let go of that blanket, and lower your arm. Spread your legs wide and bend your knees so I can watch every beautiful, dripping, twitching, aching bit of you. Rest your hands on top of your knees." Blaine took a shuddering breath before he did as he was told, gripping his knees hard to steady himself. Kurt clicked his tongue at him though. "Palms up Blaine," Kurt corrected.

Inside of his head, Blaine uttered a long list of expletives, each one of which would have gotten him in ten times the amount of trouble he was already in. He tried to hide his growing frustration, but he was certain he had done no such thing as he turned his palms to face the ceiling. He wished he could turn his eyes to it too, but he knew that wouldn't be allowed either.

"There's a good boy," Kurt said. Blaine's insides flipped with pleasure. His hips jerked forward, begging, but he quickly pulled them back, steading himself. "See Blaine, you can be a good boy when you try. Hopefully this punishment will remind you to try more often."

If Blaine's submission wasn't swirling wildly, if his cock wasn't throbbing with desire, if the laptop screen allowed him to, Blaine would see the sparkle in Kurt's eye, the smile on his face. But all Blaine could see was Kurt's two hands – one softly stroking himself so perfectly, the other reaching down to circle his hole.

Blaine pressed his lips tight to stop from crying.

"I know sweetheart, I miss you too," Kurt cooed. "Which one do you want to be? Do you want me inside you so you can fuck my cock? Or do you want to be the one inside me?"

Kurt's finger pressed inside himself and Blaine's balls drew tight and high to his body. He was sweating now, panting as his breath became harder and harder to catch. He wondered if Kurt could make him come without a single touch and then quickly regretted the thought as his cock tried to prove that he could.

The glistening slick spilling onto Blaine's head did not go unnoticed by his Dom. "I'm sure you understand, you will not be allowed to come tonight sweetheart," he said all too pleasantly. "Bad boys don't get to have their cake and eat it too."

Blaine swallowed the groan that was building inside him, the cries that he wanted Kurt to fuck him, to fuck himself, to come or let him come, anything. He ignored the part of his brain that wished that someone, anyone, would just come in and spank him raw rather than have to undergo another second of this torture.

"Do you have something you want to say?" Kurt asked innocently. Blaine was frantic as he nodded his head. "Alright sweetheart, go ahead."

But the truth was, Blaine didn't really have anything to say. The only word that tried to escape his lips was, "Please."

Kurt laughed. Blaine could hear it and he could see it as his belly shook with it, and instead of answering he simply gave Blaine more of a show. Kurt was quiet now too though, no doubt losing himself in the feel of his own hands, stroking himself up and down, twisting at the top, rolling his balls in his perfect fingers. Fucking himself with his other hand, adding a second finger and then a third, pleasuring himself in all the ways that Blaine was desperate to. He looked hot as hell to Blaine, debauched, his skin glistening with sweat, his thigh muscles flexing tightly with his own restraint.

"God feels so good," Kurt whispered, teasing. Blaine felt his submission swirl, he felt himself start to sink. "Wish you'd been a good boy Blaine. Wish you'd obeyed the rules, you could have come with me tonight because god," his voice strangled with the build of his pleasure. "God Blaine I'm gonna come so hard."

It must have been obvious that Blaine was falling, trying to escape, trying not to come when he was denied the right, because Kurt suddenly demanded his return. "Tell me what I just said sweetheart."

Blaine blinked and his head cleared like he was coming up for air. He looked at Kurt again, with his fingers buried deep inside himself, his cock so full and red, slick with his juices and he tried to remember what Kurt had just said. "You said you were going to come," Blaine whispered, his voice just barely making it through the thickness in is throat.

But his answer wasn't good enough for Kurt. "How Blaine?" he pushed. "How am I going to come?"

Blaine racked his brain, but the answer was there, echoing dangerously in his head. "Hard," he muttered, barely breathing. "You're gonna come hard."

"Tell me again," Kurt hissed and Blaine knew just from his voice he was close, but then Kurt's rhythm sped up and his hips started bucking off the chair. Blaine wanted to die. "Tell me again," Kurt ordered.

"You're gonna come hard," Blaine said, wishing he could clamp down on himself to make sure he didn't follow suit. "You're gonna come so hard Kurt." Kurt held back, waiting for Blaine to say more. "And you wish I could come with you. But I can't," he cried, unable to stop the tear running down his face. "I can't come because you won't let me. Because I disobeyed you. Because I disrespected you in breaking the rules." Blaine knew the words were more for his punishment than Kurt's benefit, and he couldn't help but beg. "Please Kurt, please let me come with you."

"No," Kurt said and with one final thrust and one final stroke Kurt moaned in Blaine's ear and Blaine watched him orgasm, his cock pulsing, his skin radiating, his hips thrusting fiercely like they did when they fucked into Blaine and he couldn't watch anymore, no matter what was to come, he had to look away.

Edged without a single touch, Blaine closed his eyes, willing his heart to stop beating so fast, willing his breathing to return to normal. He urged his cock to relax, to give up its hope of release, when he heard Kurt's voice in his ear.

"I really should make you edge yourself again," he said amused.

Blaine's eyes flew open with a rush of both alarm and eagerness. Kurt's laptop was aimed back on his face which had a relaxed smile on his lips, his eyes heavy with satisfaction.

"I won't though," Kurt said and Blaine knew it was a break. He shouldn't have found it as disappointing as he did. "You can talk now Blaine you know," he laughed. "Punishment's over."

Blaine's mind was spinning. One minute his Dom was there and the next it was just Kurt and it was easier when he did it in person, there was energy and guidance. But with the distance it was abrupt. He was kind of at a loss for words. "I'm sorry," he said. He could always rely on that.

"Take her back for dessert Blaine if you want, but not breakfast, okay? She doesn't need to get used to chocolate for breakfast."

"I know," Blaine said softly. "It was just a treat. Because we were sad you were gone."

Kurt pouted. "Aww, now I feel bad."

"Don't," Blaine said quickly, and a little more desperately than he'd intended. Kurt's brow furrowed in a confusion that just made Blaine sigh with resignation. "Don't feel bad Kurt, I deserved that."  _And more,_  he thought.

"Okay good," Kurt said with an excited little bounce. "My first long-distance punishment. I think I did okay. Do you?"

Then Blaine realized how much harder it was for Kurt as well with the distance and he felt bad for feeling it hadn't been enough. "Yes. I think you did great." He yawned and swung his legs off the bed. "So great that you've completely worn me out. Talk to you in the morning?"

"Love you Blaine. 23 more days."

"23 more days," Blaine hummed. "Love you too."

_~S~_

_You say that it's hard to commit to it_  
_You say that it's hard standing still_  
_Don't you know that I spend all my nights_  
_Counting backwards the days 'til I'm home?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Cooper arrives soon. Let me know if you have anything special you're looking forward to with the Anderson Brothers


	5. Already Home, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. So sorry to keep you waiting, but summer has gotten in the way of writing and beta-ing. I hope you enjoy and it was worth the wait.

_I say that we're right in the heart of it_   
_A love only we understand_   
_I will bend every light in this city_   
_And make sure they're shining on you_   
_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

**Sunday, June 12, 2022**

Blaine ran his exasperated fingers through hair that was wildly out of control after wrestling with a toddler for going on thirty minutes. "Serena Fae Hummel, I am not going to tell you one more time. It is naptime, so get your butt back in this bed!"

"No!" Serena yelled, arms crossed on her chest in defiance. "You can't make me!"

"I can't…?" Blaine repeated her words, shaking his head. How had it come to this in only a week? Yes he knew that Kurt was the stronger of the two. Yes he knew that setting limits and consequences had never been his thing. Yes he knew he had brought this on himself but, surely she had to understand. "Serena please," he begged, frustrated tears coming to his eyes. She'd been going non-stop since 6 in the morning. He was exhausted. He needed a break as much as she needed a nap. Probably more. "Papa's all alone here, I don't have Daddy's help, please just cooperate with me."

The tears didn't faze her. "No!" She grabbed a stuffed animal on her bed and threw it at him, and then another.

"That's it!" Blaine shouted, storming over to her. He picked her up kicking and screaming and put her in bed beneath her blanket, holding it down to keep her legs from slamming into him. "Now you are staying in this bed until I tell you to get out, do you understand me?"

Serena said nothing, though the scowl on her face told her she wasn't listening of her own free will. They stared at one another for a good two minutes, but she didn't move. He let up slightly on the blankets. She continued to stare. "If I let go, will you stay?" he asked. She didn't say anything. He decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and let go. And then the doorbell rang.

Blaine groaned, Serena bolted from the room before he could stop her, and he dragged himself out of the room. "Ask who it is!" he called wearily.

"Who is it?" Serena yelled through the door.

"It's the big bad wolf," the voice from the other side of the door said. "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow this house down."

All defiance suddenly gone, Serena turned to Blaine with a look of fright on her face and Blaine shook his head and rolled his eyes toward the door. "It's just your Uncle Cooper," he said and he rested a hand on her soft curls. He opened the door to find the tall, handsome, idiot of a Dom. "See?" he said to her then turned to his brother. "You scared the crap out of her," Blaine reprimanded.

Cooper looked at Blaine with disbelief then down at his little niece. She stared up at him with wide, dark eyes. "Are you scared of the big bad wolf?" he asked. Serena nodded. "Are you scared of your Uncle Cooper?" he asked. She shook her head. "Good," he said before he picked her up and swung her around as she squealed so loudly Blaine was afraid the neighbors would start to worry.

"Put her down," Blaine huffed, closing the door behind his brother a little harder than he meant to. There was no chance of a nap now. There was no chance of peace and quiet at all.

Cooper frowned and put the still laughing little girl down to look at his brother. Blaine was leaning back against the door, circles darkened under eyes that clouded with fatigue. He could feel his brother's strain, submission knocking on a locked door. Luckily, Cooper held the key and he crossed the room, silently wrapping his little brother in his arms, and in his Dominance.

Blaine tensed as his brothers arms wrapped around him but then Dominance flowed, a Dominance he had forgotten. Stronger even than Santana. He let it engulf him, and the submission he'd held back to be strong for his daughter, finally flowed freely and latched on. Cooper rubbed his back gently, and Blaine sighed, melting into his arms.

"Better?" Cooper asked gently.

"Yes." Blaine's voice was just a whisper but then he pulled away, taking his soothed submission with him. He took a deep breath, offering a genuine smile. "Thank you Coop."

Cooper just shrugged. "Hey, it's what I'm here for." Cooper looked around then opened the door again. In his haze, Blaine had left his luggage on the doorstep. Cooper raised a brow. "Can't stay without my things though."

Cooper didn't make a move and Blaine was instantly reminded of how different a Dom Cooper was to Kurt. But he didn't comment. He just brought Cooper's bags in for him and set them behind the couch. "I'm sorry we don't have a guest room for you." He brushed his palms uneasily on the top of the sofa as if he were cleaning off the dust. "The baby grand has the third bedroom."

"Replaced by a piano," Cooper smirked as he flopped down on the couch. "Story of my life with you. Now where did that adorable little niece of mine go?"

Serena, all but forgotten, was thrilled to be remembered and she ran over to her uncle and climbed in his lap.

"Has your papa been taking good care of you?" he asked, his voice filled with a playful sternness. Blaine escaped to the kitchen to get his brother a drink.

"Papa yells," Serena tattled.

Blaine's eyes went wide and his heart started beating quickly as the water seemed to echo trickling into the glass. His brother looked up at him, brow arched high. Blaine's skin began to tingle. An image of him turned over his brother's knee flashed in his mind.

"Oh really?" Cooper asked, looking back at Serena. "Does your Daddy know this?"

"I wouldn't yell if you would just do what you're told," Blaine muttered thru gritted teeth, realizing too late that his tone probably wasn't helping his cause. He brought the drink over and plunked it down on the coffee table then looked accusingly over at his daughter. "You yell too, don't lie and pretend you don't."

The dark rebellious eyes that had disappeared at the arrival of her uncle quickly returned. "Do not!" Serena yelled. "You yell. You mean. Don't lie!"

"I am not-" Blaine started but he stopped as soon as he heard Cooper clear his throat.

Blaine lowered his head. He sounded like a petulant child and he knew it, he just couldn't help it with the sudden dominance swirling around the room after so long without anything.

Cooper pursed his lips. "Well Serena, it looks like I got here just in time. How about you and I go to the park?"

"Yay! Park!" Serena beamed and jumped off the couch.

"Go get your socks and shoes on, and maybe some toys to bring with us," Cooper said. Serena ran to her room to find socks and shoes and toys.

Cooper walked over to Blaine, shoulders back, chest out, and reached out to lift his brother's chin until their eyes met. Cooper's were dark. Blaine's hands grew clammy and his heart started racing. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

If Cooper heard the apology he made no acknowledgement. "I'm taking Serena to the park. You are calling Kurt."

Blaine's throat bobbed, his face flushed. "I can't. He's in rehearsal," he said. He knew how much trouble he'd be in if he interrupted Kurt's rehearsal.

"Call him." Cooper swiped Blaine's cell phone off the table, grabbed Blaine's hand and slapped it in his palm. Blaine winced. The sting was undeniably intentional. "And if he doesn't answer then you text him. And if he's upset, you tell him that I ordered you to. But I highly recommend you don't disobey me. Understood?"

A shiver raced down his spine. Blaine understood perfectly. Cooper wasn't his father but he was raised by him. "Yes Sir." He lowered his head. He didn't want to seem childish but his brother had to know that Serena didn't deserve any rewards for her behavior either. "She was refusing to take a nap. Right before you came in. Kept telling me no and getting out of bed.

"Thank you for telling me. I'll keep that in mind." Cooper's face softened and he offered a small smile, kissing him lightly on the forehead and ruffling his hair. "You're gonna be fine," he said. "We'll be back in about two hours. Why don't you have dinner ready for us all when we get home."

"Okay."

Serena ran out and jumped up and down pulling on Cooper's sleeve. Cooper knelt down to her. "Papa tells me you were being naughty right before I came. Not taking your nap. Is that true?" Serena frowned and nodded. "Then no ice cream on the way to the park. Understand?" The frown didn't disappear and she nodded her head. "Okay," he said with a soft smile. He stood up and grabbed Serena's hand squeezing it tight. She looked up at him and his eyes shined brightly down at her. "Let's go munchkin, your Uncle Cooper wants to slide down the slide."

Cooper gave Blaine one last glance before closing the door behind him, taking his overpowering Dominance with him. Blaine's submission seeped back into his skin and he was suddenly dizzy, like he'd been swept up into a tornado and dropped back onto the floor.

"Fuck," he said, falling into the couch, pressing his knuckles against his eyes. He shook his head clear, and remembered Cooper's order. With a sigh he stared at his phone. Elbows on his knees, running one hand through his hair, he dialed Kurt's number hoping that voicemail would pick up. When it did he hung up without leaving a message, sagging against the couch with a touch of relief. He stared up at the ceiling, letting his eyes cross and the patterns all merge together. He wasn't even sure how to explain to Kurt what had just happened. At least with text he had time to think.

**From Blaine (3:43pm): Hurricane Cooper arrived and has already left taking Serena with him.**

He put the phone down on the coffee table. He had no idea how long it would take for Kurt to text him back and he refused to sit there staring at it. So he got up and he went to the kitchen, trying to remember what Cooper's favorite foods were. He thought about calling his mom, but that was never as simple as it sounded and besides, if he was on the phone with her he wouldn't be able to respond to Kurt's text when it arrived. Searching the cabinets, he pulled out the coconut milk and the paprika, baby corn and water chestnuts. Then he pulled out some chicken from the freezer and put it in the fridge to start defrosting.

It had been nine days since he'd stood in the house by himself without Serena being there. It felt both more freeing and more claustrophobic than it ever had before, and his legs began to grow weak with the interminable wait. He decided to go do his scales while he waited for Kurt. With the phone on top of the piano, his fingers started dancing their careful steps on the keys. His eyes closed, and he lost himself in the monotony and predictability of the music, until his phone startled him with its vibration.

**_From Kurt (4:02pm): He plans to return her, right?_ **

Blaine smiled initially, but then he remembered exactly why he had texted Kurt in the first place.

**From Blaine (4:05pm): He does. In two hours.**

**From Blaine (4:06pm): After you and I have talked.**

The phone rang immediately and Blaine picked up, walking away from the piano and back into the living room.

"Talked about what exactly?" Kurt asked. His voice was a whisper, harsh and filled with suspicion. It was a whisper that said he knew there was only one reason why Cooper would make him call in the middle of the day. It was a whisper that said he was angry for the interruption but was trying very hard not to make a scene in front of his cast.

Blaine still hedged. He didn't have to tell the truth. But he had no doubt that if he lied it would get back to his brother and then he'd find himself punished by both Doms. "Serena told him that I yell at her. And then I said I wouldn't have to yell if she'd listen to me and then I said that she yells too and she shouldn't lie. And then she told me that I was mean and I shouldn't lie."

Kurt sighed and Blaine winced at his obvious annoyance. "So what you're telling me is that you've interrupted my rehearsal because you basically had a pissing contest with our two year old?"

He flushed with shame as he heard it laid out like that." "I'm so sorry. It was like the minute Cooper arrived this crash of Dominance knocked me over and for a minute I forgot I was Serena's father and just turned into Cooper's little brother." He frowned. It was a poor excuse. And it was no excuse for yelling in the first place.

Kurt clearly agreed. "That can't happen," he said sternly. "That's completely unacceptable."

"Yes Sir, I know, I just…" Kurt waited while Blaine tried to defend himself against something that they both knew had no defense. "I just…"

"You just disrespected our daughter," Kurt finished for him.

Blaine sat on the couch and buried his face in his hand. "Yes Sir," he mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Do you want your punishment now or later?"

Adrenaline rushed through Blaine's veins at the question. Ordinarily Blaine would have waited to be punished until he could see Kurt face to face, but he was certain he couldn't face Cooper again with it still hanging over his head, his submission still raging. "Now please, Sir."

"Okay," Kurt said, then stopped. "Oh hang on." Blaine heard the muffling of the phone and the murmur of Kurt's voice telling someone, probably the stage manager, to start the next scene without him. "Okay," he said, back on the phone. "Break is over and I don't have the time to talk about this right now, but you have the time to think about it. When will Cooper be back?"

Blaine checked his watch. It was 4:10. "Probably about 5:30 or 6? He said to have dinner ready when they got home."

"And how long will it take you to get it ready?"

"I've already got things out, so maybe a half hour, 45 minutes tops?"

"Fine. You're going to go into our room and you're going to stand in the corner, in position, until 5:15. Set your alarm on your phone. That will give you a good hour to think about what you did, why you did it, and most importantly what you and I can both do to make sure it doesn't happen again. I understand that we all lose our temper sometimes as parents Blaine, I'm not mad at you for that. But I will not have you acting like a child and disrespecting our daughter."

Blaine cringed at his tone. "How will you know that I-" he started to ask but Kurt cut him off.

"You'll know. That's all that will matter. I've got to go Blaine, I'll talk to you later."

Later on Skype, when Kurt had all the time in the world to  _talk._ "Bye," Blaine said sadly. He hung up the phone, his shoulders falling in resignation, and he dragged himself to the corner in which he'd be spending the next hour.

He set his alarm to 5:15 and put his phone down on the bed. He glanced up at the camera aimed at the corner. It was off, and he expected it to stay off, but he was pretty sure that even from rehearsal Kurt could turn it on from his phone if he wanted to, just to make sure he obeyed. Blaine knew he wouldn't though. Kurt trusted him. And he wasn't going to exploit that trust.

He folded his hands behind his back, palms up at the base of his spine. His upper arms rested against the chill of the walls, pressing his forehead against the corner, and he closed his eyes.

He let himself fall, slowly, carefully, into the darkness and the silence. Cars honked and sirens wailed outside their window, but he'd lived in New York long enough for it to be nothing but white noise. He breathed, in and out. He let Kurt's Dominance wash over him, and he thought about the last week.

It had felt like an eternity. He couldn't believe it had been only nine days since Kurt left, since he'd been on his own with Serena. It was easy to blame her in this, to make his losing control her fault, but the fact was, there was no one he could blame but himself. She was just a child. He may have been submissive, but he was the adult and far from powerless. To Serena he had to be a father before he was a sub. He'd read the parenting book Santana's father had given him so many times, but being able to recite it in his head didn't make it any easier to do what it said. Especially with a husband who was Gray. Blaine shook his head to himself, not wanting to blame Kurt any more than he did Serena. He had screwed up. He had lost control. And for the next 55 minutes until his alarm sounded, he tried to figure out how to explain to Kurt exactly why.

* * *

"Do you want me to put her to bed tonight?" Cooper asked.

Any other night Blaine would have jumped at the chance. Another night he would. But not that night. "No," he said. "I need to do this myself." He got up off the couch and went to Serena's room where she was playing quietly with her dolls. "Hey pumpkin." Serena looked up at him, face scrunching up in anticipation of being told it was bedtime. "I haven't finished my scales yet," he told her. "So why don't we brush your teeth and then you can sit with me while I do them?"

"K," she grinned and she bounced up from her spot and ran into the bathroom. She brushed on her own and then let Blaine help without complaint. After she rinsed and climbed down off the stepstool, Blaine took her hand and led her into his music room. With an eye to Cooper, who was trying not to look like he was paying attention, Blaine closed the door.

He sat down on the piano bench and opened his arms. "Come sit on my lap?"

She climbed up and he arranged her on his left knee so his right hand was free. He laid his fingers on the keys, and started the monotonous minutes of repetition.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, voice soft against her curls. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did. I should be more patient."

"Bad to yell," Serena told him, and then she pressed the fingers of her left hand on the piano.

Blaine stopped for a minute, spreading her fingers on to the correct keys and smiled. "Like this," he told her and he started his scales again, this time slow enough so that she could follow along. "I miss this. Us playing together. You get to play in school?"

"Mmhmm…" she said, never missing a beat. "Twinkle Twinkle and Fwee Blind Mice."

"Those are good songs to learn," he said. He increased his speed on the keys just a touch but she continued to follow.

"Play not yell," Serena told him matter-of-factly. "Thas what they say at school."

Blaine lifted a brow. "Really?"

"Bang the keys," she said and she stopped her gentle scales to bang her hand against the keys.

Blaine laughed. "Something like this might work a little better." Serena moved her hand from the piano and he placed down both hands. It wasn't as easy, reaching around her, but he began to play Rachmaninov, letting his anger and frustration pour into the music. Serena stared up at him, eyes wide and mouth open. Blaine stopped after a couple of minutes and smiled down at her. "You like that?"

Serena closed her mouth and nodded her head with vigor. "I play it!" she said.

Blaine laughed. "I think you will play it one day. And the best way to learn how is to help me finish my scales."

Serena put her hand back on the keys, more determined than before, and together she and Blaine finished his half hour of practice. When they were done he carried her into her room, read her a book, and turned off the light.

"I get you in trouble with Daddy?" she asked in the darkness.

Blaine brushed the curls out of her far too observant eyes. "I got me in trouble with Daddy," he corrected her. "You got yourself in trouble with me. You forget that Papa is in charge."

"Don't like Papa in charge," she huffed, folding her arms roughly against her chest.

Someday he'd have to ask Santana what it was like for her to be a Dom with a submissive father. Maybe it would help him. "I know you don't like it pumpkin, but it's the way it is. Daddy and Papa are in charge because we're older and we know how to keep you safe and healthy. And if you listen instead of fight then you'll learn how to keep yourself and the people that  _you_  love safe and healthy."

Serena's face softened. "Like Mommy and Auntie Brittany?"

Blaine sighed. She could tell the difference already, he knew she could. "Yes, like Mommy and Auntie Britt. But like Daddy and Papa too. Now," he said, his pulse quickening slightly. He had to put his foot down, but he wondered if she could sense his nerves. "It's not okay for you to treat me like you did young lady. To kick and throw things at me or yell and say mean things. That's disrespectful and it's not okay to treat anyone like that, no matter who they are. It hurts my body when you kick and throw things and it hurts my feelings when you yell and say mean things."

Suddenly Serena started to cry, tears of guilt and shame and fear that her Papa was mad at her. "I sorry Papaaaa," she sobbed.

Blaine chuckled to himself at her dramatics, but the last thing he wanted to do was discourage her remorse. So he laid down next to her and rubbed her back. "I know you are pumpkin," he said. "I forgive you and I love you. Shhh…" he said, pulling her in close to him. "We're both sorry and we both love each other very much. And now it's time to go to sleep."

Gradually her tears stopped as he soothed her, her breath hitched over and over until she calmed herself enough to slow it, and then it slowed more until Blaine was certain she was asleep.

He checked the time. It was nearly 9:30 and he rolled out of her bed, exhausted and praying that Kurt didn't have more punishment for him up his sleeve. The last fifteen minutes had felt like punishment enough. He went out to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water.

"Serena asleep?" Cooper asked.

"Yes, hopefully until morning," he said with a sigh. "Thank you. For being here. For everything, so far. It feels like you've been here days, not hours."

Cooper's smile quirked sideways. "Well Squirt, I don't know whether to take that as something good or something bad, but I'm gonna take it as good." He glanced at the clock and back to Blaine. "You better get in there before he's got something else to get on you about," Cooper teased.

Blaine grinned and he realized just how much lighter he felt with his brother's presence. "Goodnight Coop," he said. "See you in the morning."

* * *

Blaine was nervous, waiting for Kurt to call him. And it wasn't the excited kind of nervous he would usually feel in anticipation of Kurt's Dominance. It was a nervousness that he rarely felt. A worry that he wasn't the father Kurt wanted him to be. A worry that he'd let Kurt down.

A worry that he wasn't any better than his own father.

The computer rang and Blaine answered and Kurt's face appeared on the screen, looking at him with his lips pressed tight, his eyebrows drawn close together. "Hey."

Blaine tried to smile, but his fear was too great. "Hey."

"So do you want to tell me what's going on?" Kurt asked with a gentleness that let Blaine draw in a breath.

His eyes turned upward to the ceiling as he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to find the right words. Words that explained all the thoughts that had been spinning in his head since his time in the corner. "Do you remember when we left her at daycare that first day and I thought…" He looked back at Kurt, his eyes shining but sad. "I thought I would miss her so much, and I do, but you were right Kurt. I love being in the studio and when I leave and I have to take care of her…"

Kurt let him try to continue, but Blaine's gaze fell to his fingers on the desk and Kurt couldn't stand watching him struggle. "Do you think it's the hours?" he asked. "They're opposite how they used to be."

"Maybe," Blaine conceded. He looked back up, grateful Kurt didn't seem mad. "During the day was fun – playing, cuddling, going to the park. Now it's dinner and bath and teeth and bed and you were always so much better at that stuff."

Kurt frowned. "Do you think Cooper will help with that? Take some of the pressure off?"

"Maybe," Blaine said with a shrug. He pressed his palm against tired eyes. "I hope so."

"Is there anything you need from me?" Kurt asked, somewhat hopefully. "Anything I can do from 215 miles away?"

"I don't know," Blaine said, but he did know. He berated himself for even needing to ask. He knew he should be strong enough but… "She listens to you. Maybe…"

Kurt smiled softly, and his hand reached out as if he wanted to reach through the screen to hold Blaine's. "Maybe I need to stop being Mr. Nice Guy while I'm away?" Blaine looked up at him and the answer was clear as day.

"Maybe just a little?" Blaine said. But it was nearly a plea.

The tension in Kurt's shoulders fell and he sighed. "Okay," he said. "I can definitely do that." He watched as Blaine's tension also faded. "Now what about you?" he said, and his eyes narrowed teasingly as they darkened with Dominance. "You interrupted my rehearsal."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said. "But in my defense, Cooper ordered me to do it. I could either defy him or you, but either way I was in trouble."

"Well that's what happens when you act like a child," Kurt pointed out. "The other thing that happens is we don't play tonight. And I expect an apology for interrupting my rehearsal."

"I said I was sor-"

Kurt clicked his tongue. "That's far too easy an apology Blaine. What's your schedule tomorrow?"

He quickly went over his calendar in his mind. "I have a recording session in the morning, and one at 3:00. Other than that, I was just going to work on my music."

"Good," Kurt said, face still stern. "Your punishment for interrupting my rehearsal is to write me a song."

Blaine did a double take. "What?"

Kurt's smile was sinister. "You'll write me a song. An apology."

Blaine's eyes went wide and his lips slipped into a frown. "Kurt, I can't, in one day…"

"You will," Kurt instructed. "And if it's good, you get to come tomorrow night. And if it's not…"

"I don't," Blaine pouted.

"Exactly," Kurt said and he sat back in his chair, the matter closed. Any sense of Dominance melted away and he turned back into simply Blaine's husband. "Now since we aren't doing anything else tonight, I think we should talk."

"Talk about what?"

"Well…what I'm doing, what you're doing. We don't get that much chance just to talk anymore. I feel like I don't really know what's going on in your life, and you don't know what's going on in mine, and," his nose scrunched up adorably, "it feels really weird."

Blaine laughed. "Okay," he agreed. "Tell me about Boston. What grand adventures are you going on when you're not in rehearsal?"

"Well," Kurt said with a sly grin. "Quinn and I went to this club the other night. It was a Gray club. And god, Blaine, it was so nice to just be able to drink and dance and not have to worry about what bracelet to wear, or what side of the room to stand on, or stare at the floor so I don't trip over some kneeling sub. And to not feel like everyone's staring at me like I'm some freak-"

Blaine rubbed at the back of his neck, pulling his hair slightly. His voice dropped. "You really feel that way?"

"Not with you sweetheart," Kurt said in quick reassurance. "But remember there were years before you Blaine. All those people that hurt me. Out in the world it still feels like they're all judging me."

"I didn't realize," Blaine said sadly. He should have realized.

"Don't feel bad. I don't think I even realized it until Quinn brought me to a place where I didn't have to worry about it. But come on," Kurt urged, trying to cheer Blaine up. "I didn't tell you to make you sad. It was just nice. Fun."

"I should take you out on a date," Blaine suddenly said. He looked up at Kurt, eyes bright. "You've taken me, but I don't think I've taken you out since Serena was born."

"Well, your submission has been a little bit in overdrive," Kurt teased.

"That's no excuse." Blaine couldn't believe that he'd lost track of Kurt's needs over the past 2 ½ years. "As soon as you get home I'm taking you out on a date. No Dom/sub club, no restaurant with kneeling pads on the floor. You're not paying or ordering for me. Just husbands. Nothing else."

The shine in Kurt's eyes and the small smile on his lips as he tipped his head gratefully said everything Blaine needed to know. "I think that sounds wonderful. I can't wait. And I love you."

Blaine smiled. He couldn't wait either. "I love you too."

* * *

Blaine hated him. It was 10am, his morning session had gone and he was curled up on the couch with a notebook in his hands, coffee by his side, and not a lyric in his head.

_Without the touch of your hand or the sound of your voice_

He ripped out the page and threw it on the floor where it joined every other piece of paper that held lyrics far too similar to the thousands of apology songs or love songs that already existed in the world. How was he supposed to write something special just for Kurt?

_The way your love surrounds me and holds me in its grasp_   
_My submission clings to you_   
_Our hearts within one clasp_

He crumpled it and tossed it to the side. There was no way he would get the song written in a week, much less a day.

**_From Kurt (10:38am): I hope you're working hard sweetheart. Hard work leads to playing hard ;)_ **

**From Blaine (10:39am): That was about as poetic as the crap I've been writing.**

**_From Kurt (10:40am): Lol. Maybe you need some inspiration. Are you alone?_ **

Blaine's eyes widened. Kurt couldn't possibly be saying what he thought he was saying.

**From Blaine (10:42am): Yes.**

**_From Kurt (10:43am): Would you like to touch yourself? Make yourself feel good?_ **

Blaine's heart quickened without his permission. His jeans grew tight without consent. The phone trembled in his hands.

**From Blaine (10:45am): Is this a trick question?**

**_From Kurt (10:46am): Write me one verse, and maybe I'll let you reward yourself._ **

Blaine didn't respond. He couldn't respond. He threw the phone down on the couch and his mind went into overdrive.

_The way your love surrounds me and holds me in its spell_   
_The way you use your power transports me to a perfect hell_   
_Where I am at your sole command and await your every breath_   
_I try so hard and falling short is a fate that's worse than death_

It wasn't great but it wasn't bad. He quickly sent it to Kurt only seconds before he wondered why. He knew Kurt would just torture him. He'd never let him come this morning. But his muscles twitched, desire crackled beneath his skin, and his patience grew thin. His pulse raced with anticipation.

**_From Kurt (11:12am): Good boy._ **

There was no other text but then his phone rang in his hand and he answered it eagerly. "Hello?"

"Let's see exactly how  _hard_  you try Blaine," Kurt purred into the phone. "You're still alone?"

"Yes sir." He rubbed his palms along his thighs.

"Okay sweetheart. Lie down on the couch. Put the phone on speaker." Blaine slipped off his shoes and did as he was told, his head on a pillow, his legs stretched out in front of him. "When you're ready I want you to touch yourself over your clothes, lightly. Tell me how you feel."

Blaine sucked in a breath and reached his hand down. Following Kurt's directions, he traced his thumb slowly down the side of his zipper then back up again, feeling himself through his jeans. His submission swirled. A warmth ran through his veins and settled in his stomach. It was the feeling of being owned.

"Talk to me Blaine," Kurt reminded him. "Are you hard?"

"Yes sir," he said and his cock pressed against the fabric as if to prove itself. "Yes sir, I'm hard."

"Very good." Kurt's voice was low, confident. Sexy. "Now I want you to pull your pants down to your knees and then place your hands on the couch."

"Yes sir." Blaine's hands were shaking slightly as he undid his button and fly. He lifted his hips and shimmied tight mustard colored jeans down to his knee. Then he placed his palms down on the leather of the couch. He dug his nails in to stop himself from disobeying. "They're down."

"Are you touching yourself?" Kurt asked.

"No sir." Blaine bit his lip. His heart was pounding now and his boxers were tented, the ache inside them causing his head to spin. He wasn't above begging. "May I please?"

"How much do you want to?"

Blaine's palms were sweating and his stomach flipped. "So much, please sir."

"Is this the hell you mean?" Kurt asked, his voice as sweet as sugar. "Your cock so hard. So needy for attention. But you don't really want to touch yourself, do you Blaine? You want me, I know you do sweetheart."

"I do Kurt." Blaine swallowed. His mouth was dry, the words barely escaping. "I want you so bad."

"I miss the way you feel beneath me." Blaine let out a strangled sigh. He missed it too. The heaviness of Kurt's weight atop him, the safety of it. "I miss the way your nipples respond so beautifully in my fingers. Touch your chest for me Blaine. Make your nipples ache for me."

Blaine's whole body shivered as he reached up and brushed his fingers over his pebbled nipples. His cock jumped at the touch. "God Kurt, they do. I do. So much. Please."

Blaine could almost picture the smile on Kurt's face. The sparkle in his eyes. "Alright sweetheart, you can move your hand lower, but don't touch your cock, not yet."

Obeying with every pulse of his submission, Blaine teased his fingers down the center of his torso, letting himself savor the sensation, past his belly button, down to the waistband of his boxers.

"Pull your underwear down then put your hands beneath your backside," Kurt ordered.

Blaine obeyed.

Hell was a better place than this, he decided as his breathing grew shallow and he slipped his hands between his ass and the couch. He wanted to plead but he couldn't. The moan he let out though, he knew was bordering on obscene.

"Tell me what you want," Kurt told him.

What Blaine wanted wasn't something he could have. He licked his lips and cleared his throat. "I want to touch-"

"No," Kurt cut him off. "Tell me what you really want."

Closing his eyes, his back arched and his neck stretched involuntarily as hopeless images appeared in his mind. "I want your mouth. On me. On my neck, and my chest. Around me. I want to feel the heat of your breath on my skin, the soft press of your lips. Your tongue painting my cock, tasting me-"

"Perfect," Kurt said and it wasn't until he heard the breathlessness in his Dom's voice that he realized Kurt was probably laid out on his own bed, reveling in the feel of his own caress. "Go ahead and touch now. Nice and slow, long strokes. Keep talking. Keep telling me what you want."

Blaine wrapped his fingers around his cock and his hips thrust into his hand. "I want your hand Kurt. Around me." He opened his thighs wider, as far as his clothes would allow. "I want your fingers. Inside me. So deep inside." The room disappeared. The rush of the streets outside and the hum of the studio faded. He felt like he was floating, held down only by the strength of Kurt's control. The sound of Kurt's voice like an anchor.

"Do it Blaine." Kurt's voice was raspy and Blaine could imagine him. Hard. His long fingers wrapped so beautifully around himself, thumbing the vein that always left him shuddering with pleasure. He could hear Kurt gasp before he asked, "How many can you take just like you are?"

Blaine had to hold his grip around the base of his cock to prevent himself from coming from Kurt's words alone. His head spun but with his other hand he gathered up as much pre-come on his finger as he could and he reached around, pressing one mostly dry finger in up to his knuckle. Without lube and with his legs close together it burned right away and his breath hitched. But he would take more than one. He wanted the pain.

"Talk to me sweetheart," Kurt prompted him. "What else do you want?"

His second finger pressing inside, his body clenching around it with the sting, Blaine began to stroke himself again. The pain was for him, not for Kurt. And what he wanted more than anything was to make Kurt feel good. "I want your cock in my mouth and your ass in my hands. I want to suck you Kurt, suck you so hard." He imagined Kurt's face, his eyes closed, his mouth open just slightly in ecstasy. Always so beautiful. "I want to take it so good for you, swallow you down until you feel the back of my throat."

"Yes, god, Blaine, don't stop, I'm so close," Kurt whispered.

Blaine stroked too quickly, the sweat on his skin, the heat in his belly and the sound of Kurt's moans in the air fueling him. He was going to come and he knew he didn't have permission but what his mind knew, his body wholeheartedly wanted to ignore. But more important than his own pleasure was making his Dom come with nothing but the fantasies he knew were floating inside Kurt's head. "I want to slip my hand down, my finger circling where I know you want it so bad." Blaine felt his balls draw up, his own hole fluttering at the thought of touching Kurt's. He pressed a third finger inside and, swallowing down his moans, he crooked them dangerously. "You want me inside you. Stretching you. Fucking you. Brushing against your-"

He could hear Kurt's cry, the low growl that only he knew, and he pressed his ear to the phone so he could hear every sound, each wave of pleasure he'd given his Dom.

"Hands off," Kurt panted as soon as he could think again and Blaine obeyed with relief, knowing that one more second and he'd be coming with inescapable disobedience. His cock though had no shame and it throbbed angrily at the edge, begging for its release, or at the least his fall.

He didn't fall though. His submission was swirling desperately and his head grew dizzy with it, but like the days before Kurt knew how to catch him, Blaine caught himself, concentrating on the rise and fall of his chest, the in and out of his breath in unison with the breath of his Dom.

"Fuck Blaine," Kurt swore. "Did you come?"

"No, no sir, I promise," Blaine panted, his hips bucking slightly just at the thought. He let out a deep shuddering breath, willing his blood to start flowing again. "Is this what every Monday is going to be like Kurt, because if it is…"

"Oh sweetheart," Kurt cooed. "Monday has barely even begun."

* * *

Kurt edged him twice more at the studio and Blaine began to understand that the punishment for interrupting Kurt's rehearsal was  _not_  writing him a song. It was the breaks he had to take, the straying of his mind for the entire day, the muddle in his brain that couldn't put words together.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Blaine asked on Skype that night after he'd offered his theory.

Kurt smiled at him, eyes full of pride. "Yes. You're absolutely right. Directing is my job Blaine, but I have another job too. Taking care of you. And if I have to worry about you while I'm directing, I can't do either one very well, can I?" Blaine frowned. "Do you think I could concentrate for the hour I knew you were standing in the corner yesterday? Wondering if you were okay? If I'd done the right thing? If you had needed more than I'd been able to give you?"

"I understand that Kurt, but Cooper told me to call you," Blaine argued. "What was I supposed to do? If I'd disobeyed him I would have ended up over his knee for sure. And honestly Kurt, I know I crave a spanking all too often, but I don't ever really want one from him."

"Why?" Kurt asked. Blaine lowered his eyes, ashamed to admit the truth. Kurt had brought Cooper here so he didn't run to Elliott, and here he was seeming ungrateful. But he wasn't, not really. And he should have known Kurt would understand. "He reminds you of your dad," Kurt said. "Doesn't he?"

Blaine gave an almost imperceptible nod, but he looked back up. "His Dominance isn't the same and I love that I get to spend two weeks with him, I really do. I just…it scares me. In a way it doesn't with Santana."

"Or Elliott," Kurt added.

Blaine let a small smile slip. "Oh Elliott scares the hell out of me," he admitted. "Just in a different way."

Kurt smiled at that but lowered his gaze as if he was thinking. Blaine waited, wringing his hands in his lap. Finally, Kurt looked back up at him. "I'll give you my stage manager's number. In case it happens again or there's an emergency. We have a rule Blaine and I'm not going to change it just because Cooper might order you to break it. But I'll give you a way to obey us both."

"Thank you," Blaine sighed. But he bit his lip. "I didn't finish your song."

"I didn't really expect you to," Kurt said.

"Are you going to punish me for it? Because honestly after edging me all day if you don't let me come tonight-"

"I'm not going to punish you Blaine, and I'm not going to make you suffer. Tonight we make love. Because all I've wanted to do these last two days is wrap you in my arms and make all the bad things go away. I love you so much."

Warmth flowed through him and if he closed his eyes, Blaine could almost feel Kurt's love embracing him. "I love you too."

* * *

"Papa," Serena whined, padding out of her bedroom not five minutes after Blaine had turned off the light.

Blaine felt his heart sink and his entire body tense and he knew if he didn't breathe he was going to explode. "Go back to bed," he said with forced composure.

"Not tired," Serena whined again.

"Serena Fae Hummel-" Blaine started, but just as he whirled around, he felt Cooper's hand on his shoulder.

Cooper squeezed perhaps a little harder than he should have, and looked at his niece. "Turn around, young lady, and go back to bed like your Papa told you." His voice was the perfect picture of calm and patience. Yet Blaine could clearly feel the power behind it.

Serena didn't say a word, but Blaine could see her slight hesitation where she was trying to decide whether to listen or fight back. It only took a second before she decided she'd best just turn around and go back to bed, but her eyes had a fire in them.

Cooper walked her to her door and whispered sternly in her ear before she climbed into bed. She lied back down and Cooper closed the door once again behind him.

"She doesn't listen to me because I'm the sub," Blaine said in defeat.

Cooper raised a brow. "She doesn't listen to you because you're the softy. Being a sub has nothing to do with it." Cooper walked over and put a comforting arm around his brother's shoulder, bringing him to the couch. "You're not consistent. You let her get away with shit. How do you think you'd behave if Kurt did that to you?"

Blaine knew exactly how he'd behave, but Serena was different. "I don't think she's a sub though Cooper, I think she's a-"

"Child," Cooper cut him off. "She's not a sub or a Dom yet Blaine, and she's certainly not the mini-Santana you treat her like. You have to stop thinking of her that way. She's your daughter, you're in charge, and you do not need to defer to her."

Blaine lowered his head. "It's hard." He knew Cooper was right though.

"You stand up to every other Dom in your life, why is it so much harder to stand up to her?" Cooper asked.

He'd asked himself the same question over and over, and it had always come down to one thing. "I'm afraid she won't love me anymore," he admitted.

Cooper sighed. "Come here," he said and he pulled Blaine back so that his head was resting in Cooper's lap. Blaine closed his eyes and relaxed into the couch. His brother wasn't Kurt, but it still was such a relief to be able to let go after Serena went to bed. Cooper played with his curls like he'd done when Blaine was little. It seemed like forever since they'd been together, just the two of them. The Anderson Brothers against the world. "How are things with you and Dad?" Cooper asked gently.

Blaine shrugged. "We talk sometimes. I think he feels he has to in order to be able to talk to Serena. I don't know that he really wants to talk to me."

"He loves you Blaine," Cooper told him. "He never stopped, even after…everything. You think he didn't know Mom and I talked to you?"

"I always worried about her," Blaine said.

Cooper's finger traced beneath his curls along his forehead. "He turned a blind eye," he said, trying to reassure Blaine. "Because a part of him always needed to know that you were okay. That bond, between a parent and a child…it doesn't go away. No matter what either of them do. You still love him?"

Blaine bit his lip, but nodded. He'd always hated that he did. He thought it made him weak. Kurt had told him it made him strong. "Kurt always supported me, whenever I tried to reach out. At Serena's party…"

"There's nothing you could do Blaine, that would ever make Serena stop loving you," Cooper said. Blaine sat up and turned to face Cooper, crossing his legs beneath him. "You're her dad. And yes you're going to be the fun one and the easy one and she's gonna know that Kurt's stare means business. And that's okay," Cooper said, looking him in the eye. "But if she is a Dom, then the one who's gonna show her how to treat a submissive is you. Not him."

"Because he's Gray?" he asked.

Cooper shook his head. "No. Because you're a sub. The first one she'll ever know. The first one she'll ever try to dominate. And she'll learn whether a sub demands respect or not from whether or not you demand it of her."

"How do you know?" Blaine asked.

Cooper laughed softly. "I'm a Dom dummy," he said. "And I know I was spoiled being their first and all, but Mom was always harder on me than Dad was. And she may have allowed a lot of things, but she never let me disrespect her."

Blaine wondered if it was different for them. Because their Dad was a Dom. "How do you think she did it?"

Cooper shrugged. "I think she just demanded of me what Dad demanded of her. I was  _a_  Dom, but I wasn't  _her_ Dom. And she wanted to raise me to know how a sub should be treated."

"Did she ever punish you?" he asked.

"In her own way, yes. Not like Dad. She never raised a hand to me. But disappointing her was one of the worst things I could do. Because a strong Dom doesn't disappoint the people he loves."

"Ha," Blaine scoffed, a wry laugh escaping. "What does that say about Dad then?"

Cooper patted his brother on the knee and gave him a soft smile. "It says that he wasn't as strong a Dom as he thought he was."

Blaine's eyes fell to his brother's hand. "Disappointing the people you love is the worst thing a sub can do too." He looked back up and his heart jumped. "I'm not perfect Cooper. You should know that if you're going to be here the next two weeks."

Cooper laughed and gave Blaine a playful shove. "I've known you aren't perfect since you were a year old Blaine. But it doesn't disappoint me. I might be more like Dad than you want me to be sometimes, but I am  _not_  Dad. I'm your brother, Blaine. And I may be a Dom, but I'm not your Dom." Blaine looked up at him and Cooper's eyes were full of warmth. "I'd like to be your friend."

Blaine didn't know what to say to that, so he let his submission do the talking. He reached out, wrapping Cooper, holding him tight. And then his brother latched on, his Dominance firm yet gentle. Blaine smiled softly. "I'd like us to be friends too."

* * *

It felt like almost a lifetime ago to both Blaine and Cooper since they'd created music together, but when an email had come in from Mercedes late the night before, the brothers decided it was time once again. Blaine had her song almost done, but it wasn't right. Something was missing, something important, and Blaine was just too close to it to hear what it was.

Cooper listened to the current recording and then made Blaine do it again live. Cooper sat, his head down, his hands on his temples. Then he stood and paced back and forth. Blaine was right, something was missing, he could feel it in his skin, almost taste it on his tongue. "One more time," Cooper said.

Blaine groaned, but he sat back down at the piano, and adjusted the microphone. He needed to get this demo exactly right. Mercedes had told him this was his last chance. This song would make or break him.

Cooper clicked on the speaker from the control to the booth. "Okay, go ahead."

Blaine closed his eyes and played, singing from his heart like he did every time, so it startled him when the speaker suddenly broke through. "That's it," Cooper yelled, standing up at the console. "Right there, that's what's missing."

"What?"

"I'm going to set the controls and then come in there, and I want you to do it again. Whatever happens, just keep singing."

Blaine's forehead scrunched in confusion. "The whole thing?" How would it be different if what he did was exactly the same?

"Trust me," Cooper said and Blaine did trust him. "When we play it back you'll hear the difference."

Blaine shrugged and cleared his head, closing his eyes once again. He sang, the first verse feeling the same as it always had, then the chorus which had always been perfect. He started the second verse, the crescendo, and suddenly his breath was stolen. Cooper's Dominance surrounded him, strong and harsh like his father's. He kept singing, but Blaine fought back, reaching his submission out to push not pull, and he found himself pushing so far and so hard that he fell, just for a second before Cooper caught him, both in subspace and on the piano bench. Blaine's fingers slipped. Cooper's hands surrounded him but they weren't harsh at all, they held him close while a whisper in his ear told him he was incredible. That the song had been incredible.

When Blaine recovered he played it back and the tears welled up in his eyes as the fight came straight through the melody. He'd been sharper, clearer, striking new notes, the right notes, and then falling as he fell. The song was perfect. It was the most beautiful he'd ever heard himself, and he stared up at his brother. "How did you know?"

Cooper sat down on the couch. "When you and I were kids, I'd try to upstage you, just like that. You fought back so hard and every single time you were even more incredible than you'd been just singing on your own. And after you would fight with Dad, you'd go into the backyard and sing your face off and god, I just..." Cooper shook his head. He couldn't even really put it into words. "Blaine, your music comes straight from your heart, and it's been a while I think since you've had to fight like that. You've almost forgotten what it was like."

"I did forget," Blaine said, his voice full of wonder. "Thank you."

"It's gonna be a bitch to edit now, but we've got a couple of days," Cooper smiled and glanced up at the clock. "Time to get Serena."

Blaine did a double take. "Already?" The day had flown by.

"How about we go to Central Park. Some hot dogs and ice cream? Sliding down some slides? Perfect way to wind down."

"Sounds great," Blaine said with a smile as he grabbed his things and shut down the studio.

* * *

Cooper and Blaine sat on a bench eating their hot dogs and watching Serena climb up the stairs and slide down the slide a thousand times in the toddler playground.

"She's beautiful you know," Cooper said, never taking his eyes off her. "She's like the perfect mix of you and Santana."

Blaine smiled. She was beautiful with her dark curls and her dark eyes, and the fire in her spirit. Her fierce independence. "We're thinking of having another," he said quietly.

Cooper looked over at him. "You and Santana?"

"No," Blaine said. "Me and Kurt. He'd be the one this time though."

Cooper was quiet a moment. "And who would be the mother? Brittany?"

He'd been both excited and afraid to tell his brother, knowing how much about this went against everything they'd been raised to believe. "No." He squinted up at his brother who was still staring at him. "Kurt doesn't want to know who she is. We'd be using an anonymous donor and a surrogate."

Cooper rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in front of him. He looked up at Serena, brushing the dirt off her knees, and let out a long, slow breath. "Are you sure you want to do that?

"I want his child Coop. And if that's the way he wants to do it, then yes. I'm sure."

"You know it's not that easy. Not with him," Cooper said.

Blaine closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. "I've checked. There are places that will do the procedure with…someone like Kurt. Some require the donor be Gray too, but some don't." He looked back at his brother. "We haven't made any decisions yet other than to look into it. We know that it won't be as easy as it was with Serena. But that doesn't matter."

"No," Cooper said as if deep in thought. "I guess it doesn't."

Serena started crying and Cooper was quicker to get to her than Blaine was. She'd tripped up the stairs and scraped her leg. Blaine watched as Cooper carefully cleaned her off, talking to her and making her laugh. He got her back up on the steps in no time.

"You're good with her," Blaine pointed out as Cooper sat back down next to him. "Ever think of having kids of your own?"

Cooper smirked over at him. "I think I'm gonna go the traditional route. Which means finding a girlfriend that lasts more than just a couple of months."

Blaine never understood his brother. He was handsome, smart, rich, an incredible Dom. And yet he couldn't keep a girlfriend. "Why do they last just a couple of months?"

Cooper shrugged. " _Husband-To-Be_ , it kind of ruined things for me. Every woman just wanted something from me. The fame or the fortune. They didn't want to love me or serve me." Blaine noticed as his brother spoke that he'd never really seen him seem so vulnerable. "It's hard to trust any girl now."

"Is it that they aren't trustworthy? Or just that you can't trust anymore?" Cooper shrugged and Blaine smiled softly. "Truth. Love. Trust. Respect. Show them the respect you want to be shown. Tell them the truth, that you're afraid. Let yourself fall in love with them. Let your heart trust."

"And if they break it?"

"The right one will mend it. Fame is lonely Coop. Everyone loves the image of you from a safe distance, but you need someone who will love the real you. From too close. So close that it scares you. And yet at the same time, it's the safest you've ever been."

Cooper was looking at him wide-eyed like he'd transformed right in front of him. "When did you grow up little brother?"

"When I met Kurt," Blaine answered frankly and then he looked up at his daughter. Serena stood on the top of the slide and waved. He waved back and watched her slide all the way down. "And when I met that little girl. She makes me grow every day."

* * *

Blaine bit his lip nervously, his foot tapping as he watched Kurt with his headphones over his ears on the other end of the Skype call. It didn't even matter what Mercedes and her people said. The only opinion he really cared about was his husband's.

Kurt took the headphones slowly off and lifted his eyes to meet Blaine's. Blaine held his breath. And then Kurt smiled. "Oh my god Blaine. I don't even have words. That. Was. Unbelievable."

"Unbelievable good, or-"

"Unbelievable good Blaine!" Kurt's entire face lit up with pride. "What did Mercedes say?"

Blaine'd had to reread the email five times before he believed that what he thought he read was truly there. "She said they're going to use it. She's going to work on it and sing it on tour when they get to LA."

Kurt let out a high pitched squeal and kicked his legs excitedly. "God Blaine, I'm so proud of you. You deserve a reward. Anything you want."

"I don't want anything except you home," Blaine said softly. He felt an ache in his chest. "I miss you so much."

Kurt frowned. "I miss you too sweetheart. I spend every night after work with Quinn and some of the other cast just so I don't have to go back to the house until it's time to see you."

"Having Cooper here is great," Blaine said. "But it's still so hard without you around. His Dominance isn't your love and god, I just, I miss feeling you around me. I miss falling." His eyes shined, even on the computer screen. "I miss you catching me."

"I miss the warmth of your submission," Kurt admitted. "Honestly I didn't think I would, but it's so much a part of who you are. Who we are."

Blaine chuckled lightly to himself. "Quinn must think you're crazy."

Kurt shook his head and gave a warm smile. He rested his chin on his hands. "No. She gets it. She doesn't really talk about it and I know she's happy with her boyfriend. But I know she misses Santana too. I can tell." Blaine lowered his eyes and gnawed at his cheek. "You miss Santana too. I know that Blaine, it's okay. I came to peace with that a long time ago."

"That would be my reward," Blaine muttered, staring at his hands. "The two of you, here, back where you belong."

"Have you told her yet?" Kurt asked. "About the song? She'd be so proud of you. Brittany too."

"I know," Blaine said. "But I wanted to tell you first. Because the whole world could love it Kurt, but if you didn't, it wouldn't mean anything."

"Well I do," Kurt smiled. "I love it almost as much as I love you."

"There's this hum. Inside my skin. And sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's like a whisper, but it's always there. Has been since you left." Kurt watched him, listening. "I'm scared of it. I'm scared it's like a ticking time bomb and if I can't feel you soon it's going to explode."

"I'm here Blaine. Whenever you need me. And we'll be together soon. Two weeks down, two weeks to go, right?"

"Right." Blaine took a deep, shuddering breath. But he could feel the world unraveling.

~S~

_If only New York wasn't so far away_   
_I promise this city won't get in our way_   
_When you're scared and alone,_   
_Just know that I'm already home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait to hear what you think. Part 3 is coming along fairly well, but your comments always help me!


	6. Already Home, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a monster and while I considered splitting it, but both of my amazing betas assured me it was a quick read and I really didn't want to expand to four parts.
> 
> Thanks have to go to Lilinas for always being there when I need inspiration or just to talk things through, and it will be very obvious I think which part she influenced.
> 
> Warnings are pretty significant this chapter so I'm going to leave them at the top, so please blur or avert your eyes right now if you don't want to know.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Silent Spanking, CBT, Safeword Use, Safeword Ignored

_When life takes its own course_   
_Sometimes we just don't get to choose_   
_I'd rather be there next to you_   
_Promise you'll wait for me, wait for me_   
_Wait 'til I'm home  
~ A Great Big World_

* * *

**Tuesday, June 21, 2022**

"Papa, I don't feel good."

Blaine had considered it a luxury that she wasn't up and waiting by the time he had gotten showered and dressed that morning. It was already past 7am, almost time for her daily phone call with Kurt. Normally she was bouncing up and down with anticipation. Today she wasn't even out of bed.

"What's the matter pumpkin?" Blaine asked. He sat down on the edge of her bed. She looked flush, sweaty.

"My tummy hurts. And my head."

Blaine frowned and kissed her forehead gently. She felt warm but she wasn't burning up. "Where does your tummy hurt?" he asked.

She shrugged and her hands fluttered around her entire torso. Her eyes slipped closed again. Inside Blaine's chest his heart jumped but he took a deep breath and clamped it down. He couldn't fall apart just because Kurt wasn't there. Sure he had a ridiculously busy day at work, important clients he was going to have to cancel on, and a sick child he had to take care of all by himself, but…

His submission swirled and his head spun. Inside the hum grew louder, deeper with feelings of being overwhelmed, but he forced himself to stay calm. He had to for Serena. "Okay sweetie, I'll be right back."

He went to the kitchen and filled a sippy cup of water, then grabbed a thermometer and some Tylenol from the medicine cabinet. His hands were shaking and he didn't know why. Kids got sick all the time. Serena had had colds before and she'd been just fine. Kurt had always been the one to take care of her though, fretting over every little thing, needing to be there to make sure she was okay. Blaine's job had always been to just do what he was told and make sure Kurt's anxiety was kept in check. Serving Kurt, soothing him, and submitting to him had always been enough to keep him calm.

But this time Kurt wasn't there.

Cooper, sleeping bare-chested and in sweats, didn't even stir on the couch as Blaine passed through the room and back to Serena's side. He put the water down on her nightstand. He brushed the curls off her forehead. Even his fingers could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. "Let me just take your temperature," he said though she barely stirred. He slid the thermometer over her forehead and it only took a second before the screen turned red. 101.5. It could have been worse, but there was one thing the number didn't change. "Well, someone's definitely not going to school today," he sighed. Or work, he thought wryly. "Do you feel like you're going to throw up?"

Serena moaned a  _no_ , but he went to the kitchen and brought back a large bowl just in case. He helped her sit up and take some medicine for the fever. She swallowed and scrunched up her face in disgust. "Here, take a sip of water." She took the tiniest of sips before collapsing back down on her pillow.

"Sleep," she mumbled.

Blaine frowned and kissed her softly, tucking one of her stuffed animals into her arms. "Alright, you stay here and go back to sleep, I have to call the daycare and the doctor and cancel my sessions for the day." He watched her for a minute though, looking so fragile and weak. Even the times she'd been sick before, Serena was never without energy, and now she could barely mumble at him as he left. It was enough to scare him, but he forced it back. Kids got sick all the time, he told himself once more.

His hands shook as he dialed the daycare. From the laptop chimed Kurt's Skype call and he looked at the time, groaning. He'd forgotten all about it.

"Dammit," Blaine snapped. He hung up on the daycare and answered Kurt's call, not even bothering to sit down.

"Hey," Kurt grinned, but it quickly faded the moment Kurt saw Blaine's face. "What's wrong?"

Blaine's annoyance was immediate. "Kurt, I don't have time to talk, Serena's sick with a fever, I have to call the daycare and the pediatrician-"

"Whoa, Blaine, slow down. What's going on, is it a cold or-"

"I don't know what it is Kurt, I'm not a doctor, that's why I have to call one," Blaine snapped, his anxiety fueling his temper. "She says her head and her stomach hurt."

"How high is her fever?" Kurt was clearly trying to seem calm, the shakiness in his voice too subtle for Blaine to notice in his state.

"101.5."

"Well, you should give her some Tylenol," Kurt suggested. "And make sure she drinks water."

"I already did Kurt, do you think I don't know how to take care of my own daughter?"

Kurt blinked. "No, I do Blaine, I just-"

"You just think because you're the one who always does it that I don't know what I'm doing," Blaine said. "Well you're not here and I am, so unless that's going to change…" Blaine left the question hanging in the air but Kurt only bit his lip silently. "You're just going to have to trust me. So if you don't mind I need to call the daycare and the doctor and then I have five recording sessions and a meeting I have to cancel."

Blaine looked around the room for his planner. He didn't even notice Kurt's face scrunched with worry. "Maybe you don't have to cancel," Kurt said carefully. "Cooper can stay home with her, can't he?"

"What?" Blaine stopped and stared at his husband like he was crazy. He had no idea how Kurt could even suggest that he go to work. One of them was always with Serena when she was sick. What if she woke up and needed him? What if she got worse? What if Cooper got distracted and forgot all about her? "No way. She's  _sick_  Kurt, she's hot and sweating and fast asleep, I'm not going to leave her to wake up scared and alone without a father home and since  _I'm_  the only father who's here, then I guess  _I'm_  the one that has to stay."

Kurt ignored the bite in Blaine's words and tried to reassure him. "Blaine, sweetheart, believe me, I know it's hard, but the fact is she'll probably either just sleep all day or she'll start feeling better and they'll sit and watch TV. Either way I'm sure Cooper can handle it and he can call you if he needs something."

"Yeah, of course it's easy for you to just walk away," Blaine muttered.

Kurt's brow arched. "I beg your pardon?"

"Nothing."

"That wasn't nothing Blaine." His voice was careful, controlled. But Blaine could see in the hardness of his eyes that Kurt was angry. "I don't appreciate the way you're talking to me. I know I'm not there like you want me to be, but I'm just trying to help."

Blaine glanced at the time. He needed to make his calls soon before his first client left for the studio and he needed to get back to Serena. "Yeah well, you can't really help from fucking Boston, can you?"

Kurt's face tightened. "Ask Cooper to watch her." It was clearly not a suggestion. "Go to work."

Blaine though let out a huff. "Like you're going to work?"

"This isn't about me, Blaine, this is about you, and I am telling you to go to work."

Blaine glared at Kurt. He knew this was all about Kurt. Kurt couldn't be with her so he didn't want Blaine to be with her either. He could tell Kurt that, confront him, but instead he just closed his eyes for a second before he said something he'd truly come to regret. "Fine," he said between clenched teeth. "I have to go."

Blaine didn't even let Kurt get in another word before he ended the call. His head spun again but he gripped the table until it passed. He dialed the daycare, who wished Serena well, and he left a message with the pediatrician's answering service to call him back as soon as they got in. He checked in again on Serena who was both sleeping and breathing. He made sure of the second. He checked her hands and toes and lips for any tinges of blue. He didn't see any, but around her mouth her skin was definitely paler than usual. He didn't want to leave her. The pull to stay and care for her was powerful.

He did walk out of her room though and stood over the couch where despite all the noise, Cooper still hadn't stirred. Which meant his brother wouldn't know that staying home meant defying his Dom. Which meant he wouldn't have to deal with any arguments until tonight, after maybe she'd be all better. He made the choice to turn and cancel his day despite Kurt's order when Cooper finally spoke up.

"So are you gonna ask me or not?"

Blaine glared down at him. "You were listening?"

Cooper rolled over onto his back and stared up at his brother. "The whole time. And if my sub ever talked to me like that, he'd be sorry and sore for it very quickly."

Blaine felt his fists clench and his eyes narrowed. He didn't need to be lectured right then; the only thing that mattered was Serena. "Yes, well if Kurt wants to punish me for it later that's fine. But right now he's off doing whatever the fuck he wants while I'm the one who's sitting here worrying and waiting for the pediatrician to call back."

"You think he's not worried?"

"He sure as hell didn't seem worried. He cared more about me going to work than taking care of our daughter and he didn't seem to give a shit that I'd have to deal with her by myself."

Cooper stood up, his hands on his hips. "Okay, first of all I'm here, so you're not by yourself, and second of all you won't have to deal with her at all until tonight if you go to work like Kurt ordered you to. Which is probably exactly  _why_  he ordered you to, so you wouldn't get any more overwhelmed than you already are."

Blaine wasn't in the mood for Kurt's reasoning though. "Do you even have any idea how to take care of a sick kid?" he asked, matching Cooper's stance.

"I'm sure it's very much like taking care of a sick adult and yes Blaine, I'm a Dom. I've had sick girlfriends and I'm pretty sure they'd all say I took quite good care of them."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "That's not even close to the same."

"No, it's not. I'm sure they were far more demanding than Serena will be." Cooper tried to smile, but his brother was having none of it. He sighed instead. "Look, Kurt seemed to believe I could care for her okay," he pointed out.

Blaine shook his head and went to grab his planner for the phone numbers. "No. I feel helpless enough here not being able to make her feel better, if I go to work there won't even be anything I can do to try. How the fuck am I even supposed to get anything done?"

"So you think defying your Dom is the best way to go?"

He threw his planner on the table and looked up at Cooper. "I can't just go to work and mix people's music without worrying all day about whether she's eating or drinking or burning up with a fever-"

Cooper arched a brow at his little brother and raised his voice. "And you don't think that's exactly how Kurt will feel? Except  _he's_  250 miles away from her instead of 10 blocks. And while  _you_  get to come back home tonight and see her and hold her, he won't be able to for another two weeks."

"Well whose fault is that?" Blaine wasn't the one who chose to leave for a month. "If he cared that much he wouldn't have fucking gone in the first place."

Blaine felt Cooper's Dominance immediately, lashing out, surrounding him, but not taking hold. Which was good because Blaine would have fought it off with every fiber of his being.

"You think Kurt doesn't care about you and Serena?" Cooper's eyes were severe as he stared Blaine down and Blaine felt his stomach flip with nerves. "You think he's not in a strange room, alone, wishing he could get on a train back home instead of going to rehearsal? You think he isn't wishing right now that he'd never made the decision to go at all?" Blaine felt a push against his body only a second before Cooper ordered, "Get on your knees."

Blaine automatically complied, kneeling on the hardwood floor. Cooper reached a hand out to lift Blaine's chin, raising eyes that had fallen to the ground. "Swearing up a storm and defying your Dom would be bad enough but dismissing his emotions? That is completely unacceptable. So you will go to work and you will feel the same way Kurt does, and if you need to consider it punishment for your lack of empathy, then I think that would be very fitting."

"And if I don't go?" Blaine challenged, staring up at him.

"Then your punishment will be far worse. And then what good would you be to your daughter?" Blaine shuddered, not knowing if Cooper meant to deliver it himself or simply ensure that Kurt knew of his defiance, but it didn't matter. He couldn't stop his submission from swirling, reaching until Cooper gently latched on. Blaine felt his emotions pull back from the brink and settle into something far more reasonable. Cooper's eyes softened and he tried to give his brother a reassuring smile. "If Kurt wanted you to go to work, then he knows it's what's best for you and Serena. I promise I will let you know if something changes."

Blaine sat back on his heels. Obeying would make it easier to cling to his anger. Anger was easier to deal with than fear. "You'll call me if she needs anything?"

Cooper let his hand rest on Blaine's head. "Anything at all," he promised.

* * *

Kurt shut down his laptop and closed his eyes, trying to settle the racing of his heart. There was nothing he hated more than Serena being sick. He had already lost too many people, had come close too many times, he couldn't lose his baby girl too. He gripped the table, steadying himself. If Blaine were there he'd be wrapped up in the calming warmth of his husband's submission, held safe and sound in the strength of his arms. Blaine would tell him it would be okay, she just had a cold, kids get sick all the time. Blaine would tell him it wasn't what he feared and his mind would come back from the edge of words like cancer and leukemia.

But Blaine wasn't there and rehearsal was starting in less than an hour. With one last steadying breath he grabbed his bag. Reaching out for the doorknob he tapped it three times before heading out the door and to the T. He'd text Cooper on his first break, make sure everything was okay. Make sure Blaine had obeyed him. He hated making Blaine go to work, but he knew that without Kurt's anxiety to soothe, Blaine's own worry would overwhelm him.

If things got bad, Kurt's demand to Dominate and Blaine's willingness to submit, would be the only thing that would hold the two of them together.

* * *

**From Kurt (10:21am): How is she?**

**_From Cooper (10:22am): Still sleeping. I got her to take a few sips of water when she woke up earlier._ **

**_From Cooper (10:24am): How are you?_ **

**From Kurt (10:25am): I'm fine. Did Blaine go to work?**

**_From Cooper (10:26am): Yes he did. And you're lying._ **

**From Kurt (10:27am): I have to be fine Cooper. I'm the Dom, remember?**

**_From Cooper (10:28am): That's not how it works. And that's not how it would be working if you were home. Is it?_ **

**From Kurt (10:29am): Well I'm not home. As I'm sure Blaine will remind me. And he's not here. I have rehearsal and I have to be fine.**

**_From Cooper (10:30am): You don't have to be fine with me. Okay? And Blaine's acting like a brat. If you need me to do something…_ **

**From Kurt (10:31am): He's scared. He always acts like this when he's scared. I can handle it.**

**From Kurt: But thank you.**

* * *

**From Kurt (12:03pm): How are you?**

**_From Blaine (12:05pm): Oh I'm just fabulous. Of course I'd be better if I was home with my daughter instead of here at work._ **

**From Kurt (12:06pm): OUR daughter.**

**_From Blaine (12:08pm): Our daughter._ **

**From Kurt (12:09pm): You're going to be fine Blaine. Cooper is there to help you.**

**_From Blaine (12:15pm): I'm worried about Serena being fine, not me._ **

**_From Blaine (12:16pm): And Cooper isn't you._ **

**From Kurt (12:17pm): I don't know what you want me to say here.**

**_From Blaine (12:22pm): Then don't say anything._ **

* * *

Blaine's head was swimming by the time he got home, the need to be near Kurt so great it almost overpowered his need to be mad at him. Part of him worried that punishment awaited him the moment he walked through the door. Part of him would have welcomed it, even from Cooper. But behind the door, there was no Kurt, no punishment, and no Cooper.

He heard his brother's voice though, soft and beautiful as it sang inside Serena's bedroom. He knew it was meant to soothe the little girl but he stood in the center of the living room, letting it soothe him as well. It had been a long time since Cooper had sung to him. Blaine had almost forgotten how good he was. How good it had always made him feel.

As if drawn in, Blaine found himself stepping slowly toward Serena's room and he leaned against the door frame. Serena was sleeping and Cooper sat beside her, brushing damp, dark curls from her face. "How long has she been sleeping?" Blaine asked quietly.

Cooper turned, smiling sadly at his brother. "Most of the day really," he said. "Her fever's been steady even with the medicine. Chances are without it, it would be higher than this morning."

Blaine walked around to the foot of the bed and sat down, resting his hand on her leg. "Has she had anything to eat or drink?"

"Some chicken soup for lunch. I thought we could try again once you got home, but she doesn't seem to want to wake up."

"You should have called me," Blaine frowned.

Cooper shook his head. "She wasn't better and she wasn't worse Squirt. Her breathing has been fine." He considered a very tired looking Blaine. "How was your day?"

Blaine shrugged and his head dropped in shame. "The recordings all went well," he said. "Things with Kurt, not so much."

Cooper pursed his lips. He hadn't needed Blaine to tell him that. Kurt already had. "He loves you, you know. You and Serena mean the world to him."

"I know," Blaine said. It didn't stop the anger though. Especially since he didn't even know where it was coming from. "I'm gonna go call the doctor."

Cooper watched him get up and disappear into his bedroom. He went out to the kitchen and started dinner. His brother was halfway to subspace and every bone in Cooper's body urged him to pull him out, but he knew Blaine would beg him off. There was one thing the Dom wouldn't budge on though, and that was making sure Blaine ate to keep up his strength. Unless Serena improved overnight, tomorrow was going to be a much more difficult day than today had been.

After he left a message with the pediatrician's office, Blaine went back into Serena's room and closed the door behind him. On the nightstand was Tylenol and Motrin, a cup of water, a wet washcloth, some crackers and tissues. He picked up the washcloth, no longer cold, but he laid it atop her forehead anyway and lay down next to her, curling himself around her tiny body. He listened to the sound of her breathing. He felt the rise and fall and the pitter patter of her chest beneath his hand. He smelled the baby scent of her shampoo. He wouldn't let himself imagine Kurt missing all that.

He roused her awake just enough to give her some Pedialyte and a few bites of the crackers. He took her temperature. Cooper was right, her fever was steady but she was alternating Tylenol and Motrin and without it, she'd probably be much warmer. He wasn't hungry himself and it took every pull of Cooper's Domination to get Blaine to eat dinner and finally he agreed just so Cooper didn't force it on him. The phone rang and he talked to the doctor, then collapsed into the chair and mindlessly watched television with his brother while trying to decide what exactly he wanted from his Skype session with Kurt. In the end he realized he couldn't deal with anything at all.

Heavy with worry and exhaustion, Blaine said goodnight to Cooper, turned off the lights and locked his bedroom door. He curled up on his desk chair and immediately Kurt rang in. Blaine couldn't help but notice that Kurt looked exhausted too. "How was she tonight?" Kurt asked.

Blaine frowned. "Cooper said she slept all day and she was the same tonight. Barely ate. Got her to drink a little bit of Pedialyte. Her fever is steady." Blaine rarely worried when Serena was sick, not like Kurt. Even her worst of colds so far she'd still been awake and chipper, like a little bit of illness couldn't bring her down. But this time was different. She'd hardly said a word all day. He couldn't even get her to eat that night.

The truth was, he was scared. His head had been fuzzy since he got home and his heart hadn't stopped racing all night. But he didn't tell Kurt that.

"What did the doctor say?" Kurt asked.

"Call in the morning. They'll see her right away if her fever hasn't broken. Take her to the hospital if she starts having trouble breathing or her fever spikes to dangerous levels even with the meds. They're worried about her blood count."

Blaine was too absorbed in his own worry to see the flash of fear in Kurt's eyes, before they became stoic again. "I wish there was something I could do."

"Well there's not, is there?" Blaine snapped. He shifted in his seat and looked down at his hands. He had just felt so angry all day and he knew he had no right to be, knew that Kurt couldn't just up and leave. A small part of him could recognize that he didn't even want him to. But it didn't stop him from feeling that Kurt should have wanted to. He should have offered. "You can't do anything from Boston."

Blaine didn't see the pain on Kurt's face. "If she's still sick on Sunday I'll come home after rehearsal. Be home with you on Monday."

It was little consolation. It felt like a cop out. Too little, too late. "Yeah, fine, whatever."

"Blaine-" Kurt started to reprimand but Blaine cut him off immediately.

"Kurt, I can't do this tonight."

Kurt stopped. He lowered his eyes. "No, of course," Kurt said quickly. "That's totally fine, I wouldn't expect you to."

"I'm gonna bring her into bed with me. I need to be able to feel her breathing."

If Blaine's eyes weren't clouded and his thoughts weren't trapped by a wall of submission he would realize he was being selfish and apathetic. He would see that Kurt was hurting too and he was doing absolutely nothing to make it better. But he was angry and scared, he felt abandoned by his Dom, his husband, Serena's father. He felt charged with a responsibility far too big for him to handle alone.

"Call me in the morning," Kurt said.

"I will."

"I love you."

Blaine didn't say a thing. He turned off the computer and opened the door, walking out into the living room where Cooper was still watching TV.

"How's Kurt?" Cooper asked over his shoulder.

Blaine didn't even look at him. "Fine."

He reached for Serena's doorknob, but at the same time he felt Cooper's Dominance reach for him and he physically slapped it away with his hands as if it were something corporeal. "Stop that," he hissed. "That's the last thing I need."

Blaine didn't wait for Cooper to argue, he simply went into Serena's room and picked her up. Her sweat soaked curls tickled at his neck as he held her. The heat of her body scorched his skin. He was afraid to take her temperature again. He brought her into his room and tucked her into bed. He was quick in the bathroom, not wanting to leave her. When he was brushed and dressed, he wet a new washcloth with cold water then climbed under the covers, lying down next to her. Listening to her breathe, he draped the washcloth on her forehead, and laid his hand gently on her too warm chest, desperate to feel the rise and fall.

She whimpered beneath his touch.

Alone in the dark, he was terrified. His thoughts turned to Kurt, anger finally softening, and he realized how scared and alone he must have been as well.

He thought of how terribly he'd treated him.

Shame and guilt washed over him, and his submission grew from its rebelling pulse to what felt like a raging storm. A storm in winter, whirling freezing cold air around every person and every thing. And suddenly he let his submission, icy with the desperate need for punishment, wrap around his daughter. She shivered inside it. He brushed her damp curls out from underneath the cloth.

And he tried to keep her wrapped up in the cold for as long as he possible could before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

In the morning her fever had spiked and Blaine called the after-hours line for the pediatrician for the third time. They were sent straight to the emergency room. Blaine and Cooper bundled Serena up into her stroller, packed two bags of overnight clothes and essentials just in case, and made their way to Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital. Blaine started shaking before he even hung up the phone and didn't even notice Cooper calling Kurt to update him. The sound of his own heartbeat pulsed in his ears and it hurt to breathe. He just wanted the world to stop and his little girl to open her eyes and smile at him. Every sound enraged him and after yelling at Cooper three times before they even left the apartment, they took the trip in silence. Blaine just gripped Serena's stroller, not able to take his eyes from her little body. He prayed, harder than he ever had before, bargaining away anything and anyone he ever loved, promising to take whatever punishment from Kurt that he deserved, no matter how much it hurt, just to have her be okay.

The words of the doctors and nurses all scrambled in his ears once they entered the emergency room and Cooper checked them in. The pediatrician's office had called ahead and they were expected. Despite the crowd, they waited only fifteen minutes before Serena was called into the back, a room ready for her, a nurse prepared to put in an IV.

"She hates needles," Blaine whispered even though today Serena barely registered what was going on. "She hates pain. She cries whenever she's hurt." Blaine let his head fall into his hands as he finally let himself weep. "Why isn't she crying Cooper?"

"I don't know Squirt," Cooper said. He pulled his chair close to his brother, wrapped an arm around him and let him cry. "She's strong though. We know that. She's got Lopez and Anderson blood in her. She won't give up on anything without a fight."

"Oh my god, Santana," Blaine cried and he immediately pulled out his phone.

**From Blaine (7:37am): Serena's sick, we're in the emergency room, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you yesterday…**

**_From Santana (7:45am): Kurt told me. He's really worried about you. He wanted to know if I'd heard from you._ **

**From Blaine (7:50am): Santana I'm so scared. I'm messing everything up. I don't even know what I'm doing. She's barely woken up since yesterday morning.**

**_From Santana (7:55am): Do you remember how you were in the hospital before she was born? You were falling so easily. You need Dominance Blaine, you have to let Cooper help you._ **

Blaine looked up at his brother. Cooper was sitting on the edge of Serena's bed, holding her hand, and all Blaine wanted to do was fall at his feet and wait to be told what to do.

**From Blaine (7:58am): No. I can't. I have to be her father, I can't be Cooper's sub.**

**_From Santana (8:01am): You have to let yourself be somebody's sub sweetheart._ **

**From Blaine (8:05am): I AM SOMEBODY'S SUB BUT KURT'S NOT FUCKING HERE.**

**From Blaine (8:06am): And I know I shouldn't be, but I'm really, really mad at him for that.**

**_From Santana (8:07am): I know you are sweetheart. And I know you're overwhelmed but from what I've heard from Kurt and Cooper, your behavior has been entirely unacceptable._ **

**From Blaine (8:08am): God Tana, I've fucked up so much.**

**_From Santana (8:10am): You're entitled to your emotions, especially now, but they are reasons, not excuses, for disrespecting Kurt whether he's Dom or Gray, Husband or Father. And he is all of those things. There will be consequences. If not from him then from me._ **

**From Blaine (8:15am): I can't submit to him. Not now.**

**_From Santana (8:18am): Then at least submit to her._ **

Blaine looked up. And maybe it was his fear or his exhaustion or his teetering on the edge of subspace, but his mind flashed to the night before, his submission surrounding Serena, cooling her even if it had only lasted until he slept. He didn't know how Santana knew, but he was sure that she did.

**From Blaine (8:23am): Tell Kurt I'm sorry.**

**_From Santana (8:24am): He knows you are sweetheart. And he will give you what you need, when you're ready to tell him yourself._ **

Blaine put the phone down and he went over to Serena. She looked so tiny in the twin bed, much smaller than usual. Cooper saw him and got up. Blaine truly looked at him for the first time since she'd awoken yesterday. "Thank you. For being here."

The words didn't say half of what he meant. But Cooper understood. "I'll catch you if you fall too far. But only if I think that either of you are in danger."

Blaine nodded and climbed up onto the bed, curling up beside her. The room was far too harsh under the fluorescent lighting and the monitors beeping incessantly in his ears. But he closed his eyes and he pretended that they were home, that Kurt was home, and he carefully wrapped her in the chill of his submission. He let it reach out, to the dominance he knew was there, hoping to lure it out to fight. Praying for it to latch on.

* * *

"Papa?"

Her voice was tiny as she turned her head toward him and his eyes blinked open from the depths of subspace. He didn't know how much time had passed. But the color had come back to her lips. The life had returned to her still heavy eyes.

"I'm right here baby," he said, brushing his thumb along her cheek.

"Hurts," she said.

"What hurts?" He looked up at Cooper who slipped out the door to find the doctor.

"Body," she whispered. "Tired."

"Everything's gonna be okay pumpkin, we're with the doctors and they're gonna make you all better."

"Thirsty," she said.

As if reading Serena's mind, the nurse came in with a cup of ice chips. "One at a time, Dad," she said, handing it to Blaine to feed to Serena. He took one between his fingers and gave it to her to suck on. "The doctor will be right in."

Serena crunching on the ice was the happiest sound that Blaine had heard in more than 24 hours and he smiled softly at her. "You are such a good girl," he told her, as the nurse took her vitals. "Did you know that?"

"Daddy?" she said. "Want Daddy."

Blaine felt tears well up in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. "Daddy's working pumpkin, but he loves you so much and we can call him in a little bit, okay? Let's just talk to the doctors first."

The door to her room opened and the doctor came in, a tall blonde woman with a comforting smile. Blaine kept his eyes trained on her as she picked up Serena's chart to read he vitals the nurse had just recorded and the results from her lab work. "Her fever seems to have broken," the doctor said and she came over and took a seat on the chair opposite Blaine. "She has an elevated white blood cell count and her hemoglobin is low. Very low."

"What does that mean?" he asked. His mind quickly reached for whatever he'd learned about thalassemia but he couldn't remember anything.

"We have to run a few more tests to completely rule out anything more serious. Most likely she was just hit with a virus, which wiped out her red blood cells. Her fatigue is likely a mix of the anemia and the virus."

But Blaine had stopped listening after the first sentence. "What more serious things?" Blaine demanded. He felt Cooper's hand on his shoulder but it didn't stop the pounding in his heart. "What more serious things?" he asked again, standing up when the doctor hedged.

The doctor looked to Cooper and then back to him. "Serena's blood panel is similar to that of childhood leukemia. But we did a blood smear and her cells look normal. Given her pre-existing anemia, it's very unlikely to be anything other than that."

Blaine's head spun and he had to steady himself against the wall. Very unlikely. Was that what Kurt's dad was told before his mother was diagnosed?

And suddenly his stomach lurched, the realization of how selfish he'd been falling upon him. He'd been so worried only about himself when Kurt was all alone probably terrified that he could lose Serena just like he'd lost his mother. He'd forgotten before and he'd forgotten again and he was the worst sub in the entire world. He felt a thickness in his throat and he pressed a palm to his lips to hold back the sickness he felt. He wanted to run, he wanted punishment, he wanted Kurt and he couldn't have any of that. His submission reached out and begged for help, plummeting him deep into the recesses of subspace where he could hide until Kurt could make this right.

The darkness surrounded him, the thickness of the air suffocated him, until tendrils of Dominance latched on and carefully pulled him out. He went from feeling nothing around him to feeling the hard, cold tile of the hospital floor beneath his knees, beneath his forehead. Cooper's hands were on his back, rubbing, coaxing him out of his mind and back into the world.

"Kurt-"

"Is okay," Cooper told him, trying to get him to lift his head off the ground. "I've been keeping him updated, Santana and his Dad have been keeping him calm. We've been taking care of him, he's okay."

"I should have…" Blaine sat up and he rubbed his hands over his face, through his mess of hair, shaking his head. He should have been taking care of Kurt. That was  _his_  job, his duty as his sub and he had failed completely. They'd talked about this, what they would do if Serena grew sick, how they would handle it. How they would support one another. Kurt's fears and what he would need. But now that the time had come, he'd been nothing but selfish. "We were supposed to do this together."

"Sometimes life has different plans," Cooper said. "Now come on, you need to get yourself together. I may be the Dom here but you're her dad and only you can sign off on her treatment."

"What treatment?" he said, looking at him with confusion in his eyes.

"She needs a blood transfusion," Cooper said. "For the anemia."

"I can't…I don't know…" Blaine couldn't think. He couldn't make a decision. "I need Kurt."

"Where's your phone," Cooper asked and Blaine pointed to where he thought he'd left it on the table. Cooper reached for it, guiding Blaine up to sit back in the chair. Blaine looked over to Serena, who seemed to have fallen back asleep. Cooper dialed for video and when Kurt answered he handed the phone to Blaine.

"Kurt," he cried. He knew he must have looked horrible, hair a mess, eyes red-rimmed, cheeks streaked with tears, but he didn't care. Kurt looked beautiful, like an angel. An angel he'd horribly neglected. "Kurt I'm so sorry, I'm the worst-"

But this time it was Kurt's turn to be short. "What did the doctor say Blaine?" he asked, his voice flat. "Just tell me if it's what I think it is."

Blaine shook his head, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. There was such fear in Kurt's eyes. How had he not seen it before? "They don't think so. They think it was just a virus and the anemia. They want to give her a blood transfusion while they run some other tests. Kurt I should have-"

"We'll talk about what you should have later," Kurt said, harsh and unforgiving. "Sign off on the transfusion."

"Daddy…"

Blaine looked up. Serena's eyes were open and she reached for the phone. "Serena wants to see you," he said as he walked around to the bed and sat down next to her.

Serena's face brightened the moment she saw Kurt. "Hi Daddy," she said.

"Hi baby," Kurt cooed, setting aside his anger at Blaine. He smiled, brave and strong, hiding sadness and worry only Blaine could see. "How are you feeling?"

"I sick Daddy," Serena said. "At ho'pital."

"I know baby, but the doctors are going to make you all better, you just need to be brave," Kurt said. "I love you so much sweetie, I wish so much I was there with you. I've barely been able to concentrate at work, all I could do was think about you."

Blaine felt the sting of his tears, the regret and remorse. The incredible shame and the desperate need for punishment.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at Cooper. "They need to go over the procedure and have you sign," he said, glancing over to the nurse. "I'll stay with Serena."

Blaine handed the phone to his daughter who was laughing at silly faces Kurt was making and he went out after the nurse. They went over how the transfusion would work, taking about 2-3 hours, and in the meantime the rest of the tests would be run. If she responded well, the nurse said Serena should feel significantly better and if there were no further concerns they'd be able to leave that day.

He signed the paperwork just as he heard Kurt say, "I love you baby. Put Papa back on the phone if you can."

Cooper brought the phone over to him and Blaine looked down at Kurt staring back at him. "Kurt-"

"Is there someplace private you can go?"

He looked at Cooper who nodded at him and he made his way out of the hospital room, asking a nurse at the front desk and following her directions. There were family waiting rooms and reserved ones meant for Doms and subs. Blaine entered one that was free and closed the door behind him.

"Okay, I'm alone," Blaine told his Dom.

"Corner Blaine," Kurt ordered immediately. "Now." Blaine looked around and headed to the one left of the door. "Forehead on the wall, close your eyes and listen to my voice."

Blaine did as he was told and held the phone to his ear. There was silence on the line as Kurt gave him time to settle and tried to put his words together.

"I'm sorry, sir…" Blaine started.

But Kurt cut him off. "I know how hard this must have been for you Blaine, having to take care of her with me not there. But it was hard for me too. And I tried Blaine, I tried to be there for you as much as I could, but you…" Kurt's voice broke and Blaine's heart dropped to his stomach. He knew what he'd done. "And I don't know if you were too overwhelmed to notice or you just didn't care."

In that moment Blaine wasn't sure either, but he would have done anything to make it right. "Sir, I'm so sorry-"

"You will be," Kurt said and it was a promise as sure as a threat. "As soon as Serena is well and home, you will be very sorry. Is that understood?"

Blaine swallowed hard. "Yes, sir." And he felt like his heart should have stayed heavy with the promise, but instead his submission finally settled and he felt like he could breathe again for the first time since Serena had become sick. "I love you so much Kurt." He hadn't said it yesterday. One more transgression to add to a list far too long already.

"I love you too sweetheart," Kurt said, his voice softening. "And I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to help you through this. To help you both through this. But no matter what you think and no matter what happened between you and me, you did everything Serena needed. And I'm very proud of you for that."

"Thank you," Blaine whispered. Kurt's pride in him meant everything.

"Now go back to her," Kurt said and Blaine could almost hear Kurt's tension melting away. "As she starts to feel better she's going to hate getting that transfusion. I think she's gonna need some good laughs and songs, and games. I'll talk to you later. 9:30, Skype or phone if you're still at the hospital, but no excuses."

"Yes, sir." Blaine smiled wetly. He wiped his eyes.

"Give her a hug for me okay? And tell her again that I love her and miss her."

"I will," Blaine promised.

Blaine tucked the phone back in his pocket, but stayed against the wall, soothing himself in the solitude and the penance of the corner before taking a deep breath. The last 24 hours had been a nightmare. But Serena was going to be okay. And Kurt was going to make everything alright.

* * *

They got her home by 6pm. Cooper and Blaine watched her with a smile as she ran around the apartment like a crazy toddler without a care in the world or a memory of the stress of the last two days. As much as she hated the needle in her arm, the transfusion made her feel a hundred times better and by the time they left the hospital she was charming every nurse and doctor that walked by.

But her energy didn't last for long. A small dinner of soup and crackers calmed her down and once her teeth were brushed and a bedtime story was read, she crashed almost immediately by 8pm.

Cooper watched his brother close the door to her room. His eyes had been clear after the phone call, but once again they were clouding and he looked lost. His session with Kurt wouldn't be for another 90 minutes. "I was gonna make myself some dinner, you hungry?" Cooper asked. "Or popcorn, we could watch a movie?"

Blaine shook his head, his shoulders slumped. "No thank you, I'm not hungry," he said. "I think I'm just going to go play for a while."

Blaine disappeared into his piano room, the door half closed. He started off with those incessant scales that Kurt made him do every day and Cooper smiled softly. He remembered back when Mom used to make them both do them. Cooper got out of it nearly every time. Piano was never his thing anyway. But Blaine always did as he was told. Well, almost always.

He pulled out the bread and turkey and cheese, tomato and lettuce. He fried up some bacon, taking his time. He was in no rush. He found himself moving to the rhythm of Blaine's notes and it made him laugh. Piecing his sandwich together, he sat at the table, closed his eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief.

He'd known what he was getting into when he'd agreed to come stay with Blaine. Caring for a sub not his own wasn't easy. When it was his brother it was even harder. It was like all the times as a teenager he'd tried to Dominate Blaine and his dad would make him back off. Only now Blaine was married. Married and, by all intents and purposes, claimed by a Gray. Their rules were different. Blaine's expectations, his freedoms were different and Cooper didn't know where the line was. Cooper's hands had itched so many times over the last week and a half, but he'd promised not to intervene unless he had Kurt's permission.

Needing permission from a Gray to punish a sub was new to him. Everything about this strange and beautiful dynamic his brother's family had was new to him.

He knew thirty minutes had passed when the scales turned into minuets, and beautiful music, soft and lullaby-like, filled the apartment. But something else began to fill the apartment too. Blaine's submission poured off of him, pressing against Cooper, unconsciously reaching for him in a way that he knew Blaine wouldn't want. Resisting was almost painful but Cooper just told himself that at 9:30 his true Dom would take care of him and would hopefully set right everything of the past few days.

He put his dishes in the sink and walked quietly into the music room, resting his elbows on the piano. Blaine's eyes were closed, but there was no doubt his brother was aware of his presence, and he listened, letting himself draw comfort from the submission and the music surrounding him. Blaine's fingers played the final notes, then lingered on the keys, his eyes slowly blinking open to rest there as well.

"You were always so much better than I was at piano," Cooper said quietly. "At performing really. Reality shows are one thing but…I thought after you went to NYADA you were going to be a star. I was certain that out of everyone, you'd be the one on Broadway."

Blaine's fingers slipped from the keys onto his lap, and his head stayed bowed. "Someday I will be," he said. His voice was a bittersweet lilt mixed with a hint of guilt Cooper could feel emanate from him.

"You're waiting for him," Cooper realized aloud and Blaine lifted his head in surprise. "You're waiting for him and Kurt doesn't know it."

Cooper could feel the jump in Blaine's submissive pulse, the worry that his brother knew his secret. "He wouldn't understand," Blaine told him, his eyes wide, pleading not to tell. "I'm his sub. I know he wouldn't want me to, it wouldn't make a difference to him. But it makes a difference to me." Blaine wasn't sure if it had ever truly been a conscious decision so much as following the instinct that was born inside of him. "After he makes it, then I'll try."

Cooper sat down next to Blaine and leaned back against the keyboard. "So what if he doesn't make it?" he asked. "There's never been a Gray director on Broadway."

"He'll be the first," Blaine said with absolute surety. "I have no doubt." Blaine looked at the concern in Cooper's face and Cooper could see the shift, the need to be successful in his brother's eyes. "It's not like I'm just sitting around. I'm writing, composing. My work is in the world."

"But not your name," Cooper pointed out.

Blaine smiled fondly. "I'm not a Dom Coop. I don't have that need like you do. Kurt's name is the one that belongs in lights. Not mine."

"Then why all the anger at him going?" Cooper asked. He raised a brow and his stare turned from brother to Dom without even meaning to. "You say you want that for him, but then you get mad that he does what he needs to in order to make it happen? Was it that he didn't give you a chance to say no?"

Blaine shook his head and looked back down at his fingers. "No." Things were so much more complicated than that. "But he didn't give me a chance to say yes either."

"Ah." Cooper should have realized it so much sooner. There was a reason his brother had fallen in love with a Gray. Complete surrender was never something he did easily. But Blaine had something he needed to realize too. "Kurt tries you know. If there's one thing I've learned being here it's that. He tries so hard, to give you everything you need even when it goes against his own instincts."

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut. "I know," he said, guilt flooding him. He knew his anger wasn't fair. "I know that."

"So I guess I just wonder, him not really being a Dom, how hard do you try to give  _him_  everything  _he_  needs?"

Blaine didn't answer. Not out loud. But Cooper knew the answer lay heavy in his heart.

* * *

"Sit."

Blaine did as he was told, head down, hands folded in his lap. His heart beat quickly in his chest. His nerves skittered and his submission swirled, but he was contrite. He was open to any punishment that Kurt saw fit. He deserved it. He knew how much he'd done wrong over the past two days. He'd let his fear and his anger make him selfish. He'd put his own needs above the needs of his Dom. He'd forgotten that his job as a sub was to serve. He'd forgotten that his job as a husband was to love.

Kurt let the silence linger, heavy in the air, letting each brick fall squarely on Blaine's shoulders before he would do anything to relieve the pressure.

"When you first told me she was sick, all I wanted to do was fly home," Kurt finally started. "To take care of her. To take care of you. But mostly I needed to be with you. Because I was scared Blaine. I was scared for Serena and no matter how much my father or Cooper or Santana tries to tell me that everything is going to be okay, your love is the only salve for my fear. Because in those moments when I'm scared Blaine, you are always so strong and you always make everything okay. I wasn't okay without you. And I didn't know if you'd be okay without me."

"I wasn't," Blaine admitted. He hadn't realized it. Not like Kurt explained it. But it was exactly true. He was strongest when his Doms needed him most. Whenever Santana or Kurt was scared, that's when his body settled. When his submission purred with the unwavering need to serve, to make everything right for them.

"I made the mistake of trying to be strong without you," Kurt continued. "Because I knew I couldn't be there, I knew you couldn't make it right for me, and I knew that when I hung up with you I would be alone, at rehearsal or in my room and my heart would be beating frantically, my hands shaking with worry, but I didn't show it." Kurt paused. "I should have."

"I should have known though Kurt," Blaine said. "I have no excuse. I get mad at you all the time because you can't read my mind when you don't know how I feel or what I need…but if I had stopped for one minute to think about the situation, to be the sub I claim to be, I would have known. It's my job to know Kurt, to take care of you, to soothe your fears. And…" The tears in his eyes and the hitch in his voice caught him by surprise. "And I didn't do it."

"You shut me out." The cold harshness of Kurt's voice, the pursed lips and strong lines in his face sent a shudder through Blaine's skin. But what hurt the most was how absolutely right his Dom was. "When we married I chose to trust you to be there for me Blaine. But you betrayed that trust. I had to turn to Cooper and Santana and my dad, and Blaine, that is not acceptable for either my husband or my submissive."

Blaine nodded, tears flooding his eyes, tightening his throat. "I'm so sorry, Sir."

"And when I tried to reach out, not only did you refuse my Dominance, but you the refused Cooper's while your submission raged. He was there precisely for that reason Blaine, and you turned him away. It was disrespectful to him, to me, and to Santana. But more importantly, it was dangerous. You could have been hurt."

"I know. I'm sorry, sir," Blaine whispered.

"Look at your cuff," Kurt ordered. Blaine's gaze fell to the white leather band. "What does it stand for?"

Blaine's thumb caressed over the smooth golden pyramids. Promises he'd made and broken. "Truth. Trust. Respect. Love."

"Did you give me any of that?"

A tear slipped from his eye as he shook his head. "No, sir."

"Take it off." Blaine eyes opened wide to see Kurt staring at him with no remorse. "Take it off, turn it inside out and buckle it back up as tightly as you can. Maybe then you'll remember the promises you've made."

It wasn't easy, for Blaine to buckle it by himself. The last time he'd been forced to wear the cuff inside out Santana had taken it off and rebuckled it herself. As he struggled with it, pulling it as tight as he could, he was reminded of what it had meant then and what it meant now. A reminder that he belonged to his Dom.

When the studs of his cuff pressed painfully into his wrist, he folded his hands back in his lap and looked up at Kurt.

"Neglecting my needs and shutting both Cooper and me out are not the only things you did wrong," Kurt continued. "Are they?"

Blaine lowered his gaze. There had been so much more he had done wrong. "No, sir. My words…I was disrespectful."

Kurt sighed. Blaine knew he was tired of having to deal with this. "What worries me Blaine is that this continues to be a problem, punishment after punishment. When you are scared or angry you lash out and I worry that someday it won't be at me or Santana or your brother but at a Dom who won't hold back just because you don't belong to them."

Blaine wrung his hands in his lap and his cuff bit into his skin. His muscles clenched. His submission swirled because Kurt was right and if he did something to make another Dom touch him like that he would be betraying everything that was sacred between him and Kurt.

"Was there anything else?" Kurt asked.

"I didn't say I love you," Blaine admitted. "You said it to me last night and I was just so mad…I didn't say it back."

Kurt nodded. It wasn't something he'd choose to punish Blaine for but clearly it was weighing on him. "Tell me what you think you deserve Blaine," Kurt ordered.

Blaine closed his eyes. He knew the answer, he knew the answer with every fiber of his being, but he also knew it was impossible. "I don't know," he whispered.

"Yes you do," Kurt pushed. "If Santana were there, what would you think you deserve?

And the fact that Kurt understood made the answer roll off his tongue. "A spanking, sir," he admitted with a slight tremble.

Kurt nodded. "I would agree-"

"But I don't want Cooper to-"

"Cooper isn't going to spank you, sweetheart," Kurt said. Blaine looked up, his eyes meeting Kurt's, dark blue with determination. "You're going to go to the closet, and you're going to get down the engagement bag from Elliott."

Blaine's eyes flashed and his heart jumped. Kurt looked back at him in challenge and Blaine stammered. "Kurt…I think…I don't know if it's still good-"

"It's brand new Blaine, I swapped it out just before I left." A heavy feeling grew in Blaine's stomach but it fluttered with untimely excitement at the same time. Kurt had planned for this. He'd planned to spank Blaine. His head went fuzzy and he recognized almost too late his near plummet into subspace, but Kurt's voice drew him out. "I need you to go get it for me now sweetheart."

"Yes, sir."

Blaine moved as if in a dream into the closet and turned on the light. He found his hand shaking with a mix of nerves and excitement. He took a deep breath. He usually didn't let himself look. Sometimes he even forgot they were there, the presents from Elliott and Jesse they'd gotten years ago now. Other times, vulnerable times, a single glance would nearly send him spinning. And now, Kurt was ordering him to use one.

He stood on his tiptoes and reached above the top shelf to pull down the gift bag. He knew he was taking a long time and Kurt was bound to be impatient, so he turned the light off and hurried out, placing it down on the bed.

"Are you still with me?" Kurt checked in. Blaine couldn't speak, but he nodded his assurance. "I'm not there to do this with you sweetheart, so there are gloves to keep your hands safe and a cooling cream if either of us needs to safeword."

Blaine stared into the bag at the one thing Kurt had grown up detesting. And he wondered how Kurt had gotten here. From the boy he'd met who loathed the very ideas of Dominance and punishment, to the man that offered him the exact penance he'd opposed. Cooper's words came back to him:  _How hard do you try to give him everything he needs_? And one question sat heavy on his tongue. "What would you do if I were Gray?"

Kurt shifted with surprise. "What?"

But Blaine needed to know the answer. He needed to understand. "What would you do if I were Gray? If I wasn't submissive. If I didn't beg you for punishment. What would you do?"

It was obvious the question was one Kurt never expected and he pressed his hands together beneath his chin. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'd be mad I guess, like I would be with Rachel or Brittany. And then gradually I'd get over it. Forgive you."

Blaine shook his head. The thought of it made his stomach twist nearly in pain. He couldn't even imagine making Kurt go through all that without him having to suffer in return. "But I wouldn't have earned it."

"What would you do?" Kurt asked him quietly. "If I ignored your submission. If I didn't punish you for this?"

Blaine lowered his head, thinking. "I wouldn't manipulate." He'd learned his lesson regarding that. "But I think the guilt…it would eat me up inside. Even after you forgave me. Especially after you forgave me. I don't know how I'd ever live with it."

Kurt smiled softly. "And that's why we do this. It's not for me sweetheart," he said with a gentleness that soothed Blaine's heart. Kurt had told Quinn he'd miss Dominating Blaine and that was entirely true. But punishment was something he would never miss. "We do it because it's what you need. It's who you are." Kurt paused, giving them both a moment. "Are you ready?"

Blaine nodded.

"Okay," Kurt said, Dom face back on. "Put your ear buds in first, then put the gloves on. I want your ass on fire, not your hands."

Blaine grabbed his ear buds from the dresser and put them on. Then he grabbed the vinyl gloves from the bag and slowly slipped them on over his fingers. His heart raced, excitement and fear muddled into perfection, but there was still something off and Kurt knew it.

"If something's wrong Blaine you need to talk to me."

"I just…" Blaine looked at his hands. He didn't want to discourage Kurt. He wanted this. He deserved this. "I guess I just always imagined you here," he finally said.

"If I were there your punishment would be much different," Kurt said. "It wouldn't be a spanking, silent or otherwise. But I'm not there, and I have rehearsal in the morning and I don't want to be up edging you all night. So I highly suggest you open that container and get on with it before I call in Cooper to give you the real thing."

The threat was enough, empty though he knew it was, to get him moving and he took the cream from the bag and twisted open the lid. He almost expected it to be flaming red, but inside it looked innocent, like any other lotion. He knew it wasn't like any other lotion though. "How much, sir?" he asked.

"I think a moderate amount would be appropriate. Go kneel on the foot of the bed facing the headboard." Blaine carried the cream over with him and silently did as he was told. He knew it wasn't kneeling for Kurt in the way that his body so often begged him to do, but back to the laptop, the cream at his side, his hands on his knees and his naked back, tall and straight, he could pretend it was. A calm washed over him as his submission soared.

"Alright sweetheart, take the cream into your hands." Kurt waited while Blaine followed the directions. Blaine had pulled the tub in front of him and Kurt couldn't see how much he took, but he trusted his sub. When the lid was replaced and it was moved back to Blaine's side, Kurt continued. "Now bend over, forehead to the bed, hands behind you."

Warmth and electricity and anticipation flowed through Blaine's veins as he obeyed. He kept his hands in fists, holding the cream tight in his fingers. Neither of them had done this before, but Blaine knew how it worked. Too little and the sensation would be nothing but a gentle heat. Too much and it would be more intense than the lash of Elliott's flogger. There was a certain thrill to knowing how much he had taken.

Kurt's breath was stolen as he watched Blaine prostrate himself, his ass presented to Kurt as if in offering. It made his own heart race and his own cock jump even if he never thought it would. He would have given anything to be there and punish him the way that he wanted. But he wasn't there, and this was what Blaine needed. He swallowed and steadied himself before continuing. "Alright sweetheart. Let me see you rub it in."

When Blaine had let himself fantasize about this, it had always been Kurt massaging it into his skin. Doing it himself was much harder.

Kurt must have seen his hesitation. "You got yourself into this," he said sternly. "Do it yourself unless you want Cooper to come in and do it for you."

Blaine had no intention of his brother ever seeing him bent over naked, so he reached back and, trying hard to pretend it was just lotion, began to layer it onto his skin. He pressed both hands to the top of his ass and quickly dragged them in a straight line down to the bottom.

"Slowly sweetheart," Kurt instructed and Blaine groaned as his cock started to stir between his legs. Blaine brought his hands back to the center of the curves of his ass and started massaging the cream in with small circles. "That's it. All over Blaine." He moved from the center to the sides, from the base of his spine to where his ass met his thighs. "A little bit lower," Kurt told him and Blaine squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed it into his sit spots and onto the tops of his thighs. The cream seeped into his skin and Blaine could feel the warmth starting to spread already.

He stopped when his hand hovered with uncertainty over the crease of his ass. "Go ahead sweetheart, everywhere," Kurt ordered.

Blaine's breathing quickened as he applied the last of the lotion to his most sensitive skin between his cheeks and circling his hole. He had yet to know how a spanking felt there. He'd always wanted to know. He was terrified he was about to find out.

"Very good," Kurt praised and that praise went straight to Blaine's cock. He balled his hands into fists before he accidentally touched himself with his cream covered hands. "You can get up now, take the gloves off and throw them out. Then into the corner. Cross your arms on the wall, I don't want your hands anywhere near your backside. One hour."

Blaine's body trembled as he pressed himself against the coolness of the wall. He would be surprised if his knees didn't give out. He knew he'd put more on than Kurt would have wanted him to. An hour would be long enough for the burn in his ass to reach its peak. He could already feel the warmth intensify. His skin would be on fire in no time. He rested his forehead against his crossed arms. The position jutted his ass out slightly. Blaine knew it was purposeful.

There was something that Kurt would always find stunning about Blaine standing in the corner. It wasn't the submission or control that made his body stir with arousal. Instead it was the frame of his muscles, the smoothness of his skin, the heart-stopping svelteness of his build that felt perfect in his hands, beneath his own body. Inside him.

And now, as the minutes passed, Kurt watched as it rose and fell with the quickening of Blaine's breath. It glistened with the sheen of his sweat. It twitched with the rising heat in his skin, tiny spasms in the muscles of his ass where fire was building. Kurt could almost pretend it was simply a dance, that it wasn't pain and it wasn't punishment and that it wasn't at Kurt's command. But it was. He was responsible for its start and he would be responsible for its end and he needed to know how Blaine was feeling.

"Talk to me Blaine," the sub heard in his ear.

Blaine didn't say anything though. He couldn't. Sweat beaded on his forehead and soaked his arms where it rested. His eyes watered. Though most of his ass was merely tingling with a pleasant heat, his most sensitive skin was starting to sting like a swarm of bees.

"Tell me how you feel, I need to know you're okay."

"I'm okay," Blaine said, sucking in a breath between gritted teeth. The pain that began around his hole was quickly creeping up between his cheeks, prickly and sharp and not at all what he'd expected. He wondered if that was what it would be like, a crop or a ruler, thin enough to strike where the paddle could not, or if this was entirely different. His cock swelled, wondering if he'd ever find out, if Kurt would ever…

"Tell me what you're feeling," Kurt ordered again and this time the command stuck in his head.

"Hurts," Blaine hissed. "But I deserve it, I…" He gasped as the sting transformed into a searing pain that spread again, this time down to his sit spot and his thighs, hot like a fever, the sweat in his skin now mixing with the cream to intensify the burn. He wanted to reach down, to touch his inflamed skin, to feel if it was truly swollen, truly burning, or just a figment of his imagination. He wanted to touch himself and soothe the other ache that was bobbing now against his stomach, tightening in his balls.

Blaine tried to stay silent but he couldn't, an agonizing groan escaping. His breathing grew harder. It was only minutes more before his entire ass felt ablaze. He closed his eyes and imagined the stinging bite of Elliott's flogger and the blistering strike of Santana's paddle. He felt raw, bruised, every inch of his ass throbbing and yet it was pain he could take, pain he could savor. It was the pain of losing Kurt's trust, it was the pain of denying his love. It was the pain of disrespecting Kurt, Santana, Cooper. It was the pain of his submission drowning him, engulfing him with no Dominance in sight to control him and it was glorious.

Any arousal Kurt had felt seeing Blaine stand proud in the corner disappeared as the pride turned to pain and tears and moans of agony. Kurt didn't know what Blaine was feeling, didn't know how much it hurt but he knew Blaine's pain tolerance and he knew his own tolerance for the amount of pain he could see Blaine in. He tried to hold back. He knew this was important to his sub, but Blaine's skin was growing red and his breathing was growing labored and he worried Blaine would let himself go too far.

"Blaine, sweetheart, I think that's enough."

"No," Blaine answered.

Kurt though was not about to allow Blaine to suffer more than he deserved. Those days were over. "You can fall into subspace to relieve the pain or you can use the cooling cream, but you've had enough Blaine."

Blaine shook his head. He shook his head violently against his arm as it spun with the pleasure within the pain, refusing to obey. Kurt didn't know. Kurt wasn't there, he couldn't feel his submission, he couldn't see his cock dripping with its approval.

"Blaine," Kurt yelled into his ear, his voice shaking. "I am not going to tell you again. You can either fall or use the cream, but you absolutely may not continue like you are."

But Blaine didn't want to fall, he didn't want the pain to go away. Kurt was just scared, Blaine thought, he was always scared of a spanking and this time it wasn't Santana or Elliott and he couldn't see the leather fall or hear the swing through the air or see the bruises and the stripes form. This time it was silent to him, invisible, and Kurt didn't understand, he'd never understood, how desperate Blaine was for it.

"New York," Kurt safeworded.

Blaine heard the words. They floated into his ears like a whisper fighting to be heard over the roar of an ocean. A roar that said not to listen. He deserved this, needed this, and Kurt just didn't understand. He didn't understand the desperate hunger he had; for touch, for heat, for the punishment of pain that denial would never bring him. Denial didn't release him, it simply controlled him, fueled his submission, reminded him of his place. But pain; this searing, merciless, rapturous, pain like white hot metal pressed to his skin, this pain was at the hand of his Dom, his husband, the love of his life. Its fire crackled in his ears, its heat seeped inside him, burning away the walls he'd built around his heart, and like the burning embers of paper touched to a flame, his shame and guilt slowly flew away until they vanished into thin air. He would suffer every moment of its heaven and hell until it absolved him of every single thing he'd done wrong in Kurt's absence.

Blaine grasped the buds from his ears and he threw them to the ground, and instead of falling into subspace he let the pain carry him away.

* * *

He awoke on the hardwood floor, a blanket wrapped around him, Dominance latched on tight to him and the pain in his flesh nothing more than a dull whisper. But there was still pain and Blaine was grateful for that.

Something else surrounded him and realized it was Cooper's arms, holding him tight, his head held resting on his Cooper's chest, while his legs curled up to his own.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered through the hoarseness in his throat.

"I'm here."

He heard Kurt's voice and he opened his eyes to where it had come from, his laptop brought to the dresser in front of him.

Blaine felt Cooper shift beneath him. "I should let you guys-"

"No," Kurt ordered. His voice was rough, stern, and it made Cooper pause. "You will not let go of him."

Cooper wasn't used to being ordered around by anyone, but there wasn't a chance he was going to challenge Kurt.

"Kurt-" Blaine tried again.

"Quiet." Blaine tried to bring his jumbled focus to his husband. His Dom. He tried to decipher his expression, but maybe his head was still too fuzzy or maybe Kurt was still masking everything he felt, because Blaine had no idea. "I will be home Sunday night. We will deal with this on Monday, but in the meantime I expect that you will submit to Cooper's Dominance until he leaves on Saturday, no matter what. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said. There was really nothing else he could say.

"I love you, Blaine," Kurt said, his voice cracking though his face didn't. "So much. All I want is for you to be safe."

"I love you too," Blaine said. He didn't say he was sorry. He wasn't even sure what happened.

"I'll talk to you in the morning. Get a good night's sleep tonight, okay? Please?"

"I will, sir," Blaine whispered. "I love you."

Kurt disconnected the call. The room filled with silence.

And then Cooper kissed him softly on the head, squeezed him close, and chuckled with a fondness reserved for the people he loved most in the world. "What are we going to do with you Blaine?"

The tension rolled off his shoulders, though the twist in his stomach remained and a tear fell from his eye. "I don't know," Blaine said.

"You really scared him. Me too, to be honest, it took everything not to race in here until Kurt called me."

"I know, I just…I couldn't stop." Blaine shook his head. It wasn't something he could explain. He didn't even understand it himself yet. "I just couldn't stop."

"You ignored his safeword Blaine," Cooper said. The edge in his voice was sudden and obvious and Blaine sat up, moving away from his brother's arms and leaning back against the wall. He hugged his knees to his chest, the blanket still shielding his nudity from his brother. "If he were a real Dom that would be grounds for dissolving the contract. Ending the claim."

Blaine bit his lip and he nodded. He knew that. Every child over the age of thirteen knew that.

"Blaine, talk to me," Cooper pleaded. "I know I can be a crappy brother or boyfriend, but the fact is I'm actually a really good Dom. They made an entire television show about it." Blaine looked up at him and rolled his eyes beneath heavy lids. Cooper looked at him earnestly. "Please."

Resting his head back against the wall, Blaine closed his eyes, and he tried to remember what he'd felt just before it had all gone black. "It felt like love. Redemption. It  _felt_ , Cooper. It felt like touch after so long without it. I couldn't let it go."

"You shouldn't go so long without him Blaine," Cooper decided. Some subs could do it. Some Doms found a way to make it work. But Blaine needed the constant reassurance. The constant intimacy. "You can't."

Blaine lowered his head. "I know," he said.

Cooper frowned. He placed a hand on Blaine's knee and Blaine looked back up at him. "You gonna be okay? After I leave?"

"Yeah," Blaine told him and as hard as it felt to believe it right now, he knew that he would be. "Serena and I will spend the weekend marathoning Disney, and Kurt will be here Sunday night. I'll be fine. I promise."

* * *

Blaine was seconds from sleep when he felt the bed dip, and in an instant every bit of tension in his body floated away. Kurt nuzzled up behind him, pulling him back against his chest and Blaine's submission rushed to embrace him. "I'm sorry," he said, so softly it could have almost been his imagination. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh…" Kurt said, wrapping Blaine up in his arms and in his love. He could feel the slight jump of Blaine's chest as the sub held back his tears. He kissed Blaine softly on the back of his neck. "I've missed you so much, I just want to hold you. Tonight there's nothing but love."

Blaine didn't say a word. There were none that could possibly encapsulate the enormity of the love he felt for the man beside him. He merely let his body fit perfectly with his husband's and fell asleep, cradled in Kurt's arms, feeling safe and sound for the first time in a long time.

* * *

The alarm went off at 7am and Blaine immediately stirred.

"Stay in bed," Kurt said, kissing him softly on his head. "I'll get Serena ready and take her to daycare."

Blaine turned in Kurt's arms and looked at him. After three weeks of seeing him only through the lens of the computer, Kurt's beauty stopped his breath. Wrapping Blaine up in his love, Kurt smiled and leaned in, kissing him. Closing his eyes, Blaine let himself feel it; the warmth of Kurt's lips, the gentle tickle of his tongue. He felt the ever present insistent hum that had been vibrating within him since Kurt had left settle into a silence of contentment. He never wanted to let go. He wanted to just lie like this with Kurt forever.

Forever wasn't possible though. Not now. "You remember why I'm here sweetheart," Kurt whispered, pressing a kiss to Blaine's forehead. "Don't you?"

Blaine's eyes stayed shut, his heart racing. His submission waking. "Yes, sir," he answered sadly.

"You can stay in bed until Serena and I leave. Then I want you to get up, take a shower, don't dress, and wait for me in position in the corner. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." Blaine raised his head and opened his eyes afraid he'd see anger. But Kurt looked back at him with nothing but love. "Thank you sir."

Kurt's eyes shifted, sparkling with a touch of mischief as his lips quirked. "Don't thank me yet," he warned before giving him one more quick kiss and heading out of the room.

Chuckling slightly, Blaine rolled onto his back, his hands behind his head, and he sighed with relief. Even with all he'd done, Kurt was here and still in love with him and still planning to Dominate him. Whatever Kurt had in mind, Blaine wouldn't have to walk around anymore with the weight of his failure and disobedience falling heavy on his shoulders. He wouldn't have to fight the submission that wanted to beg every nearby Dom a reprieve Blaine refused to allow. Kurt knew him. Kurt would know exactly what he needed. Blaine trusted that more than he'd ever trusted anything in his life before.

"Daddy!" Blaine heard Serena yell with excitement and he closed his eyes, listening to the perfect sounds returned to his home. The chatter of his daughter and his husband, the clink of dishes as Kurt prepared them breakfast. The pure joy that seeped beneath the doorframe and filled the room and made him happier than he'd been in a long time. He heard Kurt tell Serena to get her shoes on, he heard her jump up and down as she realized Daddy was going to take her to school. He heard the backpack zip closed, the door open and then close behind them. And then he heard the silence.

He had time. Kurt would probably be an hour, walking there and back, not to mention the time Serena would make him stay before she finally let him go again for another week. He had the time to stretch muscles not used for much in the past three weeks. He had the time to make the bed and clean the room. He had the time to luxuriate in the shower, shaving carefully, using Kurt's favorite scents, cooling down his body that was already heating up with anticipation. And he had time to do his hair, styling it just the way that drove Kurt wild. But most of all, he had time to stand in the corner, eyes closed, hands clasped, shoulders pressed to the wall, remembering why he was there. What he'd done so very wrong the last time he'd stood there.

He'd disobeyed. He'd taken his punishment upon himself, something he hadn't done in years. But worst of all, he'd ignored a safeword. He completely dismissed Kurt's granted right to authority over him and he could have greatly hurt himself because of it. He would have, if Cooper hadn't been there to pull him out.

The hum returned, but this time it was the eager hum of his submission waiting to be Dominated.

Blaine heard the click of the door, the toss of the keys on the table. His heart raced. He tried to trace every footstep, every movement Kurt made, waiting for the moment he would hear Kurt's voice again, feel his touch. The door to the bedroom opened and hours seemed to pass before Kurt finally drew up behind him, warm breath wafting over chilled skin.

The voice came first, soft and surprisingly tender. "Do you want forgiveness or punishment?" it asked.

Blaine swallowed, his pulse quickening. His head spun. "Punishment, sir."

He felt the tip of Kurt's fingertips on his shoulder slowly trace down to his cuff. "Do you want it gentle? Or harsh?"

"Harsh, sir, please," Blaine begged. "I deserve it."

"Turn around."

The voice wasn't tender anymore. It was hard as rock, cold as ice, and so were Kurt's eyes, Blaine saw when he obeyed. He shivered beneath their scrutiny.

Without warning, Kurt reached out and grabbed Blaine's cock, squeezing just shy of painfully against the flesh that had been hardening. Blaine's eyes dropped to his Dom's hand.

"What's this?" Kurt demanded.

Blaine didn't allow himself to think too much before answering. "My cock, sir."

Blaine felt the hand tighten slightly and he hitched a breath. "Try again," Kurt ordered sharply.

Blaine slowly raised his head. Kurt's gaze was piercing. Within Kurt's grip he swelled. " _Your_  cock, sir," he corrected.

It seemed to be the right answer because Kurt slowly slid his hand from his base to his head, pumping twice then letting go. Before Blaine could think though, Kurt reached around to grasp Blaine's backside.

"What's this?" Kurt asked again.

"My ass-" Blaine said, but it only took a firm squeeze, nails digging in, before he changed his answer. " _Your_  ass, sir."

Kurt gave it a gentle caress and a light tap before taking his hand away and pulling a long, thin silk scarf from his back pocket. He threaded it through his fingers. Blaine shuddered with nerves. Bondage was a hard limit.

Kurt could see the fear in his eyes and he arched a brow. "I pushed my limits for you and you took advantage of my kindness. Today I will push your limits for me."

Blaine pressed his lips together and nodded. Kurt didn't say he'd take advantage of Blaine's vulnerability but Blaine hoped he would. It was all he wanted. To be used. To serve. He would do whatever Kurt asked of him, even if it bordered on a hard limit. After all, using the cream had bordered on Kurt's.

Kurt didn't say anything. Instead his gaze fell, and he placed the center of the scarf beneath Blaine's cock, wrapping it, once then twice around the base. The softness of the silk contrasted with the strength of Kurt's fingers and Blaine could do nothing but stare straight ahead as he fought back his arousal. But a sharp gasp escaped his lips when he felt Kurt's hand on his balls, pulling them down without warning. He looked down at met Kurt's eyes. His stare was all-consuming and Blaine fell into it.

"My cock, my ass and my balls," Kurt told him. "And I decide how much pain or pleasure they receive. Not you."

His words were so unbelievable Dominating that Blaine's heart leapt, his eyes watered, his submission soared and he felt himself plummet.

He was caught, by a force as close to true Dominance as he'd ever felt from Kurt, and it wrenched him from subspace. "Don't expect to be allowed to fall," Kurt said, before he tapped lightly on Blaine's now full erection. "And I suggest you get that under control, you will absolutely not be coming today."

Head fuzzy, breath shallow, Blaine was hit with the next shock when Kurt carefully spread his balls and began wrapping each one, separating them. He used such precision, was so exacting, that if Blaine had been thinking he would have realized Kurt must have practiced. He would have realized the calls he must have made, to Rachel and to Jesse. The books he must have studied. The clubs he must have frequented to watch and to learn.

But Blaine's only thought was on the deep flush of his skin and the storm in his gut as his body reacted to Kurt's careful manipulations, so utterly erotic and humiliating at the same time.

Letting himself look down for the first time, he saw Kurt tie the ends of the scarf in a bow and give his cock one last drag. All he could wonder was what incredible torture Kurt had in mind for him.

But it wasn't time to find out. Kurt's hand moved to press against Blaine's chest. His hand was gentle now. His eyes were not.

"What's this?"

It took a moment for Blaine to regroup, but Kurt's stare made him do so quickly. "My heart, sir," he answered. It pounded violently against Kurt's hand.

"And who does your heart belong to?"

"You, sir," Blaine said. No matter what it would always belong to Kurt.

A nearly imperceptible nod was the only praise Blaine received. "And what's inside it?" Kurt demanded.

Blaine froze. Beneath Kurt's hand his chest heaved, and tears sprung to his eyes with instant understanding. "My submission," he whispered.

"And who does your submission belong to?"

A tear fell from the corner of his eye. Every inch of his body trembled and he tried to answer through the shame constricting his throat. "You, sir," he said, forcing himself to keep looking into the unforgiving eyes of his Dom. "My submission belongs to you."

"Once again Blaine, you did not trust my authority and this time you went so far as to not respect my use of our safeword. You did not tell me the truth of what you were feeling. And you did not give me the love, honor, or obedience you promised on our wedding night. I trusted you and you betrayed that trust. You let the body that belongs to me suffer in pain long after I ordered you to end it. You refused to let go of submission that belonged to me. Is all that correct?"

Blaine couldn't deny any of it. "Yes, sir."

"And what have I done in the past when you questioned my authority over your pain, your punishment, and your submission?"

Blaine swallowed hard, the memories of every punishment rushing back to him. "You showed me why I never should."

"You needed pain. Today you will get it. You forgot what it means to submit. Today you will remember." Kurt stepped back and Blaine had to stop himself from falling to his knees. "Go to the piano and start your scales," Kurt ordered.

Blaine bit back his surprise, refusing to allow himself to think, to question. Kurt knew what he needed. Kurt would give him exactly what he needed. He hurried out of the bedroom, as fast as he could given his ties, and into the piano room, sitting down at his baby grand. He had to sit forward on the bench slightly more than usual, but he found that it forced his posture. Neck long, hands round, and back straight, he let the movement of his fingers release his tension and focus his mind.

"Slower," Kurt called as he walked into the room and behind Blaine. Blaine didn't say anything, just did as he was told. After a minute Kurt came around to his right and lowered the prop, closing the lid of the piano. Blaine's breathing grew faster with anticipation, but he never let his fingers falter. Without a word, Kurt circled back around to Blaine's left and lowered the music stand.

And then he disappeared behind his sub.

Blaine knew Kurt was there, he could feel him, staring at his back, scrutinizing his posture, his form, his playing. Thirty minutes every day, Kurt had ordered, and Blaine didn't want him thinking that he'd missed a single day.

So he fell into the rhythm, the monotony of the notes, until Kurt finally spoke behind him. "When you're done with this set I want you to stop playing, but stay exactly where you are. Don't move your hands."

Blaine finished the set and he stopped, letting his fingers rest on the keyboard. He stared straight ahead. He tried to breathe. He tried not to guess. He closed his eyes and let his submission flow and reach for Kurt.

He was interrupted when he felt the buckling of something tight around his left wrist. Blaine opened his eyes and looked down. He hadn't seen it in years, but now it was there, the silver studded cuff he used to wear before his claim was gold. Seeing the two cuffs now next to one another, his stomach twisted.

But he barely had any time to think on it because Kurt reached over his arm and untied the bow sitting atop his cock. He tucked the loose left end of the scarf between Blaine's thigh and his own, holding it in place. And then Kurt took the other end, threading it through the never before used ring on Blaine's right cuff, tying it off with only a small measure of slack. Blaine's blood raced through his veins and he forced himself to take a deep breath when Kurt tied off the other end on his left cuff.

"Okay sweetheart," Kurt told him. "You can start playing again, whatever you want."

Head spinning, Blaine did as he was told and quickly realized exactly what the ties did. As long as he stayed within the middle notes of the piano, he was fine, the ties tugging just enough on his balls and cock to bring him pleasure. But the higher or the lower along the keyboard Blaine went, the more the ties pulled, until pleasure mixed with pain, and then the pain turned to pure punishment.

Blaine kept his hands center.

Kurt stepped onto the bench and sat center on the piano. He'd stripped completely. He spread his legs as wide as he could, resting his heels on the outer edges of the key bed.

He placed next to him lubricant and a long silicone rippled plug. His cock was inches from Blaine's face, fully erect, held firm by a cock ring.

Falling was Blaine's last concern as his fingers faltered and he held back the orgasm that was coiling in his stomach.

"Close your eyes and take some deep breaths sweetheart," Kurt said gently, the first gentle thing he'd said since he'd been allowed to turn from the corner. Blaine did as he was told until his breathing regulated, his heart slowed and he believed he could look at Kurt's cock again without defying him immediately. His lids fluttered open. "Good boy," Kurt said, looking at him carefully. "Are you okay?"

Blaine was seconds from falling, seconds from coming, seconds from breaking apart before his Dom's eyes. "Yes, sir," Blaine said.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Do you need to safeword?" he asked.

Blaine looked down at his ties. He could argue it was bondage, but it wasn't, not the way he meant it, and Kurt knew it. It didn't force compliance where Blaine should comply on his own. The bonds' only purpose was pain and pleasure. He shook his head. "No, sir. I don't need to safeword."

"Do you think I should listen if you did?"

Blaine's head shot up. Kurt's face had hardened. And like a slap, Blaine was reminded exactly why he was sitting there, his balls strung up. He didn't bother to answer. He knew the question was rhetorical.

"You won't stop playing again," Kurt said while he wrapped his fingers lightly around his own cock. Blaine's mouth watered. If Kurt let him, he could reach out and take it. Kurt gave a severe nod down to the keys and Blaine jumped, playing again, whatever his fingers wanted to play. In the center of the keyboard. "You will keep your eyes on me. On my cock. You will not touch it, not with your hands and not with your mouth." Blaine felt his heart drop a little. "Not what I wanted for our reunion Blaine, but I will try not to make your punishment too much of my own." Kurt's fingers stroked his length, from the leather ring clasped tight around him to the tip that was already beginning to leak. "This is how this is going to work, are you listening?"

"Yes, sir," Blaine choked out.

"One of the things I missed most while I was gone was hearing you play. I had no idea how much your music turned me on until I didn't have it to fill my room every night. So today you will serve me, by playing for me. And my hand on my cock will be your sheet music." Blaine's eyes opened wide. Kurt smiled like the devil. "Here," he said, sliding his hand down his shaft fondling the ring and caressing his balls, "are your bass notes. And here," he said bring his hand back up to thumb over the liquid now pooling on his head, "are your treble notes. My rhythm, is your rhythm. I will come. You will not. Understood?"

Blaine understood. He understood that the punishment would take too much concentration to fall. He understood that he was going to be brought between pleasure and pain and that all-consuming perfect place in between. He understood that Kurt had taken his time in Boston to learn how to torture him with perfect punishment until he would never make the same mistakes again.

"Yes, sir," Blaine said.

"Then let's begin." Kurt reached back to lean on one hand and with the other he started slow, keeping his hand moving steadily up and down the center of his cock. He let Blaine get used to following, and to the pull of his bonds. Every cell in Blaine's body tingled and he didn't know how he was going to last more than a few minutes. His cock was hard, aching, begging harder for release with every slight tug of the ties attaching his balls to his wrists. But it only took a few minutes before Blaine began to see Kurt's cock not as something he wanted to suck and touch and feel deep inside him, but as parchment for the notes that swam before his eyes, a musical staff turned vertical.

"Do you know what else I missed so much?" Kurt asked almost dreamily, as if every movement of his hand wouldn't define whether Blaine's agony would be pain or pleasure. "I missed kissing you. Tasting you. Do you miss your mouth around me? Your tongue, starting here…"

Blaine anticipated Kurt's hand only seconds before it slid down slowly to the base of his cock, to where the ring fit snugly around swollen glands.

He didn't anticipate the excruciating pain as his hand followed on the keys.

He cried out, music faltering for only a moment before he started playing again, notes deep and agonizing. His trussed left testicle wrenched beyond its limit to a place that made him want to fall, want to escape, want to safeword before he ever felt that kind of pain again.

But he didn't deserve that relief. As his tears fell he understood that he didn't deserve that relief. He'd been offered it once, the soothing of his pain, the right to fall, and he'd refused it. And then the relief was ordered, their safeword rolling from the lips of his Dom begging him to end his own suffering. And he'd disobeyed, thrown away Kurt's authority, thrown away his own accountability, thrown away any right he ever had to ask for relief again.

Kurt's hand stroked back up to the middle of his cock and Blaine's hands went with it, the punishing stretch slowly easing into a pounding throb.

"You didn't answer my question."

Blaine looked up at his Dom, sweat tickling at his temples. "I don't remember-"

"Do you miss your mouth around me?" Kurt reminded him, voice as nonchalant as if they were talking about the weather while Blaine played a little tune.

Blaine's head was spinning though, his mouth was dry and he licked his lips before breathing, "Yes sir, so much."

"Do you wish you could just lean over, take me in your mouth? Do you wish I'd fuck your mouth while you play?"

His cock pulsed with blood and his balls tried to tighten against their binds. Pain settled into pleasure, his stomach twisting with his need but he managed to answer, "Yes, please."

"What if I let you?" Kurt asked coyly. "What if I let you lick me around the head of my cock, like this."

Kurt trailed his hand up and with one fingertip he ever so gently traced around the rough ridge around his head over and over, sighing with the pleasure of his own touch. Blaine swallowed hard before he forced his hand to follow, matching Kurt's slow rhythm and tender tone, this time knowing the agony he'd experience. He couldn't help but close his eyes as his cry drowned out the notes, red washing over his vision, the red of Dominance so strong he could barely breathe. His submission flailed, grasping onto Kurt this time to prevent himself from falling, and he bit back the safeword floating on the edge of his tongue. He didn't deserve to safeword, he deserved, this, this excruciating pain. He'd earned it.

"Eyes up sweetheart," Kurt said without mercy, but there was mercy in his hand when Blaine forced his lids up to see it had returned to Kurt's shaft. Blaine's hands quickly followed back to center, his crotch still throbbing with its steady, painful beat. "We'll have no more of that," Kurt reprimanded. "You can't play the music if you can't see the notes." Panting, Blaine nodded. "Good. Now that we've practiced, let's see what you and I can create together."

It seemed funny to Blaine to think that Kurt played his cock like Beethoven, but that's what he did. Warm-up over, Kurt did indeed conduct a melody so beautiful that Blaine could hear it even over the raging blaze pulsing through his balls and the unbridled desire thrumming from his stomach to his cock. His toes curled on the pedals. His fingers shook on the keys, his cock swelled between his legs, dripping with the power of Kurt's Dominance, and yet he kept playing every note from the bottom of the scale to the top and back again. It wasn't long before Blaine was fighting on the edge of subspace, the music and the punishment and the pleasure merging dangerously. His eyes barely seemed to focus and yet Blaine could see Kurt's hand, clear as day, as he lingered, then hurried, with shallow strokes soon gliding from top to bottom. When Kurt leaned back fully on the piano, his stomach muscles clenched tight while he used both hands to play both ends of the scale, Blaine could take no more. The pain was excruciating, the pleasure unbearable.

"Please, Kurt, fuck," he cried, unable to tell anymore if he needed to come more than he needed the torture to end.

"Gonna come Blaine," Kurt warned behind gritted teeth, snapping the cock ring off and hitching up on one elbow so he could see his sub. Tears streamed down Blaine's face, no longer split in two with his left side now free from its torment, but his right still pulled him in agony so swift and sharp with the echo of the final frenzy of Kurt's strokes. When Kurt finally came the Dom didn't hold back. Blaine watched him thrust within his hand, over and over, listened to him moan and yell, his body taken over by spasms so violent he wondered if Kurt might pass out. Blaine couldn't stop his own stomach from coiling and his own cock from spasming, come spilling slightly as he fought back his release with breath so heavy he was nearly hyperventilating. There was only relief when Kurt's hand finally fell from its grip.

Finally able to stop playing, there was nothing Blaine wanted more than to reach down, soothe his ache, and hide the evidence of his failure. But he kept his hands folded atop the maple key bed and bowed his head, waiting for his Dom's orders.

"Take a break while I clean up," Kurt told him. "Then we'll start again."

Blaine's eyes widened with terror as he looked up with desperation. "No, sir, please, I can't…"

Kurt watched and waited for Blaine to finish. But he didn't. Because Blaine had no right to argue. He wasn't the one who decided when his pain began and ended. His Dom was. His only privilege was to obey.

Kurt swung his leg over Blaine's head and hopped down, one hand still on his cock holding back his own mess. He reached over Blaine's arm to thumb across Blaine's length. It came up with the evidence of Blaine's failure. "You stopped yourself from disobeying, and that is good. But you will try again." Kurt brought his thumb to Blaine's lips. Blaine looked up at him, wishing the offering belonged to Kurt and not to Blaine. But Kurt's raised brow said that he would not budge and Blaine opened his mouth and cleaned the bitterness off Kurt's finger. "I am more than happy to listen to you play until you get it right," Kurt told him.

Blaine's ears rang as Kurt left the room, fear and arousal and shame swirling in his heart until he let himself drown in it. He fell, his head growing fuzzy until his pain heightened for just one moment before fading into a smoldering burn, a quiet aching warmth that rushed through his veins and filled him with contentment.

And then suddenly it was gone, pulled from the serenity of subspace, and the smolder flared before shifting into an ache that was not quite pain and not quite pleasure and would not settle.

Kurt climbed back up. He picked up the forgotten plug and lubricant and he held it up with a smile. Kurt squirted some lube into his palm.

"Kurt…" Blaine started. But he didn't know what he was asking.

Kurt waited again. But when Blaine was silent, he continued like nothing had happened, slowly coating the toy. "This time the plug is your guide," Kurt told him. "The deeper it goes, the deeper you go. Only this time, your hands cross, I love the grace in your fingers when you play cross hand. Right goes down the scale. Left goes up the scale. Understood?"

He could barely even contemplate the agony that might cause. "Kurt please…" He sounded exhausted.

"Please what sweetheart?" Kurt asked. "Please let you come? Please untie you? Please let you touch me? Taste me?"

Blaine wanted to say yes to all of that and more. Please fuck me, please hold me, please use me, please don't push me too far, please don't make me ask for mercy I don't deserve.

"Please let me play for you," he whispered instead.

Kurt smiled and leaned back, taking the lubricated plug in his hand. "Blaine, I would love for you to play for me." Slowly he circled the tip around his hole, and Blaine settled his hands back on to the keyboard. Even that small pull on his tender groin made him wince. "You know what my favorite thing is about your music?" Kurt asked. "It's the same thing I love about you fucking me. You're passionate," he said, pressing the tip inside.

Blaine took a breath and started playing, his left hand crossing over the right though he cheated and did not play too high. The pull across his body was enough to make his testicle curl up in pain. He grimaced and groaned, but he kept his eyes open for the very second Kurt pressed the plug further in, and when he did he brought his hand back and relaxed as best he could.

"You grow up believing that subs are meek and pliable. But when you're playing or when you're fucking, shit Blaine, you are a force to be reckoned with. Whether it's me or the piano, whatever you play is the only thing that matters."

Kurt sunk the plug in farther and Blaine grimaced, his eyes tearing even before his left hand crossed over his right. He was conservative, trying desperately to hold back, but with nothing but a look, Kurt forced him farther.

Blaine's stomach tightened, his balls drawing up in anticipation of pain greater than he could bear and he looked up at Kurt. "Please Kurt, I can't."

"You can't what Blaine?" Kurt asked, a sharp brow raised. "You can't obey? You can't put my desires above yours? You can't take the pain you so selfishly suffered only a few nights ago when it's in my hands instead of yours? Too much for you and it needs to stop but too much for me doesn't matter?"

Blaine groaned. "No, sir." He had to do this. Kurt wanted it and all that mattered was pleasing Kurt, serving Kurt, paying penance to Kurt and taking the pain selflessly, beyond what he could bear, because Kurt asked him to. Kurt ordered him to and there were no excuses for disobeying.

He moved his hand down the scale, but Blaine only made it two notes further before his cry was ripped from his throat, electric shocks racing through his body. His stomach lurched and he hunched over the piano keys, breathing hard. He felt a stretch, deep within him, as if his entire body were being ripped in two. "Please, please sir, please." His ears rang, his head spun and if it didn't end soon he was pretty sure he was going to pass out. Words poured out of his mouth, words his submission tried desperately to rebel against. "Please, sir, please, please don't make me," he begged.

"Make you what, Blaine?"

"I can't…you shouldn't…" Dizziness took his eyes from Kurt's body to the keys beneath him, swirling black and white. But he couldn't safeword. Asking for it when he had ignored Kurt would be more humiliation than he could even imagine. He couldn't decide whether Kurt honoring it or not honoring it would feel more like punishment, but it would be punishment to Blaine either way. His only escape from it was to endure. But looking up with his resolve to see Kurt's next move, he realized that he wasn't meant to escape it. His offence had begun with the safeword and his punishment and retribution would end with it. And though the pain of saying the words was even greater than the pain in his balls, they tumbled from his mouth anyway, little more than a whisper. "New York."

Before he knew it, his binds were untied from his wrists and his hands flew to his lap, curling in on the pain. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he sputtered, trying to catch his breath.

The plug thrown to the side, Kurt raised Blaine's chin, trying to meet eyes clouded green and gold like the sky before a storm. "You should  _never_ be sorry for safewording. Never.  _I_  will  _always_  honor it Blaine. No matter what. You will always deserve for me to listen. Because I will always forgive you, everything."

Blaine finally broke down then, tears streaming. Kurt climbed down from the piano and tried to lead Blaine back to the bedroom but the sub's legs collapsed beneath him. Breaking his fall, Kurt leaned up against the wall and pulled Blaine into his arms, wrapping his love around him. He held him while Blaine cried, an inconsolable purge of the pain in his heart, in his soul, and in his body. Kurt tried not to let his own heart break as well. He had done what he needed to. As hard as it had been he didn't doubt himself one bit.

When all Blaine's tears were spent, his red-rimmed swollen eyes fluttered open and he slid down to rest his head on Kurt's lap, looking up at his Dom through wet lashes.

"Please," he whispered. "Please let me serve you."

Kurt was silent and thoughtful before he nodded and Blaine drew Kurt's cock into his mouth. He seemed to melt into it, the touch, the feel, the taste, like water after months in a desert. Kurt caressed Blaine's curls, and Blaine's eyes slipped shut, pacified, humming his contentment. The fall into subspace was easy, but so deep and strong that Kurt almost thought he might have been dragged in behind him if it were possible. Instead he leaned back against the wall, savoring the feel of Blaine's tongue, the heat of his mouth, the love and warmth that surrounded him. He didn't come, neither of them did. Kurt just held him, touched him.

The rest would come later, after they picked up Serena, had dinner together as a family, and put their baby girl to bed. The day would end and they would curl into bed and together they would serve, they would pleasure, they would lose themselves in one another until the sun came up and it was time for Kurt to go once more, far too soon.

But for now, Kurt just comforted Blaine, keeping him safe, until they both were ready to face the world again.

_~S~_

_All I have is this feeling inside of me_   
_The only thing I've ever known_

_If only New York wasn't so far away_   
_I will be there every step of the way_   
_And when you're scared and alone_   
_Just know that I'm already home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love, love, love your reviews, comments, questions, even criticisms. So please feel free to contact me here or on my tumblr, alexofthegarden. <3


	7. If Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone. Consider this my Chanukah and Christmas present all rolled up into one. Sorry it took so long, but hopefully the 20k makes up for it!
> 
> Many thanks to my beta who was awesome as usual.

_A million thoughts in my head_   
_Should I let my heart keep listening?_   
_‘Cause up till now, I’ve walked the line,_   
_nothing lost but something missing._

_I can’t decide, what’s wrong, what’s right?_   
_Which way should I go?_

_~ Dove Cameron_

 

 Kurt’s 24 hour trip back to New York had been a whirlwind.  It had understandably taken a while for Blaine to recover enough to even make it from the piano room to the bedroom, and Kurt was certain that the walk to pick Serena up from daycare had been an excruciating punishment for Blaine in and of itself.  Kurt almost felt bad.  No, he _did_ feel bad, but the moment Serena ran into his arms, that feeling flew away and others took its place.  He had missed his baby girl so much that it had hurt, and kissing her goodnight before bed that evening was one of the hardest things he’d done.  But he knew it would only be a few more days before he was back home again for good.

He didn’t let himself feel bad on the train ride back to Boston either.  He just worked on his laptop and when the moments came that Blaine’s face flooded his thoughts, he remembered the way he’d looked so early that morning when Kurt had finally allowed him his release.  He remembered the kisses and the gratitude and he didn’t let himself remember the tears at the piano.  He didn’t let himself remember the undeniable, Dominance-laced thrill of pleasure that had run through his veins at the mere sight of Blaine’s wrists bound with silk.

From the train he went straight to tech rehearsal and he lost himself in his work, watching the sets and lights and sound finally come together to bring his vision from his mind to the stage.  He hated to admit that between Serena’s illness and Blaine’s insolence, he’d had trouble concentrating the prior week. His stage manager had really been the one to keep everything together.  But with the memory of Blaine and Serena’s touch in his skin he was able to banish thoughts of them from his mind for long enough to bring his show to life.  And it was looking beautiful.

After a quick greeting showered on him by his host upon his return, Kurt finally got back to his room, and found himself lying on his bed, eyes closed, a tear-streaked, trussed up Blaine appearing behind his eyes.

He immediately grew hard.

“Fuck,” Kurt swore and he shook his head, trying to free his mind again of the thoughts. But it was no use. 

His hand reached down, lingering on his arousal, caught between wanting to make it go away and wanting to imagine Blaine’s wrists freed from his balls and instead tied to the headboard of their bed, his legs spread and bound to the footboard…

“No,” he admonished himself aloud and he got up and grabbed his phone, calling the person that had encouraged him to do it all in the first place.

“So how did it go?” Rachel greeted him eagerly and Kurt, not for the first time, wondered when they might invent phones he could reach through to strangle his best friend.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” he answered flatly, an admission more to himself than to her.  He sat down in the armchair and swiped his finger on the touchpad of his laptop.  Blaine’s Skype was on but they’d agreed that this week they’d forego the nightly sessions.  Kurt was working late every evening that week, Blaine would be in Boston in only three days, and Kurt had insisted that Blaine needed time to recover.  They both did.

“It’s an easy question Kurt, the punishment either went well or it didn’t.” Rachel’s exasperation was quite evident in her tone. 

Kurt rolled his eyes.  She knew it wasn’t that easy.  Not for him.  He didn’t feel at all that things went badly.  He was more Dominant than he’d ever been, which Blaine had earned after his complete disrespect.  Kurt left without any trace of anger or hurt toward his husband and he was certain that Blaine had been freed of his guilt, had been reminded of the ownership he so desperately desired and all that it entailed, and had learned some very valuable lessons.

But it was precisely the fact that it had gone so well that was making him feel so…he didn’t even know the words.  He found himself opening the side drawer by his bed and pulling out the book that Jesse had given him so long ago.  He traced the bookmarks to the pages he’d read that had set his thoughts in motion.

“You told me to ask him if he wanted it gentle or harsh and he asked for it harsh, so I did what we talked about and what I studied at the clubs, and I pushed him until he was sobbing and safeworded and it was so fucking hot seeing him tied up like that and I’m a horrible, horrible person,” Kurt blurted out.

“You’re not a horrible person Kurt, you’re a Dom,” Rachel said.

“No, I’m not,” Kurt nearly yelled.  He wasn’t.  He was a Gray and he detested the abuse that Doms put their subs through and denial was one thing, but it should not have been so damn easy for him to get himself off while his husband was writhing in real pain begging for him to stop.  “I’m not a Dom, Rachel.”

He could hear her sigh.  “Yes, you are Kurt.  You’re his Dom.  And as his Dom you want more than anything for him to be happy and content and to give him what he needs, even if that means tying him up and torturing him until he’s ready to fall apart because the fact that he lets you take him apart and put him back together is the most incredible gift he could ever give you.”

Kurt felt the knot in his stomach unravel slightly and the air fill his lungs again. He sat back against the headboard, letting the book settle in his lap.  “You always make it sound so beautiful.”

“It _is_ beautiful, Kurt,” Rachel told him.  “The give and take between a Dom and a sub is the most beautiful thing in the world.  Ask Blaine.  He’ll tell you that.”

He didn’t have to ask.  Blaine did tell him that, all the time. It had taken a while but Kurt had long since come to believe it himself.  What he’d done this time though, it went beyond anything he’d ever imagined himself doing.  Of course, he could say that about pretty much every punishment he’d ever given Blaine, but this went far beyond stress positions, denial, and edging.  It even went beyond the silent spanking that had gone too far and so wrong.  This one felt completely different, like he’d crossed a line.  And being on this side of the line terrified him.

“I have to go,” he told Rachel and he really did, even if it was just to try to avoid figuring it all out that night.  With her.  It was late. And he had to be up in the morning.  “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“There is nothing wrong with enjoying his punishment Kurt,” Rachel told him.  “Or enjoying his pain.  He does.  Why shouldn’t you?”

Kurt hung up but he didn’t fall asleep, not for a long time.  Because he realized that Rachel had been right.  This time, for the first time, he had very deliberately caused Blaine real pain, real injury.  And he had enjoyed it.

There had to be something wrong with that, wasn’t there?

 

* * *

 

There were a thousand things going through Kurt’s mind the morning of opening night.  He’d already been up worrying for hours even though he knew that there was nothing more he could do, and he was counting down the hours until Blaine would arrive later that afternoon.  They’d have dinner, go to the theater, deal with the media blitz that was thankfully nowhere near as big or intrusive as it would be on Broadway, and then after watching the show they’d go to the opening night reception with every potential funder in one room staring him down and assessing the risks versus the benefits of entrusting a multi-million dollar Broadway production to the hands of a Gray.

It had never been done before.  Whether he would be the first all rested on what happened that evening and he knew that the show would only be the first performance those people would be evaluating.

The second performance would be nothing less than him and Blaine.  But who was he?  Was he Gray?  Was he a Dom?  Which did he want the world to see?  He was Gray, loud and proud, and legally Blaine’s submission did not belong to him. But Rachel was right. He was also Blaine’s Dom and he knew that fact would matter far more to the people who held the purse strings than it should.  They would be watching.

And Kurt knew without a doubt that no one would be more attuned to that than Blaine.  It wouldn’t be his first time being watched.  And ever the actor, Blaine liked putting on a show.

With all those thoughts still running through a mind filled with more questions than answers, Blaine’s signature knock on his door had him looking at the clock to make sure he hadn’t just lost three hours in the maze of his mind.

Kurt looked in the mirror quickly, running a hand through his hair and straightening the t-shirt he’d thrown on to get breakfast.  His suit hung in the closet, tailored and pressed.  Right now he looked like, well, he just looked like Kurt.

He opened the door, his lips curling up in a smile.  Blaine was standing there, a weekend suitcase and a garment bag in his hand, dressed in the tightest of tight black jeans, a red polo and a bowtie. He looked gorgeous.  “You’re early,” Kurt said, surprise still slowing his thoughts.  “How are you early?”

“My mom and dad got an earlier flight and I couldn’t go another second without seeing you.”

“Or spend another three hours with them?” Kurt asked knowingly.  He grabbed Blaine’s bags and brought them into his room, throwing them on the chair.

Blaine shrugged as he followed Kurt into the room he’d only seen over Skype.  He gave it a quick once over.  It was generic and bland and seemed lonely.  He was glad he’d decided to come early.  “There will be enough time to spend with them once you and I get back.”  Spending time with his family was always easier with his Dom right there.  “Plus, my dad wanted to take Serena to the museum pretty much the second he got there, so it all worked out.”  He opened his arms, a large grin on his face.  “So here I am.”

“Here you are,” Kurt beamed.  He linked his fingers in the belt loops of Blaine’s jeans, his gaze nothing less than seductive, and he pulled Blaine close, kissing him as if he was making up for an entire month of lost kisses, because he really was.  Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to touch and Blaine could only moan into Kurt’s lips before Kurt’s hand was caressing down from the back of his neck, inching down his spine, and finally tracing over the curve of Blaine’s ass.  Kurt felt a wave of arousal surge through Blaine’s body and if Blaine’s press into Kurt’s palm was any indication, Kurt was pretty sure his husband never wanted that hand to leave his ass ever again.  Kurt squeezed as hard as he dared and  Blaine turned his head and sighed. “God, so good,” he muttered his lips nibbling at the skin of Kurt’s neck. 

Kurt shivered at the hot breath on his now wet skin and he chased Blaine’s lips again.  That kiss was all teeth and tongue, both of them laughing while trying not to let go of one another.  Blaine stopped laughing though the second Kurt’s hand slipped down from his ass to softly fondle between his legs.  Kurt didn’t miss the sudden intake of breath.

“How are these?” he asked, his lips still against Blaine’s mouth, his thumb brushing Blaine’s balls gently.

Blaine dropped his head. Kurt’s lips slipped to his forehead, and now the gentle shiver of arousal turned to a jolt of warm submission that surrounded Kurt and sent Blaine’s blood rushing to swell against his zipper.  Kurt could feel it against his own. “They missed you,” Blaine whispered.  He grasped Kurt’s waist and pressed against him.  “They want you so bad.”

Kurt wanted them too, memories of them wrapped beautifully in silk fueling his arousal and letting reason slip from his mind.  He caressed them as best he could through Blaine’s jeans but he wanted so much more.  “They shouldn’t miss me,” Kurt said, his head quirked with a mischievous gaze.  “I just played with them a week ago.”

Blaine’s breath hitched again, his shoulders rising and falling quickly.  “I don’t know if torture and play are the same thing Kurt.”

Kurt arched a brow.  “Aren’t they though?” 

* * *

 

Blaine froze. 

He had come for the weekend prepared to leave all submission behind, prepared to set every need and desire of his own aside in an effort to completely worship his husband, to cater to his every whim.  To give him back everything that he had selfishly taken and unselfishly been given.  To thank him in every way for what he’d done.

But within a minute of him walking in the door, Kurt had his entire body thrumming with desire, his cock burning against the confinement of his jeans with the feel of his punishment still so very much in the forefront of his mind.  He looked up and there was heat in Kurt’s cheeks, the blue of his eyes dark like royalty, sparkling like sapphires.  A shudder flew down Blaine’s spine and his submission coiled around his husband with the too quickly building need in the very pit of his stomach. 

It was Dominance in Kurt’s eyes.  It was Dominance in the hand that cradled the most delicate part of him.

“Did you enjoy it?” Blaine asked breathlessly.  Kurt’s eyes dropped and looked away as the realization of everything he’d said hit him, but Blaine hated seeing the shame in Kurt’s face.  He grabbed Kurt’s hands.  “Kurt, it’s okay if you did.  I know bondage is a thing for you, I can imagine-”

“It was punishment Blaine,” Kurt said, shaking his head.  There were other words there, words behind Kurt’s lips that he wouldn’t let come out.

Blaine gently lifted Kurt’s chin. “It’s not punishment for you Kurt,” he said softly, hoping his husband would meet his gaze.  When he did, Kurt’s eyes were so unsure, his bottom lip so self-consciously bit between his teeth that it pulled at Blaine’s heart.  Kurt had nothing to be embarrassed about and Blaine tried to prove it in a kiss, warm and soft against lips so hesitant and nervous it reminded him of the days before Kurt trusted himself.  He pulled away slowly and brushed his fingers over Kurt’s temple.  “It shouldn’t be punishment for you.” 

They had come so far and yet they both still had those issues that clung to them tighter than they could cling to one another.  Blaine’s had been laid out in the open for a long time now, spread bare for Kurt to take hold of and transform.  But Kurt kept his close to his chest, hidden except for the very few moments when he couldn’t contain it. Yet it still never came out in words.  Someday Blaine knew they would have to discuss it. But today didn’t need to be that day.

“It’s okay,” Blaine said, smiling with all his love and understanding.  “We don’t have to talk about it.  Today is your day. I wanted it to be…easy.  I wanted to show you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

The trepidation in Kurt’s eyes seemed to melt away, replaced instead by intrigue.  A slow smile spread across Kurt’s face.  “And how did you want to show me?”

Blaine took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist.  “By being whatever you want me to be.  Doing whatever you want me to do.”

“Hmmm…” Kurt looked up at the ceiling as if he were thinking, then back to Blaine.  “What if I want you to be naked?”

Blaine nodded frantically.  “I can do that,” he said and without any hesitation he slipped out of his shoes and shirt on his own, then waited, hands behind his back, for Kurt.

Kurt laughed and took the hint, reaching forward. He unbuttoned Blaine’s pants, then unzipped them, softly trailing the back of his hand down against Blaine’s bulge as if it were accidental.  Wordlessly, he took Blaine’s hips in his hands then slid his fingers below the waist so that they brushed against skin.  Kurt licked his lips as if he wanted desperately to taste and Blaine wanted it too. Kurt didn’t though, not yet.  Instead he lowered Blaine’s pants, his hands tracing the outsides of Blaine’s legs, down his thighs and his calves, until he tapped against his ankles, urging him to lift his feet.  Blaine stepped out of his jeans and stood naked for his Dom.  His Dom who was kneeling at his feet, staring up at him. 

Blaine’s delight in this turn of events was more than obvious and Kurt circled Blaine’s hardened length inside his fingers, stroking him gently as he licked Blaine’s juices off the head.  Begging for more, Blaine pressed in.

Kurt smirked up at him.  “You like that?”

“Oh, yes,” Blaine moaned. 

Kurt indulged him for a minute, opening his mouth, letting Blaine slip inside, and it felt like absolute heaven.  It had been a month, he’d waited so long for this, imagined it so many times when Kurt had edged him to the tip of his breaking point.  He’d felt the phantom drag of Kurt’s lips then, the tickle of his tongue and the heat of his mouth, but the reality of it, the sight of him, the true sensation of every sound and touch, it brought Blaine far too close far too soon.

“God Kurt,” he whispered, pressing his lips together before he said anything he’d regret.  His hands went to grasp at Kurt’s head, to hold him so he could fuck into his mouth, but he didn’t have permission for that. He didn’t know if he needed permission for that.  So instead he pulled his hands behind his back and let out a moan so long and deep and laced with such satisfaction that Kurt couldn’t help but pull back and smile up at him.

“You’re so close already, aren’t you?  I can taste it, and god I missed that taste so much.  Come on.” Kurt stood up and reached for Blaine’s wrist just above his cuff, pulling him over to the bed, seating him on the edge.  “Will you lie back for me?” he asked.

The question wasn’t lost on Blaine.  There was no order in it, no Dominance, no demand.  It shot a warmth to his heart and before he could truly think on it, he was lying down on his back, his knees bent over the edge.

Blaine felt Kurt’s hands rub up and down his thighs. “I think I owe your balls an apology,” Kurt said and he knelt down on the floor between Blaine’s legs.

“No Kurt, you really don’t,” Blaine said but he stopped arguing when Kurt guided his knees up toward his chest.  Instead he grabbed his legs to hold himself there.  “Holy fuck,” he breathed.

“Fuck indeed,” Kurt agreed.  Blaine’s only option other than to close his eyes was to stare at the ceiling, but the feel of Kurt’s soft touch on the back of his thighs forced them shut.  His entire body felt ablaze, his cock twitched against his belly and his breathing grew heavy with his attempt to not end things before they had even begun.

“Do you know how beautiful they looked?” Kurt’s question was rhetorical and Blaine didn’t know if it was true, but he did know there was nothing but beauty in the touch of Kurt’s fingers on his skin, tracing the curves of his balls, mapping out the path the scarf had taken, separating him again.  Blaine’s heart raced at the precision of that touch.  The memory of last time. “I never realized before just how perfect they are.” Kurt leaned in, licking a long, sweeping stroke up one side and down the other, before sucking one sac into his mouth with care.

Blaine’s whole body vibrated when Kurt swirled the tip of his tongue around him and, ever so lightly, tugged with his lips away from the heat of his body.  There was nothing Blaine could do to stop the thrust of his hips or the soft cry of pleasure that escaped his throat.  The cry grew louder when he felt Kurt’s hands slip beneath his ass, kneading at the flesh, digging his nails in just enough to create an edge of pain.

“Oh my god,” Blaine panted, his chest rising and falling, his eyes closed and lips parted as unbelievable desire flooded him.  “More, god please Kurt, please don’t stop.”

Kurt gently pulled back. “I have no intention of stopping, Blaine, I’m only halfway there.” The air hit Blaine, cold enough to send a shiver up his spine.  Blaine’s heart was racing so fast he couldn’t tell one beat from the next and his fingers ached with the need to touch.  Kurt ran his tongue up the middle of his sac and Blaine’s toes curled, the sensation flooding him only seconds before Kurt took the other side into the heat of his mouth. 

“Holu fuck,” Blaine cried, gripping the blankets in his fists. “I need…please…can I…please I need to…”

He couldn’t string his thoughts together into words but he didn’t need to, Kurt understood and he instantly felt Kurt’s hand on his cock.  Blaine’s head nearly exploded, Kurt’s mouth dancing around his balls, his hand stroking him up and down, slow, too slow, bringing him so, so close to his release.

“Kurt, I’m gonna…please…”

Kurt didn’t say yes but he didn’t say no, and his balls drew up close to his body, tightening, ready to burst. Kurt’s hand sped up, urging him on, pulling Blaine’s orgasm from him in a way that his husband almost never did as his Dom.  Kurt’s hand beneath his ass caressed up his side and then found its way to his nipple, thumbing over it.  Blaine’s ears started ringing, his head spinning fast.  There was nothing in the world, no cars outside or shows opening, no regrets or worries, there was no time or space or distance between them. There was nothing but Kurt’s hands, Kurt’s mouth, pulsing so much pleasure through his body that Blaine felt like he was floating and falling at the same time. 

Kurt suddenly took his entire scrotum into his mouth at once and Blaine gasped, his breath caught in his lungs only seconds before his mind went blank and his stomach coiled. His back arched up off the bed and he was pretty sure it was his voice screaming with the force of his release coursing through him.  It felt like hours as white hot fire worked from the tips of his toes, up his legs and to his cock where pulse after pulse shot through him.  Kurt guided him through it, never leaving as Blaine came, one hand dragging along his cock, drawing it out of him while the other gripped his hip, thumbs pressed firmly into his skin, pulling Blaine back into his mouth when his body tried to escape.

Blaine didn’t fall. This was different, this was drifting outside of subspace, outside of Dominance.  He felt Kurt’s love wrapped around him but that was all that registered, his mind a void where everything and nothing could enter.  When he finally woke he felt Kurt fingers, soft and wet, on his hole, massaging gently.

“Mmmm…” he hummed and finally opened his eyes.  Kurt was standing at the foot of the bed, smiling down at him.

“Is this okay?” he asked, pausing his fingers, and again, there was no Dominance in the question.  “I know you must be oversensitive.”

“It’s more than okay,” Blaine said, his lids heavy, his voice low.  His entire body felt satiated and completely ready for Kurt to use as he pleased.  “Whatever you want Kurt, I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours,” Kurt said.  He kissed Blaine’s knee, still held firm in his arms, and he pushed gently with two fingers, carefully breaching the ring of muscles more than willing to accept him.  Blaine relaxed into it, part of him thinking that he could fall asleep in his contentment if he didn’t know that in only a few minutes Kurt was going to fuck him for the first time in a month.  “Does that feel good?”

“God, so good,” Blaine murmured blissfully.  “Don’t ever leave me again Kurt, please.  Not for so long.”

“I won’t,” Kurt promised and Blaine heard the truth in his words.  “I missed you so much.”

“Want you inside me,” Blaine said, thrusting into Kurt’s fingers.  “Want to feel you, want you to fill me.”

Kurt was ready and with one last stretch of his fingers, he pulled out and lined himself up.   He wrapped Blaine’s legs around his waist and, grasping ahold of his thighs, he inch by painstakingly slow inch pressed in all the way and then held himself still. 

Blaine imagined his own face was the picture of serenity as Kurt started to move inside him.  The drag, the fullness, the insanely erotic noises that Kurt was making, went straight to his cock but release wasn’t what he needed.  All he needed was to feel, to let it fill his heart and soul.  He needed to look upon Kurt’s beautiful face, hair mussed and lips swollen.  He needed to just be there, a vessel for the man he loved, the man who cared for him.  When Kurt came inside him, Blaine smiled, knowing that for as long as they both lived, no matter how much they changed, no matter what he did, no matter how badly either one of them screwed up, there was nothing they couldn’t make right again. 

Because no matter what, there would never be anything about them that was wrong.

* * *

 

“Daddy you look so handsome!” Serena’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of Kurt in his opening night suit.  Kurt spun for her and grinned as she clapped.  “Let me see Papa, let me see Papa!”

“Papa can’t get his bowtie right,” Blaine muttered, frowning as he came over.  Kurt tied his tie for him, everyone on the other end of Skype watching.  Blaine smiled and turned to the screen, his arms open.  “There.  How do I look?  Am I handsome too?”

“Twirl,” Serena ordered, and Blaine did as he was told.  “Papa is beautiful,” Serena said, then pouted.  “Why couldn’t I come too?”

“Because this is a grown up event,” Kurt said, sitting down at the computer to explain it once again.  “And Daddy and Papa need some time alone before we have to-”

“Come home and go back to work,” Blaine said, a squeezing hand on Kurt’s shoulder.  He threw his husband a quick glare and then smiled back at Serena.  The last thing he wanted her to think was that she was a burden.  “New York is hard work.”

“Daycare is hard work,” Serena said.  “And so is the museum.”

“I hope you had a good time,” Kurt said.  “And I hope you’re being a good girl for Grammy and Grandpop.”

“She’s being perfect,” Blaine’s father said, coming up behind her.  He lifted her up and she giggled as he took her chair and sat her on his lap.  “I hope Blaine is being good as well,” he said, a brow raised.

After all these years, Kurt shouldn’t still be taken aback by the openness at which both Blaine and Santana’s parents addressed Blaine’s submission but it stopped him short every time.

Luckily, Blaine was quite used to it.  “I am being extra good Dad, thanks for asking,” Blaine said.

“This is public son, a big day for your Dom and Westerville-” John started.

“I will make everybody proud, I promise.”  Blaine set his hands on Kurt’s tense shoulders and massaged them loose.  “You just worry about Serena. Kurt and I can take care of ourselves.”

“Ignore your father,” Blaine’s mother said, her voice light and relaxing.  “He just worries about you. We both do.”

“Well stop.” Blaine draped his arms around Kurt’s neck and kissed his cheek.  “My Dom worries about me enough for all of you and he takes care of me as well as you would wish.”

That was the closest Blaine would ever get to assuring them that Kurt was a perfectly fine disciplinarian when he wanted to be, and it seemed to satisfy them both.

“So we’ll see you on Sunday?” Mrs. Anderson asked.

“Yes you will.  Good night, pumpkin,” Blaine said to Serena.

“Goodnight, Papa,” she said, then turned to Kurt.  “Goodnight, Daddy.  Break a leg.”

“Thank you sweatpea, I love you,” Kurt said and the Skype disconnected.  He turned back to Blaine.  “Since when does she say break a leg?”

Blaine took a step forward and wrapped his arms around his husband’s waist.  “We picked the best daycare in all of New York City,” he said in explanation.  Kurt’s nose wrinkled and Blaine leaned it to kiss it.  Then his eyes fell to Kurt’s lips just a second before they both leaned in for a kiss.  It was slow but careful, they couldn’t risk getting turned on yet.  Well, Kurt couldn’t.  Blaine would spend the whole night hard if Kurt asked him to.  “Come on, Mr. Director.  Let’s go see a show.”

* * *

 

The standing ovation had been enough to set Blaine’s mind at ease, but it seemed like Kurt’s tension only increased as they filed out of the theater and up to the reception.

“It’s going to be fine,” Blaine told Kurt, squeezing his hand.  Kurt almost looked sick.  “The show was breathtaking and moving and every person in that theater loved it.  You don’t have to worry.”

“They loved the show, but will they love me? After seeing it like that, I can’t even imagine someone else taking it over, stealing it from me.”

Blaine stopped him and snaked his arms around Kurt’s waist, flashing him a grin.  “Well I love you,” he said.  “And I like to think I’m a pretty tough critic.”  Blaine smirked.  Kurt rolled his eyes.  “Everyone will have been so blown away that no one will even give two thoughts to your orientation.”

Kurt scoffed.  “You’re cute,” he said, giving Blaine a playful pat on his cheek.  “Totally wrong, but cute. Still…” Kurt’s voice turned more serious.  “I do want the work to speak for itself.  So it’s just you and me tonight, okay? Totally equal.”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine teased before kissing away the irritation on Kurt’s face.  “I mean, sure, okey dokey Kurt.”

Kurt just shook his head with fond exasperation and took his hand to walk up to the second floor ballroom.  Outside the party the photographers were set up and Blaine and Kurt took pictures they both knew would be on the internet by the time the party was over.  They watched for a little while, hand in hand, as many others in the cast and crew made their way up as well.  Blaine had to admit he was slightly starstruck with a few of the more well-known people he’d grown up admiring.  But after a quick introduction from Kurt, he fell into easy conversation.

Music and voices gradually rose inside and Blaine could see both the trepidation in Kurt’s eyes and the determination in his face.  Blaine smiled.  “Come on Mr. Director.  Let’s make them fall in love with you.”

With another squeeze of his hand, Blaine led Kurt into the ballroom.  On either end of the room was a fully stocked bar flowing with free drinks.  On the far wall were tables layered in refreshments, from miniature sandwiches to cupcakes to fruit and cheese.  “Would you like a plate?” Blaine asked.  “Or would a drink better take the edge off the nerves?”

“A drink, definitely,” Kurt chuckled and they made their way through the crowd, each getting a glass of champagne.

“Care to grab one for an old friend?”

Blaine’s eyes lit up with delight and he squealed with excitement at the sound of Quinn’s voice.  He turned and immediately gathered her up in his arms, hugging her so tight she could barely breathe.

“Down boy,” she laughed, wiggling in his arms.  Her gaze fell over Blaine’s shoulder onto a laughing Kurt.  “God Hummel, get your sub under control.”

“Looks like he’s trying to get you under control,” Kurt smirked and he reached over to the bar for another glass of champagne.  “Alright Blaine, let the girl breathe and have a drink.”

Blaine let her go but he couldn’t stop his excitement or the bounce on his toes.  “You were absolutely exquisite,” he said, still holding one of Quinn’s hands, staring at her nearly as if she were a ghost.  “God, I can’t believe it’s been so long, it feels like yesterday.”

“It was definitely not yesterday,” Quinn said. 

“And you’ve changed so much.  You’ve grown.   You look so happy and you just completely amazed me on that stage tonight.”

“I am happy,” Quinn said.  “Come on, let me introduce you to my fiancé.”  She led Kurt and Blaine to the food table where a tall, handsome young man with olive skin, brown eyes and wavy brown hair was filling two plates.  An ivory ring adorned his left hand. Quinn placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned, eyes sparkling as soon as they fell on her.  “Hey darling,” she said, taking one of the plates from him.  She nodded toward her friends.  “Trevor, this is my director Kurt and his husband and my high school friend, Blaine.”

Trevor shook hands with each of them.  “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Quinn has told me so much about both of you.”

“Well please don’t believe everything she says,” Blaine teased.  “She’s always been a competitive little thing.”

“Who you calling little, Anderson?” Quinn grinned.

“What do you do, Trevor?” Kurt asked politely.

“I’m a playwriting professor,” he said, smiling down at Quinn.  “At Yale.  That’s where we met.  Though I wasn’t a professor at the time, just a lowly graduate student.”

“You should go talk to Mr. Kaufman,” Quinn said, cocking her head into the crowd.  “You’ve been talking about meeting him ever since I told you he’d be at this party.”

“You’re just trying to get rid of me,” he said playfully, but he kissed her on the cheek.  “It was nice to meet both of you, I’m going to go make a fool of myself in front of one of my greatest role models.”

Kurt and Blaine both laughed as he headed off.  “He seems nice,” Kurt said. “Nothing like Santana.”

Quinn smiled and nodded.  “He really is.  And you’re right, he’s absolutely nothing like Santana, which is probably one of the things I love most about him.”

“Kurt.”  An older gentleman tapped Kurt on the shoulder and they all turned.  Brown eyed with white curly hair, he was dressed in a suit more formal, and far more colorful in a deep red, than Kurt’s.  Blaine was pretty sure he was one of the producers.  “There are some people I need you to meet.”

Kurt’s eyes widened with nerves for only a second before his face tempered again and he smiled.  “Of course.” He held out his empty glass to Blaine.  “Hold this for me please?” he asked.  Blaine took it and kissed him quickly on the cheek before Kurt rushed off to make the rounds.

Quinn raised a brow.  “Shouldn’t you be trailing behind him like a good little sub?”

“Kurt wants to just be a director tonight, not a Dom,” Blaine explained, putting the empty champagne glasses on the table.  “Surely if anyone understands that it’s you.”

Quinn’s face told Blaine that even if she understood she thought it was a huge mistake, but she decided against voicing her opinion.  “For me it has been wonderful, just being able to be myself, not having to pretend to be anyone else.  I know Kurt had trouble with acting, being out already.  It helped that I’d proven myself at Yale before anyone knew that I was Gray.”  She looked across the room at her boyfriend and smiled sadly.  “It was hard in high school.  And with Santana.  I tried, but I could never be for her what you were.”

“And I could never be for her what Brittany is.  Nor could she be for me what Kurt is.  It all worked out in the end though, didn’t it?  You’re being who you are and doing what you love.”

Quinn wasn’t so sure that it had all worked itself out.  “What about you?” Her head cocked to the side.  “I’ve been worried about you for a long time now.  I should have seen your name in lights years ago, but I don’t.  Are you able to be who you are?  Do what you love?”

Blaine shrugged.  “Things aren’t perfect, but they’re good.  Kurt loves me and he takes care of me and I try really hard to take care of him.  As for work, I’m running a recording studio and doing a lot of composing-”

“But why aren’t you performing?”  Quinn pressed.  Blaine worried his lips together.  “Kurt says he doesn’t hold you back, but-”

“No,” Blaine said firmly.  “I’m holding me back maybe, but Kurt isn’t. You know he wouldn’t.  Even if I let him, which I wouldn’t, Santana never would.”

“Santana is holding herself back, so I don’t know if she’s your best champion.  Following her sub around like a guard dog for as long as she wants?”  Quinn snorted and shook her head.  “I never would have imagined it.”

“It’s not for as long as she wants, it’s just for the summer tour Quinn,” Blaine told her.  “They’ll be back in the city end of August and then Santana starts at her new law firm.”  Blaine glanced over to Kurt, talking with three men in high end designer tuxes, no doubt with wallets to match.  Kurt caught his eye and they smiled at each other.  “Then she’s going to change the world.”

Quinn followed his gaze.  “By what, making your claim with Kurt legal? Good luck with that fight, it’s never gonna happen.”

Blaine shrugged.  “Maybe you’re right.”  He watched his Dom interact with the potential investors.  Despite all his nerves, Kurt looked confident and assertive. Blaine had never been so proud.  “But maybe you’re wrong.  If he can convince people here-”

“You think anyone in this crowd is going to forget that he’s Gray?  Come on, let’s go listen to what everyone is saying,” Quinn said. 

She held out her hand and Blaine hesitated.  He wasn’t sure he really wanted to hear.   He tried to be optimistic for Kurt’s sake, but he was from Westerville after all.  If anyone knew how cruel and elitist people could be, it was him and Quinn.

He had to know though, he couldn’t help Kurt if he didn’t hear the truth.  So he took Quinn’s hand and she led him to the bar at the far side of the room.  She ordered them both mixed drinks and he sat on a stool facing the crowd while she hovered in front of him.  They didn’t talk.  They simply listened.

“I think the show has real potential,” said an older gentleman dressed in a black suit with a thin, silver tie.  Blaine smiled but that smile quickly fell as the man continued.  “I just don’t know if Hummel could stay at the helm.  I mean, Boston is one thing, but who’s ever heard of a Gray director on Broadway?”

“There’s never been one before and maybe that’s for good reason,” a tall, beautiful blonde so obviously an actress said.  Her dress was red, her heels were high, and her delicate gold cuff wrapped around her wrist.  “I know I’d feel weird taking direction from a Gray.  Doms naturally take control and subs have such a depth of feeling that Doms can’t help but be drawn in by them.  Plus the union protects us subs in the business.  But a Gray…?

“I hear he has a submissive though,” commented a shorter brunette woman in a little black dress.  Blaine hid his face behind Quinn and took a drink, feeling his cheeks grow warm as these strangers talked about him. 

“A weak sub no doubt,” the man said.  Blaine’s hand clenched into a fist.  “Pretending to Dom a weak sub is not the same thing as being able to command a stage full of Broadway personalities. And add the producers to that mix…”

Blaine’s stomach tightened and turned and he needed to get away from the conversation before he did something he would strongly regret.  “I need to move,” Blaine said and he didn’t even wait for Quinn before he started back toward the buffet table.

It didn’t matter where Blaine went though.  Now that he was listening he overheard whispers about Kurt everywhere.  The show was a hit, no one doubted that Kurt did an amazing job.  But there were questions from even his biggest supporters as to whether or not a Gray could direct on Broadway.  He clearly had the talent, but did he have the drive, the ability to command?  Did he have the character to make it on Broadway or would it all fall apart?  Could anyone investing really take that kind of risk?

Blaine’s anger grew.  He knew Kurt would tell him to ignore it, to let the work speak for itself.  But asking Blaine to just stand there and do nothing would have been worse torture than Kurt edging him all night long.  He had to do something, and he had to think of something safe before he made a mistake that would definitely cost Kurt the show and earn himself wrath from his husband that he did not want.

_A weak sub no doubt._ The words kept playing over and over in his head.  And then he knew what to do.

As if drawn like a magnet, Blaine quickly found Kurt in the crowd talking with a woman Blaine did not know and he headed straight for him.  His strides were long, fast with determination.  Kurt turned and smiled the minute he saw him.  “Hey Blaine, may I-”

With his chin held high, his neck exposed, Blaine dropped gracefully to the floor, kneeling at the feet of his Dom.  Kurt immediately stopped talking, his eyes shifting quickly to the woman by his side.  She was staring at the two of them, the surprise on her face quite obvious and Kurt was clearly trying not to mirror it.  Blaine made no move until Kurt’s attention turned back to him.  Only then did Blaine lower his gaze to the floor with practiced ceremony, folding his hands at the base of his spine.

Kurt’s eyes narrowed.

Remembering that they were in fact in a crowd full of people and not alone in their living room, Kurt quickly apologized to his guest.  “I’m so sorry, would you excuse us please?”

“Of course,” the woman said giving the two of them one last curious glance before leaving to join another group a few steps away. 

Kurt turned to his husband the minute she had gone.  “Blaine,” he whispered. His eyes darted around the room.  People were starting to turn and stare.  “Blaine get up.”

Blaine could feel the rush of Dominance flowing toward him from all corners of the room and he heard the words in his head once more.  _Pretending to Dom a weak sub is not the same thing as being able to command a stage full of Broadway personalities._   There were many things Blaine Anderson had been called in his life, but a weak sub was not one of them and he was going to prove it to every single person in the room.  He took a deep breath, and let his submission surge powerfully around Kurt, humbling himself before his Dom. No one would doubt his strength.  Or Kurt’s.

“No, sir,” Blaine refused.

“Blaine,” Kurt said again, this time a little harsher.  “People are watching, get off the floor.”

“I want them to watch.”  Blaine looked up at him now, eyes bright gold and impassioned, jaw set.  “I want them to see.  They say you’re not strong enough for Broadway.  They should see that you are.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide with recognition, then narrowed.  “Blaine.”  His voice was a hiss then, quiet but sharp.  “You do not kneel for me, this is against our rules and you know that very well.  Don’t think I don’t know what you’re really doing, now get up off your knees.”

“I’m not getting up until you make me.”  Blaine’s gaze was bright, his eyes almost glowing. His lip curled, suppressing his smile as best he could. “Sir.”

Kurt hadn’t quite found the humor yet though.  “You really want to do this?  Just when we’ll be together again finally, you really want me to deny you your submission?”

Blaine shrugged coyly. “I owe you a date anyway.”  He let his smile slip before bowing his head once again.  “I would give up everything for you to have a chance to direct on Broadway.  Everything, including my dignity and my submission.”

Kurt looked around once more.  Many intrigued eyes pretended not to be on them.  He sighed loudly, but he kept his face stern.  “What would you have me do?”

“Punish me, sir.  Send me to the corner,” Blaine answered, asking for the only punishment he knew Kurt would even consider.  And even though he asked for it, his heart still raced and he felt himself stir inside his slacks at the very prospect of Kurt agreeing, of Dominating him in front of all these people, people he had admired for so long.  “I deserve it.  For breaking our rules.  Defying you.”  Blaine looked back up at him. “Sir.”

Kurt was silent, trying to figure out what to do.  Everything about what Blaine was doing was wrong.  Kneeling for him, manipulating him, making them into Dom and sub when he’d clearly stated that he wanted them to be equals that night.  All for what? To prove to a room full of stuck up Doms and subs that even a Gray could handle authority.  In so many ways he was reminded of Artie and Sugar’s claiming, Santana trying to prove to the world that her Dominance over her sub was as real as anyone else’s. 

Santana had given in to him, spanking him in front of everyone, something he was absolutely certain Blaine would beg for if he thought for even one second Kurt would do it.  “You really want me to publicly humiliate you,” Kurt said.  “Punish you in front of everyone, like Santana did.”

 Blaine grew hard, pressing sharp against his zipper.  It wasn’t just the reminder of the first time Kurt had seen him punished, but at the thought that Kurt would ever spank him in public.  He tried to stop the swell, but it was no use, and Kurt had known it. His voice was rough when he spoke.  “You did that on purpose, sir.”

Kurt gave him his own smirk.  “I did.  But luckily, I am a whole lot smarter than Santana was that day.  Stand up.”

Blaine obeyed, his eyes still on Kurt as he rose to his feet, his hands falling to his sides.

“I am not going to punish you.” Blaine started to protest, but Kurt raised a stern finger and immediately Blaine closed his mouth.  “You want to show them how Dominant I can be?  You don’t do that by breaking our rules.  You do it by showing them your obedience.  Your submission.  Your complete devotion.”

Something behind Blaine’s eyes flickered with recognition and the submission that had been hovering around Kurt latched on to his Dom.  Over Kurt’s shoulder he could see the few people left who hadn’t been paying attention suddenly turn, the strength and beauty of his submission drawing them in. 

“Eyes,” Kurt quickly ordered and Blaine snapped back to his Dom. The dark blue gaze seemed to pierce straight through him. Any teasing was gone.  “You will stand up straight.  You will keep your hands behind your back.  You will keep your eyes down and you will speak only when spoken to, is that understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine said and he immediately fixed his posture, folded his hands back at the base of his spine, and lowered his gaze to the floor just in front of his feet.

“You will walk behind me as a proper sub and if someone asks you a question you will ask permission to speak before you answer, do you understand?”

Every molecule in his body, from his toes to his head to his very soul, vibrated with Kurt’s Dominance. “Yes, sir.”

“Enjoy your submission now Blaine, because as soon as this evening is over, it’s gone.”

Blaine went to raise his eyes, to see Kurt’s face, but he remembered just in time and kept his head down.  “For how long, sir?” he asked.

Blaine didn’t need to see his husband to hear the smirk in his voice.  “Well that depends on how well you can behave while we’re here.”

* * *

 

Kurt noticed the minute his attention finally returned to the crowd rather than Blaine that everyone was looking at him differently.  He didn’t think it was just Blaine’s embarrassing display that had heads turning and people talking.  Every conversation he’d had that evening had people questioning whether he truly felt that as a Gray he could command the respect that was required of a Broadway director.  He had hoped that they would just believe in him, but he’d been wrong.  He couldn’t just hope.  He had to show them.

And he was about to get his chance because coming straight toward them was one of the most important people in the room that evening, the artistic director who had believed in Kurt enough to bring him this far, but needed to see that the world could trust him like he had.  “Kurt,” Mr. Reynolds said, shaking his hand with a smile.  “I must say you are the talk of the evening.”

“Well I’d take that as a compliment if I didn’t think it was just because of my sub’s impertinent public display a moment ago,” Kurt said, a teasing air covering his fear it was the truth.  “Blaine, this is the artistic director, Mr. Reynolds.”

“Hello Blaine, it’s nice to meet you,” Mr. Reynold’s deep voice vibrated.

Blaine raised his eyes. “It’s nice to meet you too, sir.”

Kurt’s stern gaze shifted quickly to his sub.  “That’s one, Blaine,” he warned.

Kurt knew what it did to Blaine when he counted.  He could hear it in the hitch of his breath.  “I’m sorry,” Blaine said, bowing his head once more.  “May I please have permission to speak?”

Mr. Reynolds arched a brow but said nothing.  Kurt couldn’t tell if Blaine had broken the rules already on purpose or accidentally, so he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He offered Blaine a small nod.  “Yes, sweetheart, of course.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said, then raising his eyes once more.  “It’s very nice to meet you, sir,” he repeated.  “Kurt has spoken very highly of you.”

“And I know how highly he thinks of you,” Mr. Reynolds said. His eyes were warm and Blaine knew he meant it.  “What did you think of the show?”

Blaine visibly relaxed and his face immediately grew bright with pride.  “I thought it was absolutely beautiful,” Blaine answered honestly.  “I thought the romance and tragedy of these two forbidden couples, different and yet the same in so many ways, it could have been done so heavy-handed.  But there was a delicate subtlety to it that felt like it tiptoed inside my heart.”  Blaine looked at Kurt, love glowing in his eyes.  “Maybe I’m biased, I don’t know.  But I think Kurt was able to bring a unique perspective that not many other people could.”

“Especially on Broadway,” Mr. Reynolds agreed and if Kurt hadn’t been sure before that the man believed in him, he was sure now.  “Tell me something Kurt.  The entire night, all I’ve been asked is how you managed to command a company full of Doms and subs.  I couldn’t give the answer though.”

Kurt had been asking himself the very same question since the beginning of his career, but with every new company he came to understand.  “The same way I command Blaine, Mr. Reynolds.”  Kurt reached for Blaine’s wrist and showed the man the cuff buckled around it.  “Authority doesn’t come from being a Dom or a sub.  Truth, trust, love and respect.  That’s the key to true command, Mr. Reynolds.”

Mr. Reynolds was about to respond when they were interrupted by a glass clinking behind them at the bar.  The writer, a young Asian playwright who had brought the story of his parents and others like them to the stage, was tapping a spoon to his champagne flute to get the crowds’ attention.  The noise echoed through the hall and in a wave a hush grew over the crowd. 

“Hello everyone,” the man said.  “My name is Gavin Kimura, and for those of you who don’t know me, I’m the playwright of Accident of Love.  A year ago I started looking for someone who could take the words that I’d written on the journey that they deserved.  I knew I needed someone who could truly see between the lines, who understood that there was a place between love and hate, right and wrong.  Black and white.” He looked across the room and smiled at Kurt.  “I’d been given lots of big Broadway names and I had a lot of meetings, but no one who came to me understood the intricacy of my story, the delicacy of my words.  Until I met Kurt Hummel. He didn’t even know it, we met one day at an industry event and we just got to talking.  And I knew, right then, that he was the one. Any success this show has, has nothing to do with my words, but everything to do with his voice.” He looked to Kurt who was watching him with pride. But there was also sadness at the thought of no longer working together.  Gavin felt it too, and there was no point in not acknowledging it.  “Now, neither of us is naïve enough to not know the question every reviewer will be asking in the morning.  And sure, Accident of Love could go on to New York with another director. But it wouldn’t be what it is today even if they tried to replicate everything that Kurt created here.  Because the beauty is in him and his vision, and there is no director on Broadway now or ever before that brings what Kurt can bring.  But I don’t think you should take my word for it.  Please, Kurt, come up here and say a few words.”

The actors in the audience whistled and shouted and clapped and Kurt knew his face was bright red as he gripped Blaine’s hand and made his way to the front of the room.  He was sweating and he wasn’t sure if it was his excitement, his fear, or Blaine’s warm submission whirling around him to calm them both, but he took a deep breath, hugged Gavin, and whispered, “Thank you.”

“You deserve it all,” Gavin whispered back in his ear and then Kurt turned to the crowd.

“Gavin is very wrong about one thing,” Kurt started with a grin, “as you all can tell from his way with words.  My vision is nothing without his beautiful script.  And it’s nothing without the amazing cast that I have been blessed to work with.”  He looked at everyone staring back at him.  Supporters, doubters, people who had whispered behind his back all night that he didn’t have what it took and those who fought back and promised that he did.  “Everyone wants to know if a Gray like me could truly take a show like this to the Broadway stage.  I was asked how I could possibly command a company full of Doms and subs.  And the answer is the same answer that Gavin wrote for us.  Love.  That’s what it’s all about.  Because the truth is, Dominance and submission is just what wraps around the love that all of us hold in our hearts.  When we strip it away, we are all the same.  And when you understand that, Dominance and submission stop being something we judge each other by.  It stops being something that commands authority or obedience.  And it starts being something we offer the people we love as a gift instead of an obligation.”  Kurt looked at Blaine who was watching him as if he’d transformed before his very eyes.  “My husband, my beautiful submissive, taught me that.  Blaine, your love, and trust, and respect, and truth, made all of this possible.  I love you.”

Kurt blew him a kiss and Blaine offered one back as the room erupted in applause.  Kurt could see the whispers, but this time they were accompanied by smiles and nods and for the first time he truly believed that he had a chance to go to Broadway.

The rest of the night passed by in a flash, people congratulating him and sharing their love for the show.  He felt the presence of Blaine always, one step behind him, silent and eyes downcast, submission holding him, making him strong.  When it was time to go Blaine held out Kurt’s coat for him and Kurt did the same.  Slipping it on over Blaine’s shoulders, he whispered in Blaine’s ear.  “Are you ready to let it go?”

Blaine could do nothing but shiver and nod and Kurt felt his submission slip away.

For a moment he missed it.

They were quiet in the cool night air, walking back to Kurt’s room hand in hand.  Things had changed that night, they both believed in more ways than one. 

But some things would also always stay the same. 

Back at the house, door closed behind them, Kurt reached out to tug Blaine’s bow tie loose with a laugh.  “You are such a bad boy,” he teased.  “Kneeling for me.  In front of everyone.”

Blaine grabbed Kurt around the waist and pulled him in.  “And you’re a good Dom.  And everyone saw it. The show will be yours Kurt, I just know it.”

“Well for now I only want _you_ to be mine.”  Kurt turned so he was walking backward toward the bed, his lip bit coyly between his teeth.  “No Dominance.  No submission.  Just you and me.”

* * *

 

The light of the morning hit both of them through squinted eyes that did not want to open.  They were wrapped in one another, still entangled from when they both drifted off into blissful post-orgasmic sleep.  Neither had wanted to let go it seemed, now that they were together.  Blaine nuzzled into Kurt’s neck.

“Come on Kurt, you have to get up,” he murmured, his lips vibrating against Kurt’s skin.  He nibbled at Kurt’s sweet spot.  He couldn’t help himself. 

Kurt raised a brow.  “I have to?  Well, I’m pretty sure if you keep nibbling you’ll get the wrong kind of _up_ ,” Kurt teased.  His cock began to demonstrate, just in case Blaine hadn’t understood what he meant. 

Blaine had understood just fine though.  “There’s time for that later.  I have plans.”

That got Kurt’s eyes open.  “You do?” he asked, a brow raised. 

“Yes, I do,” Blaine said.  He slipped out of bed on his side and walked around to Kurt’s.  “I have wonderfully fabulous non-submissive plans.”

Kurt looked up at him.  And he wondered why he missed not being able to order him back to bed.  “This better be worth not getting to sleep in with you.”

Blaine offered a mischievous grin.  “I promise it is.

 

~S~

Blaine led Kurt on the T from Harvard to Park Street to Copley.  Kurt had asked him what to wear and Blaine had told him to dress casual, but casual had so many different meanings and Blaine had not been at all forthcoming.  So he ended up in his brown Zara studded jeans and Burberry blue silk-blend shirt which would be casual if all Blaine had planned was a stroll in Harvard Square, but dressy enough for a semi-fancy lunch in the North End.  Although he didn’t seem to be being led to either of those destinations as they walked along the brick sidewalk of Boylston Street.

“Blaine where are we-?”

Kurt stopped.  He looked at the restaurant in front of him and then back at his husband.  A sly grin painted Blaine’s face and his eyes sparkled with delight.  Kurt’s hands flew to his hips.  “Max Brenner’s?  Really?”

“If you’re going to punish me for something Kurt, you should at least understand the temptation of disobedience.”  Blaine shrugged his shoulders, but it was challenge, not defeat.

Kurt was reticent to admit that Blaine had a point, but he had to concede that his curiosity about the restaurant had been piqued since the day Blaine had brought Serena.  “Very well,” Kurt said, careful not to show too much enthusiasm.  “Lead the way.”

Blaine took Kurt’s hand and they were seated at a table for two.  He took the menus from the server and, in dramatic fashion, offered one to Kurt.  “Let’s see how much restraint _you_ have,” he teased.

Kurt took one look at the menu and had none.  He didn’t approve of chocolate for breakfast.  He really didn’t.  But was there really any way to resist a Cinnamon Apple & White Chocolate Cream French Toast or a Belgian Waffle with balsamic strawberries, whipped cream, strawberry honey,  and melted white chocolate?

“The Guilt-Free Omelet looks delicious, doesn’t it Kurt?”  Blaine was smirking.  Any other day and Kurt would have wiped that smirk off his face in less than a second.  But no submission meant no Dominance.  Why did he miss it?  “Yummy mushroom, spinach, onion, peppers, tomato & Swiss cheese?  I’ll be getting the Illegal Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Pancakes myself.  Dark chocolate cream, pure milk chocolate shavings, spiced pecans, caramelized bananas…”  Blaine trailed off dreamily.  Devilishly.

“Fine, you win,” Kurt conceded.  “For now. Chocolate for breakfast is _on occasion_ ,” he stressed, “an acceptable meal for two grown adults.”

“I will toast to that with my Swiss _Whipped_ hot chocolate hug mug,” Blaine said.

Now that was something that most certainly should _not_ have gone straight to Kurt’s cock which was thankfully safely hidden beneath the table.  Especially with the waitress stepping up to their table.

“Are you ready to order?”

Kurt opened his mouth to answer, but Blaine beat him to it.  “Yes, we are,” he said, closing the menu.  “I will have the chocolate pancakes and the Swiss hot chocolate.  You, Kurt?”

Kurt was thrown.  His face was red, his sub was ordering first and now he had to either give in to Blaine’s dare or sit there watching him eat delicious calories with no repercussion while he choked down a healthy meal.  He swallowed hard.  “I will have the Belgian Waffle please,” he said, handing the menu back.  “And a white chocolate chai please.”

He couldn’t look at Blaine, but he could feel his husband’s hands reach over and squeeze his own.  “I think today is going to be a great day,” he said.

~S~

Filled full of chocolate goodness, Kurt hoped for a long walk ahead of them, but they barely walked a minute before Blaine pulled him across the street into their next stop. 

_The Spa_   
_at_   
_Mandarin Oriental_   
_Boston_

Glass doors, affixed to gray marble walls, Kurt’s mouth gaped as they entered.  “Blaine, this place must cost a fortune, what did you-”

Blaine ignored him and walked up to the reception desk.  “Reservation for Anderson-Hummel.”

The receptionist typed on her computer and smiled, looking back up at them.  “The Mandarin Couples Suite, of course.  Isabella will be out in a minute to bring you two up.  Would you like some water or tea while you wait?”

They both politely declined and sat down on the bench in the waiting area.  “Blaine, how much exactly did you spend?”

There was an edge to his voice.  A Dominance.  Blaine just smiled.  “More than you would like Kurt, but this is my date.  My choice.  After all our time apart, I wanted this for us.”

Kurt couldn’t argue.  And he didn’t have time even if he’d wanted to because a beautiful woman with bronze skin and long, straight dark hair, stepped up to them with a smile. 

“Welcome to the Mandarin Oriental spa,” she said, her voice like a melody.  “My name is Isabella.  Please follow me.”

Blaine grasped Kurt’s hand and they followed the woman to a room, beautiful and luxurious made of stunning birch walls and floors.  The moment they entered, a sense of serenity surrounded them.  They were given the tour; a private stone sauna, an oversized soaking tub, two treatment tables with white and gold sheets, and a sumptuous daybed for, well, whatever they wanted it to be for.

“There are robes in the bathroom,” Isabella told them.  “Water bottles in the fridge.  The directions for the sauna are on the door.  Your therapists will knock on the door in about ten minutes.”  She gave them both one last smile and closed the door behind her.

Kurt immediately turned to Blaine.  “I cannot believe you did this.”

“We have three hours booked,” Blaine grinned.  “Including an hour of relaxation.”  He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Oh is that what they call it these days?”

“We can call it whatever we want,” Blaine said.  He drew close to Kurt and pulled him close.  “I intend for it to be very relaxing,” he whispered.

The sauna sounded lovely to Kurt but nothing beat the feel of Blaine’s lips on his, taking control, kissing him in a way that made Kurt’s stomach flip and the heat in his belly grow.  Kurt let him, opening up to him, taking him in, tasting the sweetness of chocolate and the spice of desire.  It was hard to pull away, hard not to let his own hands drift down, to trace his spine, to cup Blaine’s perfect ass and press against him to relieve just a little the growing desperation he was feeling.  It was hard, but he had to.  Time was ticking by.

“We need to get ready,” Kurt whispered against his lips.

“I’m so ready,” Blaine answered and Kurt’s words were robbed once more by the pressure of Blaine’s tongue.  But not being Dominant didn’t mean being submissive and Kurt pulled back again.

“I mean it,” he said and this time he stepped back for good measure.  “They’re going to be up here and I’d rather not be sporting the biggest erection they’ve ever seen.”

“Cocky,” Blaine teased, but he went into the bathroom and retrieved their robes.  “I suggest you turn around while we undress then,” he said. 

Kurt did turn around and slowly removed his clothing, though he was certain he could feel Blaine’s eyes on him.  He folded his garments and set them on the daybed.  Blaine did the same, just as there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Blaine called.

Three massage therapists entered the room, two men handsome and muscular, and one woman with a comforting smile.  She went over to Blaine, while one of the men went to Kurt, and the second began setting up, turning on the heat for the oil and lotion, and setting two large bowls at the foot of the couch, rose petals sprinkled inside.

The woman was talking quietly with Blaine and Kurt tried to hear, tried to figure out something that was needling in the back of his mind, but his own therapist garnered his attention.  “Hello Kurt, my name is William and I will be one of your therapists today.  Jay,” he said, nodding to the other man, “is your second.  You’ll be getting the Oriental Harmony Signature massage today?” 

Kurt nodded, not really knowing at all what Blaine had signed him up for, but he trusted his husband. 

William smiled.  “Okay.  We’ll start with our traditional foot bath.  You can have a seat on the couch and let us know if the water is too hot or too cold.”

He made his way over to the couch at the same time as Blaine and both sat down, settling their feet into the purifying waters.  The temperature for both was just right. 

“What exactly is the Oriental Harmony massage Blaine?” Kurt asked.

Blaine sat back and closed his eyes.  “Just enjoy it Kurt, okay?”

There was still something he couldn’t put his finger on, something that he felt was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t quite grasp it.  So he followed Blaine’s lead, sat back, and closed his eyes.

The room went darker beneath Kurt’s lids and the soft music that had been playing since they entered the room seemed to increase slightly in volume.  A hand on his shoulder made him open his eyes and William was looking down at him.  “Are you ready?” he whispered.

Kurt just nodded, noticing Blaine going off with his therapist to the bed next to his own.  William held up the blanket on the bed for him, offering him his privacy, and Kurt slipped out of the robe and underneath the heated covers that draped over him perfectly.  His head fit into the open pillow on the table so that he was staring at the floor.  He could still feel Blaine’s presence in the room, but he couldn’t see him.

He could also feel hands on his back, atop the covers.  Four strong hands working in perfect unison.  After acclimating his body to the touch, they pulled back the blanket to his waist and, moving together in time and motion, applied a layer of warm scrub that felt like a mix of sand and powder.  It cleansed him of the sweat and tears and pressure of the last month, stripping away every last breath of tension, from his feet to his neck.  Exotic fragrances filled the air as they began their massage, hands working as harmoniously as the music he’d been working on for what felt like forever.  After what seemed like mere minutes but was more like an hour, one therapist went to his head, the other to his feet, and they simultaneously massaged, clearing his mind, energizing his body, and leaving his skin feeling fresh and new.

It was over far too soon when they gently removed their hands from his body and told him to take his time getting up.  He felt dizzy, almost out of his own body, and he wondered for just a moment if that was a little bit what subspace felt like.  He carefully sat up, turning to Blaine, who already had his robe back on and was starting the water in the tub. 

“They’ll be back in a minute with fruit and water,” Blaine told him.  “So I think you’ll want to put your robe on, at least for a minute.”

Head still spinning, Kurt slipped his robe on wordlessly.  Isabella knocked on the door and entered with a tray of coconut, pineapples, strawberries and kiwi, as well as a pitcher of lemon and mint infused water.  She placed it by the tub.  “I’ll return in an hour,” she said before leaving them alone once more.

Blaine walked over and wrapped his arms around Kurt. “How do you feel?”

“Incredible,” Kurt said with a sigh.  “How about you?”

“Almost perfect,” Blaine said.  “All that was missing was you.”

Blaine kissed him again, this time more languid, as if time had slowed with the release of their muscles and the cleansing of their skin.  This time, Blaine pulled away first.  “You slip into the tub,” he said with a soft smile.  “I’ll join you in a minute.”

Kurt could do little but obey and as Blaine closed the door to the bathroom, Kurt stepped into the tub, the warm water enveloping him, warming every inch left cold by the loss of his robe.  If he had planned a day for the two of them in Boston, it would have been full of shopping and sightseeing.  But this, this was exactly what he needed.  He leaned back and closed his eyes.

There were things he wanted to talk about with Blaine.  Important things that had come back to his mind as the knots and distractions were kneaded out of his body.  It was something that Quinn had asked him, one day in the Gray club, about Blaine.  Something that, now that the stress of opening night was over, he could really think about.

He heard the water turn off first before he opened his eyes to see Blaine throw one leg and then the other over the edge of the hot tub to slowly settle inside.  He swam over to Kurt, sitting beside him, and grabbed himself a strawberry.  He wrapped his mouth around it, biting slowly.

Kurt chewed his lip.

Blaine smiled.

And straddled him.

Kurt closed his eyes. 

“Blaine, what are you doing?”

“I’m going to put your cock in my ass.”

Kurt’s eyes flew open.  Blaine had a look on his face, nonchalance, amusement and pure joy all somehow rolled up in to one.  Kurt’s cock knocked against Blaine’s in response.  He tried to breathe.  “Blaine, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Blaine smiled.  “You can talk.”

His hand wrapped around Kurt’s now eager erection, and Kurt could feel himself growing hard in Blaine’s fist.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want this, he definitely did.  He just thought they could talk first and then reward themselves.  “It’s serious Blaine.”

Blaine apparently had no appetite for rewards and punishments that day though.  “We can’t have a serious conversation with your cock in my ass?” Blaine asked innocently.  “Because I think we can.”

As if to prove it, Blaine raised up on his knees and hovered over Kurt, gently lowering himself so that Kurt’s head brushed against Blaine’s hole.  Kurt took in a sharp breath.  “Fuck Blaine.”

“Yes, that’s my general intention.  Fuck Blaine.”  Kurt glared.  Blaine smiled.  “Are you going to stop me?”  Kurt meant to say yes.  He shook his head no.  Blaine’s smile grew wider.  “Good,” he said and he slowly lowered himself onto Kurt’s cock.

Kurt closed his eyes, adjusting to the sensation, the feeling of Blaine surrounding him, taking him.  “You better not come in the tub, you know how I hate that.”

“I have no intention of coming in the tub.  I have every intention of coming in your mouth after you come in my ass.”  Blaine winked.  It almost made Kurt forget what he wanted to talk about.  Blaine wouldn’t let him though.  “So,” Blaine said, rocking softly on top of Kurt.  “What’s on your mind?”

Kurt understood.  This was Blaine teasing. Giving as good as Kurt gave him. And there was no way he was going to give into it faster than Blaine would have.  So he ignored the sparks that were shooting up his thighs and the soft tingle that was beginning to fill his balls, and he focused on Quinn’s words.  “Are you holding yourself back?”

Blaine’s brow raised.  “Right now?  Yes.  We have an hour and I want this to last.”

“No, I don’t mean now,” Kurt huffed.  “Are you holding yourself back?  In your career?”

Blaine’s hips stopped for just a moment before they started again.  “I guess that depends on your definition.”

“When we were in school you wanted the same things I did.  Broadway, the spotlight.  But you don’t even audition.  I’ve never told you that you couldn’t, you just stopped.  Are you holding yourself back?”

Blaine closed his eyes. Kurt expected him to stop, the moment ruined, but instead Blaine lifted himself up, pulling himself slowly along Kurt’s shaft before settling gently back down again.  He circled his hips once, then twice, and lifted up again.  “Is this holding myself back?  Going at a slower pace?  Waiting for you to come before I do?”

“Orgasms are different than careers Blaine,” Kurt argued.  “I don’t want you giving up your dreams.”

“I’m not giving up anything.”

“I mean it,” Kurt said.

“So do I.”  Blaine settled on Kurt’s lap, his hands slipping from where he’d been leveraging himself on Kurt’s shoulders to slide down his arms.  “I want to follow in your footsteps, not lead the way.  I want to see your name in lights.  I don’t need to see mine.”

“Blaine-”

“My music follows your fight,” Blaine said. 

Kurt’s head spun with his own words from so long ago, words that had changed and defined them.  He’d forgotten. 

Blaine never had. “I promised you that.  I won’t break it.  I’m not giving up my career for you.  I’m giving my career to you.”

Kurt shook his head.  “What do you mean?”

“Oh don’t you worry,” Blaine said, beginning his slow roll again.  “I have plans.”

“You seem to have a lot of plans today,” Kurt mused.  Blaine just shrugged.  “Were you ever going to tell me all this?”

“Yes,” Blaine said.

“When?”

“When you couldn’t punish me for it.” Blaine leaned down and kissed him, his hands returning to Kurt’s shoulders.  “I have to take advantage when I can.”

“You love it when I punish you,” Kurt reminded him.

Blaine needed no reminder.  “Yes.  Yes I do.  I love it when you fuck me too.”

Kurt didn’t need any more encouragement.  He gripped Blaine’s hips and thrust up into him, letting go of any worries and doubts.  In harmony they moved, like the hands on Kurt’s back, and Kurt gripped Blaine’s cock, pumping him in time with their dance, their hearts hammering in their chests.  Blaine’s breath caught with the force of his own denial just as Kurt cried with his own release.  He’d barely come down from the high when Blaine stood from his knees, his cock searching for Kurt’s lips.  Kurt took him fast, his tongue tracing the vein from base to tip and twirling around the head.  Blaine thrust once, twice, and came, holding Kurt’s head to him, not wanting to let go until Kurt had cleaned every drop.

“God I love you,” Blaine breathed, falling down on shaky legs to rest against the side of the tub. 

This time it was Kurt that straddled him.  “I love you too.”

~S~

They decided to walk home from the show that night, hand in hand.  They both missed Serena, but having this time, just the two of them, to reconnect after so long apart had been so important.

“You know, today didn’t seem too much like punishment for you,” Kurt mused as they passed a grassy mall with a couple of benches and shade trees.  “It seems I may need to rethink the use of denying you submission.”  Blaine didn’t say anything.  It was a silence that was deafening and Kurt stopped and turned to him.  One look at Blaine’s face told him how wrong he was.  “It was punishment.  Tell me why.”

Blaine looked at the ground as he started them walking again.  “Most Doms won’t let their subs be touched by other hands.  A manicure or pedicure or facial sure.  But a full body massage? Never.  So a typical couples massage between a Dom and their sub isn’t like what we had.”

Kurt’s voice was low.  “What’s it like?”

“The sub is made to strip the Dom and prepare them on the table.  And they’re made to kneel.  To sit and watch and wait.” Blaine’s eyes began to cloud.  “Heavy with need, swollen with desire.  Aching for touch as someone else touches their Dom, takes care of them, brings them pleasure.”

Blaine shivered.  Whether it was from the imagined torture of the experience or the strongest of desires, Kurt wasn’t sure. But he was sure of one thing.  Denied his submission, they had both been denied the chance that day to find out.

Kurt wanted to find out.  “Next time.”  He placed a finger on Blaine’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet.  “I promise.”

“It was punishment Kurt.  Not being able to submit to you will always be punishment.  No matter how much pleasure there is in it.”

Kurt’s heart filled and he let it wrap around the man he loved more than anyone in the world.  There was so much he still didn’t understand, about himself and about Blaine.  But every day he learned more.  “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

Blaine smiled and lowered his eyes.  “I would like that very much, Sir.”

* * *

 

“Okay Serena, one more card…gently…gently…”

Kurt was sprawled out on the couch comfortably reading, but he looked over his book for just a moment at Blaine and Serena on the floor of the living room.  A house made of cards sat precariously in front of them, four stories tall, taller than Blaine ever got with Serena’s help.  Serena had her hand hovering over the top, one card held between her fingers, ready to drop.  They all held their breath and she lowered the card as carefully as she could.  It sat on top, the house did not fall and Serena jumped up and clapped her hands squealing.

“Yay!” she yelled.

Blaine grabbed her with a laugh, pulling her away from the house and on top of him, then over onto her back, tickling her.  Kurt shook his head at their wrestling.  “You did it, little girl,” Blaine cheered and Serena cackled and Kurt couldn’t help but smile.  He’d been back a week and a half and it hadn’t taken any time at all for things to settle right back to normal.  Coming home felt like being wrapped up in blankets of love and warmth.  He’d missed the sounds of the city outside his window, the scent of Blaine and Serena and home as he walked through the door.  He’d missed waking up to the beautiful sight of his husband and the feel of his daughter tickling his cheek, waiting for her first hug of the morning. 

Their apartment was so full, and yet it felt like maybe it had room for one more.

He let the thought go as quickly as it had come.

His phone ringing helped.  “Hello,” he said as he answered, a laugh in his voice because Blaine was lying on his back, lifting Serena up on his feet and making her fly. 

“Well hello there Porcelain, guess who’s back in town.”

“Santana,” Kurt grinned.  Blaine’s ears perked up and he put Serena down, waiting, and not so patiently by the looks of it.  “You’re early.  When did you guys back?”

“Yesterday,” she said.  “It’s just a short reprieve before we head back out again so we thought we’d forego alerting the media.”  Kurt chuckled.  Blaine shuffled on the floor his knees pulled to his chest, his eagerness not at all hidden from his husband.  “How are you?  How’s Blaine?”

“We are all good,” Kurt said, looking down at his little family.  “Blaine is good, I think he really wants to talk to you.”

Santana’s voice changed immediately.  “I want to talk to him too, Kurt,” she said.  Kurt knew that change because he made it often enough himself.  “But in person.  And I wanted to talk to you first.  Do you have a minute?”

Kurt’s smile dropped and his eyes flashed to Blaine before he answered.  “Yeah, sure, of course, let me just…”  He stood up and lowered the phone to his side.  “I’ll be right back,” he whispered to Blaine and Serena and he walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Serena blinked.  “Where’s Daddy going?” she asked.

Blaine’s shoulders had quickly grown tense, his heart beating fast.  “He just had to talk to Santana, I mean Mommy, for a minute.”

She looked at him with large, dark eyes more knowing than belonged on a nearly three year old.  “Are you in trouble?”

If she’d asked five minutes ago if he was in trouble with Kurt or Santana he would have been sure the answer was no.  But Kurt’s face had said yes.  Kurt disappearing behind closed doors said yes.  “I don’t know,” he said.  “Come on, let’s knock this house down and build another one even bigger this time.”

Blaine tried to distract himself with Serena and the house of cards, but his eyes kept flitting to the door of their bedroom.  He knew he’d been sassy with Santana at times while she’d been gone and had forgotten to tell her about Serena when she was sick, but she hadn’t seemed angry about any of that at the time and she had seemed more than willing to let Kurt take care of things.  Surely that couldn’t be what was so wrong that Kurt had to talk to her behind closed doors.  His thoughts started to wander to something wrong with Brittany or his family or hers, when he and Serena put the final card on a five tier tower and Kurt came back out of the room.

Or rather, his Dom came back out of the room.  The change was so strong he was sure even Serena could see it.

Blaine stood up, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“She wants to see you,” Kurt said, slipping his phone into his back pocket and coming around the couch to where he stood.

Blaine knew immediately that there was nothing wrong with anyone else.  Warmth spread from his face down his neck and his hands grew clammy.  He wanted to see her too.  They’d been apart longer than he and Kurt had, but he didn’t think this was going to be the reunion he’d been hoping for. 

There had been many a day in the past when Blaine had craved Santana’s accountability.  But he hadn’t felt that way for a while.  He hadn’t needed to.  “You told her you punished me for everything already? Right?” he asked quickly. 

“I think the correct answer here is _Yes, sir_ ,” Kurt told him.

A million questions flooded his mind, but instead of asking he lowered his eyes to the floor.  “Yes, sir.”  He took a deep breath.  “Did she say when?”

“I think the sooner the better, don’t you sweetheart?” Kurt asked.

Blaine didn’t know.  Knowing the sooner the better for _what_ would probably have helped but it was obvious Kurt wouldn’t be the one to tell him.  “Yes, sir.”  Blaine glanced down at Serena who was watching the exchange with worried but interested eyes.  He knelt down to her and hugged her close.  “You be good for Daddy, I’ll be home soon,” he said. 

“You be good too, Papa,” Serena said.

He kissed her softly on the forehead and got up, going to the front hallway to get his things.  Kurt followed him and got his sweater first, holding it up. Blaine slipped his arms inside then turned back around.  His gaze didn’t fall to where Kurt was doing up his buttons like he was a child heading off to school.  They stayed firmly on Kurt’s face, trying to read it.  He couldn’t.  “Kurt-”

“She has my permission,” Kurt said, not clarifying. Not needing to.  Kurt looked up and his eyes seemed to look deep inside of Blaine, as if he was trying to find something he wasn’t sure was there.  “You have my permission too.”

It was like he was talking in riddles and Blaine’s brow furrowed, but Kurt just leaned in and kissed him, wrapping him in his love, filling him with courage.  Whatever this was, Kurt was allowing it and that settled his nerves just enough to walk out the door.

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and families filled the streets of New York, the soft breeze cooling the warmth of the sun.  He let the combination of sensations on his skin lull him into a place of calm, not quite subspace but not entirely alert either.  Taking the steps down into the subway, brushing past the hundreds of people, the energies of Dominance and submission floated everywhere, some trying to reach out to him, either through inexperience or instinct.  Blaine kept his simmering submission tight to himself, careful not to allow anyone to latch on. 

That meant it floated inward though and he found himself rubbing his bare left wrist where Kurt had only two weeks ago clasped Santana’s cuff back on him.  He couldn’t recall how long it had been since he’d presented himself to her without Kurt standing by his side.  Since Kurt had let him be punished by anyone without him there to guide.  But today he was sent alone.

And that meant something.  He was sure it did, otherwise they would have waited until the next morning after dropping Serena off at daycare. 

The subway pulled into his stop and he exited the train, climbing the stairs back up to the street to walk the five blocks to the apartment Santana and Brittany shared.  The doorman smiled and buzzed him in and he took the elevator to the tenth floor.  In the hallway, his hands started to tingle and his head spun and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He stood before their dark red wooden door just breathing for an entire minute before he gathered the nerve to knock.

Brittany answered.  She was wearing a sun dress, her purse slung over her shoulder and Blaine’s heart began its race once more knowing that she was leaving.  Still, it had been a long time since he’d seen his dear friend.  “Britt,” he smiled, hugging her closely.  “I missed you,” he said.

“I missed you too.”  When she pulled back Blaine could see that her smile reached her eyes, but they were filled with a mix of pity and compassion.  “She’s waiting for you in the living room.”

They were simple words but they sent a shiver down his spine.  “Is she mad?  Is this because of Serena? Has she been talking to Kurt?”

She reached a hand to his cheek, brushing her thumb tenderly across it.  “She’s been talking to Cooper,” she said.

That gave Blaine pause.  “Oh.”

Brittany offered him a small smile and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  He was reminded of how he’d left Serena and in that moment he felt about as small as his daughter.  “Everything will be okay.”

Blaine nodded though the adrenaline rushed through his veins watching her walk out the door.  It closed behind her and Blaine turned.  Silence filled the apartment.

He hung up his sweater, took off his shoes and walked toward the living room.  Brittany was right, Santana was there waiting, her face taut, eyes hard.  There wasn’t a trace of the best friend he had missed so much over the summer, only his Dom.

One hand was on her hip.  The other held a 30 inch rattan cane with a braided ergo handle.

His heart stopped.

“Santana-”

The fire in her eyes made him clamp his mouth shut and he forced himself to cross the room, each step filled with trepidation, his limbs trembling ever more with the force of her Dominance.   

At her feet his knees seemed to automatically buckle and he caught himself just in time, lowering himself smoothly to the ground.  He folded his hands behind his back and lowered his head.  He kept his eyes warily raised to the tip of the cane though. 

She held him there in the silence and though he was tempted to tell her he was sorry for whatever he had done, beg her forgiveness rather than withstand the punishment she clearly had in mind, he instead let go, letting her exquisite Dominance surround him.  It shocked him, how much sharper it was than Kurt’s love, how much warmer it was than Elliott or Cooper’s Dominance.  It didn’t feel right or wrong, good or bad, just different.  Like a dream once forgotten and suddenly remembered.

“Tell me, Blaine,” she finally asked him. “Who is your legal Dom?”

She’d qualified it.  Because she knew that with every beat of his heart, Blaine’s true Dom was Kurt.  But the word _legal_ had power and there were obligations in it that Kurt escaped.  He was not held accountable by others for Blaine’s actions.  She was.

She was.

He knew immediately something was wrong.  “You are, ma’am.”

“And tell me who in the eyes of the law is responsible for your well-being and your safety.”

Blaine swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  There was nowhere good this conversation could be going.  “You are, ma’am,” he squeaked.

“And tell me who you think is going to be accused of neglecting you when you crash into subspace in the middle of a hospital room full of mandated reporters?”

His stomach turned and his head spun, nearly feeling the fall on the hard linoleum all over again.  “You are, Ma’am.”  He looked up at her, eyes desperate and terrified, no longer fearing her punishment, only what this could possibly mean.  “Santana I’m so sorry.  Please, please tell me everything’s okay.”

If Santana was moved by his apology she hid it well.  “I’ve respected you Blaine, enough to give you the freedom and the trust to seek your need for Dominance through love alone.  But you were selfish and you were stubborn and you refused the Dominance that was offered you.”  Blaine blanched because he knew that was exactly what he had done. “And you forgot that your actions could have not only affected you and our claim but Brittany’s as well. I know where your heart lies, who the Dom you obey is, but your contract is not just between you and Kurt, you have never had that luxury.”

Eyes downcast, chin to his chest, Blaine felt the first of his tears well in his eyes.  Despite the precarious nature of their arrangement, they had never been in trouble with the authorities before, no one he knew ever had been, but he’d heard stories.  Everyone heard stories.  “Everything is okay though?”  His voice cracked with emotion.  “Right?  They aren’t going to…to take you away from us?”

“Cooper explained to them that I was out of town and that as your older brother he had been sent to stay with you in my stead.  He explained that you refused his Dominance though, wanting only the Dominance from the one you loved.  The allegations have been dropped,” she said. “It was recommended that I teach you a lesson about obedience.  As if I needed the advice.”

“Santana-“

“How do you think I felt about the very fact that someone has questioned my ability to be a safe and loving Dom?  It was humiliating Blaine, but if it had been because of something that I had done I could have accepted the consequences.  This was not because of anything I’d done wrong.  This was because of the things I’ve done right for you; allowing you your independence, giving you my trust, respecting your needs and desires. But you betrayed my trust, didn’t you?  You had Cooper, right there.  You had Kurt on Skype.  You never even once reached out to me but I would have been there for you Blaine, as quickly as I am for Brittany.  I do not take my responsibility toward you any less seriously than I do toward her, but you do seem to take your responsibility toward me far less seriously than you do Kurt.”

Blaine couldn’t deny it, it was absolutely true. But she knew that, she had known that for years.  She had written the contract with that precise expectation.  Hadn’t she? “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.

She held the cane out in front of him and lifted his chin with it.  His eyes were wet with fear and regret.  Hers were filled with anger tamed.  But there was a shadow of fear too at the very idea of losing Brittany.  And losing him. 

His heart thumped in his chest.  His body already ached.  He had nearly forgotten what it felt like for the idea of punishment to come without a hint of arousal, but he remembered all too clearly now. 

“I bought it for Brittany,” Santana told him, tapping the cane against his chin, “for the most extreme of offenses.  I believe this qualifies.”

His eyes were pleading.  “Santana, please, Kurt already-”

“Oh Cooper told me that Kurt punished you for refusing his Dominance and you responded by refusing it again.”  Blaine blushed.  He was forgiven and he no longer felt guilty, but no amount of punishment would take away the shame at having ignored Kurt’s safeword in the first place and he hated that Santana knew.  “Kurt didn’t realize that your refusals had a much larger consequence than he’d imagined.  Now he does though.  He gave me permission to punish you how I see fit.  If you agreed to accept.”

Blaine closed his eyes.  He deserved it, he knew he did.  Santana could have gone to jail.  She could have lost Brittany.  She could have left him unclaimed.  And he wanted it. Even before he’d understood why, he’d tried to replicate it with the cream.  But with Santana he could truly feel it, the burn, the searing pain, each strike cutting into his flesh, marking him, reminding him to whom he truly belonged, who his true Dom was, who would ultimately suffer if he made a choice to refuse again. 

But that wasn’t right because his true Dom was Kurt.  And Blaine was waiting.  He was waiting for Kurt to be ready.  Like Broadway, he was waiting for his Dom to reach his potential first before he ever strove to reach his own because Kurt’s success was what mattered, not his.  His heart told him that a good submissive would not yield to the strike of a cane until it was his true Dom’s hand behind it. 

But a voice in his head told him that the best submissive would take the lash now for his first Dom, the one who had stood by his side, who had given him his freedom without having any of her own.  No matter what choices he and Kurt made for themselves, legally she was responsible for him which meant that he had his own responsibilities toward her.  Responsibilities to keep himself safe that he had foolishly ignored.  

He belonged to Kurt but he belonged to Santana too.  It was selfish to take her punishment and it was selfish not to and he knew the answer was there, stuck in a spot in his mind just beyond his reach. 

If only Kurt was ready, it said.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, the burden of his thoughts weighing down his voice.  “I just wish he was here.”

Santana looked at him, her gaze strong.  And then she pulled her phone out of her pocket, pressed speaker, and held it to him.  “Call him,” she said.

Feeling guilty he took the phone and pressed Kurt’s name.  It rang twice before he answered.  “Santana?  What’s wrong?”

“It’s me, sir,” Blaine said.  His voice was as small as a child’s.

Kurt’s nerves were immediately obvious.  “Blaine, what’s the matter?”

There were a million things the matter, but one was more important than any other.  “Why aren’t you here?”

Kurt sighed.  “Blaine, I gave you permission.”

“But you didn’t give me an order.”

“Blaine, sweetheart, I don’t order you to accept punishments, mine or any other Dom’s.  That is always your choice.”

“But do you think I deserve it?” Blaine asked quietly.  “I need to know Kurt.  I feel like accepting this betrays what you and I have. And I won’t do that, sir, not ever again.”

There was a softness that came through Kurt’s voice as understanding settled in.  “Santana, can we have a minute?”

“Of course.” Santana got up, leaving the cane on the couch before going into the bedroom.  She closed the door behind her.  Blaine watched her go and took the phone off speaker.

“It’s just us, sir,” Blaine said. 

“Oh how I wish that were true,” Kurt said with a yearning that Blaine didn’t remember hearing before.  It wasn’t the usual sarcasm of Kurt’s disdain for claiming laws.  It was regret.  “I can take care of almost anything sweetheart, but this…this I can’t take care of.  If things had gone further Blaine, no matter how much either of us wanted me to, I _couldn’t_ have taken care of this, you have to understand that.”  Blaine closed his eyes.  He hated that it was true.  It was nearly truer than he could bear.  “This is what you wanted,” Kurt continued.  “It’s the spanking we both knew you were asking for that day.”

“No,” Blaine disagreed.  It wasn’t exactly what he wanted.  “I wanted it from you.”

There was nothing but quiet for a moment and Blaine worried that he’d said the wrong thing. Finally, Kurt broke the silence.  “Tell me you don’t need it from Santana and I’ll order you not to accept it.” 

Blaine tried.  He tried to force the words out between his lips.  But he couldn’t.  Because even if he could have lied to himself, he couldn’t lie to his Dom. 

And Kurt knew it.  “Sweetheart.  I think that somewhere, in your heart, you knew what you had done even though neither of us realized it. And you knew you needed more than I could give you.  It’s why you ignored my safeword.  And I guess I didn’t want to accept that because I…I want so much to be enough for you-”

“You are Kurt-”

“I’m not,” Kurt said firmly.  “And you’ve made promises to her.  Promises you broke. You are claimed. You accepted her responsibility for you and you agreed to be accountable to her.  She trusted you with that and you broke that trust and that could have cost her everything.  You and me, we’d be fine.  The irony of all this is that no matter what, they can’t break what we have.  Everyone thinks that Doms hold all the power, but they don’t.  It has been, and it will always be, your choice whether or not to accept Dominance.  Santana’s, mine, Cooper’s.  But your choices have consequences.  And until the world changes, until…”  He didn’t say until he changed.  But they both heard it behind his silence.  “This is between you and her.”

Blaine looked toward the couch where the one implement he’d always dreaded lay like a snake about to bite.  He hated it already.  “I just want to do what’s right for us, Kurt.”

“What’s right for us has always been for you to be who you are,” Kurt said gently.  “You have my permission. Nothing more.  Nothing less.” Kurt didn’t say the words but he didn’t need to.  Everything in his voice told Blaine it wasn’t a betrayal to accept.  And that was all he needed.

“I love you,” Blaine said.

“I love you too.”

Blaine hung up the phone.  With a deep breath he walked to Santana’s bedroom.  He leaned against the door frame, his head resting tiredly on the wall, and he knocked.  “Santana?”

She opened it quickly, and though she’d tried to cover it up with shoulders back and a firm stare, Blaine had known her long enough to know that she’d been crying.  It broke his heart.  “Can we just talk for a minute?  As best friends?”

Santana hesitated a moment before he could see the tension fall from her shoulders.  “I’d like that,” she said.  She left open the door, sat on the foot of her bed and wiped away a relieved tear. 

“Please don’t cry,” Blaine said, sitting next to her. Somehow he always felt like he’d failed her when she cried.  He took her hand in his. “I am so sorry, Tana.  I should have thought about how what I was doing affected you and Britt and I didn’t, not even for a second.  I deserve to be punished for that.”

“It’s hard,” Santana said quietly as if in answer.  “Giving you your freedom.  I mean, it’s always been hard, it feels like there’s this line drawn in the sand and it’s like every year, especially since Serena, the line gets wider and wider.  And I ache to cross it, it physically hurts sometimes to hold back, and I know that someday soon that line is going to be too wide for me to get across and just being away from you for so long was hard…”

Blaine took a deep breath.  He had to have courage.  If he’d learned only one thing through everything that had happened it was that taking care of his Dom was as important as his Dom taking care of him. And Santana needed this. Kurt may have had the ability to forgive without his penance, but she did not. 

“So,” he said, trying to hide his worry behind a brave smile.  “I take it that when you spank me with that thing it’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

Santana let out a wet laugh.  “I don’t intend to go easy on you.”

He looked at his hands.  The nerves in his stomach began once again to stir.  “You know the cane scares the crap out of me,” he admitted.

“It should.”  She reached over and raised his chin so he would see her eyes.  His best friend was gone and only his Dom remained.  “Because almost losing you and Brittany, that scared the crap out of me.”

* * *

 

She helped him with his sweater.  He had thought that walking home from Elliott’s punishment had been hard, but he would take the widespread burn of the flogger over the six thin stripes blazing across his ass any time.  With every step he took the fabric of his jeans brushed against the bruises and welts that were painting his skin, and if he hadn’t had Santana by his side he knew he would have been vulnerable to any Dom that wanted to latch on.  Blaine didn’t even consider taking one of the open seats on the subway. Climbing the stairs to his and Kurt’s apartment made him wince in agony. 

“I brought some healing cream with me in case you guys didn’t have any,” she told him along the way.  She knew it should have been put on immediately, but she couldn’t do it and Blaine had just wanted to go home.  “Kurt can take care of it and the pain will ease.”

Blaine hoped she was right as he fumbled with the front door keys and finally opened the lock.

Kurt was in the middle of a game of Candy Land with Serena when he heard them at the front door.  After Blaine’s phone call, Kurt had found it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything.  He was worried Blaine would fall too hard or not hard enough.  He was worried Santana would go too far.  He was worried how Blaine would feel, emotionally and physically.

But how Blaine looked when he walked slowly into the kitchen, Santana by his side, was drained.  Kurt immediately moved to him and opened his arms.  Blaine fell into them with a sigh.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked softly.

Blaine nodded against Kurt’s shoulder but he didn’t get to answer.

“You spanked Papa,” Serena said, still sitting at the table, eyeing Santana astutely. Blaine pulled back. 

“Serena,” Kurt reprimanded looking back at her sharply, but it lacked any power.   She had spoken the truth. 

Serena kept staring back and forth between Blaine and Santana, analyzing them.  Her fathers seemed frozen in place, completely unsure what to do or say, but Santana immediately sprang into gear. 

“Serena darling, I was thinking of going down to the park to get some ice cream.  Do you want to come?”

“Yeah,” she screeched and jumped up and down, her father thankfully forgotten.

All three of them couldn’t help but smile with relief.  “Okay,” Santana said.  “Go find your socks and shoes and I’ll be right there.”

Serena ran off to the entryway and Santana turned back, pulling a small tube out of her pocket.  “Healing cream,” she said, handing it to Kurt.

“Thank you.”

Santana turned to Blaine and pulled his head down, kissing him on the forehead.  “Your punishment is over and you’re completely forgiven.”  The words were to Blaine but Kurt knew they were for his benefit.

“Thank you, Santana,” Blaine said, the love he felt for her so obvious in his voice.  “For everything.”

She smiled and then swung around to the little girl racing back to her ready to go.  “What do you want?” she asked Serena, picking her up in her arms.  “Vanilla, chocolate?”

“Strawberry silly,” Serena told her.

“Oh yes, strawberry, of course, I should have known,” Santana chuckled and carried her out the door.

The moment the apartment was empty, Blaine fell back into Kurt’s embrace.  The throbbing in his ass flared.  Kurt just held him for a moment. “How does it feel?”

Blaine’s cheeks grew warm with color.  “I would get in trouble for the words I would use to describe the pain,” he said with a wince.  “If I ever agree to be caned again please remind me I’m insane.”

Kurt had no intention of it happening again.  “How many did she-”

“Six.”  Blaine stood up.  He could see the emotions whirling in Kurt’s eyes and all he wanted to do was make it better, help his Dom settle.  “I don’t think she could have done any more even if she’d planned to.”

“Good,” Kurt said.  There was a bite behind the words.  “I’m glad it was hard for her.”

“It was hard for all of us Kurt.” Blaine lowered his gaze.  “It’s been for a while.”

“We can’t keep going on like this.” Kurt wasn’t sure if he was talking to Blaine or himself.  “It’s not good for us.  It’s not good for Serena.  Something has to change.”

Blaine could feel it, pulsing, just below the surface.  There were moments it was there, Kurt’s Dominance, vibrating so deep he was sure no one else felt it.  But it was growing stronger and his own submission was begging for it, desperate to pull it out.  But he wouldn’t, ever.  It didn’t mean anything if it wasn’t offered as a gift.

So instead he reached a hand out, softly caressing Kurt’s shoulder, down his arm and to his fingertips.  He leaned in and kissed his husband, his Dom, the man who wanted more than anything to be everything for him. Blaine knew that, and all he wanted to do was show him that he was.  Kurt breathed into it, his love wrapping around Blaine, his arms embracing him, running his fingers along Blaine’s spine, sending chills from head to toe.  They both moaned into the kiss, opening to one another, letting the other in, letting every sense feel and hear and taste the love that surrounded them both.  Blaine cupped the back of Kurt’s head pulling him closer and Kurt’s hand drifted down to Blaine’s ass, pressing their bodies together.

Blaine winced and pulled away as pain shot through him.

Kurt gasped in remembrance.  “Oh my god, Blaine, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s okay,” Blaine whispered, breathing through the sharp sting.

“No, Blaine, it’s not okay.  Didn’t Santana…?”  Blaine shook his head.  Kurt bit down his anger.  “I should have…I need to take care of that.”

Blaine shook his head.  He knew that the last thing Kurt would ever want to see was the damage Santana had done. “You don’t have to, it’s okay, I can take care of it.  I know how much you hate-”

“Have you not learned your lesson yet about refusing your Dom’s care?”

Blaine froze.  Kurt’s voice had been harsh.  The muddled emotions in light blue eyes had hardened and darkened into a stern gaze. 

“No, sir.”

Kurt’s hands flew to his hips.  “I may be as Gray as a storm filled sky, but I am still your Dom, is that understood?”

Blaine swallowed while his stomach fluttered.  “Yes, sir.”

“And the only thing I _hate_ ,” Kurt continued, “is that you have another Dom who would use an implement that is known to do significant damage, but not give you the aftercare you needed immediately to prevent permanent scarring.”

“She would have,” Blaine said meekly.  “If I had asked.  But I just wanted to come home to you.”

Blaine was far too quick to defend Santana in Kurt’s opinion.  “I ought to punish you for that, but I know the antiseptic in this cream will make it burn before it soothes and that will likely be punishment enough.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

It was hard for Blaine to leave Kurt behind, to know that his Dom’s temper came as much from fear as anger, but he went into the bedroom and gingerly stripped out of his clothes. Lowering his pants, each inch ached with either the rub of the fabric or the stretch of his skin.  He looked at the full length oval mirror standing in the corner and his fingers tingled.  All he had to do was walk over and turn around and he could see the price he had paid for his disobedience. 

His steps were slow, his turn deliberate.  He winced at the first sight of his skin, each stroke of searing pain coming back to haunt him as he saw the angry raised red lines.  Blaine reached around to touch it.

“Turn around,” Kurt called from the doorway.  Blaine’s eyes blinked up at him as if pulled out of a trance.  Kurt tried to look sure.  Brave.  “Hands on the top of the mirror and don’t move.”

Wordlessly, Blaine did as he was told.  Nervous energy buzzed beneath his skin.  He gripped the dark mahogany wood frame, holding himself as still as he possibly could beneath Kurt’s scrutiny.  He looked into the mirror, needing to make sure his Dom was okay with what he saw.  But Kurt wasn’t looking back.

He’d closed his eyes the minute Blaine had started to turn, his own heart racing in his chest.  He heard the mirror squeak when Blaine pushed against it, pressing the back against the wall.  Half of Kurt told him to walk over.  The other half urged him to run.

Opening his eyes, he moved toward his husband, closing the distance.  It felt once more like walking toward a line where Blaine stood with Santana on the other side.  He felt like his whole life since he’d met Blaine was crossing line after line and he wondered how he hadn’t yet hit a wall.  Something stirred inside him in answer, something deep and dangerous and terrifying. 

He kept his eyes up, focused on Blaine’s strong shoulders, muscles taut, bent at the waist with his arms raised high above his head.  Blaine’s fingers, nimble and strong, gripped the mirror’s frame.  His grip was tight.  Nervous.  There was a small tremble in his skin. 

The length of the room from the door to the mirror had never been so long, but with every step Kurt took, he forced himself to take another.  Finally, he stood right behind him, too close to see his broken skin, so careful not to brush against it.  He wanted to touch, to comfort, he needed it for himself as much as he knew Blaine needed it and he stretched his arms up and traced Blaine’s fingers, the ones that time after time had been held still in obedience for him, had played beautiful music for him, had stroked him and torn him apart in the best ways possible.  He heard Blaine’s breath hitch beneath his touch and his own was torn from his lungs for one fleeting second.  He pulled himself together though and with care and control, Kurt trailed his hands over Blaine’s wrists, before continuing down strong forearms where veins popped and hair grew just enough to brush an intoxicating roughness against Kurt’s skin.

He didn’t let it distract him though, in fact he let it fuel him. He slowly caressed further down Blaine’s raised arms, to shoulders that flexed beneath his touch, down sides raised in goose bumps, then to a waist, small and almost delicate.  Kurt wanted more than anything to press his lips to Blaine’s skin, to run his tongue along it, savor the sweetness and spiciness that was at the heart and soul of the sub’s essence. 

And Blaine shuddered beneath him, wanting it, needing it, needing to be wrapped up in Kurt’s love and affection, his nurturance and care, but more than anything he needed the throbbing in his ass to subside, to melt away into a place where the pain became pleasure.  His cock was growing harder with every touch, every kiss, leaving evidence of his desire on the glass as it pulsed between himself and the mirror.

Kurt’s fingers slid from the safety of Blaine’s waist to the sides of his ass, not looking but knowing he was just inches from what he nearly couldn’t stand; the marks of a punishment he hadn’t ordered, more severe than he’d ever believed acceptable.  The marks of Santana’s ownership of his husband, her Dominance over his sub.  A reminder cut into Blaine’s skin that he would never truly be Kurt’s alone.

If he left it alone, that reminder would be there forever.  If he let Blaine take care of it himself, he would never take him back from Santana. 

There was only one way to reclaim him as his own.

Blaine knew it too.  “Please,” he whispered.

Kurt’s hand trembled pulling the cream from his pocket.  It took everything in him not to turn and run, but he forced himself to squeeze some onto his fingers.  “Tell me if I hurt you.”

Blaine nodded, watching his Dom as best he could through the mirror, and held his breath. 

For the first time, Kurt let his eyes fall fully on the wounds.  Six brutal, crimson stripes painted his sub’s skin, breaking it just slightly, just enough for there to be small fissures of dried blood.  His heart broke and tears welled in his eyes, tears of anger and regret.  He knelt down and ever so carefully pressed two coated fingers to one end of the middle stripe.

The first touch of Kurt’s fingers made Blaine gasp, not with pain but with the simple pleasure of Kurt’s hand on his skin. 

Kurt felt the heat surround him and he looked up at Blaine’s reflection, hazel eyes obviously clouded before they fluttered shut.  Time seemed to stop.

His fingers moved, almost on their own accord, tracing the line as if it mapped his journey from who he was to who he wanted to be.  The stripe was rough, raised, and he could tell from Blaine’s wince that it stung at first, but then the salve soothed, making it easier to continue along the path.

“How does that feel?” Kurt asked with uncertainty.

“Good,” Blaine said, realizing for the first time his eyes were closed. “It makes the burn cooler.”  It brought the pain back to manageable.  Pleasurable.  Or maybe it was just Kurt’s hands that did that, Blaine wasn’t sure.  But what he did know was that he never wanted it to end.  “Don’t stop,” he whispered, wanting so much more than those fingers but knowing that if that was all he ever got again it would be enough.  “Please don’t stop.”

Kurt didn’t respond in words, but the press of his lips to Blaine’s skin, warm and tender on his hip, sent a different kind of fire through Blaine’s body, a fire that set his heart ablaze and his cock begging for relief. 

Kurt continued his ministrations, lost in his own mind, working the healing lotion into each gash, covering every inch of beaten skin, kissing the pain away.  Five stripes across, five limits he had set, and one diagonal line crossing them all.  When his work was done he felt different and he placed his hands on either side of Blaine’s hips, gently turning him forward. 

“Did you want it to be me?” Kurt asked.  He looked up.  Blaine’s eyes fluttered open to see Kurt’s, full of questions, his lip bit between his teeth.  “When Santana was…did you want it to be me?”

Blaine shook his head.  “I don’t ever want to do anything that makes me deserve that from you.”

“Did you…”  Kurt sat back on his heels.  He looked down at his wringing hands.  “Did you-“

Blaine didn’t need to be told what Kurt meant.  “Never.” He knelt down, the stretch of his skin setting it stinging again, but he didn’t care, his Dom needed him. Their knees touching, Blaine took Kurt’s hands in his own.  “I told you a long time ago.  There’s no pleasure in her punishment.”

Kurt looked up at him.  “And in mine?” He needed to know.  He needed to be sure.

“Always,” Blaine sighed with contentment.  “There is pleasure in everything you do for me.”

Kurt nodded, but his gaze fell.  The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Blaine, and yet, more and more, it was becoming something he wanted more than anything.  “I don’t understand what I’m feeling,” he admitted quietly.

Blaine reached out and ran his fingers through the hair at Kurt’s temple.  “I don’t think you have to understand.  I think you just have to feel.”  Blaine leaned in. Their foreheads pressed together and Blaine kissed him, slow and careful.  He poured everything into it, his love and trust, his desire, his longing.  And he felt in his heart all of it in return.  “Kurt, I fell in love with you the minute that I saw you.  And it wasn’t the beauty in your face, or the vulnerability in your eyes.  It wasn’t the way your body moved with the grace of a cat, or the way your ass looked like heaven in those jeans.”  Kurt let out of tight laugh and Blaine smiled with relief.  “It was your power Kurt, in your voice, in your gaze. In your heart.  He placed his hand on Kurt’s chest.  “When I learned who you were, when I decided I needed to try, I thought I’d be making so many sacrifices.”

“Blaine-“

Blaine silenced him, pressing his fingers to Kurt’s lips.  “But I haven’t had to make any,” he said.  “You though…Kurt, you have sacrificed everything for me.  Every boundary, every limit, every conviction.  You have sacrificed them all.  For me.”

“It wasn’t just for you,” Kurt admitted.  He didn’t know how to explain, how to tell Blaine that every day he felt himself turn more and more into what he’d always said he’d despised.  He didn’t know how to tell him that it felt horrible and wonderful at the same time.  Terrifying and exhilarating. 

But Blaine felt it.  Kurt’s Dominance pulsing, just slightly, before fading away.  He did the only thing he knew to do.  He took Kurt’s hand, and let his submission reach out.  “I know, Kurt.  I understand.”

Tears welled in Kurt’s eyes.  Of all the sacrifices he’d made, sharing the love of his life was the worst.  If only he’d been born a Dom. “I had to send you to her,” he said.

“I know.”

He shook his head, eyes lowering with the shame of not being everything he needed to be for Blaine.  “I couldn’t be there.”

“I know that too,” Blaine told him.  “I knew it with the first strike.”  Kurt looked up, guilt washed across his face.  Blaine hated seeing it there. He had nothing to feel guilty for.  “Kurt, I love everything about you.  I love everything about your Dominance, but I also love everything about you being Gray.”  Kurt lowered his eyes.  There was so much Blaine wanted to say, so much he wanted to hear.  But Kurt wasn’t ready.  And he wasn’t going to push.  “We’re going to be okay, Kurt.  And someday, we’re going to change the world.”  He squeezed Kurt’s hands, and their eyes met.  “We may start with Broadway but it won’t end there.  We’re going to change the world.”

~S~

_Every step, every word, with every hour I am falling in_   
_To something new, something brave, to someone I have never been._

_If only I knew what my heart was telling me_   
_Don’t know what I’m feeling, Is this just a dream?_

_If only I could read the signs in front of me_   
_I could find the way to who I’m meant to be_   
_If only_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter we get caught up on all of our friends.


	8. The Future's Right in Front of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back all. I’m sorry this has taken so long to write, but it is 21k+, so I hope you will forgive me. This chapter has some new kinks so here we go…
> 
> Warnings: D/s, Public Humiliation, Light Watersport/Desperation, Temperature Play
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

_I walked alone, I was scared of who I knew that I could be_  
_But there was beauty in the darkest parts of my uncertainty_

_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

Serena took one last glance behind her at the closed door, feeling a sudden void as she left her fathers alone in their apartment. She didn't know if Papa was still in trouble or if Daddy was going to make him feel better, she just knew it was hard to leave. Mommy had hurt him. And that hurt her heart.

They got out onto the street and down the block before she kicked her feet in Santana's arms. "Put me down," she said.

"If you're gonna walk you hold my hand, understand?" Serena nodded and Santana lowered her to the ground, taking her mother's hand. They walked in silence for a while, heading uptown toward Central Park. "You want to go to the park first or ice cream first?"

"Ice cream," Serena said. She stared straight in front of her. Santana looked down and cocked a brow. The little girl's temperament had changed on a dime and Santana had no doubt it was the absence of Blaine's submission that turned her.

They stopped at Tasti D-Lite. Serena ordered Strawberry Shortcake on a sugar cone. Santana got a small cup of Dulce de Leche. She'd hoped the little girl would cheer up with the treat, but if anything she grew even more surly as they walked into Central Park.

It was a beautiful evening. Kids were playing, couples were walking, dogs were barking as they passed one another by. "Do you want to go to the playground or just walk around?" Santana asked.

"I don't care," Serena said.

Santana sighed. She looked out at the expense of green, wondering what Kurt and Blaine would do to make her feel better. "We could go to the rose garden," she suggested. "Get your Daddy and Papa a flower?"

Serena glared up at her. "Don't talk about them."

Santana stopped her gently and knelt down to her. There were moments, small moments, when she wondered what all of them were doing to this little girl, making her navigate an adult world that made no sense even to them. "Your Papa's gonna be okay you know."

But Serena either didn't believe her or didn't care. "You spanked him!" It wasn't a question. It was pure accusation.

Santana lowered her head. She dreaded this. She was open with Brittany in front of Serena but never with Blaine. She'd always thought that Serena understood. Maybe she understood too much. "Yes," she said, and it felt like a confession. "I did."

"Why?"

With a sigh, Santana took Serena's hand and led her to a large oak. They sat in the shade, few people around. Santana patted her lap but Serena refused, sitting across from her instead. Santana looked up, squinting as she gazed at the sun, looking for an answer she just couldn't find, then turned back to the little girl. "That's a hard question to answer." Serena wasn't going to give her the out though and she just stared and waited. "You know how when you do something wrong you get in trouble. Well, Blaine, your Papa, he did something wrong, and he got in trouble for it. But now everything is fixed and forgiven and he's going to be just fine."

"Daddy doesn't spank me," Serena said.

"No, sweetie, I know he doesn't, but you're just a little girl. Your Papa's a grown up."

Serena scowled at Santana's attempt at an explanation. "That doesn't matter."

Santana tried again. "Serena, honey, your Papa did something wrong-"

But Serena didn't want another rationalization. "You shouldn't have hurt him."

Santana reached out and took her hand. "I know it's hard to understand-"

"It's not your job!"

Serena's gaze was so angry, Santana felt tears come to her eyes. But she wouldn't let them fall. "I know it's confusing, but just like with Brittany, it is my job, I'm your Papa's Dom-"

"Daddy is his Dom!" she yelled and she pulled away, crying as she threw herself onto the grass.

Unsure of what to do, Santana's hand hovered above Serena's back, wanting to comfort her, but knowing that her touch would be the last thing she'd desire. There was nothing she could say to make it better. She didn't even know if Serena really knew what the word meant, but she was right. Kurt was Blaine's Dom.

Kurt was Blaine's Dom.

The thought felt like a rock dropping in her stomach. Serena's sobbing quieted and Santana laid a hand gently on her tiny leg. She didn't pull away, but she didn't respond and Santana looked out onto the park. How had everything come to this? In the quiet moments in her room at fourteen and fifteen and sixteen years old, how could she and Blaine have even dreamed of a day like today? How could two children even imagine a time when the choices they'd made didn't just affect them or the people they loved, but the life of someone who didn't ask to be born into such a mess.

She'd thought they'd have more time. Serena wasn't even three yet. She was too young to be asking questions. Questions for which there really were no answers.

"I want to go home," Serena whispered softly, sitting up and wiping her tears. "I want to see Papa."

"Okay," Santana said.

They walked home in silence, Santana texting Kurt that they were on their way back. It seemed to take much longer than it had to get there, but then before she knew it, they were knocking on the apartment door.

Kurt answered it. Serena looked up at him. "Where's Papa?"

Kurt leaned down to her, her tear-stained cheeks breaking his heart. "He's in the bedroom. I bet he'd love to see you."

She ran off and Kurt stood up, hands on his hips. He had so much to say, his thoughts racing ever since Blaine had come home. Even before. It had been bad enough, the feelings that he'd had, but this was something no child should ever have to cry about. Especially Serena.

"She doesn't understand," Santana told him, reading his mind. "She's confused. Angry."

"She has every right to be," Kurt said. "She's not the only one."

"You're angry," Santana said.

Kurt looked at her, deep brown eyes swirling with her own emotions. "Yes."

"At me?"

He had been. He'd been angry at her when he'd learned she hadn't cared for Blaine like she should have. He'd been angry at her when he'd seen her marks cut into Blaine's skin. And he'd been angry at her knowing that even though he'd been the one to melt the pain into pleasure, she'd been the one, she'd _always_ been the one, to give him the pain he needed. And then she wasn't the one he was angry with anymore. "No."

She took a step toward him, so hard and strong and sure of herself and Kurt hated it. "Then what? His submission? The law? Yourself?"

His hands curled into fists. She knew him too well. "You won't do that to him again," he said. "Ever. I won't allow it."

He expected an argument. An assertion of her own authority over Blaine. Instead she leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"He's your sub," she told him gently. "Your wishes are my command."

Kurt blinked, his mind racing. He had a million things to say, a million questions. But she just turned and left before he could ask even one.

There was a moment where he thought to go after her, but whispers in the bedroom pulled him to the doorway and he leaned against it. Blaine and Serena were both lying on their sides, facing one another. Neither saw him.

"I don't care, Mommy shouldn't have hurt you," Serena was saying.

"She didn't pumpkin," Blaine said gently. "Not really."

"I don't like you being hurt," Serena said.

Blaine reached out, twirling a finger around one of her dark curls, so very much like his own. "You know how Auntie Britt comes home from dance sometimes, with her feet bleeding and her muscles aching? She doesn't love dancing any less for the pain it causes. Because it may hurt her body, but here…" He placed his hand over her heart. "Here the pain feels good. Like she accomplished something. You know, I remember when Daddy first started taking stage combat. He used to come home with bumps and bruises and sore muscles. But he knew that the pain would make him a better person and that someday it would get him to Broadway."

"Serena." Kurt spoke up from the doorway, stepping into the room, and she looked up at him. "Do you think you could go to the kitchen and grab Papa a new ice pack?"

"Okay."

He watched her go, then sat down on the bed. Blaine turned to him with a slight wince and Kurt brushed his fingers through his curls. "I've never heard you describe it like that before."

Blaine shrugged. "I guess explaining things to toddlers is sometimes easier than explaining them to grownups."

"I remember walking home from class, how the ache in my body had felt so good. Like I'd done something no one believed I could." Blaine's honey-colored eyes shined up at him and Kurt felt like he finally realized something he'd struggled with his entire life. "And then I would come home and you would massage the pain away. Turn it into pleasure."

Blaine smiled. "I remember."

Kurt took his hand and squeezed it tight. "And I think I understand."

* * *

After Kurt had returned home, the order for Blaine to practice his scales every day had remained. Only Serena was added to the directive.

Whenever the piano was played in the apartment, its beautiful tone filled their home with the sound of love and care. When Serena played, it wasn't smooth or effortless. Her fingering was still choppy and solid, not light on the keyboard like her father's. Sometimes it frustrated her but mostly she understood. She wasn't even three yet and Papa hadn't been very good at three either, her Nana had assured her of that when she had stayed with her when her fathers were away. But Nana also promised her that music was in her blood and someday, if she worked hard, she could be even better than her Papa.

Serena wanted that. She also wanted to be a better singer than her mommy and her Aunt Rachel, and a better dancer than her Aunt Brittany. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do better than her daddy yet. Daddy was pretty perfect in her eyes.

"It's sounding beautiful pumpkin," Blaine said, sitting down next to her on the bench. He placed his hand gently on top of hers and shook the stiffness out of her hand before tapping her index finger against the keys one more. "Light like a kiss," he reminded her with a smile. "The keys are your friends."

"Can I sing now?" Serena asked.

Blaine and Kurt had been careful not to thrust it upon her, but she was growing up in a family surrounded by music and theater and dance and it all came as naturally to her as breathing. Blaine was certain that if she wanted to, she'd be better than all of them. Well, except for maybe Kurt. Kurt was pretty perfect in his eyes.

"Sure," Blaine said. She scooted off the bench, standing tall and still like she did for Aunt Rachel whenever she babysat. "What would you like to sing?" he asked.

"My name is Serena Fae Hummel and I will be singing My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music," she said methodically, her voice as clear as a bell.

Blaine laughed as he sat down at the piano, and played for her. She had enjoyed singing since she could talk and learned the words to songs faster than any other child he knew. Her pitch was improving a little bit every day and he knew that with time and age her control would only get better and better. Rachel and Jesse were building her repertoire and already teaching her stage presence. Soon he would start teaching her how to read music. Kurt liked to joke that she would know how to read the staff before she could read the alphabet. Blaine had no problem with that.

Blaine could hear the phone ringing soon after she started, but Kurt picked it up and they continued. He enthusiastically clapped for her while she curtsied. Something else Aunt Rachel had taught her to do.

Kurt stuck his head in the room. "Sorry to interrupt this tour de force production, but my dad and Carole are on Skype and I have something to tell all of you."

Blaine's brows arched with curiosity but Serena just went running into the other room. "Grandma and Grandpa!" she yelled.

Kurt sighed. "Someday she'll learn the meaning of indoor voice, right?"

"As much as Santana has no doubt," Blaine said. "Wanna tell me what this is all about?"

Kurt took Blaine's hand, soothingly caressing his thumb across Blaine's knuckles. "So much for the master of delayed gratification," he said, a sly smile on his lips. "If you can't be patient for one minute we may need to practice a little bit tonight, don't you think?"

Blaine's heart quickened at the very thought. "Yes, sir."

Kurt laughed, leading Blaine to the living room where Serena was chattering away.

"And Becky said she was going to be a star before me but Aunt Rachel says I will and Uncle Jesse says I'm already a star and Papa does too and-"

She stopped talking when she felt hands on her shoulders and she looked up to see her Papa beaming down at her. From Ohio, Burt and Carole were laughing. Blaine kissed her atop her head. "You are a star," he told her. "And you'll be on Broadway before you know it."

"Speaking of Broadway…"

Kurt trailed off. His cheeks red with delight, his eyes sparkling with joy, he was nearly bouncing on his feet. He watched Blaine's eyes grow wide.

"Oh my god," Blaine whispered. His hands flew to his mouth.

"What?" Serena asked, looking between her fathers.

"I got a phone call…"

"Oh my god!" Blaine repeated, his voice growing higher with excitement.

"Spit it out son," Burt said, his hand gripping Carole's.

"The producers finally agreed that the show is mine." Carole squealed. Blaine screamed. Serena jumped up on the chair with excitement and nearly toppled over. Kurt grabbed her and swung her into his arms, looking down at her. "Your Daddy is going to direct on Broadway!"

* * *

"You look perfect Kurt, you always do." Blaine tried to reassure his husband. He'd been fretting with his tie since leaving the apartment. "Besides, it's not like this is some industry party. It's just our friends, out for a cocktail in the middle of the day to celebrate how amazing you are."

"And to celebrate us all finally being home again," Kurt reminded him. Mercedes and Sam had been the last ones home from their extended past summer tour, but it had only been a few weeks since Jesse and Rachel had returned from their vacation after being apart for so long over the summer. And Santana had been so busy since starting at the law firm that even Brittany had spent less time with her than they would have liked. It was a miracle she'd managed to sneak out for happy hour. "Our friends are a whole lot more important than Broadway."

"There is not one friend we have that would agree with you on that statement," Blaine laughed as they rounded the corner to the Arts and Crafts Beer Parlor. Jesse had recommended it, having fallen in love with the place the last time he performed in Greenwich Village, and the moment Kurt and Blaine walked into the cool, relaxed atmosphere they understood why. They quickly found their friends at a table near the bar, a 24 tastings flight already set on the table. Rachel nursed a full glass of wine, but Sam and Jesse had a few empties already in front of them.

"There's the Broadway star!" Rachel squealed and she immediately ran for him. In the middle of the bar she leapt into his arms and wrapped her arms around him and Kurt couldn't help but laugh. Her feet back on the ground, she looked up at him, face aglow. "Now I'm not saying that I'm a proponent of nepotism or anything-"

"There's no role for you Rachel, but if there was I'd make sure it was yours," Kurt smirked. He didn't think that was true. He thought working with his best friend would probably be the best way to ruin his first experience directing on Broadway, not to mention their friendship. Maybe the second time…

"There's not for me, but there is for Jesse though," she said. Kurt looked at her. Her eyes shined. She was up to something. "His agent is sending him out to audition. For-"

"Patrick," Kurt said, finishing her sentence. He looked over at Jesse. He wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of it before, but Jesse's agent knew what he was doing. He looked back at Rachel. "The casting director makes those decisions Rachel, not me."

"Yeah, sure," she said. She knew how it worked. "I'm not saying that it's the end of our friendship if you don't cast him. I'm just saying, give him an equal chance."

Kurt kissed Rachel on the cheek. "I always would," he promised. He sat down at the table next to Blaine, who was chatting with Sam about life on tour, and Rachel took her seat again next to Jesse. "Where are Santana and Brittany?

"On their way," Blaine said, giving his phone a wiggle. "She just texted me that they're running late, but they'll be here in a few minutes."

Mercedes grinned and sang, "Working 9-5, what a way to make a living."

Everyone laughed. Santana was the only one with a typical 9-5 job. Everyone else was in rehearsals and performances or waiting for their next job. Blaine had the studio of course, but the joy of being the owner was setting his own hours.

"Come on, she's not the only one with a schedule," Blaine pointed out. "Someone has to grab Serena from daycare by 6, and this is Kurt's party, so I'm the one likely to be the biggest party pooper here."

"Always taking the fall for your Dom," Rachel said and Blaine knew that she meant both Kurt and Santana. "Though I suppose the same thing will be true for us when Jesse and I become parents someday."

There was more laughter, but Kurt knew his best friend and he saw the nearly imperceptible glance between her and her sub. He didn't have time to dwell on it though before Santana and Brittany swooped in.

"Give me one of those," Santana said and she grabbed a tasting glass of beer and swigged it before she even sat down. "Remind me again why I went to law school?" She nearly collapsed in her seat. "Fucking partners think the newbies are there to be their own personal peons." Brittany grabbed her hand and squeezed it, a soft rush of submission flowing from her. "Don't give a shit who's a Dom or a sub in that office, they'd have me kneeling at the ready if they could."

"We all would girl," Mercedes teased. Santana gasped with mock offense. Sam quietly excused himself and went to the bar.

"Can I get you something Ma'am?" Brittany asked Santana quietly, no doubt trying to soothe her Dom as much as serve her. "A glass of wine, or some hummus if you're hungry?"

"Why don't you get some hummus for the whole table, I'm sure these boys will be starving in no time," Santana said.

Brittany obeyed and followed Sam up to the bar.

"So I want to hear every single detail of how your conversation with the Broadway producers went," Rachel pressed.

Mercedes leaned over to Blaine. "Hey, can I talk to you a minute?"

Blaine glanced at Kurt who just shrugged with a curious glance and he got up. He'd heard the story a million times. He didn't need to hear it again.

Mercedes led him to a dark corner of the room where folks were milling around drinking. "Everything okay?" he asked. It wasn't like he and Mercedes were all that close. They had friends in common and a working relationship. He would send her songs. She would sing them. Her team would throw them away. He was closer with Sam even though they hadn't been able to spend much time together lately. "Why all the secrecy?" he asked.

"The producers gave it a go," she said.

Blaine's brow furrowed with confusion. "Gave what a go?"

"Your song, _Eternal Journey_. I'm going to sing it for the album."

Blaine's jaw dropped and he pressed steepled hands to his open lips. "What?"

Mercedes smiled at him. "I'm singing your song on my album," she repeated. "They were really impressed with the audience's reception during the tour."

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd written that one in a single night after reading a poem on the internet. He'd sent it to her as a fluke. And now, his song was going to be recorded on a star's album. A star who toured the world and had influence in the music industry and was on the list of Grammy hopefuls. "Mercedes! Oh my god, that's amazing!"

"There's one more thing," Mercedes said. Her gaze flitted over Blaine's shoulder for a second before turning downward. "I've, um, I've been wanting to write this song, this duet, and my producers decided, well we agree, that I should write it with you. They'd heard _Clarity_ and now this one and they just think, well, they think you're perfect for it."

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. But there was something off. Something Mercedes wasn't saying. "What's the song about?"

She looked up at him, her eyes suddenly glistening with tears. "It's about two people who love each other. And more than anything that want to _want_ to be together. But it just doesn't work."

Blaine was quiet a minute. Then he turned back to his friends. He could see Sam talking quietly at the bar with Britt, and suddenly something clicked in his mind. He turned back to her. "You and Sam?"

"We dissolved our claim. Halfway through tour. It just wasn't working." She twirled the bracelet on her wrist, the one Sam had given her way back in high school. "You know how no matter how hard you and Kurt tried not to be together it was like, magnets, pulling you back together? Always connecting perfectly?"

Blaine scoffed lightly. "Okay, our connection is far from perfect, but yes, I understand what you mean."

"Well, for me and Sam it was always like we…every time we were pulled together we thought we'd connect but we just seemed to…slip by each other."

"So wait, I don't understand. If you two broke up, where's he been while you were on tour?"

"He went back to Ohio," Mercedes said. "We didn't want it going public until the tour was over and we knew if he came back here it would be all over the internet. So he went back to visit with his parents. And now he's not sure if he wants to stay there or get his own place in New York."

They'd been high school sweethearts. Dom and sub for so long. To be able to walk away like that, something must have been terribly wrong. "God, 'Cedes, I'm so sorry."

She reached out and grabbed his sleeve before he could go. "Blaine, we don't want anyone else to know yet. We're all finally back together and this is Kurt's big night. We didn't want the focus to turn on us. After he decides what he wants to do, then we'll tell everyone."

Blaine frowned. He could do that but… "I can't lie to Kurt. He's going to ask about the song and I can't lie to him."

"I know that," she said. "And I wouldn't ask you to. But please, don't tell anyone else? Please?"

Blaine nodded and offered an understanding smile. "Of course." He kissed her on the cheek, and took her hand. "Thank you Mercedes. For your trust and for the opportunity. It means the world to me."

She placed her hand on top of his. "You get this right Blaine, and Kurt won't be the only one hitting the big time."

* * *

"You're asking permission to go?"

Kurt looked up from where he was preparing dinner to watch Blaine set the table. He was being meticulous. Plate center, fork and knife a finger's width from the plate, napkin folded perfectly beneath the fork, glass in the right corner. He even did it at Serena's chair with her plastic place settings. Kurt had known something was up, had known that there was a question or a confession on the tip of Blaine's tongue, but he also knew Blaine would wait until he was ready. So he opened his mouth to call Serena out for dinner. But then Blaine had asked for permission to go to _Black & White_ with Sam.

His mouth snapped shut, taken aback. "Since when do you let me tell you where you can go and with whom?" he asked.

Blaine looked up at him and leaned on the back of one of the chairs. "Since it's _Black & White_. And it's a Saturday night, which means chances are very high that Elliott will be there. And I have no intention of doing anything wrong, which means starting with asking your permission to go."

Kurt felt the tightening of his chest, but he wasn't going to be _that_ guy. "I'm not going to stop you."

"But you won't like it," Blaine said, his brow arched.

And Kurt couldn't deny it, he didn't like it. He'd never liked it. But ever since going to the clubs in Boston, he was starting to understand it better. It was like shopping, not necessarily for people but for ideas. At least that's what it had been for him. And he hoped that was all it was for Blaine. "What do you plan on doing?"

"Being a wingman mostly," Blaine shrugged and he let a smirk slip. " _Have you met Sam?_ " he demonstrated, pretending to introduce his friend to an imaginary Dom.

"And then when Sam is successfully introduced and off and running?"

The buzzer went off and Serena came bounding from her room on her own. "Dinner!" she yelled.

"It is dinner," Blaine told her.

Kurt watched him sweep her up off her feet and into his arms. He thought he would never get over the sparkle in Blaine's eyes every time Blaine looked at her, or the sparkle in hers as she looked back. He'd missed that more than anything while he'd been gone. It was the reason he never really wanted to leave them again.

"I figured I'd just sit at the bar and people watch really," Blaine said while he buckled Serena into her booster seat.

Kurt turned off the oven and set dinner on its serving plate, chicken nuggets for Serena and coconut-crusted shrimp for him and Blaine. He brought that and the broccoli over to the table and set it down. Kurt was pretty certain that Blaine absolutely would people watch. It was the person he would watch that he worried about. "You know that I want to trust you-" Kurt started and Blaine came around the table and grabbed his hands.

"Then trust me," he said, squeezing them tight. "You are all I ever want or ever need. I swear Kurt, I won't mess up this time."

Kurt looked at him. He looked so sincere, his golden eyes begging for faith, begging for the trust and respect that they had both promised one another. And he decided that he did trust Blaine. And that even if he didn't, he truly had no right to say no. "Have a good time," he said and he kissed Blaine chastely on the lips.

"Daddy and Papa sittin' in a tree. K-I-Q-S-X-Y-Z…"

They both turned to Serena and laughed. "Serena's gonna be K-I-S-S-I-N-G soon enough," Blaine teased, sitting down and ruffling her hair.

"Please don't encourage her," Kurt sighed, joining them. "She does not need to be kissing anyone for another 20 years."

"I'd miss Serena kisses," Blaine said with an exaggerated frown.

"I kiss Papa!" Serena said.

Blaine smirked. "See? She kiss Papa." Blaine stuck his tongue out at Kurt.

"Kiss Daddy too," she said, looking at them both.

Now it was Kurt's turn to stick his tongue out. "See, she still loves me."

Blaine's face softened to that look that Kurt knew would always make everything right even if everything was wrong. "Of course she loves you," Blaine said. "You make everything all better."

* * *

The beat pulsed in Blaine's head and chest the moment he and Sam stepped into _Black & White_. He hadn't seen Elliott much since that night in his apartment, and it had been even longer since he'd been to the club. Elliott had been a danger. The club had been a danger. But if Kurt being gone had taught him anything, it was that there was really only one Dom he ever wanted to answer to.

"You okay?" Sam yelled over the music and Blaine realized that he'd stopped in the doorway. Looking up at his friend though was a good reminder that this wasn't about him. The Dominance and submission swirling around him tonight was not something for him to get swept up in. He was there for one reason. To help his friend move on.

"I'm fine," Blaine said and he stepped up to the doorman, paying the cover for both of them. They both got white bracelets and snapped them on their wrists. For a minute Sam stared at his empty one. " _You_ okay?" he asked.

It must have been strange, being without a cuff after having one for so long, and Sam absentmindedly rubbed his arm. "I'm great," he said.

They started to walk in, heading into the throng of dancers. Sweat and alcohol seemed to lay heavy atop the tendrils of power, weighing Blaine down. His body vibrated with the music, Elliott's music blasting from where he and his band sang on stage. He could see Sam shrink in on himself slightly, trying to stop the pull of Dominance that pulsed around them. Blaine took his hand and led him to the bar where it was a little bit quieter. They sat down on two stools and ordered drinks.

Two glasses were placed on the bar for them and Blaine threw some money down and twirled around in his chair to stare out into the crowd. "Alright Sammy, take a good look out there. Black bracelets abound, you just need to know what you're looking for."

"Honestly Blaine?" Sam took a sip and looked over at him, brow knitted. "I have no idea. I thought Mercedes and I would be together forever. I never even considered what else I might like."

"That's bullshit," Blaine said. Sam looked taken aback but Blaine just shook his head. "Every guy looks Sam. Gay, straight. There's a reason Kurt hates me coming here alone." He looked up at the stage. Elliott had his back turned, futzing with his microphone between songs and talking to the drummer. "If for some reason I'd grown up in a world without Santana and Kurt…"

As if he felt Blaine's gaze on him, Elliott turned and their eyes met. It was for only a second before Elliott turned again, calling in the whole band.

"Did you know that Brittany and I used to date?" Sam asked. Elliott was instantly forgotten as Blaine turned to his friend in shock. Sam laughed. "I think it was after she and Kurt tried their thing. She'd been so hurt, she was afraid of being hurt again and I think I was just safe for her, you know? Two subs can't get themselves in too much trouble. Besides, she wasn't out yet, if she even knew."

"What happened?"

"Mercedes blew in like a powerhouse and swept me off my feet. I was a goner, right from the start," Sam said. "Her voice alone was enough to tie my stomach in knots, but her demands…" Sam shivered before a flush crept across his cheeks. And then the loss of her truly hit him. "I really shouldn't be talking about her when I'm here to move on."

Blaine wanted to give Sam whatever he needed, whether it was time to mourn or time to move on. And since his friend had decided, he clapped his hands, rubbing his palms together, and surveyed the crowd. "Okay, there's two ways to go about this. You get out there and go after the girls you want. Or you sit back here and wait for them to come to you."

"Well, going out there sounds terrifying and sitting back sounds like I'd be in for a very boring night because no one's going to make their way over to me." Sam turned his back on the crowd, dropped his chin into his palm and pouted.

Blaine looked over at him. He knew how hard it was, still loving someone but knowing it just wouldn't work. When he'd come with all his friends back in college, they'd gone out on the dance floor, but he just couldn't do it. He hadn't been ready. So he'd sat and watched. Until…

His eyes landed on Elliott at the microphone before he quickly turned away. This wasn't then and this night wasn't about him at all. He looked over the crowd, trying to guess at who Sam might like. "Blonde? Brunette?" He turned only slightly to Sam, keeping his eyes trained on the girls dancing the night away. "Do you like them tall or short?" Sam seemed to be staring off at the corner of the bar and Blaine sighed. Nothing was going to happen that night if he didn't make it happen.

_I'm the rush of a bleeding heart_  
_I'm the bruise of a rough start_

Blaine tucked his left hand into his pocket, grabbed his drink and looked out into the lights of red and blue and green, painting the faces of the people dancing to music that vibrated through every atom of his body. He knew it was dangerous, especially with Elliott up there singing, but he wasn't going to just let Sam wallow away without at least trying. He leaned back, took a sip of his drink, and with just a quick glance to the man performing on stage, he let his submission soar through the crowd.

_I'm the dust that ignites the spark_

Heads turned, but he remained nonchalant. Disinterested. Skimming over the heads of the crowd as if he was looking for something else, someone else. There was one set of eyes he knew was staring down at him, but he refused to meet them. That wasn't what he was there for.

_They say that I'm blue like the night sky_  
_That I'm too weird to live, too rare to die_  
_I tried to blow my mind a million times, but I got a light_

_And it's burning still_

A blonde woman, tall, pretty, with a black band on her wrist, not so casually glided toward them and slid up beside Blaine. "Hey cutie," she said, reaching out to his right hand resting on the bar. She spun the white band on his wrist. "Couldn't help but notice you're looking kind of lonely over here." She leaned on the bar and let her fingers slip down, tracing his jeans from his knee up to his thigh. "What's a sub like you doing single and unclaimed?"

Blaine offered her his shyest smile, eyes lowering, long lashes batting up at her. "I'm sorry ma'am." His voice was full of the coy contrition that sparkled in his eyes. He took his left hand out of his pocket and placed it on top of hers. The gold on his cuff hit the light and gleamed up at her. "As you can see I'm neither single nor unclaimed. Plus," he leaned in conspiratorially, "I don't really play for your team." He leaned back and watched her eyes narrow, confusion and vulnerability turning quickly to anger and he had to catch her at just the right time. "But luckily, ma'am, my friend Sam here is neither claimed, nor married, nor gay."

She turned to look at Sam, eyebrows raised with curiosity. Blaine quickly nudged him and Sam turned, eyes cloudy like he'd just been woken up. "Sam," Blaine said, an urging to his voice. "This is…"

"Donna," the woman offered.

Blaine smiled. "Donna. Donna the Dom." He chuckled to himself. God he was a terrible wingman. "Donna this is Sam."

"Are you as devious as your friend here?" she asked Sam. "Because if he weren't claimed I'd have a mind to take him over my knee right now for that little trick he played."

Sam's eyes opened wide. "What? No. No, I'm um…" Sam glanced back to where he'd been staring off into space, then looked back at Donna. "I'm sorry Donna. Thank you, but I'm not interested."

Her face reddening, Donna stormed off without a word and Blaine just stared at Sam. "What was that?" he asked.

_I am the fire and you are the rain_  
_Washing me out, you drown my flame_

"Do you know how long it's been since I've been in a place like this without Mercedes?" Sam said. "We've been together since high school. I thought we'd always be together, you know?"

"Look man, I know. I get it," Blaine said, though he suspected he really didn't. "Maybe…maybe you two just need a break. Maybe it's not really over."

Sam shook his head. "Mercedes, she didn't...she didn't need me. Maybe in the beginning when she still had some of those teenage insecurities. But it's been a long time since she's needed me to make her feel strong, or talented, or even loved. She feels all those things on her own now. Which is a good thing for her," he quickly acknowledged. "But for me…"

_I'm a prisoner on the run_  
_I am the moon that reflects the sun_

_I am unbeaten and I am unwon_  
_Oh, man, I was alone_

Blaine thought he understood. "You're best when you can raise someone up."

"I couldn't even do anything for her, especially on tour. Her makeup and hair people became her confidantes. Her assistants took care of her every whim. The fans became the submissives trying to prove their love. The only thing left for me was the bedroom. Which just isn't enough."

_They say that I knew that I'm never green_  
_That I will rage against the machine_  
_I am never something in between_  
_But I got a light, and it's burning still_

"Kurt gets like that sometimes," Blaine admitted. "Forgets there's more to Dominance and submission than sex and punishment. It's the easy way out, but that's not always what it's all about. I know how hard it can be to explain what you want though."

"Do you see that girl over there?" Blaine turned to look at where Sam had been staring. A woman, mousy brunette hair, cute but a bit disheveled, eyes darting through the crowd. Her black band the only evidence that she was in fact a Dom. "I know what I want," Sam said. "I want to make someone feel special. Loved. Respected. I want to show them with every action, every word. I want to be needed."

_I am the light, I am the light, the light, the light, the light, the light, the light_

"You are the light," Blaine whispered. He looked up at Elliott. The Dom stared back, eyes piercing, not with power but sadness, and the words he sung went past Blaine's ears and into his heart.

_I am the fire and you are the rain_  
_Washing me out, you drown my flame_  
_I am the fire and you are the rain_  
_Washing me out_

_I am the fire, I am the light, the light, the light, the light, the light, the light_

And he suddenly understood. "And I am the rain."

"I'm gonna go talk to her," Sam said.

"Go ahead," Blaine said absentmindedly, his eyes now fixed on Elliott.

Sam left and Elliott put the microphone away, whispering to his bandmates. They kept playing, more quietly now, but Elliott left the stage and walked through the crowd, straight for Blaine.

He didn't pull out his crop this time or reach out with his Dominance. He just sat on the now empty stool next to Blaine with a sigh.

They were quiet, for a long time. Blaine held his glass between his hands, staring at it, amber liquid like a flame. He watched the ice cubes melt, watering it down. Drowning it. Making it less of what it was. And there was only one reason Blaine could think of why Elliott would want that for himself.

"Tell me about him," Blaine said, finally looking at the man beside him. "Your sub."

It took a moment before Elliott's gaze shifted away from Blaine toward the ground. Blaine wasn't sure he'd ever seen the Dom look so vulnerable. It pulled at his heart.

"I know you think that he must have been like you. But he wasn't." Elliott turned back to him. Blaine saw the hurt in his eyes. Grief. But he also saw the soft smile of great love as he remembered. "He was shy. Quiet. All he ever wanted was to please me, to take care of me. He hated disappointing me." Elliott looked out to the dance floor, the bodies gyrating, the Dominance and submission whirling through the air like wisps of fire and ice. "We met here. Just like you. He was sitting at the bar. I saw him from across the room and I was drawn to him. We went into the back. It wasn't long before he safeworded."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said softly, feeling guilty even though he had no need to. "I'm sorry it was so similar."

"He didn't like being hurt but he loved being Dominated. Once I understood that we started again and we never stopped. Not until he was gone."

"And then you came back here?"

Elliott nodded. "It's easy. The things I do here, they don't have anything to do with him. I don't have to fall in love, I don't have to care, not like that." He looked over to Blaine, a sheepish smile on his face. "You were an exception, not the rule."

"He wouldn't have wanted you alone, taking care of yourself," Blaine said. "Have you ever tried? To find someone else?"

It was obvious, Elliott's discomfort when he shook his head. "I've talked to Rachel about it. But the thing with her and Jesse is that Jesse knew Finn, and he knew his place after Finn. It's different, a new Dom or sub, after one has already taken your heart…"

"Do you think it's the same when you break up?" Blaine looked over to Sam, talking animatedly now with the girl in the corner.

"If you can walk away then they didn't take your heart. Not fully." Elliott followed Blaine's gaze and his brows furrowed. "Sam and Mercedes? What happened?"

Blaine shrugged. He wasn't supposed to tell. "People grow. Change. Some grow together. Others grow apart."

"You and Kurt?" There was worry in Elliott's voice.

"Are great," Blaine assured him with a smile. "We're great."

Elliott smiled and leaned back against the bar. "I'm glad. I thought you two were crazy for being apart that long."

Blaine laughed. "We were."

"I'm proud of you for not coming to me."

One look in Elliott's eyes and all he saw was the true sincerity of a Dom who cared about him. It made Blaine's heart and submission swell. "The flame is inside you Elliott, and it's beautiful. You shouldn't try to drown it. Not in me or anyone else." he said. Elliott was too good a Dom, too good a person, to live a life without love. "Out there is a sub who needs you, and only you. And I don't mean just for one night."

Elliott frowned and shook his head. "I don't know if I can go through it again. I'm not sure I'm strong enough."

But Blaine knew he was wrong. "It doesn't take strength to love someone. It just takes faith. You had it once. I believe you can find it again."

"How do you know?" Elliott asked.

Blaine smiled. "Because you've got a light. And it still burns."

* * *

Rachel flitted around the kitchen, taking in the lunch half-finished in the oven, the salad half done on the counter, a half-finished wine glass on the table, and her sub kneeling dutifully in the corner. Under any other circumstances he would have been naked, but that would have to come later.

Finishing her glass of Perrier, she'd just put it down next to Jesse's when the buzzer for the building's front door sounded.

She pressed it to let them in, then leaned against the wall, arms folded across her chest. "That's Kurt with Serena," she told him. "Do you think you can be a good boy now?"

Jesse kept his head down. "I think Kurt will kill you if I'm kneeling in the corner when his daughter walks in the door."

Rachel crossed the room, picking up the wooden spoon laying out on the counter on her way, and smacked him hard on the ass. He winced at the sting. "I don't think that's what I asked you." She smacked him again.

They were both interrupted by a knock at the door.

Jesse hoped that Kurt hadn't heard it through the door, not for his sake, but for Rachel's. "Yes Ma'am," he said with as much contrition as he could. Rachel's wrath at him he could deal with, savor even. But Jesse didn't like when Kurt was mad at his Dom. "I can be good while she's here."

"Good," she said, patting his ass with the spoon to signal he could stand up. He rose up off his sore knees and turned to her. "Because we need all the practice we can get."

"Yes we do." Jesse reached out and pulled her in, softly caressing her belly. He kissed her atop the head and smiled. Kurt knocked again, louder and most definitely with annoyance, and he smiled. "Shall I get the door?"

"I'll get it. You go finish lunch, Serena will be hungry," Rachel ordered and he did as he was told. He watched her cross the room to answer the door with wonder. He still couldn't believe that inside of her, their baby was growing.

"How long were you planning on keeping us waiting?" Kurt demanded, walking in. He had Serena by the hand, but she instantly let go and ran inside as soon as the door opened.

"Hi Uncle Jesse!" she yelled.

Jesse just laughed. That girl had a set of pipes on her that he was pretty sure rivaled his Dom's when she was her age. "Hey cutie," he said, eyes sparkling. "I'm making your favorite for lunch. Baked mac and cheese."

"Yay!" She jumped up and down and clapped her hands and Jesse's gaze immediately fell on Rachel. A soft smile painted his face. In only seven months their own little bundle of lungs and energy would arrive and he couldn't wait.

"Are you sure you don't need her to stay overnight?" Rachel asked. "It's no bother, really."

But Kurt shook his head. "No, thank you. They're doing the interview and indoor shots first and they'll finish up with the outdoor shots at sundown. We shouldn't be done too late."

"Well, you let me know if you change your mind," she said. Kurt nodded but he had a worried look on his face. Rachel bit her lip. He'd been her best friend for long enough to know when there was something wrong. "Come on, spill."

Kurt looked up at Serena who was sitting on the counter helping Jesse toss the salad, something he knew would end with half the salad on the counter. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Jesse a minute."

Rachel's shoulders dropped before she could hitch them back up again. "Oh, sure." Her eyes darted to her sub and she walked over quickly. "Here, let me finish that, Kurt needs to talk to you a minute."

Jesse looked up with a smile and wiped his hands on his pants. "Hey Kurt, what's up?"

Over the years, Jesse and Kurt's relationship had evolved. They'd learned to appreciate one another, even like one another. And somehow, Jesse was still the first person he would go to when he had questions about Blaine's submission. "Can we, um…" He cocked his head toward the door to the bedroom and after getting a nod of consent from Rachel, they moved inside and closed the door.

Kurt started to pace, rubbing his palms together. Jesse sat on the bed, an amused smile painting his face as he waited for Kurt to gather his courage. He didn't know exactly what this was about, but the scene was very familiar.

"This photoshoot," Kurt started, still pacing, his eyes on the floor. "They want Blaine's submission to me front and center. They heard about the way he knelt to me at the opening night party and they want that but-"

"But it's a limit." Jesse leaned back on his arms casually. "So you don't do it."

Kurt finally stopped and turned to him. "But that's like, the universal symbol Jesse. You want to see a sub submit, they kneel, that's what you do."

"It's not what Blaine does," Jesse pointed out. "It's not what you have him do."

"Only because I'm afraid of what it means." Kurt stopped. He covered his lips and lowered his head. He hadn't meant to say what he did.

But Kurt's confession wasn't news to Jesse. "It's okay that you're not ready for that. It's okay if you never are. Kneeling isn't just submission Kurt, its subservience and it's a subtle difference to most Doms and subs but I can see how it would feel huge to you."

Kurt looked at him, eyes almost pleading. "So what do we do?"

Jesse smiled and walked over to Kurt, resting his hands gently on tense upper arms. "You be yourselves Kurt. Let Blaine take the lead, he knows how to submit to you. All it takes is a drop of the eyes, a step behind you, a gaze up at you, even his back to the camera. It doesn't need to be a big show, Kurt. Some of the most beautiful submission is the most subtle."

Kurt's shoulders relaxed. He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle. "You're right. I'm over thinking this."

"Shocker," Jesse smirked and dropped his hands. "You know what you're doing Kurt. I've taught you well."

Ordinarily Kurt would make some biting comment back. But he couldn't deny the truth. "You have Jesse. Thanks." He walked to the door, but with a hand on the knob he turned back. "You're going to make a great father." Jesse's draw dropped, but Kurt smiled softly. "She's my best friend. Don't worry, I won't tell her I know. And I won't tell anyone else."

He turned to go again but this time Jesse stopped him. "Kurt?" Kurt looked back. Jesse smiled. "Thank you."

Kurt nodded and opened the door, striding easily toward the kitchen. "Anyway, we'll come by and pick her up when we're done."

Rachel leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Did Jesse help?" she asked.

"Yes he did," he said and Rachel could see her pride in her sub beaming. It wouldn't be long before she looked at her son or daughter that way, but he didn't say anything now. She'd tell him when she was ready. "Okay." He looked over to Serena who was lying on the couch, Rachel's phone in her hands. "Be good pumpkin, Papa and I will be back later."

"Okie dokie," she said with a glance, but he had lost her attention the minute she'd walked in the door.

Kurt smiled. "Bye."

Closing the door behind him, Rachel turned to face her charges. "Alright you two, what are we going to do today after lunch."

"The hat, the hat!" Serena bounced.

Rachel laughed. "Well, I should have guessed that." She walked over to the linen closet outside their bathroom and pulled out a top hat Serena had seen many times before. "We've added a few new ones, do you want to pull now or after we eat."

"If we let her pull now she'll never eat," Jesse said and Rachel had to admit he was right.

Lunch was quick, Serena's excitement to play winning out over her hunger. Rachel got three bites of salad in her in between spoonfuls of macaroni and she chattered on about preschool and the latest show she'd seen on TV and Papa's new song, which she was helping to write, she informed them proudly. When finally they were done and dishes were brought to the sink, Serena ran around the room like a crazy person.

"If our child is like this-" Rachel whispered.

"Our child will have our genes, not Santana and Blaine's. That combination is just a recipe for sass and energy."

"And our genes are different?" She looked at him pointedly. "Can you imagine raising her though? No wonder Blaine gets in so much trouble. She'd be enough to drive anyone nuts."

"I think she's a sweetheart," Jesse said loudly as he scooped her up into his arms at her next pass by him. "Come on sassy pants, let's pull from the hat."

He sat down on the couch, Rachel joining him and he put Serena down in front of the coffee table. The black top hat stood, papers inside. Serena didn't know how many there were, she just knew that in each one there was a treasure; a Broadway song for each of them to perform. She reached inside, dipping her hand down deep, the papers tickling her fingers as she searched until she found just the right one. She pulled it out and handed it to Jesse, triumphantly. "We have to do it. Whatever it is I have to do the whole thing," she reminded them.

Jesse opened the paper and turned in around.

" _You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile_."

"Okay," Serena beamed and she picked up the microphone sitting on the TV stand. "Hey hobo man, hey dapper dan-"

"Unh uh," Rachel corrected sternly. Serena frowned. "You know better than that what to do."

Serena corrected her posture, took a deep breath and started again. "Hello, my name is Serena Fae Hummel and I will be singing _You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile_."

"Much better," Rachel said gently.

She and Jesse sat back as she sang, her voice growing stronger every time they played this game. They knew Kurt didn't want her to pursue Broadway as a child. He knew how harsh the life could be. But the girl would grow up in the theater and she'd never be able to just sit in the audience quietly. She'd catch someone's eye eventually.

"Was I good?" the little girl asked after her curtsy.

Jesse stood up and applauded. "You were the best."

* * *

They'd had dreams of Serena being an angel on the flight from New York to Ohio, charming every passenger around her. She'd sing and chatter and show off that charming personality that made nearly everyone fall in love with her.

They'd forgotten that Serena hated being restrained even more than her father.

Take-off and landing had been the worst, when they'd had no choice but to buckle her in. They were lucky that it had been a smooth flight, and a short one, and they'd quickly decided that taking her up and down the aisles five hundred times was better than the loud shrieking she terrorized the plane with when she heard the word, "No."

"She's gonna be a strong one," the old lady behind them smirked and Blaine and Kurt just smiled dutifully. No one needed to tell them that, they were well aware.

The car ride to the house wasn't much better. Serena tolerated taxis but she was a city girl, walking and taking the subway when they wanted to go places. A car seat wasn't something she had any desire to stay in for more than five minutes. Luckily, the trip only took twenty.

Kurt pulled into the driveway with a sigh of relief. "God Blaine, if she acts like that in front of everyone…"

Blaine smiled and quickly got out and took her out of her seat and into his arms. Kurt pulled himself out of the car like he'd just survived a car chase.

"She will be fine Kurt," Blaine promised. "Between my dad and Cooper and Santana's mom, she will be greatly overpowered. How about you?" Blaine stood with his husband on the curb, the grass covered with a layer of snow. Kurt's hands were shaky and it wasn't because of the December chill in the air. "How are you feeling?"

Kurt took a deep breath. "Terrified," he admitted.

"Of what?" Blaine asked.

He looked up at the house. Kurt had always thought he'd made everything about Blaine's childhood so much bigger in his mind than it could possibly have been, but he'd been wrong. Staring up at the French Chateau inspired, cream colored stucco home, resting on nearly 6 acres land, beautifully landscaped even in winter, he felt so small.

"Your family. Your home. Everything it means. You have memories that live in every inch of your estate, memories that have nothing to do with me. The guest house where you and Santana lived, the living room where Santana stripped, the backyard where you would dream-"

"The clubhouse," Blaine whispered. "Our first time. I have memories of you here too."

Kurt's eyes darkened at the words. In all of his worry he had forgotten. He took Serena from Blaine's arms and put her down. "Go run to the door and tell Nana and your Grandfather we're here."

They watched for a moment as the little girl did as she was told, but Blaine knew he'd sparked something in Kurt, he could feel it pulsing inside him. Kurt drew close to him, so close that there was nothing but heat between their bodies. Heat and a hand that reached out, thumbing discretely over Blaine's jeans. Electricity surged through Blaine's veins like a current, and he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.

"While we're here, you will not touch yourself and you will not come." Kurt's voice was deep, soft, and it shuddered through Blaine. "Not inside your house. Not inside the guest house. There is only one place on that property that belongs to us and should you earn it…" Blaine's eyes fluttered open as Kurt paused. "…then it will be in that hammock, recreating that night for me. Is that understood?"

It took a moment for Blaine to remind himself how to speak before he answered, "Yes, sir."

Kurt smiled and traced the hair on Blaine's temple over his ear. "You'll be a good boy for me this weekend?" he asked.

"I will try. I promise." Blaine pressed his hand to Kurt's torso, resting it on his heart. "But if I'm not, you won't hold back?"

Kurt took hold of Blaine's hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "I will try not to. I promise."

* * *

"Blaine, come here, it's so good to see you."

His mother held her arms out and Blaine walked into her embrace with a smile. It hadn't really been that long since they'd seen each other, just since the summer when she and his dad had come to watch Serena, but the visit had been quick.

He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad we could make it. I guess it's the perks of being the director, getting to set your own schedule." He glanced at Kurt with pride.

"Kurt," Mrs. Anderson said with affection. She beckoned him over and he too was pulled into her embrace. "We're very proud of you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Anderson," Kurt said. "That means a lot."

Blaine turned around to grab the suitcases he'd left at the door. "Where's Serena?" he asked, glancing around.

"I sent her to the living room to play with your brother," she said. "When's your Dad getting here Kurt?"

"They'll be here in the morning to watch Serena open presents. Then they have to head off to Carole's sister's house, but they'll stop by on the way back before we leave."

"Sounds great. I can't wait to see them. And before you ask, your father is in his office finishing up some work before the holiday. Why don't you take your bags upstairs and show Kurt around."

"Sure," Blaine said.

He led his husband back through the foyer and up the stairs that led to the bedrooms. Kurt's eyes were wide. The house was nothing like his own. This felt like a museum, filled with art in what looked like gold plated frames on the walls and sculptures throughout. At the top of the stairs stood a six foot tall natural tree root sculpture. He looked down the long hall, doors on both sides and an obviously expensive oriental table sitting against the wall.

"How many bedrooms are there?" he asked.

"Six total," Blaine said, walking toward the one farthest down on the right. "Mine's right here, Serena can sleep next door."

They walked inside. It wasn't anything like Kurt had imagined. Green pinstriped walls decorated with pictures of polo and fencing surrounded them. Old car models and cameras sat on his dressers and shelves. Trophies were everywhere. It was warm and sophisticated and rich, but not at all the Blaine he knew.

Blaine dropped the suitcases on the floor and opened his arms. "Well? Whaddya think?"

Kurt tried to smile. "It's not really like I would have imagined," he said and he tried to figure out what was missing. And then he realized. There was no sign of music anywhere.

Blaine sat on the bed atop a plaid red and white duvet. "I could never really be myself here," he said. Kurt sat down in the leather chair next to the bed. "I guess I didn't really know who I was back then, I just tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be." He looked around at the room he'd called home for sixteen years. "Don't get me wrong, I loved Dalton and I never did anything I hated. I guess I just hadn't found what I loved yet."

Kurt knew what he loved more than anything. "The song you wrote for Mercedes is beautiful," Kurt said, eyes shining. "I'm not sure I told you that."

Blaine's smile was understanding. "You've been busy. You haven't had a moment's rest in the past month."

"Well I need to make sure I make time for you." Kurt got up and sat next to Blaine, reaching out to hold his hand. "Two ships passing while the sun still shines," Kurt quoted Blaine's song. "I don't want that for us."

But Blaine shook his head. "That will never be us," he said. "I could never pass you by. I'm not this room anymore Kurt and I'm not this house. I know who I am. I'm yours, forever."

Kurt glanced at Blaine's bedroom door. "Does that door have a lock on it?"

Blaine smiled and stole a kiss. "Yes it does."

* * *

Burt and Carole arrived early Christmas morning, just as Serena could barely contain herself anymore. They exchanged presents and spent breakfast together catching each other up on the work Kurt had been doing and Blaine's new song, and Burt and Carole had promised to come back to the city for opening night. But the morning flew by and before Blaine knew it, it was time for Kurt's parents to leave and for the rest of them to start preparing for Christmas dinner. His aunt and uncle and cousins would be arriving shortly. Brittany, Santana, and her parents were due at one o'clock. There was a ton to cook and his mother had looked quite pleased when he and Kurt had agreed to help. And when Cooper had agreed to distract Serena. They were all better off without those two in the kitchen.

"Papa!" Serena came running in from the living room and she pulled on his jeans. Wide, angry eyes stared up at him. "Uncle Cooper is cheating!

Blaine suppressed a smile and knelt down to her. "Now pumpkin, you know how hard it is for your Uncle Cooper to lose. What game are you playing?"

"Chutes and Ladders." She folded her arms against her chest with righteous indignation. "And he keeps climbing the slides."

Kurt reached out and took her hand and she turned to look up at him. "Well you tell him how dangerous it is to climb up the slides and that your Daddy and Papa never let you do that."

Serena's eyes flitted for just a second back to Blaine. Kurt would have missed it had he blinked.

But he hadn't. "What?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously, first at his daughter, then his husband.

Serena fidgeted with her fingers. Her patent leather shoes shuffled on the hardwood floor. "Papa sometimes lets me climb up the slide."

Kurt's back straightened up tall and Blaine was pretty certain he'd just grown a few inches. "In Chutes and Ladders," Kurt said, his voice clear that he had better be right. But Serena shook her head and one look at Blaine gave away his guilt. Blaine stood up, his head bowed. Kurt knelt down to his daughter. "You tell your Uncle Cooper that he can either play by the rules or he can come see me. Okay?"

"Okay," Serena agreed and ran off.

Kurt rose slowly to Blaine, arms crossed just like his daughter.

But Blaine was quick. "Before you say anything, I am always right by her side, holding her hand when she climbs up."

"She shouldn't be climbing up at all, Blaine, the rule is to sit and slide down."

"And what if you always followed the rules Kurt?" Guilt had disappeared, Blaine's golden eyes now glowing in challenge. "What if you never climbed up the slide when everyone told you to just sit and slide down. Where would you be?"

"You think metaphor is going to get you out of trouble?" Kurt tried to stay firm but Blaine knew very well that it had, in fact, eased his Dom's wrath. "Blaine, someday she's going to climb it without you by her side. What if she falls?"

"Then she'll get back up. And she'll keep climbing." Blaine took a step toward his husband. He reached his hands out and threaded his fingers through Kurt's. "Until someday she climbs higher than anyone thought she could ever go. Including you." He wrapped Kurt up in his arms and pulled him close. "And then, one day, she'll climb even higher than _she_ thought she could go."

Kurt swallowed as Blaine drew soft circles on his skin. "How do you know?" he whispered.

Blaine just smiled and kissed his lips. "Because she's your daughter," he said.

* * *

He had a pile of chopped carrots, zucchini, green pepper, onions and garlic in front of him when Santana swept into the kitchen, grabbed a wooden spoon out of its container, and smacked Blaine on the ass.

"Hey!" Blaine twirled around more to save himself from a second hit then to see where it had come from. "What the hell was that for?"

"Swearing at me," she said with a grin.

Blaine gave her a look. "And before I swore at you?"

"For not greeting me at the door like a dutiful sub."

"I'm in the kitchen like a dutiful sub, I can't be in two places at once."

Santana took a step, popping one of his chopped carrots in his mouth before leaning back against the counter. "I bet you could if you tried hard enough," she teased. Ignoring her, Blaine gathered up the vegetables and put them into separate bowls for his mother. "Speaking of trying hard enough, how's the family behaving?"

Blaine shrugged. "Mom and Dad have been good. Cooper's Cooper." He grabbed a towel to dry his hands. "My aunt and uncle and cousins have got their Anderson noses so high up in the air that they can't even lower themselves to look at Kurt."

"Are you really that surprised?"

"My aunt and uncle? No. But I guess I had hoped Jake and Alicia would be different. Of course it's been about five years since I've seen them and Dad wasn't talking to me either back then, so I'm not sure why I thought it would be different."

Santana frowned, all joking gone. "Do you need me to do something?"

"No, Santana, thank you," he said sincerely. "What I need is for you to not do anything. I know we used to hide behind our claim but I'm not willing to do that anymore. I can't."

"I get it," she said, ignoring the pang in her heart. "I just hope Kurt is up for this."

"Honestly, I don't care if he is or isn't, it doesn't change anything between us. But I also have no plans to test him."

She stole one more pepper and popped it in her mouth. "Things don't always go as we plan," she said.

"Hey." Santana's dad appeared with Kurt at the kitchen entryway. "Can we see you two for a minute?"

Blaine and Santana glanced at one another nervously, but Santana just shrugged and followed her dad.

"Are we in trouble?" Blaine asked Kurt, grasping his hand as they followed.

"Don't think so," Kurt said.

Blaine looked at him but he didn't seem worried at all, so Blaine let his tension go. "Where's Serena?"

"Playing with all of her new Christmas presents with Cooper."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Everyone loves him because they think he's such a badass Dom but really he's just a five year old kid."

Kurt looked over at his husband. "No sweetheart, everyone loves him because he's both a badass Dom _and_ a five year old kid."

Blaine stopped, gasping with mock outrage. "Kurt, you promised!"

"That was ten years ago Blaine," Kurt laughed. "I think after everything we've been through with Elliott, our relationship can take you knowing that I think your brother's hot."

"How dare you."

"I'm the Dom," Kurt winked pulling him into the dining room. "I can do whatever I want."

In the dining room Santana and her father took seats on either side of Mrs. Lopez and Blaine and Kurt sat opposite them. Blaine hoped that he could get a clue from Santana what was going on, but she didn't seem to know anything more than they did. He tried not to look nervous.

His face must have betrayed him though because Dr. Lopez offered him a soft smile. "No need to worry Blaine, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to talk with you both about Serena. How is she doing?"

"Good," Blaine answered for both of them. When all the shock and worry had passed, they'd talked to Santana's dad about her condition, but unfortunately at the time he hadn't had much more to add than Serena's doctors. "She hasn't needed another transfusion since Kurt came back from New York."

"But she hasn't gotten sick, either," Kurt quickly pointed out. "We don't know what might happen if she does."

"Well, I might have a new lead," Dr. Lopez told them. "I have a colleague at New York Presbyterian. He knows a hematologist that's doing research on pediatric thalassemia. They're starting to take participants and they want kids with all levels of the illness; mild, moderate and severe."

"What are they studying?" Kurt asked.

"It's a new medication, meant to regulate iron levels. It's done very well in early trials and they think it can really make a difference, especially with kids like Serena. If you're interested, I can give you his number."

"Yes," Kurt said immediately.

"Wait." Blaine rested his hand on Kurt's. "We don't know what this medication can do. What if it's more harmful than helpful?"

They both looked back at Dr. Lopez. He shook his head. "The medication is said to be very safe. It may not do anything, but it's very unlikely to be harmful."

"We'll do it," Kurt said.

"Kurt, we need to think about it-"

"Blaine, there's nothing to think about. If there's something that can help her so we don't have to go through what we went through again then I think we should do it. We shouldn't have to be afraid every time she gets sick that she's going to end up in the hospital."

Blaine wasn't sure, but he looked at Dr. Lopez. And he realized that he wasn't only Santana's father. Whether they acknowledged it or not, he was Serena's grandfather, and he wouldn't put her in harm's way.

Dr. Lopez seemed to understand. "I'll give you all the information and you two can talk about it and call if you decide to do it. It may take a couple of months. There'll be an initial intake appointment just to get her information and do initial bloodwork. Then they'll start the trial."

Blaine couldn't help it. He looked at Santana, eyes full of worry. Her nod was almost imperceptible, but her soothing touch of Dominance was not. And he decided that if Santana and Kurt were both sure, he should be sure as well. "Okay," he said, nodding his consent. "Kurt's right. We have to try."

* * *

"Alright pumpkin, it's bedtime."

Serena looked up from where she had been coloring quietly on the living room floor while the grownups all talked about her Daddy going to Broadway and her Grandfather's newest books coming out. It was boring but she'd been patiently waiting for the fun to start. And now it wouldn't. "But Uncle Cooper said he'd sing with me after he got off the phone and he's been on the phone for hours," she whined.

Kurt went over to her and knelt down. Cooper hadn't told anyone, but he and Blaine were pretty sure he had a new sub back home. "How about I sing with you now upstairs in bed and Uncle Cooper can sing with you tomorrow."

"No." Serena stood up and crossed her arms against her chest. "I want Uncle Cooper."

"Uncle Cooper is busy," Kurt sighed.

"Then I want Papa."

"Serena, honey." Kurt brushed his hand gently through her curls. "We're here to visit with Papa's family, so we should let him visit and I'll put you to bed."

"No." This time she stomped her foot. And that drew the attention of everyone.

The last thing Blaine wanted was attention on his stubborn daughter and he knew how long she could make a scene. He also knew how stubborn Kurt could be and he laid a gentle hand on Kurt's arm. "It's okay, I'll take her."

Kurt tensed, his eyes shifting to Blaine's family pretending not to watch them. "Blaine," he said through his teeth. Kurt did not want to be left alone in a room full of people who looked down on him.

But Blaine weighed the impact of a battle between his Dom and his daughter and Kurt hanging out with his relatives for a little while. "You'll be fine," Blaine smiled with reassurance, then turned back to Serena. "Okay pumpkin, it's you and me."

Santana swooped in to save the day. "Come on," she said, taking Kurt's hands. "Let Blaine deal with her. The Doms are going to play Canasta in the dining room. You can be on my team."

"See?" Blaine said. He swung Serena into his arms then kissed Kurt on the cheek. "You'll be fine.

Kurt scowled but turned and Blaine offered Santana a silent thank you before he took Serena upstairs to the guest bathroom.

"So what was that all about?" he asked his daughter, plopping her down on the stepstool for her to brush her teeth.

"You're Uncle Cooper's understudy," she said proudly, then picked up her toothbrush.

"I'm Cooper's…" He didn't bother to finish, he just shook his head and put the toothpaste on the brush for her. He had no idea where she came up with this stuff.

When she was done he carried her into the bedroom next to his and tucked her into bed. "So what were you and Uncle Cooper going to sing?" he asked, sitting beside her, making sure the covers bundled her up like a burrito.

" _Wick_ ," she said, looking up at him. "Uncle Cooper said if I look hard enough in the backyard, maybe I'd find a secret garden and maybe I could even make it grow if I tried hard enough."

Blaine laughed and rolled his eyes at his brother. "Your Uncle Cooper makes stuff up. There are gardens beneath the snow, beautiful gardens. But they're not secret."

"They're secret now," she said matter-of-factly.

He couldn't deny she had a point. "You're absolutely right. Okay you ready?" Serena nodded. Turning the light off by her bed, he leaned back against the headboard, pulled her close, and sang.

_When a thing is wick, it has a life about it_  
_Now maybe not a life like you and me._

Tweaking her nose and pointing to himself, she laughed, but he didn't. He heard Kurt's laughter from downstairs, and the words suddenly made his thoughts drift.

_But somewhere there's a single streak of green inside it_  
_Come and let me show ya what I mean_

They drifted out the door and down the stairs, while his fingers absentmindedly twirled his wedding ring.

_When a thing is wick, it has a light around it._  
_Now maybe not a light that you can see._

Down the stairs was the man he loved, with a different life and a different light than all the rest of them. But he knew there was more. There would be more.

_But hiding down below a spark's asleep inside it._  
_Waiting for the right time to be seen._

When he was ready.

* * *

"Gray can't even get his three year old to obey him, how the hell could he possibly Dominate Blaine?"

Alicia looked up at her little brother and over to Brittany with a warning glance. They were setting up a game of Scrabble to play together and Jack was going to piss everyone off before they even started. "In all fairness, there's a difference between a toddler and a sub," she said. "Unless maybe where you're concerned."

"Oh please," Jack drawled. "Everyone always talks about how strong Blaine is, but Mom was right on the way over here. How strong can he possibly be if he marries a Gray who can't even Dominate him in front of his own family?"

"Mom says that he never submitted to Santana in public either, not really," Alicia said. "Except that once and he ran away."

Brittany knew that Blaine would hate them knowing anything about Kitty and Artie's claiming, and she hated the way they were talking about him. "Well he's gonna be submitting in public now," she said with an air of nonchalance only she could pull off. "His and Kurt's photoshoot for People Magazine will be on shelves any day now."

"What?" Jack's mocking moved to anger quickly.

"Yeah," Brittany shrugged. "They did an interview and everything, all about their relationship and Kurt getting to direct on Broadway. It's gonna be so cool."

Jack's hands froze setting up his tiles. "Are you telling me that my cousin is going to be submitting to that Gray in a fucking magazine for all the world to see the whole sordid affair?"

"It's not sordid, it's beautiful, and the world will see that; Blaine's submission, his devotion, the gold on his cuff gleaming-"

"He shouldn't even be allowed a gold cuff," Jack yelled.

"Excuse me?" Blaine had heard the words as he walked down the stairs. He'd known that his father's intolerance hadn't been isolated. He'd seen the way they'd looked down on Kurt since they got here. But he'd thought they'd at least have some decorum about it.

Clearly though, Jack was tired of decorum and he rose out of his chair. "You heard what I said. Your claim is nothing but a lie. It's bad enough you wear a gold cuff around New York or family, but in a photoshoot for a national magazine? You'll be dragging the Anderson name through the mud."

Blaine's hands fisted, his jaw growing tense with the effort of keeping his temper. He'd been ignoring the looks and the passive-aggressive comments all day because he'd promised to behave, but he didn't know how much more he could ignore. "I'm not dragging anyone's name through the mud, my cuff is as valid as anyone else's and the world-"

"Your cuff isn't any more valid than your sham of a claim and now the whole world is going to know it." He took a step toward Blaine, squaring his shoulders and puffing out his chest. "You stand by a Gray's side with gold gleaming from a white cuff. What does that even mean? It's disgraceful."

Heat flushed through Blaine's body. "How dare you come into my fucking home and tell me what my claim is and isn't."

"Well someone ought to tell you, because clearly your two supposed Doms haven't taught you shit."

Blaine reached his limit. He lifted onto his toes to bring him eye to eye with Jack. "I suggest you take those words back while you still can."

"Or what?" Jack showed no fear of Blaine. "You're gonna get your spineless, pansy, Gray of a husband to teach me a lesson?"

"You better shut your fucking mouth!" Blaine lashed out, shoving Jack hard against the wall before he even realized he was the one who had done it. He heard Jack groan at the impact, but it was Kurt's voice from across the room that made him freeze.

"Blaine Devon Anderson." Blaine's hands fisted with anger at the same time his heart raced with fear. "You will apologize this instant."

Blaine turned. He'd been so worked up he hadn't noticed Brittany run to get their Doms but now everyone stood there. Santana, her hand clasped tightly around Brittany's. His father and Cooper. His mother and his aunt and uncle, Santana's parents. And Kurt, in front of them all, eyes trained firmly on his sub.

"Sir-"

Jack didn't even give Blaine a chance. "Why don't you sit your Gray ass down and let Blaine's real Dom handle this."

Blaine saw Santana start to move, but Kurt held one hand out, silencing the Dom without his eyes ever shifting from his sub. "You will apologize right now, Blaine, or you will stand in position in the corner in front of every single person in this room."

"Kurt, I can't just let him belittle our claim-"

"What you can't do is expect others to respect my authority if you defy it in front of them."

The words hit like a smack across his cheek. Blaine looked around the room at the faces that had filed in. They all stared back at him, watching. Doms and subs, too many he'd been accountable to in the past judging him, cousins he barely knew smirking and waiting to see what would happen. But he would not apologize for defending himself, for defending his Dom. And then he turned back to dark blue eyes, holding him firm, arms crossed with the expectation that refusal was not an option. And Blaine slowly realized the only thing he could do was turn and face the wall. In front of everyone. Nose pressed to the corner. His obedience, his submission, publicly on display.

The room seemed to slow as his submission simmered inside him, making his arms tingle and his knees grow weak. And then, something deep within him stirred. He began to sweat, his face flushed now with humiliation instead of anger and he turned only seconds before his entirely unwelcome arousal became remarkably obvious to everyone. His eyes met the corner where he'd stood too many times before as a child and he walked, every step toward it feeling like an eternity.

It felt the same, the chill of the plaster against his forehead sending a shameful shiver down his spine. The smell of the wall, ginger and pandan baked in from years of his mother's cooking. It felt the same, but everything was different this time.

"Hands behind your back," Kurt reminded him when he'd reached the wall.

Staring into nothing but blackness it was easy to imagine the eyes on him, every single person behind him, scrutinizing his and Kurt's every move. Blaine folded his hands, palms up one on top of the other at the base of his spine, and he'd never felt so exposed before in his life. His head spun. His submission swelled and with it moisture beaded unwittingly at the tip of his cock. It seemed like forever where there was nothing but silence, the burning of his cheeks, the ache in his jeans, and the feel of eyes on his back.

And then there was Kurt's voice, smooth and sure, and not at all addressing him.

"The truth is Jack, Blaine and I don't need to answer to you, or to anyone else here. A contract is private. A claim is sacred. And the validity of a Dominant and their submissive's relationship isn't found in a cuff. You're young. You don't understand that yet. And Blaine shouldn't expect you to. I didn't understand it for a very long time."

Jack wouldn't even look at Kurt though, he just stared incredulous at Blaine's legal Dom. "Santana are you just going to-"

Santana made no move and Kurt wasn't rattled in the slightest. "Santana is absolutely going to let me speak for Blaine because he is my submissive. You are mine," he said, his eyes still firmly on Jack. "Isn't that right sweetheart?"

Butterflies swept through Blaine's stomach as his Dom finally addressed him. The words went straight to his cock. "Yes, sir," he answered, his own voice breaking with emotion. "I am yours."

Jack just scoffed. "Saying it doesn't make it so, she's still his Dom, whatever abomination of an arrangement you three have."

Anger swept through Blaine, submission lashing out, and before he knew it he was moving. But Kurt knew it without even so much as a glance. "Blaine you better turn back around right now and keep your eyes on that wall or the punishment for your defiance will continue upstairs after we are done here."

If Blaine was allowed to kneel he would have fallen to his knees in a heartbeat because as it was his legs were about to give way without his permission. He wanted to steady himself on the wall, but he didn't dare move his hands. His cock swelled to painful, but he closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and breathed.

His obedience seemed enough for Kurt because he went right back to Jack like nothing had happened. "You're absolutely right," Kurt agreed. "Saying it doesn't make it so. And neither does biology. Biology decides whether you're born wanting to Dominate or submit. But it doesn't make you a Dominant. Earning someone's trust. Their respect. Earning their gift of submission. That makes you a Dominant. I was born Gray. I've never had the desire to Dominate anyone before Blaine and I've never had the desire to Dominate anyone but Blaine. But you can be absolutely certain that it doesn't stop him from wanting to obey me with every fiber of his being. Isn't that right, sweetheart?

Blaine had no doubt. "Yes, Sir."

Kurt finally turned, drawing up close behind his sub. "If there is one thing that will never be acceptable to me, it's putting your hands on someone without their consent, is that understood?"

Blaine suddenly found it hard to breathe. Kurt never scolded him in public. "Yes, Sir."

"If we were home, you know how you'd be punished. Don't you?"

Blaine's face burned. He knew exactly what Kurt would do. He'd be edged, all night until he was begging not for release but just relief, a moment where his whole body didn't ache as if he'd been the one pushed into the wall. His eyes teared up and his cock throbbed in his jeans. "Yes, Sir."

He could feel Kurt's hot breath on his neck. "Now you have a choice," Kurt whispered in his ear. "You can color and we can go upstairs to finish this as if we were home, or you can turn around right now and apologize to Jack."

A small whimper escaped Blaine's lips. If he called _yellow_ he wouldn't have to apologize. He could have Kurt's touch, the sweet torture of those fingers around him, bringing him to the edge, punishing him until all he could do was drown in the tears of his obedience. He could see it like a shadow in the darkness, he could feel it like a ghost on his skin, and he wanted it, more than anything, to obey. He needed to obey. "Sir, please..." He could barely get the words past his lips.

"I need a decision Blaine," Kurt told him.

But Blaine couldn't make a decision. His head spun, with submission and shame and unbelievable desire. "I'm so hard," he whispered.

"I know you are, sweetheart. But that's a consequence of your actions. And the rules haven't changed. Whatever you choose you most definitely have not earned the right to come tonight."

The shadows and the ghosts swirled around him, begging him, but in the end he knew he had no choice. Going upstairs wasn't strength it was weakness. It wasn't obedience it was escape. And it wasn't humility, it was pleasure. The only right answer was to turn around, to face his family, to apologize not because he wanted to or because Jack deserved it but because Kurt had ordered him to and he had no choice but to obey.

So he swallowed his pride. With every desire to shield his body, to turn and run, to stay hidden in the corner rather than see the faces staring back at him, he let every shred of his pride go and gave it to Kurt to hold for him in safe keeping. He turned around, his eyes so clouded with surrender that he could barely see, but he forced himself forward. He stepped toward his family, trembling with shame, his pants so tight, his cock so thick that he was sure an outline betrayed everything. It was nearly painful to walk, to move, but he walked until he stood before Jack and raised his chin.

Jack stared arrogantly back at him.

Blaine blinked back tears he refused to let fall and he forced the words past his lips. "I'm sorry," he said.

He felt Kurt's hand on his back, gentle and firm at the same time. "A proper apology Blaine. To whom and for what are you apologizing?"

Blaine lowered his head, trying impossibly to hide the new rush of red that painted his face, but then he lifted his eyes once more. "I'm sorry Jack," he said. "For pushing you. I shouldn't have let your words lead me to violence."

"Very good sweetheart."

Kurt's praise washed over him, his Dom's pride in him so obvious in his voice that it made everything worth it. He tried to clear his mind, ease his submission, but he couldn't. If anything it grew even stronger and all he wanted was to serve Kurt. "Thank you, sir."

"You may sit down."

He heard Kurt's words and it felt like slow motion when he lowered himself onto the couch.

"I think though Jack," Kurt continued with a voice still full of power, "that you owe Blaine and me an apology as well. Because there's nothing that would lead Blaine to violence except someone disparaging me or our claim."

The words were a surprise to everyone but most of all to Jack. The young man balked, shaking his head. "Blaine may accept you as a Dom, but you're definitely not mine, you're still Gray and a disgrace to this family…"

"Apologize now," a voice behind them all boomed.

Everyone turned to Mr. Anderson, but no one was more shocked than Kurt or Blaine. The man stepped forward and Blaine felt his father's powerful Dominance immediately reach out and take hold of Jack. He winced instinctively. He knew exactly how that felt.

"Sir?" Jack managed to question.

"I think that Kurt has just proven himself enough to you, now you will apologize to my son-in-law for your behavior toward him and his sub."

Blaine's heart beat frantically in his chest. He knew that Kurt's did as well. His father had accepted their marriage, accepted that Kurt was the father of his granddaughter. But he had never accepted Kurt before, not like that. The room was filled with stunned silence.

Until Jack finally spoke. "I'm sorry."

"A proper apology Jack," Mr. Anderson echoed Kurt's words from only a moment ago. "To whom and for what are you apologizing?"

Jack swallowed, the humiliation he'd enjoyed watching Blaine suffer now creeping over himself. "I'm sorry Kurt, for insulting you and for goading your sub."

"Good," Mr. Anderson said. He dropped his Dominance and with it the crackling tension in the air dissipated slightly. "I think it's time we all retire for the night. Kurt," he said, turning to him. "A word please."

Kurt turned to Blaine who stared up at him with wide shadowed eyes and he took Blaine's hand. Kurt had never seen him any deeper except for maybe the day with Elliott. "Go upstairs and get in a warm shower. I'll join you in a minute."

"Yes, Sir," Blaine answered and Kurt watched him go before he turned to follow Blaine's father into his office.

Mr. Anderson closed the door behind them but Kurt froze, seeing the room for the first time exactly how Blaine had described it. How many times had Blaine stood here in fear, or fallen to his knees on the Oriental rug beneath his feet? How many times had Blaine been punished by his father in this room?

"I should have known that first time you stood up to me," Blaine's father said behind him.

His voice broke the spell and Kurt turned, his eyebrows knitted with confusion. "Known what?"

"That Blaine was smart enough to choose the right Dominant for himself."

Kurt hid every emotion that was coursing through his veins. "Yes, you should have."

Mr. Anderson stepped toward him, hands in his pockets. But there was no attempt at intimidation. Kurt had this sense that for the first time, Blaine's father saw him as an equal. "Jack was right about one thing. I don't like this arrangement the three of you have."

"I don't like it either," Kurt told him.

"You should talk with Blaine's mother. About her testing. I would highly suspect that you have a Dominant gene, and if she can activate it-"

"I shouldn't have to change who I am to be allowed to claim the person I love," Kurt said firmly. "You said you could trust Blaine. Well, the government should too."

"It won't. And in the meantime-"

"In the meantime, Blaine and I will continue to do what we have to. Maybe it's time the public understands what that is." Mr. Anderson said nothing, resigned to Kurt's decision. "I have to get back to my sub. Blaine's fallen deeply, I have to get back to him before he's hurt."

"You take good care of him," Mr. Anderson admitted. It was the first time he'd ever said those words.

"Thank you," Kurt said. "And thank you for Jack."

"I won't allow anyone to disrespect my family. That includes you."

Kurt didn't say anything. But he nodded slightly, before heading back upstairs to Blaine.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Mrs. Lopez asked her daughter. "That couldn't have been easy to watch."

They walked home, the night cold, a haze circling the moon. Santana could smell snow in the air. Her father and Brittany walked behind her and her mother, whispering to one another.

"When I was young I thought letting go would be easy. I didn't realize it would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do." She stared out into the darkness. She'd walked these streets between Blaine's house and her own so many times, back and forth throughout her childhood. She'd always believed she had it so figured out. But she hadn't understood anything. "Watching Kurt, it hurts. But I can only imagine how much worse it must be for him. Watching someone else Dominate your sub…" She'd felt frozen that night. Frozen by a terrible ache in her soul. But she had one thing that Kurt might never have. "Knowing that with one swipe of a pen I could take away any rights he has to Blaine, or worse, the government could because of narrow-minded idiots like Jack. And putting all of it out there anyway for the public to know and judge, it must be terrifying."

"At least they were able to marry. Not long ago they couldn't do that either." Santana's mother looked down at her, her little girl so grown up. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to keep fighting for his right to claim Blaine. As hard as I can. Because being Blaine's Dom means putting his needs and his happiness before my own. No matter how hard it is."

"It won't be easy," Mrs. Lopez said.

"No," Santana agreed. "It won't be easy. But I don't think any of the three of us give up that easy."

Mrs. Lopez stopped and pulled her daughter into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."

There was something about being in her mother's arms that made Santana feel like anything was possible. "Thanks, Mom."

* * *

The bathroom was filled with steam by the time Kurt slipped out of his clothes and into the shower. Blaine stood with water raining over him; eyes downcast, naked, hard. Teeming with submission. Waiting.

"I was so proud of you tonight," Kurt told him, drawing close, lifting a hand to his face.

Blaine's eyes fluttered up, his wet lashes shining beautifully. "That's all I ever want, Sir."

Letting the water cascade over him, Kurt captured Blaine's lips, caressing his tongue, not pulling Blaine out of subspace but letting him fall even deeper, wrapping him in love to keep him safe. Blaine melted in to him, drawing him close, pressing his cock against Kurt as if the touch was all he needed. But Kurt knew it wasn't. He knew exactly what his sub needed more than anything. And he whispered his permission against Blaine's lips. "You may serve me."

Blaine didn't sink to his knees though. Eyes closed, he let his lips slip, leaving a slow trail of intimate, sensuous kisses along the underside of Kurt's neck. Kurt's skin tingled beneath his sub's mouth, a shiver running through his body. Continuing down, Blaine drew Kurt's nipple into his mouth, kissing, licking, suckling like a newborn, first one and then the other. There was no thought. Deep in subspace Blaine acted on instinct alone and Kurt supported him, one hand tangled in his curls, the other softly stroking over his warm, wet skin.

"So good," Kurt sighed, words pouring off his tongue unconsciously, his fingers tightening reflexively in Blaine's hair. "So good for me, such a good boy."

Blaine groaned against him, arousal coursing through him at the praise and he could no longer stop his fall to his knees. Blaine's hands lowered to Kurt's hips, sliding his palms to cup Kurt's ass, pulling him close. Kurt felt his cock brush against Blaine's lips. Blaine kissed the tip, his tongue darting out to circle his slit, tasting him. Two hands in his hair now, Kurt coaxed him on but Blaine would not be rushed. Kurt didn't know if it was because he wanted to savor it or because the world was moving slower in Blaine's mind, but he didn't push. Instead, he leaned back against the cold wall, resting his head against the tiles, letting Blaine take the lead. This was neither a thank you nor an apology. This was simply about what Blaine needed. And it felt like heaven.

When Blaine finally took him in his mouth, Kurt was reminded of the aftermath of his punishment at the piano. He lost himself in the languid pace, the drag of Blaine's tongue on his length, the intoxicating heat and pressure around him. His hips rocked on their own accord, not forcing himself on Blaine but not just standing by either. Instead, they moved in rhythm together, Blaine's hands on Kurt's ass leading the dance, his lips setting the pace.

Kurt brushed the hair out of Blaine's eyes and looked down at closed lids. The crease in Blaine's forehead gave away the battle in his mind, the pain, felt not in his body this time but his soul, mixing with the pleasure of Kurt's love. It would ease, Kurt knew. It would settle into an acceptance and then a contentment. And just as he knew it would, with the relaxation of Blaine's submission came the need for Kurt's release, the desperation for one last pulse of Dominance before the humiliation and the ache of the evening washed completely down the drain. He felt it in the grip of Blaine's hands on his skin and the urgency of his movement, his cheeks hollowing, his throat opening. He felt it in the vibration of Blaine's moans sending waves of pleasure through him until he could not hold back any longer and his climax pulsed through him. He felt it in the way Blaine swallowed around him, hungry for everything Kurt could give him, Dominance and sex and love all wrapped into one. Kurt's orgasm ripped through him, taken by the power of Blaine's submission, the gift of absolute trust and respect and, most importantly, pride that Blaine had given him that day. And when he could give Blaine no more, he fell to his own knees, claiming Blaine once more, tasting himself on his husband's tongue.

When he took a break for air, Blaine shivered. "Cold," he said.

Kurt pulled back and looked at him. His hazel eyes were bright, his lips quirked up in a smile. Kurt laughed. "We should probably get out then."

They both stood up and turned the water off, wrapping themselves in towels, readying for bed. With the house silent around them, the world outside far quieter than they were used to in New York, they crawled into bed, Kurt pulling his husband tight to his chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Perfect," Blaine breathed.

"Thank you," Kurt said gently. "For defending my honor."

Blaine chuckled. "One orgasm and my Gray has returned."

In response Kurt's hand snaked over Blaine's hip, gripping Blaine's still half hard erection. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," he warned.

Blaine's shiver this time had nothing to do with the cold. "Tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

Kurt kissed him on the head. "We'll see how well you can behave."

* * *

Kurt woke up to bright light shining in through the window, an empty bed, and the delicious smell of bacon wafting its way into his senses. He squinted, his eyes trying to adjust, his head trying to fix itself on time and space. Sitting up, he ran his hand through his hair, looked out the window and saw why it was so bright. The entire landscape was white, from the sprawling winter gardens to the branches of the trees and the roof of the guest house. It had snowed overnight, and it had snowed a lot.

Try as he might, he couldn't go down for breakfast in the Anderson household looking like he'd just rolled out of bed. He knew Blaine would keep the bacon warm and the coffee brewing for him so he slipped into the bathroom to shower and dress. One dollop of mousse in his hand, he looked up at the mirror to run it through his hair and froze. Blue eyes shined back at him. His blue eyes. Eyes that had watched a room full of people change their beliefs about him while he'd publically humiliated the man he loved. It hit him all of a sudden, the breadth of what he'd done the night before and he had to steady himself on the sink. He'd changed the game. After ten years, he had changed the game.

He checked in on Serena, but her bed was empty as well and he was unsurprised, it was long after she normally awoke. Blaine's voice rose in the air as Kurt walked down the stairs. What he was singing was less important than how he sang, and it was the joy and the ease in his voice that made Kurt smile. He'd panicked, looking at his reflection just a moment ago, the words he'd spoken and the things he had done replaying through his head. He'd worried that in the morning light Blaine would think it had been too much. He should have known better.

"Good morning, Sir," Blaine beamed, before Kurt had barely even made it around the corner. The sub's cheeks were pink with happiness, his eyes bright with pride. "I've made breakfast. Eggs and bacon. Your coffee is ready, I'll just pour you a cup."

Kurt thought to tell him he could do it himself, but he stopped just before he did. He may have had his release last night but Blaine had not, he was still in full denial which meant he needed to submit more than he needed anything else. So he sat down at the table and picked up one of the random catalogs that lay out. "Thank you sweetheart," he said, looking up at Blaine when he brought over his coffee. "Where's Serena?"

If he'd thought Blaine's smile couldn't get bigger, that his face couldn't glow more, Kurt would have been wrong. Blaine beckoned him over, holding out his hand for Kurt, and Kurt stood and let himself be led to the bay window in the front of the house. The chill in the air could be felt bouncing off the window glass, but Kurt didn't feel it because warmth filled him. Serena and her grandfather were outside, bundled up in hats and gloves and scarves and boots, having a snowball fight.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt from behind and laid his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "They went out to shovel, but I think she distracted him," he chuckled.

Kurt though was speechless. For years he had had this image of Blaine's father, this tyrant who wanted only for the world to do his bidding, for his family to obey and never question. But now, covered in snow, running away from a three year old adorned in pink and white while he laughed and shielded himself, John Anderson looked anything but a tyrant.

And he suddenly realized something. "All this time, I don't think I've ever asked you how he was as a dad. When you were little, I mean."

Blaine squeezed him and breathed Kurt in. "He was good. He loved us. He always took great pride in the things we did well or got right. We chased that, all three of us. There was never anything better than Dad's pride."

"What about when you did something wrong?" Kurt asked.

Blaine laid his cheek on Kurt's shoulder, remembering. "He was disappointed and, no matter what, that was always worse than the punishment. He was strict, you know that. But he was always fair. He never gave us more than we deserved."

The Mr. Anderson Kurt knew had never been fair. "What changed?" he asked.

It was a question Blaine had asked himself a lot. He pulled away and he walked over to the window edge, leaning against the wall. "A Dom punishes to change behavior. To assert his control over what his sub does and doesn't do."

"Because a sub's behavior reflects on their Dom." Kurt remembered that being one of the first things Blaine had ever taught him.

Blaine nodded. "But being gay. It wasn't something that I did. It was who I was. And there was nothing he could do to change that. It was out of his control. I don't think he knew how to handle that." He stepped back to Kurt, taking his Dom's hands in his own. "You taught me that punishment and control weren't love. I think it took him longer to figure that out." He looked outside. His dad and Serena were lying atop the snow making angels. "I think maybe it took her."

Kurt gave a soft smile, but his eyes lowered. "I'm sorry. I know you've wished I would assert that kind of control more. I could tell by how quickly you were turned on last night."

Blaine reached out and lifted Kurt's chin. "You know what else I've learned? The freedom I have with you? It's not something you do. It's who you are. And I happen to love who you are very much."

Kurt smiled and Blaine leaned in and kissed him, catching teeth against teeth but neither cared. They didn't stop until a banging began on the window below them, tiny fists seeking their attention, dark wide eyes looking up at them. "Stop kissing. Come play!" came the muffled yell from their daughter.

They both laughed and made their way back to the kitchen. Before he could even ask, Blaine made Kurt a fresh cup of coffee and handed him a strip of bacon. "You said we might be able to go outside today." His eyes looked up at him hopefully.

"You still have many, many hours to prove that you can behave," Kurt told him.

"Then I will start by defending you from Serena's snowball attacks."

Kurt grabbed two more strips of bacon and made his way to his coat in the foyer. "I am holding you to that Blaine. I've already done my hair this morning and I don't want to have to do it again."

* * *

They tucked Serena in and told Blaine's parents they were going for a walk outside. It was a beautiful night, the sky bright and clear after the snowfall. Blaine had cleared a path earlier, just in case, and they walked hand in hand in the quiet, listening to the trees rustle in the wind, smelling the clean scent of snow. There were birds chirping, waiting for morning when Blaine's mom would restock the feeder.

In the distance on the right they could see the guest house, smoke rising from the chimney. Blaine hoped that his relatives were asleep, or at least that they didn't venture out. He didn't think he could contain his lingering embarrassment yet. Or his annoyance.

The stone wall to the left, lining their property and climbing the tree filled hill was where he headed. He reached the end, walking around it and into the grove of trees until they came to a small shed. The wood was gray and worn and it looked like any other clubhouse might except this one was built around two trees. Trees, Kurt knew, that held a hammock he'd pictured for a very long time.

Blaine stopped outside the door. Kurt looked at him. "What's the matter?"

Blaine's heart was racing and he tried to breathe. "There's this sense of being taken out to the woodshed," he said with an awkward laugh and a shudder.

Kurt stepped up behind him, snaking his arm around Blaine's body, his thumb sitting just below Blaine's belt buckle. "Is that what you want?" he asked, voice low and deep.

Blaine felt himself fall immediately but Kurt had been prepared and caught him, wrapping him up in his love. "Sir," he breathed, visible in the cold night air.

"I remember everything you said that night Blaine. Everything you did, everything you wanted. Do you still want it?"

"Everything." Blaine licked his lips but they dried quickly in the cold. "God, Kurt, please."

"Inside," Kurt ordered.

It wasn't really what Kurt had expected, but nothing since he'd come to the Anderson estate had been, so it shouldn't have been a surprise. It hadn't been used in years and yet it looked like it was recently cleaned, a vase of roses sitting on a wall shelf, an oil lamp on the small dresser next to the hammock. Which looked brand new. Kurt eyed his sub who had the decency to look sheepish.

"I asked Cooper if he could clean it up, get a new hammock. After all, I didn't want broken, dried, rope scratching and sticking into us."

"And what if I did?" Kurt asked harshly. "What if I wanted everything exactly as it was." He hadn't of course. The gesture was sweet and smart, but Blaine didn't need to know that quite yet.

Blaine lowered his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry, Sir."

"Strip," Kurt ordered.

Blaine looked up in surprise, his eyes taking in the frost on the skylights. "Kurt, it's freezing."

"You will be warm before you know it, now take your clothes off and stand up nice and tall for me."

It must have been twenty degrees outside and it wasn't much warmer inside the shed. Blaine had always asked his father to put in a heater but he'd been told if it was too cold to play in it then he should probably come inside anyway. It was sounding like good advice right then, except there was no orgasm inside. He could only find that out here.

He slid off his shoes, socks and pants and the first thing he felt was that surging need to pee. The cold climbed his legs, his hair standing upright trying to insulate him. He took off his shirt and his nipples hardened immediately. Instinctually his body hunched in on itself, shivering, before he could order it to stand up, vulnerable to every inch of cold. He could barely stop himself from shifting back and forth to keep warm and stop himself from urinating all over the floor.

Kurt turned around from his preparations to see Blaine standing there in his underwear. "That doesn't look naked to me," he reprimanded.

"I'm sorry sir, but, the cold…" He looked down and then back to Kurt desperately. "If I take them off…I have to pee, sir."

It took Kurt a moment. It wasn't something he had thought about, though it made sense. It wasn't something that either of them had ever talked about. It had never really been a kink for either of them. Still…

"If you can manage to hold your orgasm, I imagine you can hold that too, can't you?"

A jolt of electricity shot through Blaine's veins. "I don't know," he admitted.

"Well let's try," Kurt said and he went back to his preparations behind Blaine.

Blaine turned back around and took a deep breath, lowering his underwear slowly to the ground. His penis shrunk in on itself, his balls drew up and the sensation of needing to go grew. But he held it. And he somehow managed to draw up tall for Kurt, hands behind his back. Kurt was right. The strain of holding in both his arousal and his desperation were definitely enough to keep him warm.

"Why don't you show me how you were that day." Kurt came around to face him, his fingertips brushing against Blaine's shoulder. He trailed lightly down to his sub's palm and Blaine's goosebumps returned with a vengeance. "Phone in your hand." Kurt's hand moved, resting on the muscled curves of Blaine's hips. His thumbs reached out, tracing the V of Blaine's pelvis, brushing ever so close to his cock, up and down. Blaine moaned, his eyes fluttering closed. "You were so desperate for a Dom to make everything okay that night. To make you come. Do you remember?"

"Yes," Blane whispered.

"Lie down," Kurt told him.

Blaine steadied himself on his feet and sat down on the hammock, waiting for it to stop moving before he swung his feet on, atop a warm fuzzy blanket Kurt must have found in one of the drawers. Blaine knew Kurt would use it if he grew too cold, and he was grateful for it.

"Close your eyes," Kurt said and it was the easiest order for Blaine to obey. "I want you to remember how you felt that day. Embarrassed, ashamed, proud, alone." Blaine let each one of those feelings wash over him again. It wasn't difficult, he felt much the same way yesterday.

Except this time he wasn't alone.

"I want you to remember what you asked me."

"I asked you to tell me what Adam did to you," Blaine said. He swallowed against the thickness in his throat. What he'd done had been so wrong.

"And what were you doing while you asked me Blaine?" Kurt encouraged.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. "I was touching myself," Blaine answered. Reaching down to soothe the ache he thought would forever be his to suffer alone. Imagining himself, standing in the corner, on display for his Dom. For Kurt.

"Go ahead sweetheart," Kurt said gently. "Let me see."

As if in a dream, as if he wasn't sure he truly had permission, Blaine brought his hand to his groin, his cold palm brushing skin warmed by arousal. His breath hitched, stuck in his throat at the feel, before he started to move, up and down his shaft, and he let his breath out with relief. It felt so good just to be touched, even if it was by his own hand. But before he could settle into a rhythm he remembered his Dom, standing there, watching him. He remembered wanting just that, a rough grip on his cock, bringing him over and over to the edge. "Need you. Needed you then. Now," Blaine stammered.

Kurt didn't answer, not with his voice, but he reached out, gripping Blaine's balls. Blaine yelled from shock, curling in on himself involuntarily. Kurt's hand was ice cold.

"Temperature play," Kurt said, with a nonchalance, like his words were an answer to an unasked question. "You asked what Adam did to me, and at some point I remembered that other than bondage that was the one thing we both enjoyed. Tonight is the perfect night for it."

"K-k-kurt." Blaine's teeth rattled.

"Straighten out sweetheart, you know better than this." Kurt's hand didn't relent, but it had warmed up as he circled his balls and replaced Blaine's grip on his shaft with his. He pumped roughly up and down. Blaine's head spun. He didn't know if he was coming or going or what to expect next. He didn't know when his Dom would ever stop surprising him. Kurt's fist squeezed his cock, not quite to painful. "I thought I told you to straighten out."

"Yes, sir, I'm sorry." Blaine concentrated on Kurt, his orders, his voice, the feel of his hand. He let his submission go, warming him up. His muscles relaxed, his body returned to its proper position, and this time when Kurt's ice cold hand encircled him, he was ready.

"Edging," Kurt said, his voice melodic with the rhythm of his hand. Blaine groaned at just the word. "I told you that night that he did that too. Guess I learned a thing or two."

"I have no doubt the student surpassed the master in that one, Sir," Blaine said, his cock flexing in Kurt's hand. Kurt chuckled at the compliment. And then he replaced his now warm hand with the other, freezing him once again. Blaine threw his arm over his mouth, growling into it to keep from screaming. "How are you-"

"Snow," Kurt smiled. "I have a bucket of it here next to me. I considered putting it on you directly but I thought maybe that was too much."

"You're full of mercy," Blaine said, then screamed once more into his arm as Kurt squeezed his cock again. "Ah, please, I'm sorry…"

"You should be sorry," Kurt said. "And you will be." Kurt's hands disappeared from his body and for the first time Blaine opened his eyes. Kurt had his back to him but he was peeling away the layers of his clothes. "You made me feel used that night Blaine. Like all I was good for was getting you off. That was on me, not you, I should have stopped you. But you asked if I could do it. Use you, like Adam had used me."

Kurt bent over, lowering his pants to the ground, and the curve of his ass, the tightness of his muscled shoulders mixed with his words, were too much for Blaine. He went to grab himself, to hold himself back, but Kurt turned before he could.

"You move that hand and you'll be even more sorry Blaine," he said. Blaine moved his hand away, threading his fingers through the holes in the hammock, gripping them tightly. And Kurt climbed on top of him, lube in his fist. He spread some on two fingers and pushed them in without ceremony. The lube was freezing. It must have been sitting in Kurt's bucket of snow, and the chill went straight through him. "Your nipples are so hard," Kurt said.

"It's not the only part of me that's hard Kurt."

Kurt ignored him though, leaning over to take one nipple in his mouth. He wasn't careful by any means. He licked, and sucked and bit at one and then the other as he worked his fingers inside of Blaine, two growing to three and then quickly to four. His nipples ached, his ass burned. He felt full and then used and then nearly abused and all the while, despite the cold, his cock grew stiffer, throbbed harder, begged for any attention it could get, even if it hurt.

His forehead beaded with sweat in twenty degree temperature. "Please Kurt."

"You want me to fuck you, Blaine? You want me to make you come?"

"Yes," Blaine managed to say.

"Well I don't give a fuck what you want," Kurt said. He pulled out his fingers, he sat up and he reached down to grab a handful of snow. "Take a deep breath," he said only a second before he wrapped Blaine's cock in it.

"Oh god," Blaine growled, gritting his teeth with the pain. His toes curled, he couldn't stop from pulling his knees in until they hit Kurt's back.

At the pressure on his back, Kurt ran his warm hand from the bottom of Blaine's cock to the top, ridding it of the snow. "Color, Blaine," he said.

Blaine's head spun with pain, but like at the piano it was the most beautiful torture he could ever imagine. Because Kurt's eyes were lost in the Dominance, sparkling at him with delight. "Green, Sir. So green."

Kurt drew carefully up onto his knees and flipped the cap of the lube, pouring some onto his fingers, covering himself with it. "I'm going to fuck you so hard," Kurt said, lining himself up. He pressed in just slightly.

"Yes, yes, please," Blaine begged, half out of his mind. "Don't be gentle, please. Not here, not now."

Kurt leaned over, his hands just above Blaine's shoulders, and he stared down at him with dark eyes. "I have no intention of being gentle." And Kurt thrust into him. And once he started, he didn't stop.

When Blaine had closed his eyes that night so long ago, phone by his side, this was what he had asked for. It's what he had dreamed. Tears fell from his eyes, tears from the hammock ropes burning against his back and tears from the pressure inside him, the slap of their skin as Kurt didn't hold back. He cried because Kurt didn't care, didn't even look at him, was using him like he never had before and Blaine's submission soared and plummeted all at once, into the dark abyss where he was safe and warm and nothing but a vessel for his Dom to do with as he pleased.

And if it pleased his Dom to show how much it pleased him, he would obey. "You love this, don't you?"

"Yes sir, yes…" Blaine panted.

"You'd take it all night long if I made you, wouldn't you?"

"Oh god, yes sir, thank you…"

The hammock swung wildly and Blaine's grip on it was biting into his palms. Kurt's nails dug deeply into his skin. He didn't feel any of it.

"You'll come when I come," Kurt ordered. "Not a moment before, not a moment after. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

Kurt let go of him and gripped the hammock sides, using it as leverage. Blaine could hear the beating of both their hearts, he could feel the breath of Kurt's exertion on his neck. Any hint of cold had disappeared as warmth flooded through him. There was nothing in the world but Kurt, his own sense of self disappearing as he fell even deeper, his body belonging only to his Dom. And then he felt it, from Kurt's heart to his own, a shudder that swelled inside them both, a fire burning, building, and he needed no touch because the fire was inside him. Kurt's pleasure was his pleasure, and he couldn't disobey if he tried. Kurt's lips claimed his, his tongue pressing deep into Blaine's mouth with every thrust. Blaine moaned against him, let go of the hammock and clung to him, pulling Kurt close enough that he almost thought they could become one.

"Jesus, fuck," Kurt swore and Blaine felt it too, the wave of ecstasy starting in the tips of his toes, racing up his legs, inside his ass, and finally to his cock. His whole body thrummed with it as they climaxed together, submission wrapped in love, Dominance pulsing from deep within. Blaine felt like he might never breathe again, like the spasms and the shudders would never end. But then he slipped into the darkness, the silence, the tranquility of subspace, until gentle whispers in his ear and touch on his skin, pulled him slowly back.

He shivered, the cold hitting him once more on sweat-soaked skin despite the blanket that covered them both. Kurt had curled into him, his head on Blaine's chest, fingers softly stroking, nails lightly scratching.

The Dom was gone, the Gray returned. "Was it everything you wanted?" Kurt asked nervously.

Blaine kissed his head. "Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked.

Blaine knew the hesitation would be there. He just prayed that honesty would be too. "Yes," Kurt said. "I did."

Blaine smiled and squeezed him tight. "Then it was everything I wanted."

They laid in silence, Blaine's gaze on the stars above them for a long time. He knew there was more Kurt wanted to say. Needed to say. He knew that it ran through his husband's mind, over and over, the words he was too scared to admit. He could feel it as surely as he had felt the Dominance deep inside of him. Beating in his heart. But Kurt was quiet, and soon sleep took over. Tomorrow they would go home. And when Kurt was ready to talk, Blaine would listen.

* * *

**May, 2023**

Kurt stood, staring up at their apartment building. He had never been so angry. Serena's first appointment in February at New York Presbyterian had gone well, but they had waited nearly two months before learning that she'd been accepted into the trial. In that time, she'd caught another virus and had needed another blood transfusion.

Things had gone much better that time, with both of them there, knowing what to expect, but they had agreed they didn't want her to have to go through it again, not if they could stop it. So when the hematology department had called, they agreed to participate in the trial and an appointment had been scheduled.

And Blaine had missed it.

Kurt had of course heard people say before that they were so angry their blood boiled, but he didn't truly know what it felt like until that moment. He had heard his entire life about the fire of Dominance requiring penance for forgiveness, but he had always punished Blaine so that his husband could forgive himself, not for himself. But Blaine had neglected their daughter, the one person in the world who was more precious than either of themselves. And he needed to be punished for that.

Kurt needed to punish him for that.

His father had once told him that if he someday decided to spank Blaine, that he believed Kurt would know what to do. Blaine had once asked him what it would take. Kurt couldn't even imagine it at the time because he couldn't imagine how painful this would be, how much anger he would have at someone who would fail to protect his daughter. But now he knew.

His call to Santana had been automatic, years of using her, denying his own responsibility out of fear of becoming someone he had never wanted to be. But he was Blaine's Dom, and he wouldn't let his own fear give that role to Santana anymore.

The moment she arrived, she instinctually took charge. "Do you want to take Serena out to the park or do you want me to take Blaine back to my apartment?" she asked him.

"Neither." The harshness in his voice surprised even him, the fire fueling him. "I want you to take Serena."

"Kurt," she said softly, watching him closely. "You know what he deserves. What he'll need. You can't punish this one your way, not when it's about your daughter."

He gazed up at their apartment window where he knew Blaine was waiting. And he knew exactly what Blaine was waiting for. He was waiting for it too. He turned and looked at her. His husband's Dom. Except she wasn't. Not anymore. "I am very well aware of that."

Santana looked at him, eyes penetrating into his soul, searching for the fire he would need. He was certain she found it. "Okay," she said.

The walk up the stairs felt like an eternity, each step a memory of the journey he had taken to get where he was. The fire fueled him. He could feel it beating in his heart. And once he let it free, he knew there would be no turning back.

~S~

_I feel it beating in my heart_  
_The future's right in front of me_

_And now I finally see, the future's right in front of me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wanting to reread referenced scenes, the clubhouse scene is in YAM Ch. 7. And the Epilogue is of course YAM Ch. 22. The next chapter will begin with the morning after the epilogue.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, every comment encourages me to write!
> 
> ~~~  
> Light, by Adam Lambert  
> Wick, Secret Garden


	9. Hold Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking so long with this chapter. A significant piece was written over a year ago, but a lot in this story has changed in that time, so a lot of revision needed to be done. And then it all became so much more than I ever dreamed.
> 
> There is significant reference to Chapter 15, "Try" of You Are Mine, if you feel a desire to re-familiarize yourself with it.
> 
> There are also significant warnings for this chapter: Public Humiliation, Public Sex, Public Punishment, Bondage, CBT, plus the usual ones.

_Everything looks different now_   
_All this time my head was down_   
_He came along and showed me how to let go_   
_I can't remember where I'm from_   
_All I know is who I've become_   
_That our love has just begun like ohhh_

_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

**May 2023**

The first thing Blaine felt that morning was the perfect hum of heat in his ass, filling his heart with warmth, and his body with desire.  Reaching out with a smile, the second thing he felt was the cold of sheets long deserted.  His eyes fluttered open and he rolled over onto his side.  The room still dark, Kurt stood at their bedroom window, silhouetted by the early dawn of the sun as he stared outside.  His hands rested almost delicately on the window sill.  So much had happened the night before, so many perfect, wonderful things.  But Blaine knew his husband.  Every ounce of Dominant surety he’d had when Kurt had spanked him the night before, when he’d ordered Blaine to kneel for him, would be transformed into self-doubt in the morning light. 

Hitching up on his elbow, resting his head in his hand, Blaine spoke with a gentleness that came from true worry.  “Are you okay?”

Kurt’s response felt almost distant though, as if he was floating amongst the people outside where he stared.  “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“You did ask me.  Last night. And I told you I felt perfect.”  Kurt didn’t turn, barely acknowledged Blaine’s assurance.  The air hummed with Kurt’s regret.  Blaine felt his submission stir inside him, trying to ease the knot forming in his stomach. “What are looking at?”

“I’m trying to find where all of our limits went after I threw them out the window last night,” Kurt said.

“Kurt-”

“Blaine-”

“Sir-”

Kurt turned around, his eyes a swirl of emotions.  “Blaine don’t-”

But Blaine was already on his feet, walking toward him.  And then he knelt.  And gazed up at his Dom. “Sir,” he repeated.

Kurt stared down, dilated eyes constricting, then softening with wonder as he looked upon Blaine’s face.  He combed his fingers gently through Blaine’s mussed up curls.  “How did I never realize how beautiful you were like this?”

“You weren’t ready,” Blaine answered.  He reached for the tie on the waistband of Kurt’s sweatpants.  “But I understand.” His gaze fell to where his fingers rested just above where he wanted to be.  “May I?” He licked his lips. “Please?”

Kurt swallowed, the fabric beneath the tie pulsing with an involuntary response.  “We have to pick up Serena,” he tried to protest.

“I won’t take long,” he said, glancing back up, his eyes sparkling through his lashes. “I promise.”

“Blaine-”

But Blaine was not going to let Kurt drown in a sea of regret.  “You took care of me last night Kurt,” Blaine said.  “Please let me take care of you.”

As if losing a battle he was fighting within himself, Kurt closed his eyes, gripped the window sill and nodded his consent.  Blaine undid the tie and let Kurt’s pants puddle to the floor.  He cupped his Dom’s ass in his hands, took his cock in his mouth, wrapped him in his submission, and made good on his promise.

* * *

 

Walking to get Serena, Blaine felt like the day should have been drab, clouds hanging over them, instead of the bright blue sky shining like everything was fine.  It wasn’t fine.  He knew Kurt wasn’t fine.  His body had relaxed some with its release, but his brain wouldn’t stop; the part of his brain that continued to insist that the feelings he had were wrong.

The thing was, Blaine knew his feelings weren’t wrong, they never could be.  But the conclusions Kurt came to because of those feelings _were_ wrong.  He’d stayed up half the night, cuddled into Kurt’s side pretending to sleep, trying to make sense of the doubts and the fears that they both had felt.  And when he finally did, he felt like a weight had lifted off his shoulders.

He wanted Kurt to feel free of it as well.

They walked in relative silence as they made their way through Manhattan, hand in hand to Santana and Brittany’s apartment.  He’d been hoping Kurt would talk, open up as they walked, like he often did. But this time he was silent, keeping things hidden that they couldn’t hide anymore.

They reached the lobby and the girls buzzed them in.  Blaine’s chest clenched nervously.  “Santana is going to want to know what happened,” Blaine said quietly.

“I’m not ready,” Kurt said.  He stopped and turned to Blaine, his lip bit between his teeth.  Blaine tried to soften his gaze.  “So much changed last night.  And you and I need to figure that out before either of us talk to Santana.”

Blaine nodded, but his heart pulled.  He owed her an explanation.  He owed her something.  “Can we…can we talk soon?”

“Do you have any clients this morning?”  Kurt asked.  Blaine shook his head. “I don’t have to be at rehearsal until noon. We’ll drop off Serena at daycare and then I’ll walk you back to the studio.  And we can talk.”

It felt like relief to Blaine, and he found himself almost smiling as he knocked on Santana’s door.  Serena answered it, Santana looking over her shoulder.  He pointedly ignored her gaze. 

“Papa!” Serena yelled.

Blaine scooped her up.  “Hey pumpkin, did you have fun?”

“Look at my nails,” she said and she wiggled pink covered fingernails in his direction. 

“Those look amazing,” Blaine told her and then put her down.  “Come on, let’s go get your shoes on and make sure you’re packed a good lunch.”  He took her by the hand and led her down the hall.

Kurt found himself stuck in the doorway, Santana’s eyes fixed on him, immobilizing him. 

Kurt felt a burning sensation in his chest.  There were circles under Santana’s eyes.  He didn’t think she’d slept.

“Is he okay?” she asked quietly.

Kurt nodded, offering her little.  “He says he is.”

She took a step toward him. “And you?”

Kurt looked away.  “Look, I’m not ready to talk about this yet.  Not with you.”  He looked up at Santana, the same pained expression on her face that he’d seen back in Ohio when he’d punished Blaine in front of everyone.  He understood.  He understood the twist of your heart when your sub turned to someone else.  And he knew that he owed it to her to tell her what had happened.  What he’d done.  What he’d let Blaine do.  But not yet.  Not until he understood it himself.  “I promise I’ll come find you when I am.”

Santana bit back the million things she wanted to say to him, knowing it would be a mistake to demand answers so soon.  “Alright,” she agreed.  “Come by anytime, here or at my office.”

Kurt managed a grateful smile.  “I will.”

“Alright, pumpkin, time to go.”  Blaine had Serena by the hand, bag all packed, her coat and shoes on and ready to go.  “Say goodbye.”

She waved her little fingers at Santana.  “Bye.”

“Blaine,” Santana whispered.

Blaine finally allowed himself to look up at his Dom.  There was so much sadness in her eyes, it nearly broke Blaine’s heart.  “Kurt.” He turned. “Please.”  He asked permission.  If Kurt said no he would obey. 

The last thing Kurt wanted to do was leave Blaine and Santana alone.  Every instinct fighting to be free inside him told him it wasn’t right.  But he refused to give in to his fears.  Kurt reached out for Serena’s hand and took it, giving his sub a near imperceptible nod.  “Okay,” he said softly.

Blaine wanted to kneel to him.  But he wouldn’t in front of Santana, not yet.  “Thank you,” he said.

Kurt took Serena and they headed down the hallway.

Blaine turned back to Santana. She stepped toward him and placed a gentle hand on his cheek.  So many questions on her tongue.  But she asked only one.  “Was it all you wanted?”

Blaine didn’t have to think back to the spanking or the ring or the feelings that had surged through him every step of the way.  He didn’t have to think of watching Kurt struggle that morning, the way he’d struggled the night before.  He knew the answer.  “It will be,” he said.

She smiled softly and withdrew her hand.  He reached out, squeezed it, turned and walked away, knowing how much he was walking away from.

* * *

 

“Auntie Brittany put my make up on, and then she let me put make up on her, and then she did my nails and she let me do hers and we danced all night.”

“It sounds like you had a lot of fun,” Kurt said.

“We did. Did you and Papa?”

Kurt glanced behind him, waiting for his husband to rejoin them.  “We had grownup time,” he told Serena.  “Which is important.”

Serena frowned.  She was learning that grownup time wasn’t always fun, though she didn’t understand why.  “Next time you should have fun.  Fun is more important than grownup time,” she said.

Kurt looked down at her and ruffled her dark curls.  “Always too smart for your age.”

Serena beamed and Blaine emerged from the apartment building, tight lips smiling the second he saw them.  “Well let’s get this girl to school,” Blaine said, grabbing Serena’s hand.  He looked over her head to his husband, eyes filled with love.  Kurt’s tension drained from his body.  “There’s a lot to learn today.”

Kurt smiled, and Serena chattered.  “We’re finishing our paper-mache today,” she said, seemingly oblivious to the unspoken conversation above her.  “It should be dry and we can paint it.  I made roses, three of them, one for Daddy and one for Papa and one for Mommy.  If I had more time I’d make some for Auntie Brittany and Aunt Rachel and Uncle Jesse.  Maybe we can do it at home?”

Her wide eyes looked up expectantly at her fathers, both of whom were more than well known for their arts and crafts skills.  They glanced at one another and chuckled.  “I think it would be nice if we did it at home,” Kurt agreed.  “We all know how much you like flowers.”

“Yeah, we can make a whole bouquet,” Blaine added.  “Ones for Grandpa and Grandma Carole and Nana and Grandfather.”

“And Uncle Cooper,” she said, growing more excited by the minute.  “We should make him a blue rose.”

“With thorns,” Blaine muttered under his breath. 

Kurt laughed as they reached the preschool front door.  They tapped in the code, said hello to the director in the office and walked Serena to her classroom.

“Okay, be a good girl today,” Blaine reminded her with a kiss on the cheek.

Serena stared at him like she was almost offended.  Hands flew to her hips. “I’m always good,” she insisted.

“Yeah, so am I,” Blaine smirked, until he caught Kurt’s eye and dropped it.  He turned back to his daughter dutifully and kissed her on the head.  “Love you.”

“Bye Papa,” Serena said.  “Bye Daddy.”

“Bye baby girl,” Kurt said, kissing her cheek.  “Have fun. See you later.”

They left her running over to two girls who were playing dress up and they left the school.  Each step began to feel slower than the last, the heaviness of the conversation they were walking towards starting to weigh them down.  Their thoughts remained to themselves for now, trying to find the right words to make each other understand how they felt.  Sometimes they both wished they could just live in each other’s skin for a day.  It would make understanding so much easier.

Blaine unlocked the studio door and turned on the lights.  Kurt took off his spring coat and draped it over the swivel chair at the sound board.  Then he sat down on the brown leather couch behind it, curling up in one corner. 

“Coffee?” Blaine asked, hanging up his own coat on the rack behind the door before heading straight to the Keurig.

“Please,” Kurt answered, already picking at the pillow he’d pulled in front of him.

Blaine made them both mugs, reaching into the mini-fridge beside the table for cream.  He brought both over carefully, steam rising from each, and handed one to Kurt.  Then he perched atop the couch’s armrest opposite Kurt, facing him, and blew gently into his own mug.

It was rare that Blaine noticed how quiet the studio was, how little ambient noise made its way inside the sound proof walls.  Outside the cars honked and sirens wailed and the streets of New York filled with the cacophony of conversation.  Inside though, both staring into their coffee, taking small sips, inside it was silent.

Kurt was the one who broke the silence.  “I owe you an apology, Blaine,” he whispered.

Blaine wanted to tell him he owed no such thing, but he knew that would shut the conversation down before it even started.  “For what?” he asked instead.

Kurt shook his head.  Blaine could see everything going through his mind, all the things, so many things, that he felt he’d done wrong.  He could see him searching for which one to settle on.  When he finally spoke, his eyes could only fall to the liquid inside his coffee mug.  “A long time ago I promised myself I would never use my strength against you. Especially out of anger.”

“You didn’t.”  Kurt looked up at him.  His face was ashen, his eyes filled with a shame that broke Blaine’s heart. But he wasn’t going to let Kurt go back there after coming so far.  “You punished me Kurt.  Out of love and responsibility.  And yes you were angry, but you had every right to be, I was angry at myself.  I deserved what you did.  I promise, you never stepped over the line.”

Kurt didn’t agree.  “I broke two hard limits Blaine.  Yours and mine.”

Blaine put his coffee behind him on the side table and leaned forward, arms resting on his knees.  “Kurt, if you think you chose wrong in spanking me then no matter how I feel about it, I promise, I will respect that.  But I chose to let you use the ring-”

“Blaine,” Kurt argued.  His hands shook and he placed his mug down too before he dropped it. “I threatened to take away the chance of having the one thing you have wanted more than anything since the day I first met you.  Probably longer. I forced your hand.”

“You didn’t force anything Kurt, I made a choice.” 

“I made you safeword.”

“No.  I chose to color because-”

“Because I hurt you.”

“No.”  Blaine had done a lot of thinking before he’d fallen asleep.  The silence of the room, the throb of his ass, and the echo of the spark of Dominance inside Kurt had all mixed with the memory of his inability to submit, and he’d realized something lying in the darkness.  “I colored because I was scared.”

Kurt sat up, his shoulders squaring in sudden horror.  “Of me?”

“No, Kurt, never.”  Blaine moved down off the arm and sat beside his husband, needing him to understand that he’d done nothing wrong.   “I’m never scared of you.  I was scared of me.  Of my body.  I was scared because it hurt, inside, in a way I’d never felt before, and I didn’t understand why.  It felt like my submission was being ripped away.” He felt it still, or at least the memory of it, an ache deep down that he just prayed he could explain because last night every piece of this puzzle had fallen into place for him and he wanted Kurt to understand.  “The humiliation I felt, when you made me stand in the corner in front of my family, it was awful but it was also incredible and I didn’t truly understand why until last night.  Elliott said that I would never be the sub I want to be as long as I held onto my own pride.  And all I want Kurt, all I’ve ever wanted, is to give myself to my Dom.  My whole self.  And that day, I let you strip me of any bit of pride I’d clung to, and I put it in your hands.  And I knew that it was safe there, that I was safe, because I trust your pride in me and my submission now Kurt. I believe it.  I know you hold it as dearly as I hold my pride in you.”

“I do Blaine, I am so proud of you,” Kurt assured him inching towards him, nearly reaching out to hold his hand, but not.  “But I don’t understand what this has to do with the ring.  With what it did to you.”

Blaine looked at his hands, gathering his thoughts. “When we started this, _really_ started this, the first thing I gave you control of was my pleasure through denial. And when that wasn’t enough I gave you control of my pride through humiliation.  But my submission…I couldn’t give it up.  I held on tight.  Even when you denied it as punishment it was always still really entirely in my control.  I make the choice to obey, but at any moment, no safeword even needed, I can take it back.  I’ve told you my submission belongs to you and on the outside I’ve given it to you over and over.  But I’ve never truly let it go.” Saying it out loud, he felt shame in the words.  “I’ve never given you the right to control it, not really. Not like I have my pleasure and my pride. But bondage…”

He didn’t want to hurt Kurt.  Because as long as it had been a hard limit for him, Blaine had never truly understood why until last night.  And the reason would hurt Kurt in ways that Blaine had sworn he wouldn’t hurt him again. 

And Kurt could tell.  But Kurt had told him time and again he wasn’t a delicate flower and it was time.  It was time for them both to say the things they’d been hiding even from themselves. “It’s okay, sweetheart.  You can tell me.”

And suddenly Blaine could feel it again; the control, the constraint.  His heart began to race.  “The moment you slipped that ring on, you took away my choice to obey, to submit on my own.  You took true control of my submission.  The energy inside of me was entirely in your hands and I know it should have been as exhilarating and freeing as when you take my pleasure and my pride, I know that Kurt…”  He squeezed his eyes shut, his lashes wet with unfallen tears.

“But it wasn’t,” Kurt said. 

Blaine shook his head.  “It was terrifying and it hurt, my submission ripped from me and placed in your hands but…”  He hated to admit it but Kurt deserved, and demanded, his truth.  “It didn’t feel safe.  When you take away my pleasure, your pleasure fills me.  When you take away my pride, your pride in me fills the void. But the void of no submission…”

“Can only be filled by Dominance,” Kurt finished for him.  “Which I can’t give you.” It made complete sense.  It didn’t matter how Dominant he pretended to be, he didn’t have the energy to replace what he took.  He could only leave Blaine feeling empty.

“But I think you can.” After last night Blaine had no doubt.  And he didn’t think Kurt should deny it any more.  “I feel it, inside you, it’s a spark, not a fire, and it’s not there all the time, but…but it was there in Ohio, in the kitchen and in the clubhouse.  And it was there last night.” He didn’t understand it, but all he wanted was for Kurt to stop fearing it and embrace it.  “I know it’s been there before.  Kurt, please tell me you can feel it.”

“Why?” Kurt’s hands pulled back and his eyes flashed dark with anger and suspicion.  “Because what you truly want is a real Dominant like-”

Blaine didn’t hesitate.  He crashed his lips against his Dom’s, stifling the words about to come out of Kurt’s mouth, words that surfaced only out of fear and insecurity.  He pressed his tongue between Kurt’s lips, soothing him, and he didn’t stop until he felt the tension in Kurt’s shoulders relax.  Only then did he pull back.

“Sorry,” Kurt whispered, his eyes downcast.

Blaine raised a stern brow.  “Do you want to try again?”  It wasn’t really a question.  It sounded very much like Blaine scolding Serena to ask politely instead of demanding what she wanted.

Kurt must have thought so too because he let out a quiet chuckle. “I don’t know, will you punish me with a kiss again if I do it wrong?”

Blaine laughed softly, linking their hands again.  “I can reward with kisses too,” he suggested.  “And more.”

Kurt smiled but he quickly grew somber again.  “Yes.”  He looked into warm golden eyes, watching him without judgement.  “Yes, I can feel it.  More and more.  And it terrifies me Blaine.  When it’s there, god, the things I want to do to you.”

“Things you never even dreamed you’d want,” Blaine finished for him.  “Things that as a Gray go against everything you’ve ever believed in.  Like spanking me.”

“Like spanking you, like humiliating you, like tying you up and torturing you until you are begging through your tears.”

Blaine felt his body stir, felt the electricity course through his veins, but he let out a breath and just listened.

“Like freezing you with snow and not letting you come and not letting you go and god, all those things you’ve always wanted, I want it now too, with you, and I hate myself for wanting it and I hate myself for hating myself and…”  He dropped his face in his hands, rubbing his palms against his eyes.  “And then I do it and it feels fucking incredible and sometimes that feeling stays but usually when I wake up and the flame is gone then all I feel is guilt and shame.  And you may like the feeling of that Blaine, but I hate it.”

“Do you feel guilty because you think you hurt me?” Blaine needed to understand so he could help.  “Or are you ashamed of wanting to do them in the first place.”

Kurt’s voice was small.  “Mostly the second.  Sometimes the first too though. Last night the first.”

“Why didn’t you ever want to do those things?” Blaine asked with genuine curiosity.  “Before you met me.  Why did you despise so much the things Doms and subs did together?”

Kurt remembered so many reasons.  Because he thought no one should have control over another person, because he thought no one should have the right to hurt another person.  Because he thought subs were brainwashed to believe they wanted to suffer and be shamed and belittled so that Doms could feel powerful, so they would have a person to serve them.  He had thought Doms were sadistic bullies who cared about nothing and no one but themselves. 

But now Kurt knew better.  “Because I didn’t understand.”

“So tell me,” Blaine said, “now that you do understand.  When you hurt me or humiliate me or deny me, tell me what it means. To me, if you haven’t figured out yet what it means to you.”

“It’s…” Kurt took a deep breath.  He understood Blaine far better than he understood himself at this point. “It means giving yourself to me.  Letting go.  Of everything.  Proving you would do anything for me, even the things that hurt you and humiliate you to the very edge of your limits. And then past them.”

“And it’s the same for you Kurt,” Blaine said.  “I know you’re not a Dom and you don’t feel what Doms do. Even when your spark is burning it’s not the roaring flame they have.  But I also know that when you hurt me or humiliate me, when you drive me to the very edge of my limits, you do it because you would do anything for me too.  And I know that you enjoy it now Kurt.” He smiled softly, saying the words that Kurt still couldn’t say.  “You enjoy it and you’re ashamed of that because you feel like it’s cruel and using me, but it’s not.  You have no idea how much I love that you do these things for me, not because of what they do for me but because of what they let me do for you. And you enjoy it because that brings me pleasure and my pleasure means everything to you just like yours does to me.”  He looked at the love in Kurt’s eyes and he cupped his cheek just to feel him.  “Over and over again you have given up your greatest limits for me and now there are limits in front of us that we haven’t even thought about and I can’t wait to throw those out the window too.  Because…”  The fact was, he was just as scared as Kurt to let go.  And that gave him courage.  “Because I think our hard limits are just the things that most threaten who we think we are.  You spanking me.  Me giving over my submission to you.  Those things we didn’t allow, they defined who we were.  But maybe we need some new definitions.”

“I do enjoy it,” Kurt admitted, quietly and hesitantly, but for the first time he’d say it out loud.  “There’s power in it.  Sometimes it almost feels like a game.  Who is stronger, you or me?  Can I get you to safeword or will you take everything I give you?  But sometimes, especially when it’s punishment, it’s so real.  And when we’re done I wonder how I possibly could have done that; hurt you, tortured you, and even worse gotten pleasure out of it? How can I possibly get hard from seeing you in agony with your balls tied to your wrists or snow pressed over your cock?  How can I love watching you cry and plead for the mercy of my hand?”

“Kurt.” Blaine took Kurt’s hand in his.  He turned it over, palm up, and he traced the lines, felt the muscles in it, nearly lost himself in the strength and perfection of it.  “This hand brings me pleasure, and pain, and everything in between,” he said, the words almost worshipping.  “It holds within its grasp my body, my heart, my soul.  When it edges me I will beg for the beauty of your mercy, and when it spanks me, I will cry from the courage and power it delivers.  This hand marks me. It owns me.  It keeps inside its grip my pleasure, my pride,” he looked up at Kurt through his lashes, “and my submission for your safekeeping.”

Kurt’s face was a mix of wonder and sadness. “I don’t have the Dominance.”

“I know,” Blaine said.  “But that’s okay.  Because I trust that when I need it, you’ll have it.  And until then, you have the love in your heart to keep me safe without it. Kurt, all I want is to serve you and pleasure you and I know that letting you bind me or use the ring would please you.  It makes you feel powerful Kurt, and I want that.  I love that.” Blaine brought Kurt’s hands to his lips and kissed them with all the love and submission he felt in his heart.  Then he looked up at Kurt through his lashes.  “So I give you permission to use bondage how you see fit.  Because even though I may hate the way it makes me feel, I love the way it makes you feel.  And isn’t that what punishment should be all about?” ”

Kurt’s eyes shined with tears.  “I’ll be careful.”

“I know you will.  You always are.” 

* * *

 

He waited until Serena was asleep before he curled up on the couch with his phone.  His mother preferred to Skype, but this wasn’t a conversation Blaine could have face to face.  He looked at the clock.  He had an hour before Kurt was due home from rehearsal.

He dialed the number and took a sip of his coffee.  He’d tried to think of someone else he could go to with his question.  But he couldn’t ask Santana and Rachel was so visceral she would never even think of the science behind things.  Kurt’s dad was out of the question.  And he needed to know.  He needed to understand so he could make sure he was doing the right thing.  All he wanted was to help make things easier for Kurt.

“Hey sweetie, how are you?  Everything okay?”

“Yeah Mom, everything’s fine.  But I was wondering, can I ask you a question?”

He was sure she could hear the unease in his voice.  “You can always ask me anything, you know that.”

Her voice alone made him feel safe to ask, even if it could be the most awkward conversation of his life.  But the fact was, his parents had never shied away from talking about Dominance and submission or his love life and sex. In fact they demanded far more information from him and Santana than they’d been willing to give before he came out.  They’d stopped since Kurt came along.  He wondered if maybe they didn’t know what to ask anymore.  But his mother’s research was a constant elephant in the room, he needed answers, and she was the mostly likely to be able to give them.

Blaine picked at the blanket draped over the couch.  “Yeah, it’s just.  It’s about Kurt.” He paused and he expected her to jump in, but she didn’t.  He almost wished she had.  “I was just wondering…in your research…” He had this sudden regret that he hadn’t figured out some eloquent way to say it before he called.  But he’d have to just come out with it.  “Kurt’s really starting to have these moments where he’s so Dominant and confidant but then he just…when the moment’s passed…it’s like he has so much guilt and doubt.  I just…it hurts to see him like that and I was wondering-”

“Dom drop,” she said.

Blaine stopped stammering and his eyes widened.  “What?”

“It’s called Dom drop.  It doesn’t happen a lot, but I can imagine it’s significant for Kurt, right?”

Sub drop was well known.  The stronger the sub the less likely to face it, but even he’d experienced it himself three times, the worst in the hospital with Serena.  He could still feel his plummet into subspace, his inability on his own to get out of it.  His desire to just get lost in it.  But he hadn’t heard of it happening to Doms and that seemed different to him than what Kurt went through.  “What is it?  How does it happen?”

Blaine rarely asked about her work.  Her delight at being able to share her science was obvious.  “We’ve really learned so much in the last five to ten years, it’s exciting.  We’ve known for a while that the Dominant hormone potestatem and the submissive hormone obsequium have resting levels in every person.” 

 _Potestatem and obsequium_.  Blaine had taken enough Latin at Dalton to know they meant _power and submission_. 

His mother continued.  “Those hormones fluctuate in a person throughout the day, but they tend to stay at resting levels until a person’s Dominance or submission is triggered by circumstance.  Then there’s a rush of hormones and it spikes.  Let’s just say for instance that a Dom’s resting level of potestatem is normally 50. When they engage in Dominant behavior, more hormone is released and levels can go up, to 80, 90, even higher, depending.  Then when things go back to normal, the level goes back to the resting 50.  It’s more complicated than that but-”

“But Kurt’s Gray.  He’s always been told he doesn’t have that.  Even you’ve said-”

“Well, Blaine, I think it was obvious at Christmas that even if he didn’t have a release of Dominant hormones before, he does now, at least to some extent.”

“But how is that even possible?” He knew in his heart it was true, he just didn’t understand how.  “I mean, I feel it.  I haven’t always been able to but lately...It’s not like Dad or Santana or Cooper.  It’s like a spark instead of a flame, but I can feel it.  How can I feel it, Mom?”

“I can’t be sure Blaine.  But when we first started doing research, we were convinced that potestatem could unlock a dormant Dominant gene found in some Grays.  And we thought that obsequium could unlock a dormant submissive gene.  When we started experimenting though, we realized it was actually the opposite.  The Dominant gene wasn’t unlocked by Dominance.  The key was submission.  And not just one shot and bam.  The Gray with a dormant Dominant gene needed a steady exposure to submissive hormones over time to start functioning at all, but with it, the Gray did start to produce potestatem.  The levels were still really low at resting, almost negligible.  But almost is a very important word in science. The key didn’t open the door wide, but it did create a small crack.”

Blaine squeezed at the bridge of his nose.  “So what you’re saying is that somehow I managed to unlock a dormant Dominant gene in Kurt with my submission?”  It was crazy.  But in a weird sort of way, it also seemed quite possible.

“Well, we can’t know that for sure.  But something clearly did.  And once that door’s opened a crack, the potestatem can spike under the right circumstances, just like a typical Dominant, but to a lesser extent.  So instead of spiking from 50 to 100, a Gray would spike from, say, 0 to 50.”

“Which means he’d drop from 50 to 0,” Blaine said. It made sense.  It’s exactly what it felt like.  Except it didn’t happen every time.  “What can stop it from dropping like that though?  I mean, with Kurt, it doesn’t always happen, sometimes he’s fine.”

“Other chemicals in the body slow the drop of potestatem.  Oxytocin, prolactin, serotonin.  Which, as you know if you remember what you learned at Dalton, are all released when-”

“I get it,” Blaine cut her off.  He didn’t need her to say they were released during orgasm, everything clicked into place.  The best he could remember, the times Kurt had dropped, really dropped, were times when he’d been selfish and let Kurt take care of him while neglecting his Dom’s needs. When he’d let Kurt go without. “I’m a horrible sub, Mom.”

“Oh sweetheart, you’re not,” she soothed, the scientist gone as the mom returned.  “You didn’t know, you couldn’t have known.  We’re only just beginning to understand it ourselves.  We may be starting to understand the chemicals in the body, but Dom and sub energy are still huge mysteries.   And we have no idea how the dynamics of a Gray and a sub work.  It’s not that hard to get a Dom and sub willing to be intimate in the lab, but as I’m sure you can imagine, Grays aren’t lining up for the opportunity.”

She laughed, but he didn’t.  He’d been caught for so long between wanting Kurt’s Dominance and loving what being Gray meant and how Kurt made him feel.  And now…

She could tell.  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Blaine could feel himself choke up, years of struggle running through his mind.  But despite the struggle, he wouldn’t have given up a single minute of it.  “I love the Dominance in him, but I’m scared too.  I’m scared because the love in his heart, it’s not hidden inside a wall of submission or Dominance.  It’s unguarded and it’s raw and beautiful and I don’t want that to go away.  Because I am so lucky Mom, that out of everyone in the world, he chooses to share it with me.”

“It’s not going anywhere Blaine, not unless he wants it to.  I promise, it would take far more than what you can give him to change who he is.  He’s Gray, and in those moments where his Dominance flares, well, I think maybe you have the best of both worlds.  Enjoy it.  And then serve him Blaine.  You be the sub we raised you to be and you’ll both be okay.”

The fear he’d been feeling lifted at her words.   Because she was absolutely right.  He did have the best of both worlds.  And there was nothing he wanted more in life than to serve his Dom.

* * *

 

As much as Blaine was enjoying spending every minute he could with Kurt, soaking up his husband’s new found thrill of his own Dominance, even he needed a break sometimes.  So when Sam called for a sub’s night out, Blaine didn’t hesitate to say yes.  A night with Jesse, Sam and Brittany was just what he needed.

“I’m just saying Blaine.” Jesse had the open audition notice in his hand.  “You really should audition.  _Once_ is perfect for you.”

Blaine though shook his head with a laugh.  “No.” When Jesse had his mind set on something, it was very hard to get him to let go.  “I told you, my focus is on Kurt.”

“I think Kurt’s doing pretty well right now you know.  I’m sure if he knew about it, he’d want you to go.”  Blaine just smiled and Jesse shrugged and stood up.  “Suit yourself,” he said and he went up to the bar to refill the table.

It offered Blaine the opportunity to get the dirt he was dying to know and he turned to Sam.

“So when do we finally get to meet Marley?” Blaine asked, turning to Sam. “You two disappeared together at Black and White that night and then we see and hear nothing from you for goodness knows how long and then you come up for air with a cuff around your wrist? And we weren’t even invited?  I think it’s double date time,” he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.  “Or triple date,” he said, looking at Brittany.

Sam though shuffled in his seat.  “Not for a little while,” he said with a hint of apology.  “She’s shy.  Intimidated by other Doms.  I don’t know how she’d feel around Kurt and Santana.”

Blaine had to smile to himself at Sam’s inclusion of Kurt as a Dom.  Or at the idea of him being intimidating to another one.

Brittany though didn’t seem as amused.  “How can you be so sure she’s a Dom, she sounds Gray to me,” she asked.  Her glance toward Blaine was clear.  So was the flash of anger in it.

Sam must not have seen it though and he reached out to give her hand a squeeze.  “Brittany, I’m sure,” he said.  “When she’s in her element she’s all there.  She just hasn’t learned to trust herself yet in public.”

“Why?” Blaine asked.  He knew how hard it was for Kurt, but if this girl was a Dom…

“Just stuff in her past.  She’s been screwed over before.  I don’t know all the details.”

“Subs can screw up Doms just as much as Doms screw up subs.”  The bite in Brittany’s voice may not have had an obvious target but her side-eye glare to Blaine certainly did.  “Isn’t that right?”

Blaine looked at her quizzically.  “Did I do something-”

Jesse interrupted though, carrying over three mugs of beer. He gave one to Sam, one to Blaine, and flipped his chair around to straddle it. “Okay, I’ve waited long enough, and if you’re not going to bring it up yourself I am.  I’ve gotten so few details from Rachel, did he really do it Blaine?” Jesse leaned over the back of the chair.  “Did Hummel really finally spank your ass?”

Blaine’s cheeks turned pink and he fiddled with the mug’s handle.  “Jesse,” he said.

Jesse waved his hand.  “Stop being shy and spill Blainers. I don’t want to hear some watered down version from Rachel, I want the whole shebang. Position, number, implement, everything.”

Blaine’s blush grew darker, but an embarrassed yet proud smile hid behind the hand he rubbed over his face.  Between the drinks that were half empty on the table and the cacophony of the crowd keeping their conversation private, Blaine was willing to spill far more than he would have anywhere else.   “Fine. Yes, he really did it.  Over his knee, pants down.  He just used his hand, but I promise that was enough.”

“And he let you kneel for him too?” Jesse asked. Blaine just grinned even wider and Jesse shook his head.  “Never thought I’d see the day that Hummel would finally give in.”

“Dude, that’s awesome,” Sam said, giving him a playful shove on the shoulder.  “Congratulations.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Brittany snapped.

Blaine looked over at her, the smile disappearing from his face.  He couldn’t tell if she was angry or hurt, but he highly suspected that whatever she felt was merely a reflection of their Dom’s emotions.  Guilt crept over his joy.  “How is she?” he asked quietly.

“Maybe if you asked her yourself you would know,” she said and she stormed out of her seat and to the bar.

Blaine started to get up but Sam put his hand out to stop him.  “Dude,” he said and Blaine paused.  “Let me.”

He sat back down and watched Sam take Brittany’s drink with his up to the bar.  Blaine stared at the cracks in the wooden table.

He could feel Jesse’s eyes studying him.  Judging him.  “You haven’t talked to Santana about all this?”

“Not really.”  Blaine was grateful for darkness of the bar.  Though he was certain he couldn’t hide from Jesse the chill of his submission. “I wanted to give Kurt a chance to figure things out.  We agreed that he would talk to her first.  Dom to Dom. It’s what he needs.”

“And what about what she needs?” Jesse asked.  “She is still your Dom, you are her claim, she’s losing you and it’s probably ripping away at her heart. I know you’re excited about Kurt and I get it, you should be.  But you have a responsibility to her.”

Blaine knew he was right.  But he had a responsibility to Kurt too, especially now, and he firmly believed that part of that was respecting Kurt’s wishes first.  And Kurt didn’t want him going to her until he could do it without a need for penance.  “You don’t understand,” Blaine muttered to himself.

Jesse shook his head.  “I understand that there is nothing easy about losing a sub.  If I’ve learned anything from Rachel, it’s that.”

“Sam and Mercedes seem fine.”  The words came out childish and petulant.  He cringed at the sound of his own voice. 

So did Jesse.  “Which is nothing but evidence that _their_ submission and Dominance never clicked.  Which is not the case with you and Santana.” He raised a brow pointedly.  “You two may not be in love but your submission and her Dominance are entwined, you know they are.”

“What would you have me do Jesse?  She’s not alone, she still has Britt,” Blaine argued.  He knew he shouldn’t yell but he didn’t need Jesse making him feel even guiltier than he already did.

Jesse wasn’t going to let him off the hook though.  He never did, it wasn’t in his nature. “Yes, she still has Brittany and Brittany is probably taking whatever Santana needs to fill the void, but the problem is Blaine that Brittany isn’t you. She can’t take what you can and I can only imagine what Santana is putting her through.”

He tried not to imagine it.  Santana had stressed early on that Blaine was never to take the blame for what was between her and Brittany, even if he felt like it was his fault.  If Santana needed more than Brittany could give her then it was her responsibility to figure that out, not his.

“Please Blaine.”  Blaine looked up over his shoulder.  Brittany stood there, Sam by her side, tears in her eyes.  “Why won’t you talk to her? I can’t give her the answers she wants, she needs you.”

“Kurt and I agreed…” Blaine started, but then he stopped.  He could make up as many excuses as he wanted, but the truth was, if he’d really wanted to talk to Santana he would have argued with Kurt.  But he didn’t.  He couldn’t.  “I know how much this must be hurting her.  I can’t see her like that.”

“Even though it’s your fault?” Brittany argued.  “Even though seeing her would make things easier on her? You left her Blaine! How can you just-”

“I’d ask for punishment,” Blaine snapped, then lowered his head.  He couldn’t take any of this out on Brittany, she was dealing with enough.  “I’d ask for punishment Britt and I don’t want that.  I don’t want to do that.  I can’t.”  He looked up at her, begging her to understand.  “I need time.”

Jesse reached and grasped his hand.  Blaine turned to him.  “Don’t forget while you’re taking your time that this is easiest for you Blaine,” Jesse told him.  “You have two people that would do anything in the world for you.  It’s your responsibility to do for them what they need.”

Blaine blinked back the tears in his eyes.  “But no matter what I do, I always hurt one of them.” He didn’t know if anyone, could truly understand.  “You’re wrong Jesse.  None of this has ever been easy for me.”

* * *

 

It took Kurt two weeks before he gathered the nerve to visit Santana.  It wasn’t that he didn’t know how Santana was hurting, Brittany was more than happy to share that information with him and demand that he and Blaine go see her.  And it wasn’t that he didn’t care or understand.  He did.  It was just that questions had been spinning in his mind since his talk with Blaine.  Questions about what this truly meant for him, for all three of them.  And he was afraid of the answer.

One swipe of a pen.  That was all it would take for her to take Blaine from him.  With all the power Blaine had given him, she was the one that truly had the power to erase him from their Claim.  Then Blaine would be left with the choice.  Stay with her, or leave and fall back under the Dominance of his father or Cooper.  Or worse, live his life unclaimed in a world where that posed too many risks to think about.

Kurt shook the thought from his mind as he approached the tall brick building of Cohen, Reisman and Applebaum. The brass doorframe reflected the sun back into his eyes.  He trusted Santana. He had to.  He was putting everything he loved in her hands.

He walked up to the large wooden desk, the receptionist glancing up to greet him.  “I have an appointment with Santana Lopez,” he said, hoping he didn’t look nearly as nervous as he felt.  “Kurt Hummel.”

“Have a seat, Mr. Hummel,” she said and he settled into one of the high back leather chairs while she picked up the phone.

Santana came out quickly, her own nervous smile greeting his.  “Kurt, come on in,” she said and she led him through the door into the law firm, and into a small conference room just inside.  There was a round wooden table with a Polycom Soundstation in the center and eight black leather rolling chairs around it.  A screen in the right corner of the room was mounted for video conferencing. A coffee station was set up in the left corner.  “Do you want some?” she said, gesturing to it.

“No thanks.” 

Kurt looked around, not knowing where to sit, so he just stood there.  Santana drew the curtains closed on the windows for privacy.  Tension crackled in the air but he was relieved to realize it wasn’t because she was mad at him.  Everything between them came down to the fact that they both loved Blaine and wanted to care for him.  And they both feared losing him.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come see you,” Kurt finally said.  “I’ve been trying to figure some things out-”

“You don’t have to explain,” Santana said.  “I think…” She fidgeted with the back of one of the chairs.  “I think if I’m honest, I needed the time too.  This isn’t…this wasn’t…” She closed her eyes and bit her lip.  She wouldn’t let her emotions get the best of her. “This is so much harder than I thought it would be.  But you know that.”  She looked up. Brown eyes shined back at him.  “Don’t you?”

Kurt nodded, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.  “It used to be hard, for me to imagine you punishing him, because I hated that he would submit to that.  Then one day, I’m not even sure when, I realized that I’d just started to hate that he was submitting to _you_.”

Santana nodded. “Watching you in Ohio, you Dominated him so beautifully, Kurt.  So completely. It hurt.  But not as much as this.  Not as much as knowing that he doesn’t…” She paused, fighting for control.  “He doesn’t need me at all anymore.”  She looked at him and he knew she needed him to understand.  “The more a Dom and a sub are together the more their energies intertwine.  From heart to heart, soul to soul.  And when it’s ripped away…”  She could feel it now, in her chest, aching.  “It’s like a wound that won’t heal. A gaping hole that will never go away but at the same time it also feels like there is a piece of that submission that remains forever.  I thought…I thought I wouldn’t feel that.”

Kurt understood more than she knew.  “When my mother died, my father couldn’t stand the idea of Dominating anyone else,” he said. “I think that’s why he ended up with Carole.  Jesse says that he knows that no matter how much he and Rachel share, that Finn is always there with them, a piece of her heart.  Blaine says he doesn’t know if Elliott will ever let someone else in.”  He took a tentative step toward her, his fingertips resting on the back of a chair. “I’m sorry,” he said.  And he truly meant it.  He’d been focused on his own pain for so long, he had forgotten hers.  “I’ve never meant to hurt you.  Neither of us have.”

“Just tell me one thing.”  Her voice shook and she opened her eyes.  He could see the tears shining now. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so vulnerable.  “Did you really let him kneel for you?”

It was the one thing she’d been able to hold on to.  No matter what Blaine did, no matter what he felt, even if Kurt gave him everything she did, she was the one that he’d still knelt to.  It was the one thing that stopped the war inside her heart, the Dom in her yelling that Blaine was hers, while the best friend knew that Blaine was his. 

It was the one thing that still made her claim of him real.  For both of them.  And now…

“Yes,” Kurt said.  She quickly turned away, her hand flying up to wipe at her eyes.  “I let him kneel for me.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, catching her breath.  “I shouldn’t…it’s just…it’s been so long.”

Ten years old.  Blaine had told him he’d been ten years old the first time he had knelt to Santana.  Kurt couldn’t even imagine what that might have been like.  “What does it feel like?” he asked softly.  “To be a Dom?”

Santana stopped and turned to him, searching.  He almost felt like she was trying to look inside his heart.  “Do you remember when you first realized you were gay?”

Kurt lowered his head.  He did.  He’d been just a freshman the first time he’d seen Finn Hudson on the football field, but his whole life had changed that day.  “Yeah.”

“What did it feel like?” she asked.

He remembered like it was yesterday, Finn protecting him from the bullies at school.  Finn had been his knight in shining armor back then.  “All I wanted was for him to let me love him,” he remembered.  “And for him to love me back.  I felt like if that could happen, everything else in the world would be okay.”

“For a Dom, it’s seeing someone and wanting more than anything to Dominate them.  To be in control of their every move, to know everything about them.  To be the person behind every decision, every step.  To have them obey you, only you, and to have them want to obey as if their life depends on it.”

“All the time?”

“Yes,” Santana said.  “All the time.”

“Is that how it was with Blaine?” he asked.

Her eyes sparkled at the memory.  “The first time he knelt for me I could barely breathe. I never…I never wanted him to kneel for anyone else ever again.  He was mine.”  She looked back up at him.  “Yes. That’s how it was with Blaine.”

It hurt, that she felt that for his husband.  But knowing made him understand her better.  “There are times now that I feel that way,” he said, lowering himself into the chair.  “I didn’t used to, but gradually….” He looked up at her.  “Blaine says he can feel it.  A spark of Dominance inside me.  I’ve started to be able to feel it too.”

“Do you know when?”

Kurt nodded.  “When his submission is strong.  It feels like fuel for the flame.”  It was like an oil lamp burning dimmer and brighter.  “His father wants me to go to his mom.  To be a _real Dom_ ,” he said, using air quotes.  “But even if it were possible, I honestly don’t think I could bear to feel that all the time. It sounds exhausting.”

“Kurt.”  She sat in the chair next to him, turning so they were facing one another.  “We have to talk about the claim.”

Kurt felt his heart clench in his chest.  “Please, Santana, don’t take him from me.”

She grabbed his hands without thought.  “Never,” she said and he felt his heart start beating again.  “I would never take him Kurt.  But if we’re going to do this, if we’re going to fight for your right to claim him, legally, you need to understand what you’re fighting for.”

“I understand Santana-”

“No,” she said, shaking her head.  “I don’t think that you do, you never learned everything it meant.  It isn’t like marriage Kurt.  Love is love no matter who you are and anyone has the right to love, but a claim…”  She paused, watching him carefully. “A claim is about ownership. Not just when you feel like it, but all the time.”

Kurt shook his head.  He knew Blaine loved the feeling of being owned and Kurt allowed him that.  But Blaine had the right to his freedom anytime he wanted it.  “Maybe traditionally-”

“No, Kurt, not traditionally.  Legally.  The three words of a claim aren’t _I love you._ They’re _you are mine._ A submissive belongs to their Dominant.”

Kurt sat back, something in his memory jarred.  “There’s this Hebrew phrase.  I remember it from Rachel and Finn’s claiming because they said it seven times. She and Jesse have it on a plaque above their door too. _Ani LeDodi VeDodi Li_.”  He looked up at Santana.  “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

“It’s ownership Kurt.  A legal contract stating that a Dominant takes on the responsibility of a submissive.  For their health and safety and finances, and their behavior.  Everything a submissive does reflects back on their Dom.  You are responsible for all of it.”

“Blaine told me that.  The first time he really explained what his submission meant to him.  That first time I chose to be a part of his punishment.”

“When you’re his Dom, there isn’t a choice,” she said.  “You will have legal control over his finances.  You will be held accountable if he is harmed in any way or if he goes into subdrop due to lack of care.” She knew that all too well.  “And if he gets in trouble Kurt, if god forbid he breaks the law, there is no choice anymore.  A court can order you to punish him however they see fit, or you can be punished for his actions.  Or both.”

“Santana, Blaine’s not going to break any laws.”

“My point is, Kurt, that claims aren’t the same as marriage.  And if you do this, if we go to court to fight for your right to claim him, you’ll lose the very few benefits of being Gray and gain the responsibility of being a Dominant.  Of being responsible for, of _owning_ , another human being.”

If anyone had asked Kurt on their wedding day if that was something that he wanted for himself or for Blaine, he would have told them they were crazy to even think it.  He’d had trouble with just the idea that Blaine was promising to obey him.  But if something ever happened to Blaine, it would kill him for someone else to be responsible for him.  And it would kill him even more for Blaine to be left on his own. 

“I love him,” Kurt said. And that was the only answer. “And because I love him, if I need to be that person for him then I will be.  If it’s not right for other people, that’s fine.  But this is what’s right for us Santana.  I know it hurts you, I can see it in your eyes, and if it any point you can’t be the one-”

“I will be with you every step of the way,” Santana promised, reaching out to squeeze his hand.  “This is what I went to school for. It's the only way that I can give Blaine everything he's ever wanted.  I don’t know what my role is in his life anymore, but he will always be my submissive Kurt, in my heart if not on paper.  I would do anything for him, even if it means letting him go.”

“You’re his best friend, Santana,” Kurt said.  “You will always be that.”  He stood up and pulled her into his arms.  He wrapped his love around her and suddenly all the tension they’d had between them, all the hard feelings he had felt toward her melted away.  All she’d done for Blaine, even the things he’d once despised, she’d only ever done what her heart had told her was best for him.  And he knew how to repay her for that.  “He loves you Santana.  He will always love you and I would never take that away from him even if I could.  I promise that no matter what, he will always be allowed to show you the respect you deserve for all you’ve done for him.  He will still kneel for you, I will make sure of it.”

He could feel the relief wash over her like a tidal wave, knowing that even if she lost everything else, she wouldn’t lose that.  “Thank you,” she whispered. 

He kissed her lightly on the cheek and squeezed her hand before turning to go.  His eyes fell to the cuff on her wrist.  He brushed a thumb over the leather.  Black and white. 

“Do you still think it’s harmless?” he asked her.  “A white claim?”

She looked at him.  Years of pain flashed in her eyes.  “No.”

“Would you do it again?  If you knew then what you know now?”

“To protect him? To make sure he had everything in the world he ever wanted?” He couldn’t feel it, but he knew her Dominance swirled.  “I would do anything.”

Everything in the world he ever wanted.  Kurt understood the feeling.  He wanted that too.  And he knew there was one thing that Blaine wanted more than almost anything else.  Kurt had been so reluctant for so many reasons.  But Santana would do anything for Blaine.  And so would he.  “Santana, there’s one more thing I’d like to ask you.”

* * *

 

Maybe it was the feel of red velvet beneath his fingers, or the gold gleaming off the banisters in the box seats, but there was something about sitting in the balcony of a theater that Blaine would always find soothing.  He missed it.  He missed performing.  He missed the feeling that a theater belonged to him.  But most of all he missed the love and applause of the crowd.  He had Kurt’s pride and approval, he was more sure of that now than he ever was, and it was enough.  But Blaine’s submission was too strong to ever stop craving more.

Though he didn’t have the audience, he did still have the theater community. Because despite being on the outside, all of Kurt and Rachel and Jesse’s friends had welcomed him in as if he was one of them.  Below him on the stage, Rachel sat in the chair of honor, her hands folded on her 8 month pregnant belly, baby shower presents that Serena had gleefully passed out surrounding her.  The cast and crew of Jesse’s latest show mixed with friends from Kurt’s production and the wider Broadway community and they all talked and drank, laughed and sang.  Jesse stood by Rachel’s side, bending down to whisper in her ear.  And Serena stood out amongst them all, dancing circles around the stage to the music playing over the sound system. 

“You know I saw you flirting with those Broadway boys, right?”

Blaine looked up at his husband’s playful smirk and matched it.  Kurt had been doing his own fair share of flirting. “Then you also saw me walk away and come up here.  Although if you feel like I deserve to be put over your knee…”

“Tempting.  But another time,” Kurt promised and he sat down next to Blaine, patting his thigh in consolation.  “What are you really doing up here?”

Blaine turned back to the stage.  “Watching Serena.  She’s so beautiful. She belongs up there.”

“You know we’re going to have to start putting her in classes,” Kurt said.

“Why pay for teachers when she has the best of the best teaching her for free?”

“The best of the best is going to be busy with their own baby in less than a month and won’t have time for ours,” Kurt pointed out.

 _Ours_.  But Serena wasn’t a baby anymore.  And Blaine missed having one around.  “How do you think she’ll be with him?” he asked softly.  “Rachel’s baby. He’ll be like a brother to her.”

“I think she’ll be a handful,” Kurt said. Blaine had to agree.  “But I think it will be good practice for her.”

Blaine turned in surprise to look at Kurt.  Kurt’s eyes stayed fixed on the stage, pointedly avoiding his husband’s gaze.  They’d been talking about it for years now, having another child.  Having Kurt’s child.  Kurt’s answer was always that he’d think about it or it wasn’t the right time.  And Blaine knew he had reservations, for more than one reason, but he also hoped every day that somehow Kurt could find a way to overcome them. 

“Are you saying you’re ready?” Blaine asked carefully.

Kurt lowered his head, absentmindedly twirling the wedding ring on his finger.  “I went over it so many different ways in my head.  Traditional surrogacy.  Gestational surrogacy.  Adoption.  But no matter what way I thought of bringing another child into our family it required bringing in another person too.”

Blaine smiled softly.  “Well yes.  Unless you’ve figured out a way for two men to have a baby by themselves than having another one will require at least one person of the female persuasion.” He’d been doing his own research though.  “But _Men Having Babies_ has a decade long track record of successful surrogacies Kurt, it doesn’t have to be like-”

“There’s no way to be sure though Blaine.  Surrogacy still isn’t legal in New York and no contract is for sure. I just can’t do it, I can’t have someone else in our lives, not like that.” Blaine’s heart sunk.  Kurt took a deep breath and let it out.  “But I know you want my baby.  And in a perfect world I want that too.  I love Serena and I love that she’s yours, so I get what you’re asking for.  And it’s not fair of me to deny you that.”

Blaine looked at the stage.  One of the other parents’ kids, blonde and beaming, was dancing with Serena, and all Blaine could see was Kurt as a child.  Free like he should have been, not scared and confused.  Maybe it wasn’t rational, maybe it didn’t even make sense, but all Blaine wanted was to give that little boy a second chance.  “Then what do we do?”

“When it comes down to it, I would do anything for you.  But I’m not the only one.”  They looked at one another, eyes searching for the answer before Kurt found the courage to tell him.  “I asked Santana.” Blaine’s breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened.  Kurt continued quickly. “I know it’s crazy after everything that’s happened between us and truthfully the idea of my sperm and her egg together makes me a little queasy, but…”  Kurt made a face and Blaine chuckled.  Kurt’s fearful expression softened at the hope in Blaine’s face and he took his husband’s hand.  “If you think about it, it’s the best thing for our family.  We wouldn’t be bringing in anyone new and even more importantly the baby and Serena would be biological siblings.”

Blaine still couldn’t believe his ears.  It was the last decision he ever would have thought Kurt would make.  It wasn’t something that they had ever even talked about.  It wasn’t something Blaine would have even imagined.  “Are you sure?”

“No,” Kurt said, letting out a nervous laugh.  “But I think so.”

“And Santana said yes?”

Kurt shrugged.  “I may have caught her at a vulnerable time,” he admitted.  “We should talk to her again.  Both of us together.  When you’re ready.  I honestly don’t know if this is right for us, but everything else just feels wrong.  I love you Blaine.  And I truly would do anything for you.”

“I would do anything for you too,” Blaine said and he leaned in and kissed Kurt, his submission wrapping him in love.  He tried not to picture it, he tried to temper his expectations, but beneath his closed lids he could see the four of them, him and Kurt and Serena and their brand new baby, and it took his breath away.  His submission swirled.

He came back to his senses when the kiss changed, when Kurt took over and the spark of his Dominance flared.  Blaine’s heart quickened and he pulled back shakily.  Kurt was staring at him, eyes darkened. 

“Sir?”

“Would you really do anything for me, sweetheart?”  Kurt’s voice was that beautiful mix of hard and soft and Blaine’s submission rushed through his veins and latched on. 

“Yes, Sir, of course.”

“I’m glad to hear it.  Because there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.” Blaine swallowed nervously. “Jesse tells me you’ve decided not to audition for the revival of _Once_.”

“Jesse has a big mouth,” Blaine grumbled but his cheeks grew red with the feeling that he’d disappointed Kurt. His attention turned to examine his fingers.

“Why?” Kurt demanded.

Blaine shrugged his shoulders.  “I haven’t done anything in forever Kurt.  I’m completely out of practice.  I’m nobody Kurt, there’s no way I’d get the starring role in a Broadway show.”

“Look at me,” Kurt ordered.  It took more strength than it should have to obey, but Blaine was afraid of what he’d see.  Kurt’s gaze was stern.  “You are the husband and sub of a Broadway director, a brilliant musician and composer, not to mention a vocalist on the latest Mercedes Jones album. You are far from nobody.  I think you’re exactly who that part was written for and I know that you do too.  So how about you tell me the real reason you’re choosing not to audition.”  Blaine just wrung his hands, and his silence spoke volumes.  “Blaine, I will not allow you to put your career on hold for me any longer.”

Blaine tried to look away.  “That’s not what I’m-”

“No lies, Blaine.” Kurt gripped his chin and forced his eyes back to his.  “I know you.  I know your submission.  And I’m not going to let you do it anymore.  I know you think that watching you perform on stage will hurt me because it’s what I wanted as a kid, but watching you sit on the sidelines hurts more.  I have a show on Broadway and maybe I don’t perform every night but my voice is there.  I’m good Blaine.  Better than good.”

“Kurt-”

But Kurt had had enough and he took Blaine’s hands in his.  “If you want to show your subservience to me then you kneel by my side.  But you will not hold yourself back anymore.  You will go to that audition.  And you will do your best.  And you will go to every callback.  And if you are offered the role you will take it.”

Blaine shivered at the order.  He knew he would obey.  As much as it terrified him, he wanted desperately to obey.  The idea of performing again, of standing on that stage, looking out into an audience, it made his heart race with anticipation. 

But Blaine was Blaine and he would never stop testing his limits.  “What if I choose not to?”

Kurt’s hands slipped to Blaine’s wrists.  He crossed one over the other then gripped them both hard in one hand.  His eyes bore into Blaine’s.  “If you refuse to submit to me on your own then you will leave me with no choice but to force you to remember what it means to submit.  Is that understood?”

Blaine shuddered.  His wrists bound so tight in Kurt’s grip that he couldn’t move them, he understood completely.  “Yes, sir,” he whispered. 

There was one more thing that he understood.  Compared to Kurt’s promised punishment, there wasn’t an audition in the world that would be scarier.

* * *

 

There was no place Rachel would agree to deliver their baby other than the Mount Sinai Roosevelt birthing center.  Blaine had never been there so it took a few frantic minutes getting to the front of the line at the information desk and searching the hospital for the right elevator to get him to the right floor of the right unit.  The unit was locked and Blaine rang the bell for the large, angry nurse to let him in.

“I’m here to see Rachel Berry?  I’m her friend, her sub asked me to come.”

Blaine was ready to text Jesse back if she didn’t allow him through the doors, but she did.  It was gorgeous, not at all like where Santana delivered, and she led him to what looked more like a living room that a waiting area, where Jesse was pacing the floor.

“Jesse why are you-”

“Oh thank god you’re here Blaine,” Jesse said, grasping wildly at Blaine’s shoulders.  “I called Kurt but he was at rehearsal and I just didn’t know what else to do so-”

“Jesse, calm down,” Blaine urged.  He could feel the submission pouring off of him, he could see the clouds in his eyes.  “Jesse, what’s wrong, is everything okay with Rachel?  Why aren’t you in there with her? Did she kick you out?”

Jesse shook his head.  “I can’t.” Blaine had never seen him like this, even remotely out of control.  “I couldn’t.  She’s in so much pain and I can’t fix it.”

Blaine let out a deep breath.  This he could handle.  He knew exactly what Jesse was feeling, he had felt it himself when Santana was giving birth to Serena. “Okay, come sit down.” When he didn’t move, Blaine took his hand and led him to sit down on the couch.  “You need to breathe Jesse, take a deep breath.”

Jesse couldn’t breathe though.  “I’m a terrible sub Blaine.  No really,” he said when Blaine started to protest.  “I pretend that it’s all fun and games but this is real and I have no idea what to do.  And if I can’t do this how on earth am I going to be a good dad?  What the hell were we thinking?”

Jesse was spiraling.  He needed a Dom but Rachel couldn’t help him right then and no one else was there.  So he let go of his submission and latched on, knowing he couldn’t stop the fall, but he could slow it by falling with him.  “Everyone’s submission is different Jesse.  Brittany needs to be cared for and I need to be held accountable and you need to play and Rachel loves you for that.  But we’re all strong in our own way.  And that’s what Rachel needs right now.  The part of you that fought for her and waited for her and put away your need to play to take her pain from her.  That’s the Jesse she needs right now.  And as for being a dad, that playful side is exactly what’s going to make you a good one.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do.  Look, you do a great job with Serena when you babysit.  She loves her Uncle Jesse more than she loves us sometimes it seems, she comes back from being with you with stories upon stories.”

Jesse let himself laugh.  “She gets me in trouble all the time.”

“Something we have in common,” Blaine smiled.  “Santana and I both used to have that mischievous spirit too.  I’d have been surprised if Serena didn’t.”  Jesse looked at him. The clouds were parting slightly.  “You can do this.  Just be what she needs and if she doesn’t need anything just kneel by her side until she does.  I promise you’ll be okay.”

The nurse stuck her head in the door.  “It’s time,” she said.

Jesse turned to Blaine with fear in his eyes.  “Just be you Jesse,” Blaine told him.  “You’ll be fine.”

* * *

 

It was visiting Rachel in the birthing center, and watching Brittany hold a day old Gabriel Finley Berry, that made Santana realize how selfish she had been.  For years she had clung to the identity of Blaine’s Dom.  The precarious nature of it, the knowledge that someday it would go away, had made her hold on tight.  Too tight.  And they’d suffered for it, they all had, but the one person they thought was the least affected by it, she’d probably allowed to suffer the most.

Brittany tickled at the baby’s chin and cooed into his neck and sometimes Santana forgot how beautiful she was, how innocent.  How submissive.  She sometimes forgot that Brittany was so submissive that she could be the last one to speak up for herself and her needs.

When Santana had been accused of neglecting Blaine she’d been so afraid of losing him, of losing them both.  And she’d been jealous of Kurt because she’d suddenly realized that the bond of marriage was protection from the government’s right to take him.  She’d almost proposed to Brittany then, she’d even gone so far as to look at rings, but something had stopped her.  Her connection to Blaine. 

Kurt was strong.  As much as he hated it, if Kurt had to live his whole life with his husband having a bond with someone else, he could do it.  But she knew Brittany couldn’t.  As a sub, she was willing to share her Dom.  But as a wife, Santana knew that Brittany wouldn’t be able to endure divided loyalties.  She had to let him go first.

Watching the woman she loved hold a baby in her arms, she knew that was what she wanted.  A family.  All her own.

* * *

 

There was a ritual about the end of the day at the studio for Blaine.  A putting in order.  The coffee pot went off.  The microphones were cleaned and put away.  The sound board was powered off and wiped down.  He vacuumed the floor of the remnants of snacks eaten and in the quiet of cleaning and routine, he allowed his submission to wash back over him after being in charge all day. It was soothing.  It was centering.  It was just what he needed each night before seeing Kurt again.

He heard the front door open and he checked his watch as he straightened the cushions on the couch.  “Hey, you’re early,” he called with a smile.  But it dropped as soon as he turned. It wasn’t Kurt at the door. 

“Santana…”

He shrank back against the couch without thinking, propping himself up on the arm to prevent himself from falling to his knees.  His arms folded defensively across his chest. 

It had been too long since he’d seen her.  Almost a month.

The wave of cold submission shivering through him reminded him why.

“Santana…” he tried again.  “I don’t…I don’t know if you should be here.”

She didn’t make to leave.  But she didn’t move closer either.  She just leaned back against the sound table, her strong grip on the edge the only sign of her own hesitance. “Sweetheart-”

“Don’t,” Blaine said quickly, his eyes closing briefly as his head spun.  His submission begged him to let him fall, but he refused it. “Please don’t call me that.”

“I’m sorry.”  Santana’s gaze dropped to the floor. 

Blaine’s guilt flooded him.  He could see the distress in her face, not knowing if she was angry or upset but knowing he’d caused it. “I know I should have come see you-”

“I’m not mad, sweet…Blaine,” she corrected.  “I understand.  It’s probably good that you didn’t. My instincts are as strong as yours.”

She wanted to punish him as much as he felt he deserved it.  And she fought it, as much as he did.

“Then why are you here?” he asked carefully.

“I miss you.  I miss us.”  His stomach tightened and his hand curled around the course fabric of the throw pillow.  Santana must have noticed because she quickly continued. “I don’t mean as Dom and sub.  I mean, I miss my best friend.  I miss how things were.  Before.”

The words surprised him.  He found himself speechless.

Santana though had been thinking about it for a long time.  “Do you remember when we were twelve years old and we ran away from home?  Do you remember how we huddled in the trees behind my house, sharing secrets?  Our fears.  Our dreams.”

Blaine remembered being afraid to show his father his “C” in science.  Being afraid of disappointing him. He remembered Santana promising that whatever he said or did, she was proud of him just for trying.  He remembered talking about what was really important to them, music and politics and dance and each other.  He remembered all of it.

“Do you remember at Dalton, how you’d flirt and flounce, knowing that every girl at Crawford wanted you.  Knowing that they all thought we were together, knowing that I’d have to Dominate you in front of them all in order to keep my reputation. God, how you’d goad me,” she laughed in soft remembrance.

Even then he’d wanted it.  To submit.  To be owned.  To be loved by someone.  And for the world to know it.

“At our Claiming,” Santana continued.  “We were so young.  Naïve.  I thought that nothing had changed, that it would all just be what it had always been.  But you knew the moment you knelt for me.  Everything changed between us that day.  My Dominance became responsible for you.  Your submission became accountable to me.  We weren’t just us anymore.”

“We were never just us Santana,” Blaine said, shaking his head.  That was the problem, that was what he didn’t know how to overcome.  “You were always a Dom and I was always a sub.  And that part of us…” He didn’t want to admit it.  He didn’t have any idea what to do with that truth now.  “That part of us was always perfect together.”

“No.”  Santana shook her head.  “It stopped being perfect the day you met Kurt.”

Santana was right.  Every day since then, Kurt had made his way further into Blaine’s heart.  Every day his submission turned away from her and toward him a little more.  Every day, little by little, his bond with Santana kept changing.  It would change again today.

“Do you remember when we kissed?” she asked him.

Blaine couldn’t help but smile at the memory.  “We were so nervous. You asked me how it was.”

“You said it felt nice,” Santana said.

Blaine remembered.  “You told me to stop lying.”

“We have to stop lying now too,” Santana said.  “I may be your Dom in the eyes of the law, but Kurt has been yours in your heart for a very long time now.  The truth is, you stopped truly being my sub the day you met him.  And it took a while, but now…he’s your Dom, Blaine.  In every way.  We have to…we have to let go.”

He knew she was right.  He knew it would hurt and it would be hard, and maybe they’d mess up sometimes.  But there was one thing she was wrong about.  Blaine got up and crossed the room.  He took Santana’s hands in his, pulled her to her feet and wrapped her in his arms.  “I’m not letting you go, Santana.  You may not be my Dom but you will always be my best friend.  Always.  I love you Santana.  I always will.”

She laid her head on his shoulder and let out the breath she’d been holding. She let the Dominance that fought to surround him settle back into her heart.  “I love you too,” she said.

* * *

 

The night of Rachel’s baby shower, after Serena had gone to bed, Kurt had made Blaine kneel in the corner of their bedroom, hands behind his back, eyes closed so he saw nothing but darkness.  And then Kurt had turned to his computer, played the song, and Blaine fell.

 _Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
_And I can't go back_

Blaine remembered that now, as he sat in his music room, on his piano bench, guitar in hand, eyes closed.  He remembered the touch of Kurt’s hand in his hair.  He remembered the tears that had escaped down his cheeks.  He remembered the words washing over him, making him feel so much, making him believe that Kurt and Jesse were right.  This role was made for him.  This song was written for him.About him and about Kurt.  He remembered the promise he’d made.  He would do his best.

 _Moods that take me and erase me_  
_And I'm painted black_

Rehearsing now, singing those words felt like falling back into subspace, sinking into the deep state of nothing and everything. They took him deep, erased everything that hurt him, until there was nothing but blackness.  Blackness and Kurt. 

 _You have suffered enough_  
_And warred with yourself_  
_It's time that you won_

Kurt, who had grown up being told he was different, worthless, absent of emotion and talent, incapable of love.  Kurt, who had feared Blaine and lost Blaine and loved Blaine and fought for him.  Kurt, who had warred with himself every day, every time he had Dominated Blaine into sweet, sweet, submission, feeling the guilt, the self-hatred, the doubt, but also the desire, so much desire.  Kurt, who had been forced to stand by and watch the man he loved fall to his knees for someone else, submit to someone else, over and over and over again.

 _Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
_We've still got time_  
_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_  
_You've made it now_  


And though it felt like they’d been together forever now, their life together had only just begun.  It was time to put the rest behind them.  Kurt had his career and the respect of the Broadway community and he had the satisfaction of proving everyone wrong.  Kurt had Blaine’s love.  He had Blaine’s devotion. He had Blaine’s submission.  His child.  And soon Kurt would have his own.

There was only one thing left that Kurt needed.  But it was the most important.  Blaine’s claim.  They would fight for it together.

 _Falling slowly sing your melody_  
_I'll sing it loud_

 

“You sing that for Daddy.”

Blaine’s eyes fluttered open, the room spinning as he reoriented and turned around to see his daughter standing in the door, hair done up with ribbon, wearing a pink dress.  Maybe it was the heightening of his senses as he rose out of subspace, but she looked taller.  Older.  She was really starting to become a little girl. 

“What makes you think so?” he asked, inviting her over.

She walked over and climbed up next to him, crossing one leg over the other.  The bouncing, defiant toddler was slowly transforming into a little lady as she became more aware of herself and her surroundings and how other people might see her.  Which also meant she was becoming more aware of her fathers and how the world saw them.  “He chose you.  And now you sing his melody.”

Blaine couldn’t help but smile.  “I chose him too,” he said, pulling her to him.  “I choose him.”

She looked up at him, golden eyes wide. She knew that her mommy was Papa’s Dom.  But she also knew that her Daddy was.  She wasn’t totally sure what any of that meant, just that it was confusing.  Just like it was confusing that she had a mommy she didn’t live with and two fathers that she did. “Is Mommy mad? That you chose him?”

Blaine firmly believed that the best wisdom came from the innocent, and he put his guitar down to take Serena’s hand.  “No pumpkin, she’s not mad.  She’s probably a little sad though.  But your mommy and I always planned things to be this way.”

That was something she definitely didn’t understand. She lowered her head, because it seemed that maybe things with her were planned that way too.  Maybe because she was Papa’s she was supposed to be all Daddy’s too.  “Would she be sad if I chose him too?” she asked.

Blaine pulled her close, hugging her into his side.  “Oh honey, you don’t have to make that choice,” he said.  He lifted her chin with her hand.  “Don’t ever think that you have to choose between Mommy and Daddy. You can love them both. Just like you love Auntie Britt and Rachel and Uncle Jesse and Sam…”

“But you don’t love them the same,” she said.  “You kiss Daddy.  And hug him.  And tell him all the secrets I’m not allowed to know.  And you sleep with him at night and you…”  She didn’t know the words for that thing she felt, the energy that sometimes poured off of her Papa and wrapped around her Daddy.  It was the same thing she felt from Brittany, only Mommy had energy too.  Daddy didn’t.  At least she couldn’t feel it.

Blaine smiled at her.  “You’re three years old Serena.  You don’t have to figure out the whole world yet.  I promise, when you’re ready to understand it all, you will.  It may not be easy.  It hasn’t been easy for Daddy or me or Mommy.  We’re still figuring it out, we’re still learning.  All you have to do is just keep singing your melody.  As loud as you can.”

* * *

 

Blaine closed the door behind him as quietly as he could, the small click of metal on metal the only sound.  He looked over at Kurt, resting against the arm of the couch, his laptop sitting atop long, beautiful stretched legs, and he shoved his hands in his pockets.  “Mind if I join you?”

Kurt looked up.  “Is she asleep?”

“Yes, finally,” he said with a smile, relief and exhaustion in his voice as he crossed the room toward his husband.

“How was your day?” Kurt asked.

Blaine stopped at the foot of the couch, the tips of his fingertips brushing the arm.  “Frustrating.  All I could think about was my callback tomorrow.  So I screwed up a recording and set one of my clients back two days.”  His laid his palms flat against the fabric.  He’d felt guilty messing up.  He’d felt like…

“Well then let me take your mind off of it for the rest of the night,” Kurt said.  He lifted his arm and the blanket covering his lap and invited Blaine in.

Kurt’s sympathy replaced his guilt and he walked over and slid in beside his Dom, snuggling up against the warmth of his body.  “So what are you looking…” Blaine saw the screen and lost his breath.  “Fuck…”

There were many things Kurt could have been looking at on his computer.  Fashion blogs, political articles, new music videos, or theater reviews were all a part of Kurt’s usual nightly repertoire. 

A page filled with whips and floggers and paddles was not.

“Just a little shopping,” Kurt said, with about the most feigned nonchalance Blaine had ever heard.  “I figured it would be better to have things on hand before we need them than to not have them when we want them.”

The spinning in his head started immediately. “Very smart, sir.”  Blaine could feel the tingle start in his toes, the arousal from just the very idea of Kurt using one of those implements on him, any of them, rushing through his veins.  His cock stirred.

The unconscious wiggle of his hips was a dead giveaway of his desire and Kurt didn’t hesitate to lay a hand upon him, stroking his fingers lightly up and down Blaine’s length.

“I have two items in the cart already,” Kurt said, ignoring the tiny mewling sound that escaped his sub’s lips.  “A beautiful matching paddle and flogger set, black lacquered wood and leather, the handles ornately decorated.  But then I thought I’d keep looking.”

Blaine’s heart was racing in his chest, his throat nearly closing as his cock flexed hungrily over and over into Kurt’s hand.  He sighed when Kurt’s hand slipped beneath the waistband of his sweats and increased the pressure.

“Pocket implements,” Kurt continued, as if his hand stroking Blaine’s cock was part of a completely different conversation than the one they were having.  “Perfect replicas of the regular sized ones, but made to fit discreetly inside a Dom’s back pocket.” Kurt looked down at him, eyes dancing with mischief.  “So his sub knows that punishment is available whenever and wherever they are.” 

Blaine curled into Kurt’s side, burying his face in the crook of his Dom’s neck.  He could see Kurt now, walking down the streets of New York, a paddle in his back pocket, just waiting for him to mess up.  He imagined Kurt pressing him against the wall.  Smacking him right there on the street, for everyone to see.  He took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Plus, it says they’re really good for punishment here,” Kurt said, sliding his hand out and over the curves of Blaine’s ass, down to squeeze Blaine’s balls though the fabric.  “If that’s something you want,” he added.

Blaine could feel the sweat of arousal on his skin as his submission began to soar.  “Do you remember when you first started reading the Art of Domination?” he whispered, his mouth gone dry.  “And I told you there were things that sounded incredible in fantasy but I wasn’t sure about reality?”

Kurt pressed behind Blaine’s balls, massaging the sensitive skin.  Moisture pooled on the tip of Blaine’s cock. 

“Mmhhm,” Kurt hummed in answer.

“That was it,” Blaine confessed.  “Being spanked.  There.  And I’m sure now, sir.  So sure.”

Kurt smiled at him.  “Then I shall add these two to the cart?”

Blaine nodded and returned to his back, eyes closed.  Kurt moved with him and Blaine was swollen in Kurt’s hand once again, hard and aching and he had to know what was in store for him that night.  “Are you going to let me come tonight?  I just need to know so I can-”

“I don’t know Blaine, it sounds like maybe you don’t deserve it.”

“No, of course, sir,” Blaine breathed, the reminder of his failure at the studio tightening his stomach.  “You’re right, I don’t. Please…”

Kurt hesitated for only a moment before removing his hand. Blaine nearly sobbed with relief at the small bit of mercy. “There was more I wanted us to look at tonight though.”

For a second Blaine thought Kurt planned an evening of torture, but then he clicked over to a new page, filled with bondage restraints.  Blaine’s idea of torture changed.  His need to come ebbed, but it didn’t stop his heart from beating frantically.  The reason shifted though and Kurt could tell.  He held Blaine close, protectively.

“We’ll just look,” Kurt promised, trying to reassure him.  “If you see something you like we’ll look at it further, but nothing goes in the cart without your consent.  Okay sweetheart?”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine said and he looked as Kurt scrolled through.  There was so much; cuffs and shackles, collars, bondage suits, suspension, spreader bars, restraint kits, leashes and leads and so much more.  They went through it slowly.  Blaine could hear Kurt’s breath quickening as they looked, but other than that, his Dom made no sound.

It scared him.  It scared him so much to see the pictures of subs in bondage, hobbled, tied to beds and benches.  Restraints that restricted movement and eliminated obedience because they were left with no choice.  It scared him to imagine himself in those pictures, bound and stripped of his freedom.  His submission placed entirely in Kurt’s hands.

And he knew he had to do it.  Because a long time ago he had told Kurt that what he wanted more than anything was to succeed at the impossible.  To go beyond his own limits.  He had told Kurt that if he could obey even when submitting was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, even when his head was screaming to safeword but his heart knew he could make it through…

He had told Kurt how incredible he thought it would feel, to do that with the person he loved more than anyone.

Kurt knew how it felt.  He’d overcome his limits to give Blaine everything he’d wanted. 

Kurt deserved that too.

Kurt deserved that depth of submission.

He placed his finger on the touchpad and scrolled back up to the top.  Cuffs covered in ornate black and gold silk to look like a scarf, a scarf that could be wrapped up the slats of a headboard or down the legs of a table or chair.  They were gorgeous and he imagined himself wearing them and it was terrifying. 

And it was so Kurt.

He clicked on the button and added them to their cart.  Kurt looked at him.

“Are you sure?” Kurt asked gently.

“No,” Blaine said, a nervous chuckle escaping.  “But yes.”

“I’ll tell you a secret,” Kurt said, leaning over to whisper in Blaine’s ear.  “The things I put in the cart scare me too.”  Blaine looked up at him, golden eyes shining with love.  “But it’s time to redefine ourselves.”

“What do you want to do with them Kurt?” Blaine asked, trying to be brave.  “What’s your greatest fantasy?”

Kurt lowered the lid of the laptop and placed it on the table behind him.  He took Blaine in his arms, his hand resting on his thigh, fingers reaching up to tease.  Pressing his lips in a gentle kiss to Blaine’s head, he gazed out the window, the lights of New York City at night twinkling back at him.  “I want a dark, quiet night like this.  You naked, on the bed.  Every part of you tied, your wrists to the headboard, your ankles to the bed, your balls and your cock wrapped in the richest of silk, clasped in the tightest of rings.” Blaine flexed beneath Kurt’s fingers unconsciously.  Kurt gave him a soft squeeze.  “And then I want to kiss you.  Every inch of your body, until it’s trembling beneath my lips with every touch.”  Blaine could feel himself trembling already.  “Then I’ll strip for you.  Slowly.  You’ll want to reach out and touch me but you can’t.  I’ll straddle you, and lean over, gripping your wrists in my hands, pressing them into the bed.  You’ll be so hard for me and I’ll sink down all the way until you fill me.  And I’ll ride you until I can barely breathe.” Blaine’s eyes were closed now, imagining it all.  He knew he was whimpering with desire but he could hear only the sound of Kurt’s voice.  “You’ll want to come inside me but you can’t, and you’ll want to stroke me, but you can’t do that either.  You can only watch as I touch myself, pleasure myself, until finally I let go and coat your skin.  And you won’t be able to do anything about that either.  Not until I decide to set you free.”

“Fuck, Kurt,” Blaine whispered.  “You make it sound so perfect.”

“What about you?” Kurt asked.  “What’s your greatest fantasy?”

Blaine sat up and looked Kurt in the eye.  He knew.  He’d known for a very long time now.  He’d known since the day Kurt had agreed to be his.  “Do you remember that night at Escuelita?”

“Of course,” Kurt said.  It was a silly question.  Neither one of them would ever forget it.

“That’s my greatest fantasy,” Blaine said.  Not long ago he would have been afraid to admit it.  But Kurt was different now.  “I want what I’d wanted that night.”

Kurt was staring into his eyes, searching for every piece of truth in what he said.  But Blaine wanted it all.  He wanted the world to see Kurt claim him, punish him, humiliate him, and Dominate him.  He wanted it with every breath, with every beat of his heart. 

There was a time when Kurt would have asked why.  But he didn’t have to anymore.  He took Blaine’s hand and ran his thumb over the studs of Blaine’s cuff.  “You blow them away at your callback tomorrow, and you get this role, and that will be your reward.”

Blaine’s eyes opened wide.  It was only a fantasy.  He never expected Kurt to agree.  “Sir, you don’t have to…”

But Kurt’s eyes flared and Blaine stopped.  “You get this role and that will be your reward,” Kurt said again.  “I’ve pushed you to perform in front of the crowd when you were scared and didn’t think you were ready.  If you can do it for me, then I can do it for you.”

Blaine tried to say _thank you_.  He tried to tell Kurt he loved him.  But he fell so fast and so hard that the words never made it out of his mouth.  Kurt smiled, wrapped him in his love, held him safe, and together they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

It took very little for Blaine to press every single one of Kurt’s buttons, but Blaine wasn’t leaving anything to chance that evening.  Tight black pants hugged his legs and accentuated the curve of his ass, which Kurt loved to grab and squeeze and, yes, even spank on occasion now that he’d stopped fearing the power of it.  Blaine’s thin white button down clung to every muscle of his well-toned arms and stomach.  His purple and black striped bow tie hung undone around his neck, as it would all night.  For some reason that was one of Kurt’s biggest buttons of all.

And still, as turned on as Kurt was at the vision of his sub, nerves were playing games inside of him.  And if they were rolling inside him, he had to know whether or not Blaine felt the same way. 

“Sweetheart, are you sure you want to do this?”  He wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist from behind and Blaine sucked in a breath as if he was already struggling to deny himself.  And perhaps he was.

“Sir,” Blaine said, watching his husband’s face in the bedroom mirror.  “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.” He turned to face Kurt.  Kurt whose face was paler than usual.  Whose eyes were wider and more flighty and whose hand was nearly shaking against Blaine’s hip.  “But if you don’t want to, we won’t.  We can still go to the club and just dance, or we can go to a piano bar and sing.”  Blaine slid his hands down Kurt’s sides, teasing forward then back as if he couldn’t decide what part of Kurt was his favorite.  Of course Blaine didn’t have favorites.  He loved every inch.  He wanted every inch.  “Or we can just stay home and have loud, hot, kinky sex all night long.”

Kurt laughed, releasing a little bit of the tension that had him bundled up into knots.  Knots he wanted to untie.  For Blaine.  But not here.  That wasn’t the point of the evening at all.  He forced Blaine’s hand from his body and Blaine turned.  Their fingers linked together. “We should go,” Kurt said, his voice breathy, not with desire but nerves.  Which didn’t fool Blaine in the slightest even as he was led to the front hallway.

“Kurt,” Blaine said sternly, an order from sub to Dom.  Kurt stopped.  He closed his eyes, took a breath and turned.  When he opened them, Blaine was only inches from his face and his expression was deadly serious.  “We won’t do this if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” Kurt said, despite the shakiness of his voice.  “I want to do it for you.  You earned it, sweetheart, with all your hard work and I’m not going to go back on that promise.  We finagled Rachel to take Serena until tomorrow night which she hasn’t done since the baby was born and I’m not going to pay that price just for a regular evening we could have any time.  We’ve talked about this since we got the phone call weeks ago, we’ve discussed everything in detail. I promised we would do this if you got the part.  I’m just…” he lowered his head.  He was just scared out of his mind.  “I’m just a little nervous.  That’s all.”

Blaine thought of calling Kurt out on the lie, but diminishing Kurt’s Dominance right then would have been entirely unhelpful.  Instead he reached to the side table behind him for the black leather pocket paddle they had bought and placed the handle gently in Kurt’s palm.  As he wrapped both their hands around it, Kurt’s eyes raised to meet his.  “Nothing is different than what we’ve talked about,” Blaine said clearly.  “I put everything tonight entirely in your hands.  My pleasure, my pride, and my submission.  I have no limits.  I will safeword if I need to.   But I need to know that you will too.”

Blaine’s words slowed the racing of Kurt’s heart and he nodded as he tucked the paddle into the back of his jeans.  It felt heavy but right there.  It gave him strength.  “I will.  I promise.”

“Three taps signals a safeword from a distance,” Blaine reminded him.  “On my leg if I can, with my foot, or whatever is possible, just look for three and come get me.   If I see yours I will walk away from whatever I’m doing immediately, I promise.”

“My three will be on my heart,” Kurt told him. 

Blaine leaned in and kissed him, soft and tentative at first but then deeper, pushing into him, pulling him close so that their bodies met and drew moans from them both.  Blaine pressed himself into Kurt and when Kurt pulled away, he couldn’t help but smile.  The darkness in Kurt’s eyes had returned. 

Kurt looked at his sub with a sly grin. “You really want to start that already when I haven’t even decided whether or not I’m going to let you come tonight?”

Blaine began to say that he wanted to start everything, then changed his mind to say that he needed to wait like he should, and he was so caught in his indecision that all he could do was fall to his knees. 

Kurt laughed softly. “So eager,” he said.

“Yes Sir,” Blaine whispered, licking his lips to relieve the sudden dryness. 

“Your cuff please,” Kurt ordered, a hand out.  “Your wedding ring too.”  Without a word Blaine unbuckled it his cuff and slipped off his ring, putting both in his Dom’s hand.  Kurt placed it on the table in the front hallway where it would remain until they returned then took a step toward him, brushing his fingers through Blaine’s hair.  His hand caressed lovingly down his cheek then under his chin, lifting Blaine’s eyes to his.  “What do you want to feel tonight?” he asked with a gentleness.

Amber eyes glowed bright then lowered to stare at the hands on his knees. 

“Owned,” Blaine said.

Neither knew what would happen that night, what limits they might reach and tear down.  How far either of them would go.  Or fall. But they both knew it would be one of those nights that would change them forever.

* * *

 

When they’d started to prepare weeks ago for the night at Black and White, Blaine had negotiated two things with Elliott.  He would prepare his room for Kurt and Blaine to use if they needed it, and Elliott wouldn’t be there the night they chose to go.  There was no argument.  Elliott respected what they were planning and respected that his presence would make it virtually impossible.

The music blared from a block away, and the bass pounded in their ears to the beat of their hearts which sped up with every step toward the door.  The minute they crossed the threshold lights blinded them and the furious swirl of Dominance and submission overwhelmed Blaine’s senses.  He almost envied Kurt’s inability to feel it.

“Still okay?” Kurt yelled before they went up to the doorman for their wristbands.  He knew the power of this place for Blaine.  It was only one of the reasons why no matter how often he came, he never felt like he truly belonged there.  The other reason they hoped to overcome that evening. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Blaine reeled in his submission for the moment.  He handed his ID to the bouncer who snapped a white band around his wrist.  Kurt did the same but when the bouncer looked at him he stopped.  They didn’t frequent often enough to be able to skip this conversation every time.  Blaine leaned over. “He goes without.  He’s on the list.”

The bouncer checked a notebook inside the podium drawer, ran his finger down and then nodded, lifting the rope for both of them to enter. 

“He still needs a better system to deal with Grays,” Kurt muttered. 

Blaine wrapped a protective arm around his waist and smiled.  “Understatement of the year my love,” he said and kissed him softly on the cheek.  “But you’re the one that told him you didn’t want a black band, and tonight, you are going to show them all just how colorful Gray is.”

Kurt smiled, grabbed Blaine by the hips and pulled him in close before draping his arms over his shoulders.  Blaine’s eyes opened wide with surprise as Kurt pressed his already hard cock against him roughly.  “And if I wanted to just skip to the part of the night where I fuck you?”

Blaine closed his eyes and sucked in a breath as his own cock now pressed painfully against his pants for release.  "So there’s definitely gonna be that part of the night?” he asked thickly.

Kurt leaned in and whispered hotly by his ear.  “If you deserve it.”  Blaine felt himself leak slightly at the words and he tried desperately to get a grip on himself before he ruined the whole evening before it had even begun.  Kurt had no intention of making anything easy for him that night though, and Blaine loved him for it.  “Are you going to deserve it?” Kurt asked him.

Blaine wanted to nod his head until it hurt and tell him that yes, yes he would.  But instead he let go of his submission, wrapped it around Kurt and opened his eyes. He took a step back and lowered his now slightly clouded gaze.  “That will be for you to decide, Sir.”

He didn’t see Kurt’s smile, but he felt the small flare of Dominance before he heard Kurt’s hardened voice.  “You’re absolutely right, it will be for me to decide.  Now go.”

A sharp smack on his ass sent adrenaline rushing through Blaine’s veins.  This had been his idea, he wanted it desperately. He’d wanted it for years and had almost lost Kurt to the desire once upon a time.  But he wasn’t going to lose Kurt today, not now that they both understood.  Today he intended to end with him worshipping his Dom, rendered speechless by his courage and commitment.  His life was a constant lesson in what it truly meant to belong to Kurt.  That evening the rest of the world was going to learn too.

But first he had to pretend that he didn’t.  He went to the bar.  He knew Kurt was watching his every move, he could feel his eyes on him.  “Old-Fashioned please,” Blaine ordered.  Kurt was allowing him one drink that evening, just a hint of liquid courage.  Not enough to lower his inhibitions or deepen his submission.  Just enough to warm his insides before Kurt would warm his outside.  At least that was what Blaine hoped.

He paid the barkeep and took a sip, feeling the whisky burn as it went down.  That burn made him ache for a different burn, which made his cock knock against his zipper for freedom.  He thought to calm it, but he knew he shouldn’t.  It’s what he needed.  It’s what some Dom out there on the dance floor wanted.  Now Blaine just had to find the right one.

He circled the room, drink in hand for a while, sensing Kurt trailing him every step of the way.  Doms were everywhere, many of them straight, but Blaine set his eye on three specific ones and watched them for a few minutes.  Mr. Tall and Blonde seemed kind but too gentle for the evening.  Mr. Tough and Stocky Brunette was rougher than Blaine wanted to deal with.  But the third seemed perfect.  Slightly taller than Blaine, hair dirty blonde and swept up, he was built and moved well with the cuffless sub with whom he currently danced.  The kid though couldn’t hold a candle to what Blaine could offer and with one long drink, he put his empty glass down and swept in to steal away his target.

“I know this is very forward of me sir, but I couldn’t help but notice you,” he announced modestly.

The Dom stopped dancing and looked from his current sub to Blaine, but really there was no choice.  Blaine’s submission poured off of him, luring him in with its strength.  For good measure, Blaine looked up at him with obedient eyes and reached a hand to the man’s chest, thumbing across his nipple. 

“You are very forward,” the Dom said, turning to Blaine now, forgetting the other who slinked away.  He looked Blaine up and down, taking in his cuffless wrist, then letting his eyes rest on the thick bulge in Blaine’s pants.  “You are also very eager.”

“I’m sorry sir,” Blaine said, demurely lowering his eyes.  “I can’t help what you do to me.”

The Dom laughed softly.  “And what exactly is it you want me to do with you?”

Blaine bit his lip.  “I want to dance so I can feel you,” he said, his cheeks blushing shyly.  “Pretend you’re fucking me.”  He looked back up, golden eyes shining brightly.  The Dom looked at Blaine like he was cake for the tasting and Blaine knew he was reeled in hook, line, and sinker.  “Would you do that for me, sir?”

The Dom licked his lips and reached his hands out, tracing his fingers up and down Blaine’s hips. “God you are gorgeous. Turn around,” he ordered. Blaine did as he was told, keeping his eyes on the floor.  He didn’t want to look up, not yet.  He should, he knew he should just to make sure Kurt was okay, but he wasn’t where he wanted to be yet and Kurt could come over and stop him anytime.  The Dom wrapped his left arm around Blaine’s chest and rested his right hand on Blaine’s hip, pulling him back against his body with both. Blaine could feel it immediately, the Dom’s hard length pressing into his ass.  He smiled.  He knew how to dance like this, he and Kurt did it all the time and it drove Kurt wild.  He reached an arm up to the Dom’s shoulder, lifted his chin to smile up at him, and let the Dom’s moans fill his ear as he pressed into the sub.  Blaine rolled his hips to the rhythm of the music and the Dom’s measured thrusts.  And then, finally, he let his eyes drift across the room.

He caught Kurt’s gaze immediately.  His Dom was sitting on a stool at the bar exactly as he had at Escuelita’s so long ago, except this time Santana wasn’t next to him and this time there was no regret or resignation on Kurt’s face.  This time his lips were quirked up in a sly smile.  His eyes were full of fire and challenge.  And he did not move.  He did not give a signal. He simply sat, watching.  Waiting.  Making Blaine wait.  _Be careful what you wish for_ , Kurt’s face said.

Blaine’s heart flipped inside his chest.  This was the part they had deliberately not discussed.  What Kurt would allow, how far he would have Blaine go before Kurt claimed him as his own.  Blaine had naively believed that as soon as he started dancing with another Dom, his husband would come running for him, unable to watch anymore.  But instead Kurt looked like he was enjoying the show.

The Dom behind him was enjoying it too, that much was clear, and the hand on Blaine’s hip slowly snaked over to the front of Blaine’s jeans, cupping him.  “You like that, don’t you,” the Dom whispered in his ear.

Blaine said nothing but knowing Kurt was watching him, allowing this, his cock responded immediately, practically jumping into the Dom’s hand. It was the only permission the Dom needed.  His thumb traced up and down Blaine’s length, his fingers reached below to caress at Blaine’s balls and Blaine could feel the beginnings of a forbidden orgasm nestling in his veins.  He held his breath and looked at Kurt, expecting an immediate response and Blaine got one, but it wasn’t at all what he expected.  Kurt leaned back on his stool, elbows resting on the bar. A smirk lit his face and his eyebrows raised high.  How long could Blaine go with this stranger, with everybody watching, with Kurt watching, before he was desperate to come? 

Fear shot through Blaine and his fingers itched to signal a safeword.  But he didn’t.  As much as tonight was about what Blaine wanted, he had placed the reins entirely in Kurt’s hands.  Blaine had been clear he had no limits, this was Kurt’s ride.  Blaine was just along for it. 

So he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the chest of this Dom and he let his submission go.  And when he did, the Dom’s fingers stroking him turned into Kurt’s.  The breath on his neck was Kurt’s.  The chest he rested on was Kurt’s and the cock thrusting against his ass was Kurt’s.  Blaine was close.  He was sweating and his heart was racing, his balls were drawing up and his hips jerked forward.  He was close and he needed to tell Kurt, he couldn’t disobey, he couldn’t come without permission, he needed to warn him. “So close, please, Sir,” he whispered.  “Please let me come.”

Before the words were barely out of his mouth, he was ripped away from the arms that held him and when he opened his eyes, head spinning, Kurt was there, gripping Blaine’s wrist in a painful twist.  Blaine knew it wasn’t real, just a scene they’d planned and prepared for for weeks, but he had never seen Kurt look so angry as he stared at his sub with an ice cold gaze.  It sent a not entirely welcome wave of emotions through Blaine’s veins. 

“How dare you?” Kurt hissed, in front of the Dom and everyone else around them.  Blaine could feel the heat in his cheeks rise as heads all around them turned at the commotion, ready for a show.  Blaine knew they were about to get everything they wanted. “You are _my_ sub and you think you can just go dance with anyone you want?  Call anyone _Sir_?  You think you can just let anyone touch what belongs to me?” Kurt’s lip curled dangerously as he stepped only inches from his face and he tightened his grip on Blaine’s wrist. “You think you can beg _their_ permission to let you come?”

And that was it, that was the line he’d crossed.  Blaine knew his face was bright red and his orgasm retreated even though he somehow grew even harder.  His submission pulsed desperately.  “I’m sorry, Sir,” he tried, his eyes filling with tears, but Kurt grabbed his face hard in one hand.

“You think you’re sorry now, you’ll see what being sorry really means,” he said and he turned the sub away from him.  “Up against the wall.  Now,” Kurt ordered with a push.

Blaine’s entire body was shaking, his insides filled with nerves and anticipation and unbelievable desire. The room parted around them as he was walked through the club, Kurt’s hand placed firmly on his shoulder to guide him, the only thing keeping him on his feet until he reached the smoky stucco wall of the club.  Blaine hesitated.

“Hands on the wall,” Kurt ordered loudly and Blaine did as he was told.  Kurt kicked his feet apart to spread his legs.  And then he leaned in to whisper in Blaine’s ear.  “Color?” he asked.

Blaine couldn’t even fathom the idea of stopping now.  “Green Sir. So, so green,” Blaine answered with breathless honesty.  “Are you okay?”

Kurt leaned back, his left hand lowering to Blaine’s waist, keeping him anchored, and answered with a voice that knew how to project to the crowd.  “No Blaine.  I’m not okay.  I turn my back for one second and my _sub_ seems to think that it’s okay to submit to another Dom and let him play with what is mine.”  Blaine shivered at Kurt’s harsh words and the anticipation of being punished here, in front of hundreds of people.  He’d imagined how it would feel so many times.  His imagination didn’t even come close to reality.

Dominance from the crowd surrounded them both and even though he knew Kurt couldn’t feel it, it pulled at Blaine’s submission, swirling wildly for purchase and _that_ he knew Kurt could feel.  Kurt took quick, possessive hold of it and Blaine felt Kurt’s Dominance flare with the impact.

“Sir, please, I’m sorry, please don’t-”

Blaine wasn’t sure when Kurt had taken the paddle out of his pocket, but he felt the scorching sting on his ass the moment it landed.  Tears burned at his eyes, Blaine’s submission blazed and his body ached to get lost in it, but Kurt didn’t want him falling.  Kurt wanted him feeling every strike of the paddle and hearing every sound from the crowd.

“Don’t you dare think you can escape your punishment Blaine,” Kurt told him, holding him expertly away from subspace.  The paddle smacked again, against his right cheek and then his left.  Kurt had no hesitation, he wasn’t holding back.   Each strike sent Blaine’s submission surging, which increased the flame of his Dominance, and the burn beneath Blaine’s skin. Kurt wrapped his arm strongly around Blaine’s waist and forced his ass out even further.  “You are mine,” Kurt said and he swung the paddle up against the underside of one cheek, then even harder at the other. 

If they had been home Blaine would have screamed, begged, cried with every blow.  But he fought the humiliation of exposing his weakness and gritted his teeth instead. The paddle was small but the sting was not and each strike spread through Blaine’s skin like bolts of lightning.  He could barely breathe. He wanted a break and none at the same time and he could do nothing while the paddle rained down on him. Three last times Kurt struck, from the top of his blistered ass to the bottom, repeating the words, “You. Are. Mine.”

Blaine was momentarily relieved when the paddle stopped, until he felt Kurt’s hand slide from his waist to the front of his pants.  Kurt undid the button and struck him again on his right cheek. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and his heart raced but he didn’t say anything.  After a pause, Kurt lowered the zipper on his pants and smacked the paddle against his left cheek.   Blaine’s ears were ringing with the pain and the roar of the crowd and the shame and thrill of Kurt punishing him in front of them all.  And then Kurt reached his hand inside the front of his pants, fondling his throbbing cock, adjusting it so that it stood straight up, the tip just peeking out.

Kurt’s hand on him felt like heaven. 

“Sir, please,” he cried.

In one swift move, as if he’d been doing it his whole life, Kurt flipped him around so his back was against the wall, kicked his legs apart, and pinned his wrists tight above his head in one hand.

Blaine trembled.  He dared to open his tear-filled eyes, worried that he might see hesitation and doubt in Kurt’s.  But Kurt was staring back at him, his gaze wild with power, with Dominance, and Blaine lost himself in the unbelievable beauty of it. 

Then he felt the paddle press up between his legs, against his balls, and his eyes grew wide with fear.

“Color Blaine,” Kurt ordered.

Blaine shivered.  So many nights he had closed his eyes and dreamt of this and wondered if he was truly strong enough to survive it.  He wanted to know. He wanted it so badly that his entire body ached for it.  It felt like reaching the peak of a mountain he’d been climbing his whole life.  Like the finish line of a marathon.  It felt like the walk down the aisle of an award show, about to climb the stairs to accept the recognition of his peers.

His peers.  His blurred gaze strayed from Kurt to the crowd.  Dominance and submission swirled around him.  Every eye was watching.  Judging.  Judging him and judging Kurt, the Dom without a black band.  The Dom without Dominance.  The sub who could take whatever was given to him.

The night had never been about their approval or their respect and yet he couldn’t help the rush of pride he felt at the very idea that every Dom in the room would have done anything to stand where Kurt stood trying to break him, while every sub wished they could be as strong as him.  His submission churned powerfully at the thought. 

And in that briefest of moments, he craved their approval more than anyone else’s. His pride in himself surged.

Until Kurt stripped it away.

“Eyes, Blaine,” Kurt commanded and Blaine’s blazing golden eyes returned where they belonged, on his Dom and no one but his Dom.  His face flushed red because for just that moment he had forgotten he belonged to Kurt.  He’d forgotten that his pride belonged to Kurt.  And he could see it in Kurt’s face.  The recognition that just for a moment, Blaine had chosen them over him.  “This fantasy has stayed in your head because despite my participation, I wasn’t the one to punish you the first time.  Santana was.  You weren’t mine then.  You didn’t belong to me.  Now you do.”  The words were more true than Blaine had ever realized.  “Tell me what you did wrong.”

Blaine knew that Kurt meant this time, but he also meant then, so long ago when he had craved this more than anything.  When he had manipulated and preyed on Kurt’s anger and jealousy in the hope that Kurt would react just as he was now.  But he hadn’t then.  Kurt hadn’t been anywhere near ready.

Now he was.

“I pretended I wasn’t yours.” Blaine waited for some bit of approval but he did not get it.  He licked his lips against the dryness and tried again.  “I gave another Dom control of my pleasure.”  Blaine felt the paddle press strongly against him and he felt the flush blossom on his cheeks.  His eyes fell.  “I was disrespectful to you.  Your feelings.  I took advantage of your love and your truth.”  This time had been play.  The first time had been anything but.  He looked up at Kurt through his lashes.  Kurt stared down at him with eyes of stone.  Remembering.  “I broke your trust.”

Kurt trailed the paddle up Blaine’s cock, to his stomach and up his chest, until it rested underneath Blaine’s chin.  Blaine had no choice but to focus on his Dom.  “There is no pride in your mistakes or your punishment for them,” Kurt said.  “Do you understand?”

Blaine nodded.  “My pride belongs to you,” he said, feeling the knots in his stomach begin to form.  “Take it.”

Kurt shook his head though.  “Give it,” Kurt said.  “The responsibility is yours.”  He dropped the paddle back down between Blaine’s legs and pressed it once more against him.  Sweat glistened on both their foreheads.  “I believe I asked you your color.”

Blaine trembled at the severity of his voice, not knowing if this was real.  Part of him didn’t believe it.  Part of him couldn’t believe that Kurt would ever really strike him there, it was all just for show, for the humiliation of it.  Part of him prayed that it was.  The other part of him though…

“Green Sir,” Blaine whispered, his skin searing. “If it’s what you want. It’s what I deserve.”

Kurt didn’t answer.  Instead he slipped his left hand between Blaine’s pants and underwear and rested it over Blaine’s pulsing cock.  “Safeword?”

“Oh my god, Kurt.” Blaine lost his breath.  He lost his balance as his legs trembled and his head fell back against the wall before he pulled himself up again.

Kurt showed no mercy.  “Safeword Blaine.  Now.”

Blaine’s head spun.  His clouded eyes saw no one else in the room.  His ringing ears heard no sound.  There was nothing left but him, Kurt, and the paddle.  “New York,” he whispered.

“Are you using it now?”

“No, Sir,” Blaine said.  The evidence of why leaked from the tip of his cock.  Kurt thumbed over it.  Bolts of pleasure shot through him. 

But the pleasure was replaced as Kurt lifted the paddle and with one quick flick of the wrist changed everything Blaine ever knew about the world.  To Kurt it was little more than a tap, but to Blaine it was as if every piece of his body, his mind, his very soul was shattered into pieces and just as quickly restored.  Everything he knew, about pain and pleasure and Kurt, especially Kurt, was flipped upside down and turned inside out, as the slap against his balls shot through him like a lightning bolt.  Starbursts erupted behind closed eyes.

When he finally returned to his senses he could feel Kurt stroking soothingly over his cock for a brief moment before his hand was gone.

The paddle was dragged slowly, from his balls upward, pressing against his length.  Up and down, Kurt stroked Blaine’s crotch until tears of fear and anticipation and terrifying desire ran down Blaine’s face.  And when he was finally able to lift wet lashes, Kurt’s carefully scrutinizing eyes were on him, never shifting, taking in every breath, every twitch, every pulse of his submission. 

Blaine could do nothing but look back at him.  He didn’t know what Kurt saw.  He didn’t know what he felt.  His mind couldn’t think through the fog, his eyes couldn’t see through the clouds, and his submission couldn’t latch through…

“Count for me,” Kurt said.  Blaine blinked.  He worked his lips.  He didn’t even know if sound would escape them.  But then he felt the paddle press against him once more and the blue in Kurt’s eyes reached through the veil that surrounded him.  “Count for them.”

Blaine’s lids fell closed for just a second before they rose again, the veil lifted.  And he remembered there were people encircling them, watching them. 

The next tap came slightly harder, Kurt slightly bolder.  The pain was like a slowly inflating balloon that started dull and continued to grow and grow in waves that took his breath away.  Until a gentle caress beneath his eyes wiped away the wetness and he remembered his Dom’s order.  “One,” he barely whispered.

In response Kurt trailed the paddle up his jeans, where his zipper fell open.  He carefully lowered Blaine’s pants, just enough to ensure the metal was out of the way, and then snapped the leather against his cock.

A throbbing, sharp pain, rippled into his stomach, twisting it with nausea and then intense arousal.  Blaine’s heart raced in his chest, sweat gleaming on his skin, visible tremors coursing through his body.  And then Kurt’s hand was on his cheek once again, and Blaine leaned into it.  “Two,” he breathed.

Kurt tapped the paddle against him ever so lightly but even the mild impact now sent sparks flying through Blaine.  “ _This_ belongs to me,” he said with another, slightly harder, tap.  Blaine bit back a scream.  “Your _pride_ belongs to me.  Because _you_ belong to me completely.  Say it.”

“I belong to you completely,” Blaine whispered.

“Louder,” Kurt demanded with an even harder tap that this time did make Blaine scream.  Tears streaked down his face.  “You wanted an audience and I don’t think they heard you.  I don’t think the Dom you let touch what was mine heard you.”

Blaine stared Kurt in the eye.  If Blaine didn’t know Kurt, if he didn’t trust Kurt with everything, he would have been completely terrified.  But right then, he was anything but.  “I belong to you and only you Sir.  My body belongs to you completely,” Blaine said.  “Punish it, if it pleases you.”

“Good boy,” Kurt praised him and he took the paddle away, tucking it into the back of his pants. Blaine couldn’t help but sigh with relief.  And then he felt Kurt reach beneath his underwear and wrap his fingers around his cock. His head fell back against the wall, and it was only that wall and Kurt’s love that kept him from plummeting to the ground and into subspace. 

“Public or private,” Kurt whispered to him alone.

“Whatever pleases you,” Blaine breathed, shaking his head.

“Oh, good boy,” Kurt praised again and it washed over Blaine, bringing pleasure to every throb of pain.  “This one’s your choice though sweetheart,” Kurt offered.  “Public or private.”

“Fuck Kurt, I need you,” Blaine answered on raspy breath, barely holding himself back.  “I need you now, I can’t wait.  God please, show them all who I belong to.”

“Such a good boy,” Kurt praised, kissing him quickly.  “Turn around.”

Blaine turned back to the wall, leaning on it, not quite believing he didn’t fall through it completely.  He felt Kurt come up behind him.  Felt Kurt’s hand wrap around his hips.  And then he felt the cool breeze on his skin as Kurt lowered his clothes to the tops of his thighs. 

He knew his bright red ass was very much on display and Blaine couldn’t hear much beyond Kurt’s voice and the ringing in his ears, but he could sense the crowd roar to life again. Blaine understood the phrase dying of embarrassment for the first time.  And yet every inch of his body was tingling with the thrill of it.

“You will not come,” Kurt said and he started his dreadful dance.

Kurt’s hand felt like heaven and the order not to come, hell.   Blaine wasn’t proud of how soon he broke down, but his pride was unimportant.  It was Kurt’s pride in him that mattered.  He rested his forehead on folded arms, trembling, trying to breathe, trying to prevent the storm inside him from raging.  “Please Kurt. Sir. I can’t hold it anymore, please,” he begged.

Kurt’s whisper was hot in his ear and he wasn’t sure if Kurt’s intent was to make things more difficult or less.  “Yes you can, sweetheart.  You will hold it,” he ordered as he continued edging him.  “Just one minute more.”

Kurt’s other hand was on his ass, caressing, squeezing, then spanking him firmly over the already stringing skin.  Blaine concentrated on the tears that fell from his eyes, releasing what he could just to prevent the one release that was forbidden.  The minute felt like hours. Kurt spanked him hard, over and over while he stroked his hand up his cock and down again, fast and tight around his head, thumbing over him where he leaked with desperation, spreading his need.  It was excruciating and perfect and just as Blaine was about to cry out that he couldn’t take another second, both hands were abruptly gone.

Blaine’s fingers clawed at the wall and he tried to keep himself from hyperventilating.  “My good boy,” he heard Kurt whisper in his ear over the thumping of his heart.

Kurt pulled his underwear up and over his throbbing length, then pulled his pants up, locking in the heat.  He left them unbuttoned, his fly down as he kissed Blaine softly between his shoulder blades, took his hand and unceremoniously led him to Elliott’s room in the back of the club.

 

~s~

 

After fumbling with the key, Kurt took five steps inside the room before hearing the door close behind him. He turned to find Blaine pressed back against it, hands behind him, still clutching the doorknob.

Their eyes met.  They tried to speak, but all either could do was stare silently across the room at one another because there were no words to describe everything they were feeling in their hearts.  What they had just experienced, what they had just done, were the things of fantasies and nightmares and if Blaine didn’t still feel the throbbing in his bones, if Kurt didn’t still feel the sting of his palm, neither one of them would have believed it had been real.

It was the look in Blaine’s eyes though, the heavy glow of yearning and trust, deference and admiration, which had Kurt crossing the room, kneeling in front of him and, never taking his eyes from his husband’s, lowering Blaine’s clothing to the floor.  Kurt laid his hands on legs, legs that had stood when others would have given way, and traced them from his calves, to his thighs and then to the delicate skin of his ass, carefully caressing the burn the paddle and his hand had most skillfully set.  Kurt felt Blaine relax beneath his hands and drop his arms to his side.  With a tenderness that made Blaine’s breath hitch, Kurt thumbed over Blaine’s balls and cock, still trying to reconcile in his head what he had done to them.

Blaine was looking at him as if he couldn’t believe that such perfection could possibly exist in the world, as if he had no idea how the universe had granted him the right to spend his life with Kurt, and he couldn’t hold back any longer.  Kurt leaned in and pressed his tongue to the base of Blaine’s cock.  Blaine fell back against the door, his eyes falling shut against his will as Kurt languidly licked a stripe base to tip.  Kurt reached up and took Blaine’s wrists in his hands, gripping them tightly, pressing them by his side against the wood.  Blaine moaned and Kurt took him fully in the heat of his mouth.  Slow and deliberate, Kurt worshipped every inch of him.  He could taste Blaine’s desire on his tongue, could feel it thicken between his lips. 

Kurt crossed Blaine’s arms to take his wrists in one hand and pressed his other into Blaine’s ass, urging him into his mouth, urging Blaine to fuck him.  He knew denial would be impossible. 

“Kurt,” Blaine pleaded, the words barely making it past his lips. Submission surrounded him, fanning his Dom’s spark back into a flame.  “Kurt please.”

For just a moment Kurt thought to refuse him, but the memories flooded him; memories of allowing another Dom’s hands on his husband, of administering blow after blow with the paddle, spanking him over and over again on his ass, his cock, and his balls, forcing Blaine to endure the humiliation of public rebuke, public punishment, and public sex.  Kurt looked up at eyes golden with submission staring back, and Kurt blinked his consent, desperately swallowing around him, swallowing down each memory, drawing shudder after shudder out of Blaine until he had nothing left inside. 

 

~s~

 

Blaine fell back against the door once more, completely spent, his eyes closed again, his breath ragged and his heart pounding.  It took him a few minutes to return to the world, but when he did he looked down to see Kurt still kneeling below him, his eyes now firmly on the ground.

A vision of himself, long ago in the shower letting the water rain down atop him, flew before his eyes and Blaine immediately fell to his knees. He lifted Kurt’s face to his and the look in Kurt’s eyes broke his heart.  And then Kurt fell apart. 

Blaine wrapped him in his arms and his submission, chastising himself for his selfishness, for letting his Dom drop after everything he’d done for him.  “Shhh,” he soothed, his fingers softly caressing through his hair.  Kurt sobbed against his shoulder and Blaine vowed to hold him there forever if he had to.  “Kurt, please, please don’t cry.”

“What, you’re the only one in this relationship allowed to cry?” Kurt asked through his tears and Blaine could hear the sarcasm in it, the teasing and the love, and he chuckled softly.

“No, I suppose not,” Blaine said.  He waited, rocking the love of his life gently, kissing where his lips could reach, stroking where his fingers lay, and holding Kurt until he was ready to talk again.

When he was, Kurt sat back on his heels, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.  His gaze still fell on the ground though, his hands folded on his lap.  He was quiet for a long time. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, but Blaine wouldn’t let him.

“No, please, don’t be sorry.”

“The things I did tonight-”

“Were beautiful Kurt,” Blaine told him, and he grasped Kurt’s hands between them.  “What you did tonight was everything I could have hoped for and more.  And what made it the most beautiful was that it was you.”

Kurt smiled softly, Blaine’s words starting to bring back some of the strength to his limbs that his Dominance had depleted.  “I think I scared myself,” he admitted.

“When I was out there Kurt, so much Dominance surrounded me,” Blaine remembered.  “I could have latched on to any of them, but I didn’t want it.  All I wanted was what you could give me. I almost forgot,” Blaine admitted, bowing his head in shame.  “But you wouldn’t let me.  And I am so grateful for that.”

“I loved watching you tonight,” Kurt confessed.  “Seeing you do anything for me.  Take anything from me.  It’s terrifying, but it’s also the most incredible feeling in the world.  Your submission Blaine, it’s extraordinary.  I…”  Kurt hesitated, before closing his eyes and reaching a hand up to Blaine’s face. He caressed it softly, feeling the man he loved beneath his fingers.  “I want it.  All of it.”

Blaine looked at him.  He knew what Kurt was asking.  And after everything they’d been through that night he knew he had every right to say that he’d had enough.  But he’d placed his pleasure in Kurt’s hands.  And he’d placed his pride in Kurt’s hands.  And now his Dom wanted his submission.

He couldn’t say no.  He wouldn’t. No matter how much it terrified him.

“Okay,” he whispered.

Kurt smiled, leaning in, pressing his lips softly against Blaine’s before pulling away.  “You really are the best sub in the world,” he said.  He got up and brushed a hand through Blaine’s hair.  “Get undressed, but stay out here until I call you in.  Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine promised. 

He watched Kurt walk to the door across the room, opening it and closing it behind him.  The front room had the feel of a sophisticated dungeon. He didn’t know what lay inside the back room.  Elliott had never told him and Blaine had never asked.  He tried not to think on it now as he took off his clothes, then knelt in the center of the room.  And he stayed there, hands behind his back, head bowed, waiting for his Dom.

 

 ~s~

 

It was with love that Kurt looked at him and smiled, holding the door open for Blaine.  “God you are so beautiful,” he said as if he couldn’t stop himself.  Blaine could even see the pink in his husband’s cheeks as he blushed.  “Come in.”

With every second Blaine had been left kneeling on the ground, he’d grown more anxious.  Images flashed in his mind, images he’d looked at far more than he cared to admit after agreeing to submit to Kurt’s bondage.  He thought it would desensitize him.  He thought it would prepare him.  He thought that if he stared at those pictures long enough he could learn how to give up his precious freedom.  It didn’t work though.  His submission swirled with the nerves in his stomach.  His safeword danced on his tongue.

But his Dom had called him, looking at him as if Blaine was the only thing that mattered in the world, and he was determined to please him. He rocked back on his heels and stood up, keeping his hands folded behind his back.  He knew that in only a few minutes all control would be taken from him.  He would hold onto it as long as he was allowed.

Still his feet dragged slightly as he made his way into the secret room, about to unlock the mysteries that lay inside.  Blaine blinked as he took it all in. It was a bedroom, bathed in dim light, red walls giving it a warm glow.  The bed was king size, slatted head board and a postered foot board, dressed with a beautiful oriental bedspread of rich red and gold tones.  Lit candles shimmered atop two exquisite dark wood bureaus. Music played, soft, almost inaudible, but enough to break the silence where fear could sit and linger. 

Blaine heard the door click quietly closed behind him and he jumped unconsciously until he felt Kurt’s soft, warm hand on his back.  “Breathe, sweetheart,” he said.  “You’re safe.”

Blaine nodded.  He knew he was.  He knew he always would be with Kurt.  It didn’t stop the butterflies from raging in his stomach.

“Come here,” Kurt said and Blaine turned into the arms of his Dom, resting his head against the beating of his heart.  Kurt’s hand trailed down Blaine’s back to rest on his ass.  Heat still radiated off his skin.  “I know how you feel,” Kurt said, kissing Blaine softly on his head.  “You were right, of course, I was terrified leaving the house this evening.  But I also felt safe, to explore, to push my limits with you.  And despite my tears earlier, I have no regrets Blaine.”  Blaine looked up at him in awe.  Kurt smiled and wrapped his love around him.  “I don’t want you to have any regrets either. I mean that.”

Blaine closed his eyes.  He let Kurt’s love take hold of him.  He let his submission go.  And he felt Kurt’s Dominance spark once more.  His racing heart slowed and his stomach relaxed, if just for long enough to say, “I’m ready, Sir.”

Kurt lifted his chin with his finger and kissed him; light, intimate, lingering longer than he might have were it not for Blaine’s need for reassurance.  But finally, he let go. 

“On the bed, sweetheart,” Kurt ordered.  “On your back.  Arms up, legs spread.”

With great reluctance, Blaine left the warmth of Kurt’s body and took his final steps toward the bed.  Settling atop it, he lifted his arms, grasping hold of the slats in the headboard.  He spread his legs as wide as he could.  And for just a moment, his submission swirled with contentment.  This was familiar.  Keeping position for Kurt. Obeying.  On his own terms.

The terms were about to change.  He felt the bed dip as Kurt sat next to him and his stomach dropped with it.  He felt Kurt’s hand on his left arm, working his way from bicep, up to forearm and finally resting on Blaine’s wrist.  “I’m going to put the restraints on,” Kurt told him.  “Okay?”

Blaine couldn’t say anything, his mouth dry, but he nodded his consent.  Kurt slipped the scarf covered cuff they had bought beneath his wrist, wrapping the long ends of the silk around it well to hold it tightly in place.  Then Kurt weaved the scarf up the headboard in an intricate pattern he’d been practicing before knotting it.  If Blaine’s heart hadn’t started to race again he would have seen the beauty of it, but he couldn’t look.  All he could do was grasp the slats harder and stare at the ceiling.  Kurt allowed it as he tied his other arm to the headboard and then clasped his ankles to the posts. 

Kurt sat back on his heels between Blaine’s legs.  “How do you feel, sweetheart?”

Blaine was too distracted to hear the uncertainty in his Dom’s voice.  With the tightening of each restraint Blaine had felt the weight in his heart and the wall around it grow, his submission tethered, no longer in his control but not claimed by Kurt either.  Blaine didn’t know if Kurt’s Dominance had gone or if he just couldn’t feel it through the bindings, but either way, the sensation he’d felt with the ring started to surface, the burning of liquid nitrogen through his veins, hot and cold.  Sweat broke out on his skin, and words were on the tip of his tongue but he refused to safeword or color, not this time.  “I’m okay, sir,” Blaine said.

But Kurt knew his sub far too well and he smacked the side of Blaine’s thigh.  “That’s the only lie you get away with tonight Blaine, now how about you try again,” he warned.

A shiver flew up Blaine’s spine.  He fought back every temptation to repeat the lie, to chase the punishment that would make the bondage so much easier to handle.  But defiance and manipulation would betray everything Kurt hoped for that night.

And the fact that it was punishment hadn’t made it any easier with the ring.

“I feel scared,” he admitted.  Kurt’s hand, still on his thigh from the spanking, circled his skin, soothing him.  Blaine took a deep breath, concentrating on the touch.  “I feel trapped.  Out of control.” In Kurt’s control, he didn’t say.

Kurt knew it though.  “Close your eyes,” he said and Blaine did as he was told.  For a moment he startled at the loss of Kurt’s hand on his thigh, and then again at the feel of Kurt’s fingers circling the base of his cock.  His legs pulled at his restraints, his hips bucking off the mattress.  He let out a soft cry, but Kurt just strengthened his grip and Blaine bit his lip and forced his body to relax back into the bed.  “Good boy,” Kurt said, stroking him twice in reward.  “Now let go of the headboard.”

It was a simple command.  It should have been easy.  All he had to do was open his hands and let them fall free.  But then all semblance of control would be gone.  He would be entirely bound, forced into position by the tie of his cuffs, not his own strength of submission.  He tried.  He concentrated hard and he willed his fingers to move.  His heart burned with the effort.  He feared that if he let go, it might shatter.

“I can’t,” he whispered.

“Sweetheart.” The word was like a song on Kurt’s tongue, full of love and heartache.  Blaine wanted to listen, he wanted to believe every word that Kurt said.  “I know how strong you think you need to be.  Always proving yourself to a world that never thinks you’re enough.” Kurt’s hand continued to stroke him, like the harmony to Kurt’s melody.  “I saw it outside.  Your eyes on them.  Wanting to show them how strong you are.  How strong I am.  I understand Blaine, I do.  The world has never thought I was enough either.”

Suddenly Kurt’s hand was gone, Kurt was gone and Blaine started to panic. But when he turned his head, Kurt was slipping off his clothes, his lithe body like a temple in Blaine’s state.  His cock wept and he had to close his eyes.  He heard a drawer open and close.  And finally Kurt was once again kneeling between his legs, every inch of his flawless body on display for Blaine.    

“You are enough Kurt,” Blaine said, his words catching in his throat.  He wanted to reach up, to touch him, to hold him.  To make sure he knew. “You’re enough for me.”

“And that’s all that matters, sweetheart.  Isn’t it?  You and me?  Your true lesson today, Blaine, is that your submission isn’t about them.”  Kurt’s hands were on him again, on his hips then caressing beneath the curves of his ass, pressing at flesh still warm and pink.  “Your strength isn’t in how much you can take or how hard you can hold on.  Your strength is in how much you give.  Your strength as a submissive, is in how much you let go.”  Kurt trailed his hands up Blaine’s sides, to his arms and to his wrists bound to the bed.  “Let go, sweetheart,” he whispered, his thumb pressing small circles just beneath the silken cuffs.  “Let go.”

Blaine felt the wood of the slats in his hand.  They were hard.  Solid.  Keeping him grounded.  He tried again to let go.  His chest ached with the pain of it. 

“Kurt,” he winced.

 _“I make the choice,”_ he had once told Santana.

Kurt just continued, his voice calm, soothing.  “I understand that the strength you’ve always found has been in pain and denial and obedience.  But Blaine, sweetheart, there is strength in surrender too.  There is strength in devotion and commitment and trust.  There is strength in me,” Kurt promised him.  “You just have to let go.”

Blaine wanted to feel it.  The strength inside Kurt, his Dominance, fueled by Blaine’s submission. 

Kurt had asked him what he wanted to feel that night.  _“Owned,”_ he had said.

Being owned meant absolute obedience even when your body was screaming to safeword. 

He uncurled his fingers, and let go.

His submission seized, burning as it rebelled, refusing to relinquish control.  Tears pooled in his eyes.  Blaine could feel Kurt’s love surround him but the pain was too great, his heart impenetrable.  Neither one of them could latch on. “Sir…”

If Kurt said something he didn’t hear, but Blaine felt something cold and wet at his entrance.  Kurt’s finger, pressing inside him.  “I’m here, sweetheart.  I’m here and I believe in you.  I trust you.  You can do this for me Blaine,” Kurt whispered, leaning over him.  Blaine was panting, his hands in fists so tight his knuckles were white.  Kurt’s finger glided in and out of him.  “Say it sweetheart.  I surrender.”

Blaine swallowed, the words caught in his throat.  “I surrender,” he tried to say.  His lips moved but no sound came out.

Kurt still considered it a victory.  “Good boy,” he praised.  He eased a second finger inside and Blaine’s hips bucked at the surge of desire that raced through him.  Kurt smiled. “Does that feel good, sweetheart? Say it again and this time I want to hear you.  I surrender.”

It did feel good and with the pleasure the burning eased, his chest only heavy now.  “I surrender,” Blaine repeated, in a whisper, but the words came out this time.

“Good.”  Kurt added a third finger and started moving in rhythm.  “I want you to keep saying it, every time I press in.  Okay, sweetheart?  I surrender.”

“I surrender,” Blaine said, a little bit stronger this time.  Kurt’s fingers inside him felt like heaven while his thighs ached from their too long stretch. If only he could fall.  He pulled against his bindings, unwanted frustration building.  “I surrender,” he said, willing his body to obey his Dom’s command, to be still, to let go of the control he’d clung to his entire life.  As tears slipped down his cheeks, he begged his submission to listen to him.  “I surrender.”

Kurt’s fingers slipped away and Blaine’s cock pulsed in protest.  Unconsciously he grabbed at the headboard, trying to capture at least the illusion of control as his body vibrated with arousal. 

In a flash he felt a strong slap against the side of his thigh. “Hands off or I walk away.”

Blaine looked up into blue eyes swirling with emotions; love and frustration and hope and fear and not one bit of Dominance and Blaine knew it was his fault.  _Surrender_ , he begged himself, focusing on nothing but Kurt’s eyes.  But his hands stayed frozen on the headboard. A tear rolled down his cheek.

He was just about to give up when he felt Kurt’s hand on his.  Slowly, strong fingers slid in between his, feathering softly down past his top knuckles and then the next until their fingers laced together.  Kurt squeezed and Blaine’s fear subsided, replaced with the love and care of his Dom.  He curled his fingers against Kurt’s and let go. 

“I surrender,” Blaine whispered against lips that hovered just over his and Kurt kissed him, gentle and full of pride.  His hand was pressed into the mattress, Kurt balancing himself while he reached down with the other.  Blaine threw his head back as Kurt filled him then slid his hand beneath Blaine’s ass.  At the tight grip, he sucked in his breath against the exquisite sting.  “Oh god, Kurt, I surrender,” he cried.  And this time, his whole body meant it.

Blaine’s submission soared and Kurt latched, a spark of Dominance flaring from deep within his love. 

Kurt’s eyes darkened.

“You’re fucking incredible Blaine,” he said, and Blaine felt like he was falling and floating at the same time.  “Look at you, just lying there.  Taking me.” 

Kurt’s skin glistened in the glow of the room, the muscles in his chest and arms flexing beautifully with every thrust.  Blaine wanted to put his arms around him, to cup his ass in his hands. Unconsciously he pulled against his bindings, his fingers begging.  "God, I need to touch you, Sir.”

“Oh, but you can’t,” Kurt said, matter-of-fact, slightly apologetic.  As if he hadn’t been the one to tie him up.  As if it was simply the universe holding him down and not his will.  And then Kurt’s fingers were around him, stroking him.  “But I can touch you.”

The way Kurt moved inside him, the way he harmonized the melody with the steady glide of his hand, was so familiar.  And yet everything felt different.  Kurt stopped holding back, pushing into him, pounding into him.  Blaine’s thighs burned with the stretch of every thrust.  His ass was raw with the harsh chafe against the fabric of the comforter and his wrists and ankles ached where he pulled at his restraints.  His cock swelled in Kurt’s hand.  Moans escaped his lips, the forced pain and pleasure and constraint of his body so sharp and powerful that his submission pulled desperately at Kurt’s love, stripping it bare.

Dominance blazed through Blaine from the inside out, sending tremors through his whole body, sending his whole world spinning. “Fuck, Kurt.”

Kurt smacked his cock, hard.  “Language, Blaine.”

A searing pain tore through him.  Blaine cried out.  He was falling, the world around him painted black but before his eyes were waves of light, the blue of his submission and the gold of their love. But this time, for the first time, there was red, the red of Dominance, brighter than he had ever seen. 

He was too lost to hear the words formed by Kurt’s perfect lips, but there was no mistaking the feeling as Kurt slipped the ring onto the base of his cock.

His world tipped on its axis.  “No, god, Kurt, please,” he breathed.

“You have come once already today and I think I was more than generous to give you that,” Kurt reminded him as his fingers wrapped back around Blaine’s shaft.  “Don’t make me regret that choice.  I surrender,” Kurt commanded.  “Those are the only words I want to hear come out of your mouth, understood?”

Blaine shivered.  “Yes, Sir.”

Wisps of energy, electricity, crackled all around him, inside him.  Kurt was right.  One orgasm had been more than enough because all he ever needed in his life again was this; the heat, the pulse, the rush of Kurt’s Dominance not just surrounding him or holding him, but filling him too.  Coursing through him into his chest, filling the void in his heart.  He couldn’t submit because he was nothing _but_ submission.  Because every muscle, every nerve, every sense and feeling was overtaken by the force of Kurt.  He fell and he drifted into an abyss, and without Kurt’s binding he was sure he would have floated away.

From the depths of subspace and the deepest recesses of his mind, Blaine could see his Dom, taking him, fucking him, forming words he heard only in his heart.

_Beautiful._

_Perfect._

_Mine._

“I surrender,” Blaine whispered, over and over again as tears dripped from his eyes, as Kurt took into him without mercy, as his wrists and ankles burned with the pull of his restraints.  “I surrender.  I surrender.  I surrender.”

Kurt gripped his wrists, pressing him into the bed as he came.  Blaine’s cock throbbed and wept but the ring forced his obedience and he was grateful for it.  Warmth rushed through his veins as if he were the one permitted the pleasure. But he knew there would be no greater pleasure than to be nothing but a vessel for his Dom.

 

~s~

 

The power crackling beneath his skin was intoxicating, the waves of pleasure lasting longer than usual as he stayed inside Blaine until he no longer could.  The silk around Blaine’s wrists tickled at his own, the pounding of Blaine’s heart beating against his.  Blaine was deep in the darkness of subspace but Kurt knew he was safe.  Content.  He took the moment for himself just to feel.

To see Blaine bound was captivating. The scarves woven beautifully into the dark mahogany of the bed post, was everything he’d imagined and more.  The Dominance that coursed through his veins was terrifying and exhilarating and made every inch of him coil with desire, until his body was ablaze with it.  Power, ownership, unforgiving and dangerous, fierce and consuming.  He struggled to breathe at just the thought of it.

The flame would die down into smoldering embers, a shadow of this feeling until it too disappeared into nothing but gray ash.

It would be a relief to him, the yielding of this power over Blaine.  But a part of him would miss it.

This wouldn’t be the last time he’d demand it.

Blaine’s chest rose and fell beneath him and he sat up, carefully loosing the silk around his wrists before unbuckling his ankles.  Not wanting to hurt him, Kurt simply curled back into Blaine’s side and wrapped his love around him, slowly pulling him out of the darkness.

Blaine began to stir, lowering his arms and bringing his legs back together.  Before he awoke completely, Kurt slipped the ring off of his softening shaft and set it aside.  Blaine sighed and nuzzled into him, taking Kurt into his arms.

“I love you,” he muttered, still halfway between there and here.

“I love you too,” Kurt said, kissing his forehead.  “Will you come back to me, sweetheart?”

“Always,” Blaine promised.  “Forever.”

Warmth swelled in Kurt’s heart and he knew it was love replacing the Dominance.  It felt like coming home.  “Forever is a long time,” Kurt mused.

“Not long enough.”  Blaine’s eyes fluttered open, dark, wet lashes framing his golden gaze.

Kurt smiled softly and brushed damp curls from Blaine’s brow.  “Are you okay?”

Blaine nodded with reassurance and mirrored Kurt’s gesture.  “Are you?”

“I am,” Kurt said.  He pulled Blaine close and they held each other so close their hearts seemed to beat as one.  “With you I am always perfect.”

 

~S~

 _Something happens when I hold him_  
_He keeps my heart from getting broken_  
_When the days get short and the nights get a little bit frozen_  
_We hold each other_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the wait was worth it.


	10. How Far I'll Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello everyone! When I look at the date I last posted, I can’t believe it has been that long. This chapter was I think the hardest one I have ever written and I’m not even sure why. The good news is that I ended up splitting this chapter, so the next one has a significant portion already written. So I really, really hope to not leave you waiting for too long again.
> 
> Serena sings in this chapter. If you aren’t familiar, please check out Claire Ryann (Claire and the Crosbys) on youtube. Her version of How Far I’ll Go, from Moana, is Serena’s version.

 

_I've been staring at the edge of the water  
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why_

_Every turn I take, every trail I track_   
_Every path I make, every road leads back_   
_To the place I know, where I cannot go, where I long to be_

_~ Disney’s Moana_

* * *

 

Kurt paced.  The fact was, he’d hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time.  It was silly, he knew, especially since he had nothing to be nervous for.  Everything was perfect, every word.  And yet he was still wearing out the floorboards of their living room.

Because no matter how many times they’d talked about it, this was a commitment.  This was the first time that he was attempting to take everything completely into his own hands and it made no sense whatsoever and Blaine was likely to just call him crazy and a dreamer and laugh in his face, but Kurt had to take the chance that he wouldn’t.

That others wouldn’t.

Because he’d come to realize, talk was cheap.  If he didn’t give himself the chance, how was anybody else supposed to?

Seeing Blaine bound to the bed at Black and White, he’d felt things he’d never felt before. Dominance, power, but most importantly, an ownership, given to him by Blaine’s complete surrender of his submission.  And it was in that moment he knew that he couldn’t live this lie anymore.  He couldn’t live with Blaine surrendering, submitting, to anyone else.  Even on paper.  Blaine’s submission was his alone to take.

“We’re home,” Blaine called.  The front door closed.  Little feet pitter pattered into the house.  “Take your shoes off and empty your backpack of anything Daddy or I need to look at,” he said more quietly.

“I don’t have anything,” Serena answered.

Kurt took a deep breath, settling his ridiculous nerves, and went to greet them.  “Hey, how are my two favorite people today?”  Kurt picked Serena up in a hug and kissed her cheek. She wiggled and laughed and he put her down, wrapping his arms around his husband.  “How was your day at the studio with Sam?  Is he learning the ropes?”

Blaine kissed him on the lips and then sighed.  “It’s slow going, but I think he’s going to be fine.  Hard to learn everything about running the studio in such a short time, but I’m just grateful that he’s willing to take things over during  _Once._  And that Cooper agreed to let someone else run it.”

“It’s your studio to do with as you see fit. Cooper respects that.  Besides, he would do anything to let you follow your dreams, Blaine.  We all would.”

“I have the best people in the whole world supporting me and I love them all.”  Blaine’s eyes twinkled and he pulled Kurt close.  “You most of all.  Sir.”

They kissed, one of those kisses where love and submission surround them and the world nearly disappears until…

“Yuck, stop it,” Serena said, rolling her eyes.  She was nearly four going on fourteen.  “What’s for dinner?”

Blaine’s eyes opened wide.  “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, I’ll start it now.”

Kurt laughed.  “Blaine, relax.  I already have everything prepped and in the oven cooking.  Why don’t you go into the piano room and rehearse your songs a few times.  Serena, how about I give you some TV time?”

“Can I watch Moana?” Serena asked as she plopped down on the couch. 

Kurt smiled.  It was one of their favorites.  “Of course.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt watched Blaine go into the room, but he had to turn his attention to the remote and getting the movie situated for her.  When she was all settled and he checked on the casserole baking with twenty minutes to go.  Butterflies filled his stomach, he listened but heard nothing, and he went to explore the deafening silence emanating from the piano room.

He crossed the threshold and closed the door quietly behind him.  Blaine was standing at the bench, staring at the perfectly penned papers in his hand.  Kurt waited until his sub slowly realized he was in the room.

Blaine blinked and looked up. “What is this?” he asked in a near whisper.

“It’s a new contract.” Kurt tried to keep the nerves out of his voice.

Blaine shook his head.  “Santana didn’t say anything about-”

“Santana didn’t write it,” Kurt said.  “I did.”

Blaine’s head spun for a moment.  “I don’t understand.”

“This contract…Santana isn’t in it.  It’s just between you and me.  I want to claim you.”

Blaine relaxed a little, a small smile playing at his lips.  “I want you to claim me too, Kurt.  More than anything, you know that.  But you can’t.”

Kurt took a step forward and reached his hand out to raise Blaine’s chin.  “I definitely can’t if we don’t try.  But if we do try, then maybe someday I can.”

Blaine stared at him.  “You’re serious.”

“I’m serious, Blaine.”  Kurt took the document from him, placing it on the piano, and took Blaine’s hands in his.  “My biggest fear is that someday, someone is going to take you from me and there will be nothing I can do to stop them.  A contract and a claim, a legal claim, gives no one the right to you or your submission but me.”

Kurt could see the worry creasing Blaine’s forehead. “They’ll turn us away the minute they see your designation.”

“What if a blood test comes back Dominant?”  He’d been thinking about it.  His Dominance had been coming out more and more. He knew that in the confines of a lab, without Blaine, the chances that his hormone level would be high enough for the designation were very slim.  But maybe…

“I suppose…”

It was clear that Blaine didn’t want to hurt Kurt, but didn’t really believe it was possible. Kurt thumbed gently over his knuckles.  “And if it doesn’t, I don’t think that should stop us.”

“We’ll have to talk to Santana.  Wouldn’t I have to dissolve our claim first?  And then what if…”

“I already talked to her and she said you wouldn’t have to dissolve your claim until after we knew for sure.  She’ll come with us.  We’ll need her for her legal expertise as much as her signature.”

“What happens when they say no?”

When, not if.  Kurt didn’t miss that.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it,” Kurt said.  He knew he was being naïve, more hopeful than he should be.  But he couldn’t help it.  “I don’t know where we go from there Blaine, all I know is that I have to do this.  I can’t go on knowing I didn’t at least try.”  The doubt in Blaine’s eyes though didn’t change and Kurt sat on the piano bench with a frown.  “Of course we won’t do it if you don’t want to.”

Blaine dropped to his knees immediately.  “I want to Kurt, god I want your claim more than anything else in the world.  This.”  He held up the contract.  “This means  _everything_  to me.  I’m just…I’m just scared.”

Kurt understood that. “I’m scared too.  I was scared just to give this to you, to even ask.  I’ve been pacing the floor for hours,” he admitted with a chuckle.

Blaine reached up and cupped his face.  Kurt closed his eyes for a second at the touch.  “Kurt, you don’t ever have to be scared to ask me anything.  It’s not being your sub that scares me.  I already am, heart and soul.  It’s just…breaking the rules.”

“That’s never really been an issue for you before, sweetheart,” Kurt smirked.

With a shy laugh, Blaine lowered his head.  “With you, no.  With the rest of the world…?”

“Look,” Kurt said.  “When you surrendered to me fully, you gave me something that I can’t even explain.  It’s like, my whole life I’ve lived in a world that was always out of focus.  And for a moment, I caught a glimpse of what everyone else can see, what you saw when you gazed up at me for the first time on that stage.  It’s what you’ve wanted your whole life Blaine and I want to give that to you.  I want to at least try.  If you want to try. They’ll probably say we can’t…”

“But if we try, then maybe someday we can,” Blaine said, echoing Kurt’s earlier words.  His gaze fell and Kurt could feel his submission surround him.  “I am yours, Sir.”

Kurt kissed him, latching gently.  “Yes, you are.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kurt stood by the window, staring out as he so often did.  Apart from all of the millions of people in the city.  It’s how he felt, even when he was down there, amongst them. Even after all these years and all the changes he’d gone through, he still felt like he was one in a million.  Maybe even moreso with all of his changes.

The paper in his hand didn’t help.

It always made Blaine sad, seeing him like that.  When Kurt forgot about everything, when any hint of Dominance was gone, when he felt alone in the world even surrounded by the family that loved him.

He’d given Kurt the privacy to read it on his own, but when he didn’t come out, Blaine went to check on him.  He sat on the bed, pulling his knee in.  “What does it say?”

Kurt didn’t answer at first, he just stretched his arm out, letting Blaine reach for it.  When it was out of his hands, he folded his arms against his chest.  “It says my certified designation is Gray.”

Blaine looked down.  They had been waiting a week for the results of Kurt’s blood test.  Blaine’s father had mailed him his. He hadn’t even remembered having taken it before his claim with Santana, but he knew he must have.  His Designation Certificate had been emblazoned across the top in gold, a blue script  _submissive_  sitting boldly in the center.

Kurt’s wasn’t script.  And it wasn’t blue.   _Gray_  it said, in the color that matched its name.  It was exactly as they’d expected, exactly what Blaine’s mother had warned them it was most likely to say.  And yet…

“Are you disappointed?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head and turned, leaning back against the wall.  “No.” His eyes fell on Blaine and he smiled softly.  “Maybe.  Just a little.  Honestly, I don’t know.  You would think after all this time I would know.” 

Blaine drew closer, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist. “You know I love you just the way you are, right?  My mom once told me that with you I have the best of both worlds, and she’s right.  I would support anything you wanted Kurt, but if it was my choice?  I would change a lot about the world, but I wouldn’t change a thing about you.  I love my Gray Dominant.”

Kurt’s eyes were on him and Blaine’s submission swelled at the intensity of them.  Wisps of gold and red surrounded him, latching on, thread by thread.  His eyes fluttered shut, the feel of it too powerful, Dominance and love pulsing beneath his skin like it was alive.  He found it difficult to stand beneath its weight and he sunk to his knees, head bowed.  Until he felt Kurt’s fingers beneath his chin, compelling him to meet Kurt’s eyes. A determined fire blazed. 

“This paper means nothing,” Kurt told him.  “Tomorrow we go to the City Clerk’s office.  And we start changing the world.”

* * *

 

The Office of the City Clerk was a place that seemed familiar to them by this point.  They’d filed two new contracts there with Santana and Brittany.  They’d gotten their marriage licenses there.  But sitting amongst all the other people waiting their turn, the building was suddenly foreboding.

“Everything will be fine,” Santana told them, grasping each of their hands.  She’d poured over the law books to make sure they did everything by the book today.  “There’s nothing they can do other than say yes or no.”

There were people looking over at them.  It was New York City.  Kurt could blend into the crowds most of the time, but there would always be a few Broadway fans around who recognized him.  He did his best to ignore it though, instead keeping one hand on Blaine’s knee to stop it from bouncing nervously. 

“Number 39,” was called by a clerk to the far right of the long row of clerks.  The three of them stood up and walked over, taking seats on the tall swiveling stools.  They handed her their claim application, but she just pushed it to the side.

“Submissive’s name?”  She sounded bored.  Blaine hoped that maybe she was so bored that she wouldn’t even look at their paperwork and, abracadabra, they’d be claimed.

“Blaine Anderson-Hummel, Ma’am.”

Her bright red, long nails clicked on the keyboard as she looked him up. 

“You are currently in a claim with Ms. Santana Lopez?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he said, looking at his Dom.

“Blaine and I are in agreement to transfer his claim,” Santana said.

Blaine squeezed her hand.  She showed nothing on her face, but he couldn’t even imagine how much it had hurt for her to just say those words.

To the clerk it was nothing.  “IDs?” she asked and both Blaine and Santana handed them over.  She took a cursory glance then passed them back.

“New Dominant’s name?”

There was a tremor in his voice that Blaine could hear, but they hoped no one else could.  “Kurt Hummel.”

Her fingers went click on the keys.  And then click again.  Her eyes squinted. “You’re not in the system.  Do you have your designation certificate?”

Trying to keep his hand from shaking, Kurt handed over the paperwork. 

It only took one look.  “What the hell is this?”  She stopped and looked up from Kurt’s designation certificate.  Even if she hadn’t read it, the colors were unmistakable.

The clerk stared from Blaine to Santana to…well, she barely looked at Kurt.  “Is this some sort of game?” the clerk asked. 

_That’s a dangerous game, Blaine._

_It’s not a game._

Blaine shook away the echoes from his past and answered before either of his Doms could.  “No ma’am.  This has never been a game.”  Blaine reached over and took Kurt’s hand.  “Kurt is my husband and he is my Dominant in every way. Except on paper.”

She gave him an annoyed look.  “Well, on paper is where it counts, Mr. Anderson-Hummel.”

“That’s not true at all,” Blaine said.

“Then why are you here?” she shot back.

Blaine lost his tongue.  Because she was right.  He had no response.

Kurt did though.  “You’re right, paper is where it counts.  And right now, my sub is tied to another Dom on paper.”

She looked at them with a mix of annoyance and disgust.  “And he can dissolve that claim if he chooses, but that doesn’t give you the right to claim him.”

Blaine could quickly see all of Kurt’s fear transformed into anger, and his heart started to race.  He knew how Kurt could get when he was angry.

“Blaine is not going to live unclaimed or forced into a kinship claim when he belongs with me,” Kurt snapped. 

“Mr. Hummel, you are not a legal Dominant and you cannot become one. You’re Gray.”  She finally grabbed the claim application and quickly scanned through the first page.  “This is a legal document.  Signing the affidavit is making a sworn statement that there are no legal impediments to your claiming.  Which there most obviously are. You both could go to jail for perjury.”

“Which is why you will see,” Santana piped in, snapping the paperwork out of her hands, “that neither Blaine nor Kurt signed the documents.  Therefore, there is no perjury.”

The clerk’s jaw tensed and she gritted her teeth.  “Be that as it may, it doesn’t change the fact that Mr. Hummel is Gray and cannot claim himself a submissive.”

The threat of jail had sent a rush of panic through Blaine. He knew what happened to subs who were arrested. ”Kurt, let’s just-“ 

But Kurt wasn’t going to let this woman tell him what he could and could not do with his own submissive and he raised his chin with pride.  “You’re right.  I am Gray.  But if a sub has a right to decline a claim, he should also have a right to choose who he submits to and who claims him.  Blaine has chosen me.”

The clerk was starting to get angry and she leaned in, pressing her hands against the counter.  “He doesn’t have that right,” she said.  “Honestly, you should just be satisfied that you two  _gentleman_  were able to even marry, time was when that was illegal too.”

Speechless, Kurt grabbed ahold of Blaine’s hand and the submission pulsing through it.  Dominance rushed through them both.  They’d expected Kurt to be attacked for being Gray.  But it had been a long time since anyone had attacked either of them for being gay.  And that was something Blaine would not stand for. 

“But that changed,” he said.  “So this can change too.”

“No, boy,” she sneered at Blaine. “Some things do not change and it’s clear to me that neither this Gray nor your  _real_  Dominant have taught you a damn thing about addressing authority.  So let me be very clear,” she said, her Dominant energy surrounding him. He saw Santana fight to hold back and he was never more thankful that Kurt couldn’t feel it.  It made Blaine feel sick.   “Mr. Hummel is not your Dom and he will never be your Dom.  He is a Gray and an obvious danger to you and I have no idea how this was allowed to happen but Ms. Lopez, if you and your submissive and his…whatever…don’t get out of my sight, I will not hesitate to report you for neglect.”

“Okay, it’s time for us to go.” Santana had tried to stay out of it, had tried to let this be about them and not her, but she couldn’t let it go any further.  Ignoring the stares of the people around them, she took Blaine’s arm and started to steer him out of the building.

Kurt lifted one finger though, halting their exit.  The fury in his eyes was clear, the Dominance only Blaine could feel pulsed with the beat of his heart, but he stayed perfectly composed. 

“You are denying us a claim,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Because I’m Gray.”

“Yes.”

“Even though my submissive has chosen me.”

She rolled her eyes.  “He is not your submissive.”

Kurt took in the crowd watching and he knew he couldn’t let her have the last word.  “One day you will find yourself on the wrong side of history.”

“If you don’t leave now, Mr. Hummel, you will find yourself on the wrong side of a jail cell. Today.”

Kurt opened his mouth but Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him away before she could make good on her promise.  Fuming on the street in front of the Clerk’s office, Kurt paced, back and forth, back and forth.

“Kurt-“ Santana tried.

“I am just so goddamn sick of this world not recognizing that I am Blaine’s Dom.” He turned to his sub.  “I am your Dom.”

The energy whipping around him left Blaine with no opportunity to deny it.  “Yes, Sir, you are.”

“Kurt, we knew this would be the most likely outcome,” Santana tried to reason.

“Fuck,” Kurt shouted and Blaine wrapped him in his submission, trying to calm him.  It took time but finally, Kurt combed his fingers through his hair with a sigh and stopped pacing.  “So what do we do now?”

Santana sighed. “That depends on how much you’re willing to fight for this.  I can go back to my law firm today and start drafting the paperwork to file a Notice of Claim.  We can file paperwork this week.  But to truly fight this Kurt, you have to understand.  No lower court judge is going to risk ruling in our favor.  This will take years.”

“Years.”  Kurt bit his lip and started pacing again. “Just to claim the person I love, it will take years.”

Blaine couldn’t deny he was scared. He’d heard the threats, he’d seen the faces of the people around them.  But if this is what his Dom wanted, he would do everything he could to fuel his determination rather than his doubt.  “Sir, we can do this.”

Kurt’s surety though had been shattered.  “Blaine, half the point of legally claiming you is to make sure no one can take you away, but just doing this we were threatened with police and protective services.  Do you really want protective services in our lives?  Watching everything we do? Analyzing every move?  We already have a record, you think they’re going to just leave us alone a second time?”

Santana placed a gentle arm on Kurt’s shoulder.  “Kurt, listen to me.  We have done nothing wrong.  Unorthodox yes, but completely legal.  All three contracts we’ve filed were read and approved by the proper authorities.  They cannot punish any of us for abiding by it.”

“Sir, I understand,” Blaine said.  “I’m scared too.  But you were the one who wanted this.  You were the one who made me believe it was possible.  I was scared to break the rules, but I don’t think we should let them win.  You’ve never let them win before.  I want to do this.”

“Do you, Blaine?”  Kurt looked at him with love and fear and the strongest sense of protection he’d ever felt.  “Do you really want to?  Do you want to go through everything this means?  Over the last 200 years, Grays have won the right to exist, to be educated, to vote, to marry.  But as far as I know, not one of us has ever asked for the rights of a Dominant.  And Dominants are not going to give up their power that easily.  If we do this…”  Kurt took a deep breath and looked at Blaine.  “You saw those people looking at us.  That clerk is not the only one who believes the things she said. There are a lot of people, maybe a majority, who believe it as well.  Santana’s right.  If we do this, it will be a battle.  Public.  Years long.  We have no idea how ugly it could get.  With a dozen people saying no before we maybe get that one final yes.”

“I’m willing to risk everything Kurt.”

“Everything?  You start rehearsals for your first Broadway show in a week, Blaine.  This could affect ticket sales, our careers, god, Cooper’s career, your parents.  If you think Westerville’s reaction to just our being together was intense, it won’t hold a candle to what the tabloids will say about this.  And then there’s Serena.”  Kurt took Blaine’s hands, brushing gently over his knuckles.  “What would we be getting Serena into, if we decide to fight?” Blaine tried to hide the heartbreak on his face, but Kurt knew him better.  He reached up and smoothed his sub’s worry lines.  “This was selfish of me.  Selfish putting you and Serena and everyone else at risk, thinking we could just walk in there and the worst we would get would be a polite no.”

For some reason that made Blaine angry.  Because Kurt had said himself this wasn’t about him.  “So is it selfish of me to be able to have the Dominant I want?  The claim I want?  You said it’s what I’ve wanted my whole life, is that selfish?” Blaine argued.

Kurt sighed, closing his eyes.  “No.  No, that’s not selfish at all.  I’m sorry.”  He tried to breathe.  He tried to muster even the slightest hint of Dominance, but there was nothing there.  “Look, I’m not saying we won’t move forward.  But we have a lot to think about and we’re all very busy and we shouldn’t be doing anything to distract us from your Broadway debut.  And I think we owe it to our families to talk to them first this time before we do anything.  We aren’t going to be able to do this without their support.”

Blaine stepped closer, bringing Kurt’s hand to his heart.  “I understand,” he said quietly. “You’re right, Sir. I trust you, whatever you decide.”

And with Blaine’s trust, maybe he could do this.  “Santana, draw up the papers and hold onto them. We won’t even look at them before opening night, but that way if and when we’re ready, we’re really ready.”

Blaine leaned into him and rested his head on his Dom’s shoulder.  Kurt wrapped him in his arms and in his love.  Nothing had ever been easy for them.  But no matter what, they would always fight together.

* * *

 

“Are you just going to stare at me all night?” Blaine asked, pulling slightly at the restraints attaching him to his bedposts.  He’d been there under Kurt’s heated gaze for almost ten minutes. 

“Yes,” Kurt said from his perch where he sat atop their bedroom desk.  “Watching you.  Where no one else can see you.  Or touch you.  Or tell me you belong to someone else.”

Tied down as he was, Blaine’s submission was as trapped as his body.  This wasn’t Dominant hormones fueling Kurt’s possessiveness.  This was Kurt’s pure, natural dominance.

For some reason that turned him on even more. 

“Kurt, please…” he said, a little breathless, his submission churning.

“This will be easier, sweetheart, if you just let go,” Kurt said.

“What will?”

“My watching you.  I bet I could make you come without a single touch.”

Blaine’s cock pulsed and he threw his head back against the pillow that was propping him up.  “Fuck.”

“That’s one,” Kurt warned.  But there was amusement in it.  Kurt was having fun.

Blaine loved when his pain brought Kurt pleasure.

Kurt was right.  He was pretty sure he could come from Kurt’s Dominance alone.  All he had to do was let go.

He wanted to let go.

He let his lids fall until the white of the ceiling disappeared, slipping slowly into subspace to that place just before all his senses heightened.  And there was nothing before his eyes but the shadow of Kurt’s face.

He would do anything for that face.

It started small.  Tiny wisps of blue rising and then drifting away like the steam off a cup of coffee.  It was all he could manage, until he concentrated less on the binds Kurt had him tethered with and more on the society that held them tethered.  The society that made Kurt feel that he was selfish for wanting what everyone else was allowed to have.  He abandoned himself to the feeling.  To the desire to fight to be free of those restraints so the only one that could ever hold him down was Kurt.  So that Kurt and only Kurt could ever command him again.  And if Kurt asked, he would fall, fall so far and so hard no matter what the cost.  He would kneel and he would crawl and he would grovel for Kurt.  He would give up everything, submit to anything.

He had no idea how long he lay there, how long Kurt sat raking his eyes over every inch of his body.  He didn’t realize when his wisps of submission had turned to tendrils. He didn’t realize how far he had fallen until he was caught by Dominance, Kurt’s Dominance, forbidding him from disappearing into a world where Kurt could not exist.  Where he could not be heard or seen.  Where he could not be obeyed.

Blaine’s eyes fluttered open.  Kurt had left the desk, was sitting by his side, a hand placed softly atop his thigh.  He lost himself immediately into the depths of his Dom’s gaze, the lust-blown eyes, almost black with just a rim of blue.  Blaine’s blue.  Kurt’s Dominance surrounded by Blaine’s submission. 

“There you are sweetheart,” Kurt purred gently.  “That’s better.”  Blaine could hear the difference. Feel Kurt’s power thrumming through his body.  “Such a good boy for me, aren’t you? Submitting to me and only me.”

“Yes, Sir.” Blaine nearly sang the words.  “I always want to be good for you, Sir. Only you.”

Kurt smiled and took his hand away.  “Now, sweetheart, I am going to claim every inch of your skin without a single touch.  And all I want you to do is watch my eyes.  Listen to my voice.  And feel me.”

Blaine swallowed.  “Yes, Sir.”

Kurt had never done it before.  His love Blaine had been able to feel for years and he would forever surrender himself to that.  But everything was still so new with Kurt’s Dominance, the energy now surrounding his love that could reach out and touch him like Santana’s and Elliott’s had before.  That kind of strength and control didn’t seem like it would be possible for Kurt.  But Blaine knew that wasn’t going to stop him from trying, not that day.  They could tell Kurt he wasn’t his Dom and they could tell Kurt that Blaine didn’t belong to him, but Kurt would be damned before he let Blaine believe those lies.  Answering Kurt’s unspoken demand, Blaine focusing on nothing but the Dominance in Kurt’s gaze.  The love.  The authority.  The ownership.  And whatever submission he’d been holding on to, he let go.

His body belonged to Kurt.  For Kurt to touch, and play with, and make him feel whatever Kurt wanted him to feel.  And when Blaine let go, he felt it.  It was barely a breeze as Kurt started to trace the features of his face.  His long lashes, his strong cheekbones, down to his nose. 

And then blue eyes fell to Blaine’s lips.  They started to tingle.

Blaine gasped, barely able to breathe. 

“You’re okay, sweetheart.  Keep your eyes on me and you’ll be okay.” 

Blaine didn’t dare disobey and he barely blinked, not wanting to break their connection for even the briefest of seconds.

“Can you feel that?  I can feel it,” Kurt said, his voice soft and low.  “The way your lips feel against mine.  The way they make the world fall away until your love consumes me.  You think it’s your submission but I can feel what’s inside of it, Blaine.  I can feel your love with every kiss.”

Blaine’s submission swirled and he felt like he was floating.  He tried to stay focused on Kurt’s eyes, Kurt’s power, but the tingle in his lips started to spread down his neck, making him shiver.  Kurt’s Dominance felt like a caress over his shoulder, up his arm.  It wasn’t until Kurt reached his wrist that Blaine even remembered the cuff that held him down, the scarves intricately tied to the headboard.  And for just a moment his submission nearly slipped as instinct found its way even through the haze of subspace to pull against the bindings for freedom.

But before it could, Kurt had harnessed it and used it for himself, energy forming like a whip lashing out with no pain, wrapping around his wrist, latching back onto his submission, reminding him that it was Kurt’s Dominance and not the cuffs that held him there.

“There will be none of that, sweetheart,” Kurt reprimanded.  Despite his restraints, his submission soared, and with it Kurt’s Dominance flared.  Blaine felt it go straight through him.  “You are here for me.  For what I want.  You belong to me, Blaine, me and no one else.  Which means you do what I say.   _Exactly_  what I say.”

“Yes, Sir,” Blaine whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“You will learn,” Kurt said. “Now be still.”

Blaine did all he could to obey and a warm vibration ever so slowly moved through him.  Feather soft wisps of energy, skimming over his body, against his skin, along every curve that Kurt could see. 

Except one.

And it wept for Kurt’s attention.

“You want it, don’t you?” Kurt said.  “You want to see if I can do it.  If I’m strong enough.  If you’re strong enough to get it out of me.”

“Yes, please Kurt,” Blaine begged, watery eyes wide with hope.  He wrapped his submission around his Dom with as much strength as he could.   “Please, please touch me.  I am yours.  I belong to you.  Please.”

Kurt tried, but it wasn’t enough.  “I need more Blaine.  I need everything.  Or you will get nothing.”

Blaine closed his eyes, tears falling.  He didn’t know what else to do other than ask to be freed from the restraints.  He had given Kurt everything he had, his love, his trust, his respect, his obedience, his submission, everything.  But then he realized, he hadn’t.  There was one truth he’d never said out loud.  Not to him.

“Kurt Hummel,” he said.  He had meant to be on his knees if he’d ever had the chance to utter these words, but he imagined to Kurt, his current position was more than suitable. “I accept the terms of your sacred contract, to be your submissive, willingly and freely.”

Kurt leaned over and kissed him, a kiss with such power that Blaine would swear it left him no choice but to be claimed. Then it filled him, Kurt’s Dominance matching his submission, strength matching strength, burning between them.  Blaine pulled against the restraints, surging toward him, into the kiss to deepen it.  Kurt allowed it, but just for a moment before he pulled away.

“Please,” Blaine begged, breathless.

“You’re such a good boy Blaine,” Kurt told him.  “My good boy.  And I’m going to give you what you want.  Just follow my eyes and feel.”

Kurt’s gaze dropped.  And then Blaine could barely keep his lids from closing no matter how hard he tried, because whether it was only in Blaine’s mind or it truly was the energy that flowed between them, the fire of Dominance wrapped around his cock.   

Blaine cried out, words and sounds pouring from his lips without any hope of reaching his ears, and all he felt was that energy, stroking him, vibrating up and down his shaft. It was as soft as a breeze, warm and gentle.  

The wave started in his toes and his fingers and it rippled through his body from each of his restraints to reach its peak in one place.  His balls grew tight, his stomach coiled, and his cock thrust into the flame of Kurt’s Dominance.

“Please, Sir.”

Blaine may not have been able to hear his the words that had been pouring from his lips, but Kurt had and he’d never stopped his tally.  “You owe me for five swears, sweetheart.  So I’m going to count.  One.”

He knew the count would be slow and all Blaine could do was weep and clench his hands into fists, gritting his teeth against the explosion boiling inside him.

“Two.”

He thrust up into Kurt’s Dominance, the feel both saving and killing him.

“Three.”

Every number felt like an eternity.  There wasn’t an inch of skin that wasn’t soaked with the effort of holding back. His head began to spin.  His ears began to ring.  He thought for sure he was going to pass out.

“Four, Blaine, just one more and you can come.”

“Kurt, please,” he moaned.  “Please, fu-” He caught it this time, the swear that nearly fell from his lips, and he screamed into his arm instead.  Blaine had no words left.  No more tears. 

He almost didn’t hear when Kurt said the number five, but he felt the quickening around his cock and he finally heard the words he had been waiting for.  “Come for me.”

Blue and red and gold exploded like fireworks inside of him, his body shook, trembling with the force of his release, pleasure pulsing, ripping through him, coursing through his veins until he floated away into perfect bliss.

He woke up in Kurt’s arms, freed from his restraints, his head cradled on his Dom’s chest.  Kurt played with the wet curls on his forehead.  “Sometimes I wish I could go with you,” Kurt whispered.

“Where?” Blaine asked.

“To subspace.  It seems so calm.  So peaceful.”

Thumbing over Kurt’s skin, Blaine played with the thin wisps of hair on his chest.  “Have you ever? I mean, when you-”

“No,” Kurt frowned.  “Not even close.  And Dom drop is nothing like that.  It’s a darkness filled with anger and guilt and regret.”

Blaine hitched up onto his elbows to look at his Dom.  “Then let me stave off the drop, Kurt.  You must have had a huge spike to do what you just did.  I don’t even know how-“

“No one tells me I’m not your Dom,” Kurt said firmly.  “My Dominance and your submission bring out the best in each other.  Your strength and control make me stronger.”  He pulled Blaine close and kissed him softly.  “Not to mention how erotic my staring at you is.”

Blaine laughed.  He ran his fingers over Kurt’s hip.  “I don’t think I can do the same thing you did but I’m pretty good with my hands.”

“Your hands, your lips,” Kurt said, and both their hearts started to race again.  “You take the best care of me. There can’t be a luckier Dom in the world.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Blaine said, tracing down his chest and the trail below. His fingers encircled his husband, gliding gently along his length.  “That’s all I want.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Good morning.” 

Kurt had woken up to the sun shining through the windows and an unexpectedly empty bed that morning. After getting ready himself, he found his sub dressed and standing over the stove cooking eggs and bacon.  “I thought I told you to sleep in this morning.”

“You did,” Blaine said without a hint of guilt.  “But I couldn’t sleep, so I decided it was better to stick to my routine of making breakfast rather than lying in bed pretending to be asleep.”

Kurt leaned back against the counter next to him, snatching a piece of bacon.  “I guess I will refrain from punishing you since it’s your first day of rehearsals.” 

Blaine’s eyes shined with love.  “Always so merciful.”

“Mmhmm,” Kurt answered with a smirk.  He looked over at his daughter’s closed door and started toward it.  “Serena,” he yelled.  “Time for…what the heck is this?”

He’d opened the door to find every item of clothing from his daughter’s closet piled high on her bed while Serena stood, staring at it with her hands on her hips.  “I don’t have anything to wear,” she said matter-of-factly.

Kurt raised a brow.  “The gigantic pile on your bed would say otherwise.”  He didn’t tell her he’d stood at his own closet for ten minutes that morning thinking the same thing.  “Okay,” he said, walking over to her bed.  “Pants, dress, or skirt?”

“Dress,” Serena decided.

“Fancy or casual?”

“Fancy.”

Kurt sorted through the clothes.  “Purple, pink or blue,” he asked her.

“Purple,” she said.

Kurt grabbed two dresses that met her criteria and held them up.  “Pick one.”

Serena studied them far longer than Kurt thought was necessary.  Then finally she pointed to the one with a sparkling bodice and ruffled organza on the skirt. “That one," she said.

“Excellent.”  Kurt handed her the dress and went to her drawers.  “Socks or tights?”

“Socks.”

He grabbed a cute pair of white ankle socks and threw them over to her.  “Don’t forget to change your underwear,” he told her, tossing those as well before he went back out, closing the door behind him.

“Is she coming?” Blaine asked as he brought the eggs and bacon to the table. 

“She’s getting dressed.”

“By herself?  Brave Daddy.”

“She’s standing in front of her bed staring at a giant pile of every single item of clothing from her closet.  Are we sure she doesn’t have my genes?”

“Nature versus nurture is tricky business,” Blaine said, kissing him on top of the head.  “Serena!  Breakfast is-”

“I’m right here,” Serena snapped with an eyeroll and Blaine couldn’t help but laugh.

“Definitely more nurture than nature in that girl,” he decided.

Kurt raised an amused brow.  “You sure about that? Your attitude has gotten you into trouble more times than I can count.”  Blaine stuck out his tongue and Serena laughed as she climbed into her seat.  Kurt turned his attention to her.  “You look beautiful.  Come on now, let’s eat up.  Today’s Papa’s very first day of rehearsal at his very first Broadway show.”

Blaine blushed as he sat down.  He picked up his fork, but was too nervous to eat.  “It’ll probably be less than an hour before they realize they made a mistake and kick me out on the street.”

“No way,” Serena told him.  “You’re a star.  Everybody says so.”

“Everybody meaning Daddy?”

“Daddy and Aunt Rachel and Mommy and Aunt Brittany and Uncle Jesse and Aunt Mercedes and-”

“Okay, we get the idea,” Kurt said gently, patting her hand.  “But Serena is right.  Everyone who knows you knows you’re a star and I expect that after today you will know it too.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous.  About rehearsal, about leaving the studio in Sam’s hands, about missing today’s kindergarten open house.  I feel bad.”

Kurt turned on his Dom face.  “Rehearsal will go beautifully, Sam will be fine in the studio, and it’s totally okay that you’re missing the open house. P.S. 87 is in our zone, but it’s not like it’s one of our top choices.”

“It’s dual immersion.  I thought that was one of the things you were looking for.”

“It’s Spanish though, not French.”

“Okay Kurt, I know you have this romantic idea of the French, but I shouldn’t have to remind you that the nature part of your daughter makes her half Latina.  And what if she wanted to do  _In the Heights_ one day?  Or a linguistically accurate  _West Side Story_?  Even if she doesn’t do theater, being fluent in Spanish could be very helpful for her career and it’s important for her heritage.”

Kurt had the decency to look contrite.  “You’re right, I’m sorry.  Okay, P.S. 87 moves up on the list.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said with a smile.  “It doesn’t beat Richard Rogers though.”

“Of course,” Kurt said.  “Nothing beats Richard Rogers.”

* * *

 

“Hey everyone, I’m home!”

The moment he walked in, Blaine knew that Kurt was cooking something delicious from the smells of garlic and onion permeating through the home.  He put his things down, took off his shoes and rounded the corner.  Kurt smiled at him, wiping his hands on the nearby dishtowel. 

Serena left the movie she was watching and came running over.  Blaine picked her up and twirled her around.

“Hi Papa.  Are you a star yet?”

Blaine laughed and put her down.  “Not yet pumpkin.  First comes a lot of hard work.”

“And your Papa isn’t afraid of hard work,” Kurt said.  He came over and gave Blaine a quick kiss on the lips.  “How was your day, sweetheart?”

“Tiring.”  Blaine took his briefcase to the music room and settled it on the piano bench, rummaging through it.  He looked up at Kurt standing in the doorway.  “And amazing.  We went over the rules, did a read through, then started work on the music.”  Kurt leaned on the piano, wanting to hear every single detail of his day.   Blaine pulled out a couple of papers and slid them across to him.  “I need you to sign these.”

Kurt looked at them and his mood immediately shifted.  “You need your Dominant to sign these, Blaine.  That means Santana, not me.”

 

_I've been staring at the edge of the water  
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why_

They both turned to see Serena standing in the doorway, singing with a worried look in her eye directed at her Daddy.  Then she turned to her Papa expectantly.

Blaine smiled at her and walked around the piano.  “They’re behavior agreements Kurt, not contracts, which means you need to sign them.”  The fact was Santana had signed the business contracts weeks ago.  “Everyone knows you Kurt, they know you’re my true Dom, and they wouldn’t dare undermine you and ask that Santana sign it.” Blaine picked Serena up and carried her over to sit atop the piano like she loved.  He sat down at the bench and placed his fingers on the keys, his eyes still on his husband.  “ _I_ wouldn’t dare.”

“Why?”

Blaine’s gaze grew soft, and his submission tingled inside him.  “Because I’m accountable to you and only to you, Sir.”  He smiled softly, lowered his eyes, and started playing.

Serena picked up right where she’d left off.

_I wish I could be the perfect daughter  
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try_

“Okay,” Kurt said and turned his attention to the documents.

 _Every turn I take, every trail I track_  
Every path I make, every road leads back  
To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

Kurt read the papers.  The union’s Code of Conduct for all submissive actors.  Contradictions ran through him. The belief that submissives shouldn’t need a Dominant’s consent and signature to work clashed with the anger that rushed through him at the thought of Blaine breaking any one of these rules.  Or someone else holding him accountable for it.     

His heart knew what he wanted. 

 _See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me_  
_And no one knows, how far it goes_  
 _If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me_  
 _One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go_

They all knew that no matter how hard they fought, the chances of a Gray ever becoming a legal Dominant were remote.  Santana was right, no lower court would make a decision to change the very fundamental principles that held their society together.  Marriage equality was one thing.  But no matter how much he tried to deny it, what Kurt and Blaine would be asking would change the entire order of their world.   Right now the Supreme Court had five Doms and four subs and who knew what the makeup would be if and when the case finally got to them.  He had no way of know if all the pain and difficulty would be worth it in the end. Would it be better for all of them if he just continued with the status quo, be the advocate he already was for greater rights and opportunities for Grays while keeping Blaine and Serena safe from the backlash of true protest?

_I know everybody on this island, seems so happy on this island_   
_Everything is by design_   
_I know everybody on this island has a role on this island_   
_So maybe I can roll with mine_   
_I can lead with pride, I can make us strong_   
_I'll be satisfied if I play along_   
_But the voice inside sings a different song_   
_What is wrong with me?_

Every step he had taken with Blaine led to this choice.  Every new line they had crossed, every limit they had broken, every barrier they had overcome.  Looking at his husband, his submissive, his need to Dominate had grown from a burden to a gift to a craving.

_See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding_   
_But no one knows, how deep it goes_   
_And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me_   
_And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?_

He was afraid.  That was the bottom line.  He was afraid to put their families through the repercussions of fighting the system just to satisfy his own selfish need to Dominate the man he loved.  Maybe there would be a time.  But now wasn’t it.

_See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me_   
_And no one knows, how far it goes_   
_If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me_   
_One day I'll know, how far I'll go_

Blaine finished the last notes and looked up at Serena.  “Perfect,” he said, catching Kurt with a quick glance before scooping her off the piano.  “Go get ready for dinner please.”  He gave her a tap and she ran out of the room, beaming.  Then he turned to Kurt.  His Dominant looked shell shocked.  “Are you okay?”

“I swear that girl can read my emotions like a book,” Kurt said.  He walked over and fell into Blaine’s arms.  “What is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Kurt.  There never has been.  Every time you reach that line on the horizon you cross it.  And I know you Kurt, I know you’re angry at yourself for hesitating to cross this last one, but you’re right.  There is a lot to consider and we don’t need to rush.  The courts and the bigots aren’t going anywhere.  You’ll know the right answer when the time is right.”

“I love you,” Kurt hummed.

“I love you too.”

Kurt held out the papers Blaine had given him.  “And I will make you suffer if you break any of these rules I just signed.  These are sacred.”

Blaine laughed and took the agreements.  “I’m counting on it, Sir.”

* * *

 

Their weeks quickly filled up with a constant sense of motion.  Serena to preschool, Kurt and Blaine to separate rehearsals.  Kurt would pick up Serena after work and start dinner.  Blaine would quickly check on Sam at the studio before going home, hopefully getting there before dinner was over.  Together they would play with Serena, make sure she had her bath, and tuck her into bed.  Once the show opened, Blaine’s opportunities to do so would be few and far between.  Blaine spent at least an hour a night in his music room with his script, his piano, and his guitar, while Kurt listened from the living room, went through his own notes from the day and prepared for the morning.  If they were lucky they’d get an hour together before they fell asleep just to start all over again. 

Serena spent much of her time on the weekends with her many aunts and uncles and it was the only time that Kurt and Blaine wished they lived closer to their families.  Serena loved it, playing with Rachel, Jesse, and the baby most of all.  Sometimes Brittany would take her to the dance studio or Santana would set her up at her office when she’d had to work weekends, or both of them would stay home with her and play house and dress up.  Once, when her fathers were really in a bind, Kurt had extremely reluctantly allowed her to spend a day with their friend Elliott and his band, which had been an education in and of itself that she knew better than to share with her fathers.

Since Kurt had started working on Broadway, Mondays had always been special for Blaine and Kurt.  The only day without rehearsals or shows, it had been a day for them to reconnect, just the two of them.  But since Kurt’s Dominance had truly started to intensify it began to mean even more.  It became a standing agreement that on Mondays they would set their roles aside for the day.  For Kurt, it was a chance to breathe and not get overwhelmed by the rush of hormones that were still so new and powerful and sometimes frightening.  Every day that he grew stronger, his Dominance became more natural, more instinct instead of work.  But with that brought more and more risk of Dom drop.  They realized quickly that Kurt needed a day to not get lost in it. 

Blaine took the day to remember the beauty of everything Kurt was and how much of a privilege it was to be to be dominated by him and to be able to give him his submission.  And if it sometimes let him get away with a bit of mischief without the risk of punishment, well, that was just a bonus.  He didn’t abuse it, Kurt would never let him. But it was a chance for both of them to honor all of who Kurt was, and not just the roles society had set for them.  And if at some point they chose to move ahead with their lawsuit, it was an important reminder that they wouldn’t be fighting for the right of a Gray to become a Dominant, but for the right of a submissive to choose to be claimed by a Gray. 

And sometimes, it was just a day for two people who loved each other to sit and have coffee and catch up with one another while their daughter was at preschool.

“Be honest with me Blaine,” Kurt said as they carried their coffees over to their table.  Blaine grabbed some sugar on the way by before sitting down across from his husband.  “Do you really want me to choose Serena’s kindergarten or are you just saying that.”

Blaine smiled and took Kurt’s hand.  “I really want you to.  It has nothing to do with you being my Dom, I just know you’ll make a better choice than me.  You’ve seen all of them, you’ll take all the important things into consideration.  Besides, applications are due just as previews for my show are starting and my brain just can’t handle one more thing beyond rehearsals and the studio.  I trust you Kurt.  Completely.”

“I promise, I won’t let you down.” Kurt took a sip of his coffee.  “How is Sam doing at the studio?” 

“Great, actually,” Blaine said.  “I think all that time spent with Mercedes really taught him a lot about what goes into a good recording and what our clients need to be at their best.  He loves taking care of them as much as I do, so I feel like I’ve really left it in good hands.”

“Good,” Kurt said.  “Because I don’t want that to be-”

“Kurt Hummel.” 

Kurt didn’t need to see who came up behind him to know who it was but Blaine found himself looking up at a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed man who spoke his Dominant’s name like it was dripping with molasses.  British molasses.    Blaine tried to ignore the pang in his heart as Kurt’s eyes widened with excitement. 

“Adam!” Kurt screeched as he jumped up to the hug the man.  His ex-boyfriend.  His ex-Dom. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?  I didn’t know you were coming to New York.”

“Well, clearly you aren’t paying enough attention to the West End theater scene then or you would have known that my production was transferring to Broadway.”  Adam wagged his finger playfully in Kurt’s face.  “Shame on you.”

“Sorry, you’re right.”  Kurt wasn’t blushing, he couldn’t have been blushing, Blaine thought, it must have been the heat of the coffee finally hitting his cheeks.  “I should have been paying more attention.”

Blaine didn’t think Kurt needed to be paying any attention to anything his ex-boyfriend did and he quickly cleared his throat.  Kurt turned, as if he’d forgotten his husband was there.

“Oh Adam, I want you to meet my husband, Blaine Anderson.  Blaine, this is Adam Crawford.”

Blaine did everything he could to keep his calm and his dignity and he stood up and held out his hand.  “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” he said as Adam shook it with a strong grip.  “Kurt has told me a lot about you.”

“He has, has he?”  A smirk played on Adam’s lips.  “That surprises me actually.  Given the…nature…of your relationship.  You know, I have to admit, Kurt, when I read that you were playing Dom-”

“He’s not playing,” Blaine snapped.  “He is a Dom.  He’s my Dom.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Blaine’s insolence, but said nothing.

Adam didn’t miss it.  “Is he now?” Adam’s gaze shifted for only a second to Blaine, then returned to Kurt.  “Your sub’s getting a little worked up there,” he said.  “Let me know if you need some help keeping him in line, I’d be more than happy.”

Kurt clasped Blaine’s hand in his and he tried to relax the tension he felt in Blaine’s grip.  “Thank you Adam, but Blaine and I are just fine.  On Mondays, Blaine indulges my Gray side and lets go of his submission for the day.  So he’s free to say whatever he wants.”

Adam quirked a brow.  “Interesting.  And if it wasn’t Monday?”

“Adam…”

The Dom laughed though.  “You know I’m just joking with you.  You were always so easy to provoke.  Just one of the things that made you such an excellent sub.”

Kurt scoffed.  “I was a terrible sub and you know it.”

“No,” Adam said, his voice taking on a sudden seriousness.  “You weren’t.”

Adam seemed to be trying to look deep into Kurt’s soul and it made Blaine shiver.  He didn’t like it one bit. 

This time it was clear that Kurt was blushing, his gaze lowering.  “Well, thank you, I guess.”

Adam laughed.  “Oh you should definitely be thanking me for being such a good Dominant to you.  I did teach you a thing or two, didn’t I?”

Kurt let out a laugh.  “That you did.  And there are times I make very good use of it.”

This time it was Blaine’s cheeks that reddened.  “Kurt.  I think it’s time to…go to the…you know, that thing.”

“Ah yes,” Kurt said, sensing Blaine’s discomfort.  “It was good seeing you, Adam. How long are you in the city?”

“I’m here for 6 months.  I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

Blaine just stared as Kurt hugged his ex goodbye, leaving him with one more small smile before they grabbed their coffees and headed outside.  Blaine took one last look behind him and Adam still stood there, watching them.

“I don’t like that guy,” Blaine muttered, turning back to Kurt.

Kurt chuckled softly and squeezed his hands.  “Don’t worry, Blaine.  Adam is harmless.”

Blaine thought he was anything but harmless.  “He was flirting with you.  And checking out your ass.”

“Well I do have a perfect ass, you know that.”

“Yes I do.  And I also know it’s mine.”

Kurt glanced over to his sub, reading the tension in his face and the anger in his eyes for what it was.  “I can’t decide if jealousy is cute on you or not.  Monday yes, but I suspect I wouldn’t be too pleased the rest of the week.”

“Well then,” Blaine said.  “Let’s hope we only ever run into him on Mondays.”

* * *

 

“So how are rehearsals going, Squirt?” Cooper asked.

Blaine sat back on the couch, popcorn in hand left over from his and Serena’s movie night.  Kurt was out late, wooing producers with all his Dominant charm for the latest project he was developing with their college stage combat professor, Robert. 

“Rehearsals are good Cooper, but god, I had forgotten how much work went into a role like this,” Blaine admitted.  “I mean, I’ve been watching Kurt work for years but I think I’m using muscles I haven’t used since college and frankly, it’s exhausting.”

“Have you talked to Kurt about that?  I don’t want you overtaxed, Blaine.  Are things at the studio okay?  Is Sam handling things?  I know you said you wanted to keep doing this on your own, but if you need me to send someone in while you’re working-”

“I’m fine Coop, really,” Blaine assured him. “Sam is doing great and all my customers are understanding.  And Kurt will take care of me.  He always does.”

“I know he does,” Cooper said.  “Doesn’t mean I can’t worry about my little brother.”

Blaine loved him for that.  He really did.  And sometimes, Blaine worried about him too.  “Hey, Cooper?  What would you say if I said that Kurt and I were going to go to the Clerk’s office so he could claim me?  For real?”

Cooper laughed.  “I’d say you two were crazy.”

Blaine swallowed.  “What if I said we were going to file a lawsuit against the state of New York?  To make it legal for him to do that?”

Silence filled the line.  It must have been obvious in his voice.  Blaine’s heart started to race.  When Cooper finally answered, he wasn’t laughing anymore.  “Blaine, please tell me you haven’t already done this.”

Blaine ducked his head, his cheeks turning pink despite the fact that Cooper was a thousand miles away.  His big brother had always had this way of making Blaine feel like he’d done something wrong.  “The first, yes.  The second, no. Santana has the paperwork all ready to file, but…”  He rubbed his hand over his face.  “Kurt’s afraid of the backlash.  On us, on Mom and Dad.  On you,” he said.

“Kurt has every right to be afraid of that. He should be. And you should be too.”

“Are you?” Blaine asked nervously.  Sometimes he hated how much his brother’s opinion mattered to him.  But Cooper had stuck by his side through thick and thin.  Taken care of him when no one else would.  He had to do the same.  “Are you afraid of it?”

He could hear Cooper’s sigh on the other end of the phone.  “Look, Squirt, I’m just starting to film this new show.  It’s important.  It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in my career.  It’s a real serious role that means something, Blaine, it’s not like all the other crap I’ve done.”

“And you think if Kurt and I go forward with this then you’d lose that?”

“Honestly?  I don’t know.  The headlines will ask why the greatest Dom in television can’t keep his little brother on a leash.”

Blaine felt his anger stir.  “Because I’m not your sub.”

“If you think Westerville overreacted to your relationship and your marriage, that was nothing compared to what this firestorm would be.”

Blaine knew it.  He knew Cooper was right.  Kurt knew Cooper was right.  “Would you forbid me to do it?” he asked.

“Like you said, you’re not my sub.”

“But if you could?  Would you?”

The hesitation in Cooper’s voice was clear.  “I don’t know.  Do I think Kurt should have the right to claim you?  I don’t think it hurts anyone to say yes.  But there will be a whole hell of a lot of people who won’t agree.  Forget about our careers for a minute, Blaine, what about your safety?  Serena’s safety?”

Blaine thought about Serena’s safety all the time.  “Do you think Mom and Dad would try to stop us?”

Cooper scoffed.  “Ironically, I think Dad would be thrilled if Kurt could claim you and make an honest man out of you.  But this isn’t the way he’d want to see it happen.”

His parents would want Kurt to take the hormones, become a true Dominant.  But that wasn’t what Kurt wanted. What either of them wanted.  “Kurt shouldn’t have to be someone he’s not-”

“To be someone he’s not?” Cooper challenged.  “You’re asking the world precisely to accept him being someone he’s not.  That’s going to feel like a pretty big threat to a whole lot of people.”

“Coop-”

“Look, Squirt.  I’ll stand by whatever you two decide, you know I will.  And I’ll fight back the media with everything I have.  Mom and Dad and Santana’s parents will fight the doctors and the pundits.  But none of us will like the attention it brings to our families.  The danger.  So if you and Kurt are going to do this, it better be for a damn good reason and not just because Santana’s legal rights hurt his feelings.  Understood?”

Blaine’s chest tightened, feeling a dreadful sense of defeat.  “Yes, Sir.  I understand.”

* * *

 

Lying on her stomach on the floor of her mommy’s kitchen, feet crossed in the air, Serena worked on coloring very carefully in her coloring book.  Papa didn’t mind when she went outside the lines, but Daddy liked things to be perfect and she liked to make Daddy proud.  She worked quietly, focusing her mind to make herself invisible so they would forget that she was there. Otherwise they might stop talking about adult stuff and Serena really wanted to know everything that was going on.  She didn’t like secrets.

It had seemed like Papa had dragged Daddy over to Mommy and Auntie Britt’s apartment. Which wasn’t really a surprise.  She knew that when Daddy talked to Mommy he usually did it alone.  Their relationship was different than anyone else’s she knew and she really didn’t understand it.  She thought she better figure it out by Kindergarten because people were going to start asking questions and she needed to know the answers.

It seemed grownups sometimes needed answers too, because Papa was holding Daddy under the microscope.

“Kurt,” Papa said.  “Come on, I know you and I know something’s wrong.  It’s been a long time since we’ve talked about the baby and I know that with the possibility of the lawsuit everything is even more complicated now.  But Serena’s getting older, she’ll be starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Hell, we’re all getting older and waiting isn’t fair to Santana or Brittany either.”

“Kurt,” Santana said gently, coming to sit beside him.  “I will not be mad either way.  If you want to have this baby with me, that’s fine.  If you don’t, that’s fine too.  But I can’t keep our life on hold while you figure it out and if we do file with the court then the timing is important for other reasons.”

“You said you wanted another baby,” Blaine continued.  “And you said it was okay that I wanted a baby Kurt running around the house.  So…” He took Kurt’s hand.  “I know the wheels are turning in your head, I can see it in your eyes.  Please just tell us what they’re saying.”

Serena took a chance at her invisibility to glance up.  Her daddy looked uncomfortable, brushing his fingers over the table like he did whenever he was nervous.  She wished she could find some way to save him.  Everyone always said she was just like her papa, but she seemed to just always understand how Daddy was feeling, even if she didn’t understand what he was saying.

Her daddy looked up at Papa.  “I want what you want,” Kurt said with the care that made them all know he meant it.  “And if you want a baby, my baby, then I do too.”

“But…” Blaine coaxed.

“But there’s…” Kurt looked at his fingers.  Serena sensed his embarrassment.  “There’s a certain intimacy, to someone carrying a baby.  A connection that I just…Santana and I don’t have.  It was different for you and her, Blaine.  She already has a piece of you in her heart, carrying your baby seemed natural.  But Santana and I, we don’t have that.  And I’m not sure we should.”

Serena watched Papa take a minute to breathe.  She knew Papa did that when he didn’t want to explode or cry or say something he knew he shouldn’t say.  He did it with her all the time.

“I thought it was important to us that Serena and the baby be biologically related,” he finally said.  “I thought it was important that we didn’t bring somebody new into this.”

“Yes, it is,” Kurt told him.  “I still believe that.  That’s why this has been so hard for me.”

Serena wasn’t sure it was as hard as they were making it out to be.   Grownups always made easy things difficult.  “Why don’t you just have Auntie Rachel do it?”

They all turned to look at her, having forgotten that she was in the middle of the room.  It was good her invisibility charm was still working. 

“Serena, Pumpkin, I don’t think-”

“You said Mommy doesn’t have a piece of your heart like she does with Papa.  But Auntie Rachel does.  She’s your best friend.”

“She’s right,” Auntie Britt spoke up.  “The baby can still be Santana’s but Rachel could carry it.  You’re in her heart, Kurt, you’re like a brother to her.”

Blaine looked at Kurt with a brow raised.

“I don’t even know if she’d do it,” Kurt muttered.

“But if she would,” Blaine asked.  “If she agreed to carry the child that you and Santana make, would that feel okay to you?”

Serena saw a tear trickle down his face but she knew it was a happy one and she felt proud to have been the one to put it there.

“Yes,” Kurt nodded with relief, sniffling and brushing away a tear.  “Yes, I think that would be more than okay.”

* * *

 

He’d found the little coffee shop around the corner from the theater, just far enough away to take a break from his castmates if he needed the space, but close enough to be back in no time if his stage manager called.  Blaine ordered his medium drip and sat down at one of the little round tables away from the windows.  He took one long sip to gain back his energy, then pulled out his script. 

“Need a scene partner?”

Blaine didn’t need to look up to see that it was Adam; the accent gave it away. 

He rolled his eyes.  “The fuck, are you following me now, or…”

“Ah, I see you’re not just mouthy on Mondays.  I had a feeling.”  Adam pulled out the seat across from Blaine, joining him uninvited.  “It must be hard.”

“What must be?”

Much to Blaine’s chagrin, Adam actually seemed sympathetic.  “Getting what you want from him.  What you need.  A sub needs discipline and he was never big on it.  Hated it, actually.  Not only did he nearly kill me when I tried to discipline him, but he got all miffed whenever he saw it.  To be honest, it was probably our downfall.”  Adam studied him.  “I’m surprised it wasn’t yours.”

Blaine could sit there and tell him that it might have been if Kurt hadn’t grown.  He could sit there and tell him that it almost was.  But he really didn’t need Adam knowing anything about his relationship.  “Kurt takes care of me.  However he needs to.”  He started to grab his things and tried to be as polite as he could muster.  “Now if you’ll excuse me-”

Adam placed his hand atop Blaine’s script, stopping him.  “Look,” Adam said. Blaine glared at him.  “I can tell the freedom he gives you.  The leeway.  But it can’t possibly be healthy for you and I know it’s not healthy for him.”

Blaine wasn’t one to let anyone question his relationship with Kurt, but he was definitely not going to take it from his ex.  “And how could you possibly know that?  Kurt and I have been together for 9 years.  Just because you dated him for a millisecond doesn’t mean you know a damn thing about us.  It’s not like your relationship was the pinnacle of health, trying to dominate someone who doesn’t want to be dominated.  You think I don’t know how much he hated some of the things you tried to make him do?”

“But I didn’t hate those things,” Adam said. “And sometimes being a sub means withstanding things you don’t like because your Dom has asked you to.  You’re a good boy, Blaine, you know that.  Or…maybe you don’t.  Maybe Kurt just can’t push you like that.”  Adam leaned back, nonchalantly crossing his legs.  “Or maybe you’re just so selfish that you’ve made him live a life pretending to be someone he’s not-”

“Kurt is not pretending to be anything!”  Blaine threw his bag over his shoulder, grabbed his script and his coffee and stood up to leave.  “Do yourself a favor, Adam?  Stop worrying about Kurt and me.  Stop thinking about us.  And for fuck’s sake, stop following us.”

He started to leave but Adam grabbed his arm before he could walk away. 

“You may not believe this, but I care about him, Blaine,” Adam said.  “And he loves you, I can tell. But it’s not right.  I can feel your submission rolling off of you.” Adam strengthened his grip and let go of his Dominance and Blaine immediately tried to pull back the cold submission that was fighting to be free.  “With that kind of strength you need more than a Gray could ever give you.  You need discipline he will never be able to deliver.  You both can go on pretending he’s a Dom all you want, but he isn’t one.”

Blaine pulled his arm away from Adam’s grasp.  “You’re wrong.”

But Adam wouldn’t let him go. “You may think that you know everything about him Blaine, but I knew him in a way that you never will.  He was good at pretending to be a sub too.  Got to the point where I almost believed it.  And it wasn’t just the way he loved when I’d strap him to the bed, leather buckles fastened around his wrists and ankles.”

“Shut up.”  Blaine squeezed his eyes closed but his skin flushed as a vision of Adam standing over a trussed up Kurt flashed before his eyes.  A vision of Kurt so easily giving Adam what had taken him nine years to give Kurt.

“Ice was his favorite.  He would beg me as I trailed ice all over his naked body, beg for me to touch him. Does he use ice with you, Blaine?”

His heart started to race. He tried to leave but his feet wouldn’t move.  “I said, shut up.”  He spoke through gritted teeth, wanting to yell but not wanting to make a scene.

But Adam didn’t shut up.  He came closer, so close Blaine could feel his breath on his skin.  “When Kurt and I were together, Blaine, he let me control everything he did.  Tell him when to get up in the morning, when to go to class, study, do his homework, even eat and shower.  Kurt is very good at pretending to be what he wants to be. Doesn’t mean he really is.”

Blaine’s chest tightened.  He shook his head.  “You’re a fucking liar,” he said.  It couldn’t be true.  Kurt would never let someone else tell him what to do.  Control him.  Not even to pretend.

If Blaine had been able to look, he would have seen the pity in Adam’s eyes.  “I’m not, Blaine.  I’m sorry, but I’m not.  His Dominance is a lie.”

Blaine’s head was spinning and the walls were closing in.  “Just get the hell away from me,” he snapped before storming out of the shop.

* * *

 

“Blaine, you need to focus.”

He took a deep breath and shook out his hand.  “I know, I’m sorry.” Blaine’s fingers wouldn’t stop shaking though and he was missing every other chord.  His submission was swirling, desperate for the proof of Kurt’s Dominance, and he couldn’t get it to stop.

The director got up from behind the table and came around to him.  Blaine automatically lowered his gaze, but that was far from what the director wanted.  “You’re vulnerable in this scene it’s true, but you’re not submissive. No matter what you’re feeling in real life, you have to pull it back Blaine. Your submission is strong and I can’t have the audience feeling it.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said and he did know.  He understood the role, he understood what he needed to do.  But he couldn’t stop the thoughts of Adam and Kurt together, Adam dominating him, punishing him, Kurt kneeling.  He knew it wasn’t true, that whatever Adam and Kurt had done together was nowhere near as bad as what he was seeing in his head, he knew the dread he was feeling was nothing more than  anxiety and anger, but the more he tried not to think about it, the more Adam’s words echoed in his head. 

Pretending. 

Lie. 

“Let me try again,” he said.

They went back and reset the scene.  Blaine started playing.  He tried to lose himself in the character, in the music, banish thoughts of Kurt and settle his submission through the music.

 _I hope you feel better_  
_Now that it's out_  
_What took you so long?_

  
_And the truth has a habit_   
_Of falling outta your mouth_   
_Well now that it's come_   
_If you don't mind_

_Leave…_

But it only took a minute before it was clear that the music was hurting rather than helping. His voice cracked and his fingers just would not do what he wanted them to do.  “Fuck,” he swore, putting the guitar down.  Hiding tears of frustration in his eyes, he lowered his head into his hands.

The stage manager was by his side in an instant.  “Blaine, are you okay? Do I need to call Kurt?”

“No, no please, I’m fine,” Blaine said, wiping his eyes quickly and running his fingers through his hair.  He couldn’t meet anybody’s eyes.  “Let’s just do it again.”

The director was patient.  “Blaine just try to take a breath.  If it helps, close your eyes and imagine a Dom you know who’s strong – your brother, your father.  Feel what they’re feeling.  For just a moment, pretend to have the Dominance they have.  Can you do that?”

“No. No, I can’t!” Blaine yelled.  “Not everyone can just pick a side and  _pretend_  to be something they’re not.”

“Look, Blaine, I get this might be hard for you because Kurt’s-”

“It’s not fucking hard for me because Kurt’s Gray!”  Blaine stormed off the stage to his things in the chairs.

“Blaine, where are you going?”

But Blaine didn’t answer.  He couldn’t even speak.

There was whispering for a minute before the stage manager came up next to him.  “Why don’t you go home and we’ll get a fresh start tomorrow,” she said gently.

Blaine swiped his jacket and looked back.  The cast was staring at him.  The director was whispering with the musical director.  What he’d just done flooded him and he knew that there was no way he could continue.  “Yeah,” he said. “Why don’t we do that.”

* * *

Serena was supposed to be in bed.  She was supposed to be asleep.  But Papa was also supposed to come home in time to kiss her goodnight and that hadn’t happened, so she felt she had a right to crouch quietly by her bedroom door and listen for him.

The phone had rung about 30 seconds ago and Serena hoped it was her Papa.  It didn’t sound like it was though.  Daddy did more listening than talking and that wasn’t what conversations with Papa went like. 

“No, he’s not home yet.”

Papa.  The call was about Papa.

“I’m very sorry that happened,” Daddy said.  His voice was tight.  Angry.  She could hear him grow closer until he was right outside her door. 

She held her breath. 

“I apologize for his behavior,” Daddy said.

Uh oh.  Serena knew what that meant.

“No, thank you, I’m glad you called to tell me.  I’ll be sure to take care of it and he will apologize in the morning.  Thank you.”  Kurt hung up and before she could let her imagination run away with her, she heard the door click and the rustling of her fathers.  “Nice of you to come home, Blaine, it’s almost 9pm,” Kurt said.  “I believe your rehearsal ended four hours ago?”

Serena listened hard but Papa didn’t say anything.  She heard the toss of his keys on the side table by the door and she knew he would take his shoes off in the front hallway.  She wished she could see through the door of her room or even sneak it open an inch, but both her dads would see that and then she’d be the one in trouble.

But by Daddy’s tone she was pretty sure that Papa realized he was the one in trouble.  He didn’t sound scared though when he said, “Sorry.  I stopped by the studio to check on Sam and then got caught up recording.”  He sounded like he just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep.

“Right,” Daddy snapped.  “I’m sure that’s all it was.  I’m sure it wasn’t because you knew your stage manager would be calling me to tell me how you acted today.  Disrespecting your director?  Storming out in the middle of rehearsal? Yes, that’s right.  What, you think she wasn’t going to tell me?  What the hell is wrong with you, Blaine?”

Serena had rarely heard Daddy so angry, not like that.  But even she knew not to misbehave at the theater. 

“Look, Kurt, I’m sorry.”

“It’s Sir,” Daddy demanded. 

Serena froze.  She was pretty sure her Papa had too.

“Go kiss Serena goodnight and then you can wait for me in our bedroom.”

“Sir,” Papa started but Serena didn’t hear any more because she nearly ran back to her bed and jumped beneath her covers.  She pulled them up and closed her eyes like she was sleeping before Papa could come in, hoping her racing heart wouldn’t give her away.

The light from the living room shined in and in a moment, Papa was leaning over her, brushing the curls off her face where they had landed.  “Sleep tight,” Papa whispered, kissing her softly on the forehead.  “Love you.”  And then he went back out the door, shutting it behind him.

Serena opened her eyes.  If she thought for one second that sneaking out of bed and listening at her fathers’ door would do any good at all, she would have.  But they’d moved into this new apartment three months ago and Serena had quickly learned that there was not a single sound that leaked out of the master bedroom when the door was closed.  Sound-proof, just like Papa’s studio. 

So the secrets that happened inside would stay secret from Serena for a long time.  And with that thought in her mind, she drifted off to dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

Blaine shut Serena’s bedroom door behind him and took a deep breath.  “Sir-”

“I don’t want to hear a single word from you, Blaine,” Kurt said, turning away from him.  “All I want is you in our bedroom, in the corner, on your knees.”

Blaine’s legs suddenly grew weak and his heartbeat thrummed in his head.  He didn’t think he had ever seen Kurt so angry, not even when he’d forgotten Serena’s doctor’s appointment.  He didn’t dare disobey.  In the bedroom he closed the door behind him.  All he had wanted to do was get out of his rehearsal clothes, take a shower and get into bed.  But now, he didn’t know whether his clothes were to stay on or come off.  Kurt hadn’t said anything so he went straight to the corner, got on his knees, put his head down, and his arms behind his back in position.

And he waited. Trying not to think.  He’d hoped that after Adam accosted him his day would turn around, but his emotions were too on the surface, he couldn’t concentrate, and then the director had said that word.  He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to remember the way Adam had looked at him with pity in his eyes.  The way his hot breath had whispered in his ear.  He tried to banish every picture that his mind had painted of Kurt submitting.  Every word that he had said.

The click of the door and the lock followed by Kurt’s footsteps stopped his thoughts.  He could feel his Dom behind him, watching, latching on with Dominance blazing as hot as he could.  Blaine’s submission ran cold, but his face burned with the shame he felt, not for what he’d done exactly, but for doing anything to make his Dom this mad.

“You have always told me a submissive’s behavior is tied to their Dominant,” Kurt started. His tone was careful, controlled, but Blaine shivered at the rage he could feel running just below the surface.  “That a submissive belongs to their Dom so completely and thoroughly that the things they do reflect on them.  I accepted it, what you said, but I never truly understood what that meant.  Until now.”

“Sir, please-“

“I put my name on the line for you, Blaine!  In this business, where it doesn’t matter how well my shows do or how much money I make them, I still have to prove myself,  _every fucking day_ , that I can command an authority and respect that they can put money behind.  And you, you knew that, even back in Boston, you said it yourself that you were their proof.  So I gave you to them and signed your behavior contract and told them that they could trust you because I trusted you and then you fucking disrespect your director in the middle of rehearsal?”

“Sir, please let me-“

“Stand up,” Kurt ordered.

He could hear Kurt come closer, walk around him, until he’d leaned back on the wall beside Blaine.  Blaine’s heart beat fast with every second of silence that his Dom’s eyes seemed to bore into him. He couldn’t help but turn his head to meet them.  Kurt’s frustration was obvious.

“How many times are we going to have this conversation about your temper, Blaine?  Edging doesn’t work, public humiliation doesn’t work, I know for sure that spanking you would only be encouragement.  What do I need to do to get you to understand?”

Blaine could feel the tears coming to his eyes and he turned back to the corner, pressing his forehead against the wall.  “I don’t know, Sir.”

“If there is one place Blaine, one place where I expect you to be on your absolute best behavior, it is inside those theater walls.  On that stage.  In the rehearsal hall.  Those places are sacred Blaine and our reputations are the only thing that let us keep walking inside.  So please, tell me, what on earth could have been so important as to jeopardize everything we’ve ever worked for.”

“He told me to pretend,” Blaine whispered.  The word echoed in his ears.

“What?” Kurt looked incredulous.  “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“I…I had a horrible morning and then he told me I was turning my vulnerability into submission and I needed to think of a Dom and get into their shoes, imagine what it would be like, pretend-” Blaine’s breath hitched and he gasped, his sobs halting his words.

Kurt was giving him no leeway though.  “That’s what acting is though, Blaine.  It’s pretending to be someone else, something you’re not.”

The words struck at his very core and his face grew hard.  “Is that what you’re doing? Acting like a Dom?  Pretending to be one just like you pretended to be a sub?”

Kurt’s eyes opened wide.  “I beg your pardon?  Is that what this is about?” Kurt was outraged.  “Get over here.”

Blaine knew the words were a mistake before he’d even reached Kurt, but then Kurt grabbed him by his belt loops and pulled him over his knee.

“Kurt, Sir-”

Kurt smacked his ass and Blaine gasped, clenching his fists.  He tried to catch his breath when Kurt spanked him again and again, lighting a fire beneath his skin. He hadn’t been ready for this, hadn’t expected it at all and instinctually tried to wiggle out of Kurt’s grasp.  His Dom just held him even more tightly by the waist and continued to blister him.

“Does. This. Feel.  Like.  Pretending. To. You?”

Each word was punctuated by an ever stronger strike to his increasingly bruised backside and Blaine blinked back his tears. 

“No, Sir, please, Kurt, I’m sorry.”

Abruptly Kurt stopped and nearly pushed Blaine off his lap.  “Get back on your knees,” he ordered.

Scrambling to the center of the room, throbbing with dread and desire, Blaine fell immediately to the floor in perfect position.  His head spun, not understanding how this day had spiraled so horribly out of control.  Sniffing, he looked up to see Kurt walk to the drawer next to their bed.  His heart quickened.  His Dom pulled out a box and tossed it to him without a word of warning.  Blaine barely caught it.

“I’m going to go outside and calm down before I do something I regret,” Kurt said, his voice still hard as nails.  “You are going to stay here, think about what you’ve done, and decide whether or not you are going to safeword that punishment.”

Blaine couldn’t say a word before Kurt slammed out the door.  Sitting back on his heels, he turned over the box in his hands.  What he saw shocked his breath away. 

Fire condoms.

Panic rushed through him.  The gum Santana had made him chew when he was younger was bad enough, but at least he could shift it to one side, let the other side of his mouth take a break.  This would be so much worse.  Ads on television and online praised their effectiveness.  This would burn every inch of his mouth, his tongue, his lips, without any relief and he had no idea how long Kurt would make him endure it. 

It terrified him.

He had every right to safeword and he knew that Kurt would respect it.  But Kurt was feeling everything that Blaine had always wanted him to.  Feeling in his gut that Blaine’s behavior reflected on him.  Proving Adam wrong.  If he safeworded, who would be the one pretending then?

He didn’t know how long he knelt there, turning the box in his hands, deciding to escape the pain then deciding to withstand it, over and over again.  His mouth was already watering, his eyes already tearing up.  When Kurt finally walked back into the room, closing the door softly, Blaine couldn’t help but look up at him.

“Sir, I’m so sorry,” he said, pleading.

“Save your apologies for the theater, Blaine.”

“Please, Sir, I have enough in me for them and you.”  He looked down at the box and rolled it over in his hands.  “This terrifies me,” he admitted softly.  “I thought you hated-”

“I changed my mind.”  Kurt’s hands were on his hips and he offered Blaine no reprieve from his cold stare.  Kurt’s Dominance sparked and pulled at Blaine’s submission.  “If your words burn, your tongue should too.  Are you telling me you don’t deserve it?” 

It was hard to move even a single muscle, but he managed to shake his head.  “No, Sir. I deserve it.”

“Now,” Kurt said, taking a breath.  “You wanted to explain earlier and I wouldn’t let you.  Now’s your chance.  Do you want to tell me what made your morning so bad that we’re in this position right now?”

Blaine lowered his head.  Adam was just an excuse, he knew it was.  What he’d done had been unacceptable no matter what had happened to him earlier in the day.  And a part of him wanted to keep what happened secret, didn’t want Kurt to know what Adam was doing or hear the things that Adam had said about him.  But didn’t Kurt have a right to know?  He belonged to Kurt.  Wouldn’t his Dom want him to tell that his ex-boyfriend was harassing his sub?

“During the morning rehearsal I had a break for about forty minutes so I went to the coffee shop around the corner to study my lines.  And just after I sat down…Adam sat across from me.” 

Blaine looked up at Kurt through his lashes.

“Adam,” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

“Yes, Sir,” he answered.  “He said it must be hard.  Not getting what I need from you.  That you’re just pretending to be a Dom.”

Kurt nodded.  “I see.  Anything else?”

Blaine seriously considered lying.  Then he looked at the box in his hands and knew that it would only make his punishment twice as bad.  “He told me about you submitting to him.  How he would tie you to the bed.  How you would…”  Just the words made him nauseous.  “Beg for him.”  Blaine swallowed away his tears.  “Whenever you talked about it, I still always imagined it as you and me.  I never really pictured you…as a sub…before.”

“Blaine,” Kurt said, his voice softening.  “I was not a sub.”

“Don’t do that Kurt, don’t lie to me,” Blaine cried.  “He told me…he told me how much you let him control you. Tell you what to do.”

“Blaine.”  Kurt’s gaze hardened for just a moment, then he leaned back against the edge of the bed.  “Sweetheart, that was the worst time of my life.  My brother had just died, the world was spinning, and honestly, I needed to give over control to someone else.  Someone who would tell me when to get up, when to go to bed.  Make me eat.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done any of those things.  Rachel was a mess, she couldn’t do it and Adam was there for me.  I never submitted to him Blaine, not in the way I’m sure he thinks I did.  Not in the way you do.  But he took care of me at a time when I couldn’t take care of myself.”  Kurt looked at him and he lowered his eyes.  “Maybe he remembers it differently.”

“He does,” Blaine whispered.

The room was quiet and Blaine thought for just a minute that maybe they could forget about the mistakes he’d made that day.  But then Kurt got up and walked toward him.  Blaine didn’t dare lift his head, but Kurt reached out to his chin and raised it for him. 

“So.” Dominance suddenly surrounded him, pulling at his submission and Kurt’s eyes grew cold again.  “You disrespected your director, walked out of rehearsal, and risked our careers for your jealousy?”

“I wasn’t…” Blaine lowered his eyes.  He was kidding himself if he said he wasn’t.  He tried to swallow away the lump forming in his throat.  “Yes, Sir,” he said.

Kurt let go of his chin and walked around him.  Blaine could feel Kurt staring at his back, but he didn’t dare turn. 

“Your jealousy is not cute other days of the week,” Kurt decided.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I don’t like him.”

“This isn’t about him Blaine, this is about you.  I don’t care if he called me every name in the book or told you that I knelt at his feet, it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect anyone and most especially not your director.  You will apologize in the morning.”

Blaine knew as much.  “Yes, Sir.”

“I will go with you,” Kurt told him.  “Try to take back whatever reputation you may have thrown away.”

“Yes, Sir.”  He shouldn’t have expected otherwise.

“Now.”  Kurt circled him once more and stared down at him.  Hands on his hips, he offered Blaine no reprieve from his harsh stare.  “You had a choice to make.  You have the right to safeword.”

As much as Blaine knew he would hate this, they both knew his submission would never let him.  “I won’t, Sir.”

“Hands behind your back then.”

Blaine placed the box in front of him and folded his hands behind his back, not able to do anything but watch as Kurt peeled his clothes off slowly, one piece at a time. He wanted to touch, wanted to feel the soft heat of Kurt’s skin.  His mouth watered, but he knew it was a dangerous craving.  There would be no pleasure in this tonight, not for him.

Kurt took the time to properly fold his clothing.  Blaine could hear the quickening pattern of his heartbeat in his head as Kurt stepped toward him.  His Dom reached out to him, grasping the hair on the back of his head in one hand, stroking himself with the other.

“We’ll start without it,” Kurt told him and at the tug of his hair he had no problem opening his mouth for his Dom.  Kurt’s cock filled him and he paid attention to the surfaces it touched like he never had before.  Kurt rested heavy on his tongue, rubbed against his lips.  If he hollowed his cheeks he could avoid that contact some, but he didn’t think it would truly help him much. He wished Kurt would just fuck him or push deeply down his throat.  Those were punishments he knew, that were familiar.  But Kurt only gently slid in and out, thickening on Blaine’s tongue.

“That’s enough,” Kurt said, pulling out long before his sub was ready and Blaine found himself chasing it.  But then Kurt reached for the condoms and walked behind him where Blaine could not see without breaking position.  He could hear the tear of the wrappers though, the protective one for Kurt’s skin beneath the one meant to burn Blaine.  He held his breath as he listened to Kurt roll them on.

“This is punishment, not pleasure, sweetheart,” Kurt told him, as if he needed the reminder.  “You’ll tap my leg three times if you need a break.  I’ll ask your color.  Green means we can continue after a short rest.  Yellow means we stop, but you don’t get relief.  Red means we stop the burn.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” he barely managed to answer.

Kurt circled around him, carding his fingers through his hair and taking hold of it once more.  Blaine couldn’t help but look up at the man he loved and he wondered if what he saw in Kurt’s eyes was his own fear reflected.

“Open,” Kurt commanded.

Blaine’s submission was pouring off of him, fueling Kurt’s Dominance, but there was an obvious push and pull that rarely did they ever feel – Blaine trying to withhold his submission, Kurt demanding it.

“Open,” he ordered once more.

Blaine’s gaze fell from Kurt’s eyes to his cock, sheathed in red, a warning that this was not just an ordinary condom.  He flashed back to every punishment he’d ever received, from Kurt, his father, Santana, even Elliott, and he wished he was anywhere but here.  If Kurt told him he could be spared if he crawled to get the humbler, still sitting unused in the closet, he would go in an instant.  Kurt didn’t tell him that though.

His Dom was getting impatient.  “I need your obedience or your safeword Blaine, but either way you need to open your mouth.”

There was another tug on his submission, his hair, and this time his jaw. Kurt was not going to let him just kneel there, staring at his cock, paralyzed by fear.  He deserved this, he knew he did.  Even though he’d said much worse to other people, he’d never attacked someone who had their very livelihoods in his hands.

He let his jaw drop, just a little, but it was enough for Kurt to press his cock to the space between Blaine’s lips.  He darted out a tongue, just a single taste to try and gain his bearings.  It hurt, but nothing more than the gum and he let his jaw drop open enough for Kurt to press himself inside. 

Kurt wasn’t gentle, dragging the tip of his cock over Blaine’s tongue until it reached the back of his throat.  Blaine didn’t want to close his mouth, but Kurt pushed one hand against the back of his head and with the other he swiped his thumb along Blaine’s lips, closing them around his cock. 

The condom’s heat started as a moderate burn, restraining itself just enough to lull him into a false sense of security. He moaned and swallowed and thought that he might just get through this fine when the fire started to build, first on the sensitive corners of his mouth, then his lips, and finally his tongue.  And as if a spark had burst into flame, it scorched his mouth, begging to be extinguished.  Kurt moved, slowly slipping in and out, rubbing the heat back and forth over his tongue, against his lips.  Sweat beaded from his forehead, saliva drooled over his chin and the tears, the tears in his eyes flowed down his cheeks.  His head started to spin and his throat was raw, his chest ablaze with every attempt to breathe.  He tried to count, to withstand the pain as long as he could.  Sooner than he wished, he had no choice but to swallow and he felt the burn go down his throat into his stomach and he gripped Kurt’s legs at the churning in his belly. 

He couldn’t have begun to say how long it had been, but he knew he couldn’t take it anymore.  This was far worse, more painful and more humiliating, than the gum had ever been and he tried to cry and beg and even scream around Kurt’s cock but he didn’t even know if he was making a sound. All he knew was that he needed it to stop.

He tapped Kurt’s leg at least three times, his heart filled with humiliation at his failure but his head begging for relief.  He gasped for breath when Kurt pulled out.   “Yellow,” he begged, hoping the words he was yelling in his head were forming on his lips despite the swelling he felt.  “Yellow, please.”

Kurt pulled him to his hip, stroking his now wet hair, holding him close while Blaine cried.  Blaine soaked up the gentleness he finally felt and heard again.  “Shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay, sweetheart.  Such a good boy.  Such a good boy for me.”

The fire didn’t stop, the tears and the drool didn’t stop but the fear that had started to overtake him slowly ebbed at the sound of his Dom’s voice, the feel of his soothing hands.

“I know it hurts, Blaine, but if you can I need you to use your patience and willpower to deal with the pain, so you can remember to use that patience and willpower in the future, even when things hurt so much you want to make it stop.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine cried but he tried to take Kurt’s words to heart.  He took his own anger and hurt out on others and he needed to learn how to sit with it, accept it. 

He felt Kurt’s fingers beneath his chin and he lifted his lids.  “From now on Blaine, when anger and bitterness want to come out in words, you come to me and you tell me what’s wrong.” Kurt brushed his thumb against Blaine’s cheek.  “I want this to be the last time, Blaine.  Over and over again we go through this.  Your temper will someday get you into more trouble than we can even imagine unless we can figure out how to get you to think before you lash out.”

Blaine tried to answer, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work right.  Kurt understood.  “Get ready for bed, sweetheart.  I’ll join you in a minute.”

Kurt grabbed his robe and went to the bathroom in the hall, offering Blaine the privacy to brush his teeth and change and let the humiliation and lessons of what had just happened sink in.  When he climbed into bed, his body ached, and not only from the pain.

 Kurt turned off the light and slid in next to him.  Blaine curled into his arms, resting his head on Kurt’s chest.  “Adam isn’t something you need to worry about, Blaine,” he said softly, caressing his temple to soothe him.  “Whatever we had was a long time ago and I don’t want you thinking it’s something that can hurt us now.  Okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine whispered and he tried to fall asleep.  He wanted to believe Kurt, but Blaine had seen something in Adam’s eyes.  And he didn’t think it would be okay at all.

* * *

 

Blaine had fallen asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow.  Tomorrow Kurt would take Blaine to apologize, try to salvage whatever he could of their reputation.  But tonight.  Kurt lay hitched on his elbow, unable to sleep, brushing Blaine’s soft curls from his face.  All his Dominance had drained from his body and he could feel the regret trying to take hold.  But he wouldn’t let it.  Not this time.  Even in sleep, Blaine’s quiet submission reached for him, tickling his senses, and Kurt wanted more of it.  He wanted all of it.  His love, his trust, his truth and most importantly, his respect.

His head told him no.  That he had been kidding himself, the fight would be too much for all of them.  But his heart…love flared straight from it, surrounding Blaine, latching on to his submission.  And he wanted him.  All of him.  Snuggling in, holding Blaine in his arms, the need Kurt had was almost painful.  The need to love and to care for and to protect.

And control.

No one understood, least of all him.

All he understood was that he didn’t know much longer he could hold on like this. He was scared.  He was scared of what lay beyond the fight.  He was scared they would lose more than they would gain. 

But he was just as scared of living the rest of his life this way, constantly denied the entirety of what belonged to him.

Blaine belonged to him. 

Every new line they had crossed, every limit they had broken, every barrier they had overcome, had been entirely in their hands.  This one wasn’t.

And no one could tell him what would happen if they tried to cross it. 

~S~

_See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding_   
_But no one knows, how deep it goes_   
_And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me_   
_And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! Let me know what you think!


End file.
